I Could Shoot You in the Middle of Mardi Gras and They Can’t Touch Me…: Double Jeopardy (1999)

I could shoot you in the middle of Mardi Gras and they can’t touch me.

I saw this movie years ago and enjoyed the suspense and the game-of-cat-and-mouse. When I was flipping through Amazon prime, I spotted it and decided to watch it again.

So the film starts out with the very wealthy Parson family, Nicholas (Bruce Greenwood) and Libby (Ashley Judd), hosting a fundraiser for the school their son Matty attends. They seem like the dream couple who have it all with the perfect relationship.

So sweet

Then to top it off, Nicholas surprises Libby with a sailboat. They are going to test it out before buying with a romantic night. Libby’s best friend and Matty’s teacher, Angela Green watches him for them.The two head off and have a romantic night. Everything is perfect.

Aw! How sweet!

When Libby awakes the next day she finds her husband gone! Blood everywhere! And her facing a murder charge.

Help me! I’m confused!

She tries to beat it, but finds herself in prison. She signs guardenship over to Angela, who sweetly visits every week with her son. But then one day Angela doesn’t come.

Soon it is a month.

Libby doesn’t know what to do but gets an idea from one of her cellmates to try and find her. Libby calls the school pretending to be Angela and gets the forwarding address. She then calls Angela, who is shocked that she tracked her down to San Francisco. Libby demands to talk to Matty, Angela lets her, and then Libby hears the last thing she ever would.

Matty: Daddy!

Her husband is alive? Alive?

Help me! I’m confused!

The line goes dead and that’s all Libby has. So here is Libby-imprisoned for a crime she did not commit, lost her son, lost the money, and stuck in prison-with no one wanting to listen to her or help her. All is bleak

But then one of the cellmates comes to her with an idea.

Margaret Skolowski: Pay attention, because this is the best g****** advice you’re ever gonna get. Ever hear of something called double jeopardy? Fifth Amendment to the constitution? [Libby shakes her head left to right] Huh? No? Well, double jeopardy provides that ‘no person may be tried for the same crime twice.’ You got that? Keep stirrin’. The state says you already killed your husband. They can’t convict you of it a second time. That means that when you leave here, and you track him down, and when you find him you can kill him. That’s right. You can walk right up to him in Times Square, put a gun to his head and pull the f****** trigger, and there’s nothin’ anybody can do about it.[Libby makes a slight smile] Kinda makes you feel warm and tingly all over, don’t it? That’s right. keep stirrin’.

So Libby decides that is what she will do. She becomes a model prisoner, works out, and survives on knowing that she can get him and get away with it.

She gets parole and ends up in a halfway house that is run by Travis (Tommy Lee Jones). She then heads on a quest to find her husband, and getting her son; killing him if necessary.

You are going down

***Spoiler Alert***

So Libby breaks into the school her son went to in order to get information on Angela-like her social security number and such in order to find her. She gets caught and arrested, but uses her wit to get out of it while they are ferrying to the city.

She then uses that and her husband’s love of painting to track him down to New Orleans, and to a bachelor auction fundraiser.

She tries to get her son, but Nicholas, now Jonathan Deveraux, tries to murder her again. But Libby won’t give up.

I am not done

One of the best parts is near the end when Travis starts to think that Libby is right and asks for a DMV picture of Parsons to see if he could be Jonathan Deveraux. The picture comes in and it is a picture of someone else.

Hmm…

But later he tells Nicholas how he decided that Parsons is a common name, and ran it again-finding proof of his picture. Then he and Libby plan a way to frame him!

[Libby shoots the painting behind Nick’s head]

Libby Parsons: [Libby smiles] I haven’t felt that good in six years. I don’t want to kill you, Nick. I just want you to suffer like I suffered.

Travis Lehman: What she means, Nick, is, you’re going to prison – For murder.

Nick Parsons: Who did I supposedly murder?

Libby Parsons: Me.

Nick Parsons: All you’ve got is an old fax photo.

Libby Parsons: Which supplies the motive. Your wife, whom you had framed, tracks you down, and to keep her from exposing you, you kill her.

Fantastic scene! The end is great and Libby finally gets her vengeance and justice.

And reunited with her son!!!

So sweet

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to Wrong Place at the Wrong Time: Fashion Model (1945)

It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

It’s the end of the world

You know, I was having a hard time thinking of what movie to open with. What ’60s movie do I like?

Hmm…

Then I stupidly remembered The Birds. Of course!

It’s perfect!

This movie is one of the best Alfred Hitchcock movies ever. I simply adore this film so much. It has everything that makes up a good film. And I can just watch it over and over again.

So I don’t remember what exactly got me into Alfred Hitchcock, but I became obsessed with his films. I do know how I was introduced to The Birds. It was through Ann M. Martin, author of The Baby-Sitters Club.

Huh?

I loved the BSC books as a kid and read them all even belonging in the reading club that sent you two books a month and a little newsletter. I don’t remember if the newsletter or a book mentioned it, but I remember reading a note by Ann M. Martin about how she loved the film The Birds and because no one she knew had a VCR they could only watch it when it was on TV. Whenever it aired they would plan a sleepover and watch it with friends.

I can’t stop watching!

I became consumed with the idea of watching it, did and loved it. It was the first Alfred Hitchcock film I ever owned, me ordering it and planning on purchasing one every year on my birthday or Christmas and having the whole collection when I was an adult (did not happen sadly).

Later, a friend of mine. knowing how much I loved it, took me to Bodega Bay so I could see it in person and all the sites used in the film. It was so cool seeing everything and I later took many more trips out there. Here I am with the house that is used as a schoolhouse in the film. I blurred myself out as there are a lot of weirdos on the internet, no offense dear readers.

They also used to have a museum full of things from the movie and marketing/promotional materials, but it always had weird hours, then they closed it, then they had an awesome shop which doubled as a mini museum-but then the person died who owned it and the collection moved. Here I am with an item when they still had it.

Back in 2011, Tippi Hedren actually came out to do a promotional thing at Bodega Bay. I lived near there when I was going to school, but unfortunately I could not go and meet her as I had scheduled a trip home to be with family. However I had truly amazing and awesome friends who went out and stood in line and got her autograph my DVD. I tried to pay them back, but they would not let me know the price if it or let me do so.

I’m lucky

So while it was an amazing film done by an amazing director there is a sad twinge to the story as well. Alfred Hitchcock was obsessed with Tippi Hedren and controlled her, he wouldn’t let anyone talk to her-unless they were filming, and just was plan awful to her, abusing her really. She tried to talk to the studio heads but he was such a money maker they refused to do anything. And when she refused him, he blackballed her. Too bad she wasn’t able to have justice. If you would like to know more I really recommend reading Spellbound by Beauty: Alfred Hitchcock and His Leading Ladies by Donald Spoto

So that’s enough background, let’s move on to the review!

The film is based on a book by Daphne Du Maurier, this being the third of her works being published into a film-following Jamaica Inn and Rebecca. However, this story and her story have nothing in common besides birds attacking. And before we discuss the film, let’s watch the trailer.

So the film starts off in San Francisco where we have Melanie Daniels, Tippi Hedren, going into a bird shop to pick up her myna bird.

***little side note Alfred Hitchcock strolls on by***

****Second side note, by the way there is no music track-just bird noises****

*****And can I just say she is wearing a stunning green suit. I love it and wish I owned one just like it, although I have nowhere to wear it to.*****

Melanie notices a lot of birds in the air, thinking it odd, but moving along.

Huh?

Unfortunately her bird has not arrived yet. The shopkeeper goes to call and she waits along at the desk. In walks the gorgeous Rod Taylor, and Melanie decides the same thing. Pretending to be the shopkeeper so that she can talk to him and put the moves on him.

He wants lovebirds for his sister’s birthday. He can tell she is not a shopkeeper but is trying to embarrass her, asking her questions she has no clue to the answers. When he asks to see a love bird it escapes around the shop causing havoc. And the real shopkeeper comes out to try and catch it. He reveals to Melanie that he knows who she is and has been playing her the whole time. It turns out that she went to court over a broken glass window and he was there too. He’s a lawyer and believed she should have served time for what she did, not gone off scot-free because she is a wealthy woman with a famous father.

She’s offended, but not so that she takes down this handsome man’s license, has a friend of her father run the plate, buys him lovebirds,and tracks down the address of a Mr. Mitch Brenner.

She’s got it bad, and is slightly creepy-but I kind of understand as Rod Taylor is a dreamboat. Who wouldn’t want to run into him again.

She brings the birds to his house and plans to leave them outside with a cheeky note, but his neighbor informs him that Mitch is gone for the weekend to visit his family in Bodega Bay.

A little funny that neighbor knows so much, but hey this is the ’60s. People actually knew their neighbors.

So Melanie drives the curvy winding coast road to Bodega Bay, which I have done plenty of times, and I always thought it was weird that the birds never flap around but just move with the vehicle. They don’t act like normal birds. It has always been my theory that they are the demon seed that start the revolution against people. They are just too quiet and creepy.

This is the only video I could find. There was originally no music

She goes to the post office, which you can visit, so that she can find Mitch’s address. The postmaster shows her the way to go. When you go now everything is compeletly different, but you can still look across the water like she did.

The Tides restaurant still exists, although it has been redone as there was a fire. In fact they were allowed to use it for filming only if the main male character was named after the owner of the Tides, Mitch Brenner. So yes, that is how Rod Taylor’s character got his name.

Melanie asks for the name of Mitch’s sister, but the postmaster doesn’t know. He directs her to the school and the schoolteacher, Annie Hayworth (Suzanne Pleshette), to get the actual info. Turns out the name is Cathy.

Annie asks Melanie a few questions about her relationship to Mitch. Hmm, sounds like there is some history there.

Annie Hayworth: Did you drive up from San Francisco by the coast road?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Annie Hayworth: Nice drive.

Melanie Daniels: It’s very beautiful.

Annie Hayworth: Is that where you met Mitch?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Annie Hayworth: I guess that’s where everyone meets Mitch.

Melanie heads out into a rented boat with the birds. She sneaks up to their house in heels, not an easy feat, goes into the house and drops off the birds.

Now Tippi Hedren may be a beautiful woman but I would be extremely creeped out if someone did that to me. I mean she doesn’t even know him but tracked down not only Mitch’s home address, but boyhood address. A bit creepy and stalkerish.

Mitch, however, is besotted.

As Melanie heads back across the bay, Mitch takes his car to meet her.

******Can I stop and go on a slight sidebar here? Feel free to skip over if you wish. I just love Rod Taylor in that white sweater. I don’t know what it is but he is extra dreamy.

Drooling is over back to the movie*******

So Melanie gets dive-bombed by a gull, and pretty badly hurt and bleeding. Head wounds are the worst. Here is were I guess it starts, the first shot in the revolution.

******Side note: The man who asks Mitch what happened, is the real Mitch Brenner.*******

Back to the film. They go into the resturant where Mitch tends to her wounds. She questions him, wile he tries to get to why she came. Melanie tries to play off her stalkerish by saying it was on the way to visit Annie, the schoolteacher, but Mitch knows that its a lie, therefore confirming to us that there is something between Annie and him, or was.

Hmm…

Melanie tries to play it cool, but she can’t hide the fact she had the serious hots for him. Come on Melanie, you tracked him down-don’t try to be haughty.

Mitch’s mom Lydia comes in and is introduced to Melanie. Lydia is the original ice queen and horror future-mother-in-law. Ouch. And Jessica Tandy is a great actress, one line “Oh I see”, packed with serious weight. Let the games begin.

Ouch

Melanie is trying to head home but get tricked into coming to dinner as “she was staying the weekend” and won’t give up her lie. A girl has her pride after all.

She goes to Annie’s and wheedles staying there for the night. She tells Annie that she didn’t plan on staying long, which Annie replies she knows. That’s weighty right there, she knows as she didn’t plan on staying long either.

Melanie goes to dinner and meets cute little Cathy-friendly, cheery, adorable child. They mention that there is something wring with the chickens, They don’t like the feed…maybe because they are craving something else…like human flesh!

When Lydia calls her supplier it turns out her chickens aren’t the only ones on hunger strike. She agrees to see the farmer tomorrow to see if something is wrong with the chickens. And there is!

I love how Alfred Hitchcock plays the foreground and background against each other, both parts having things happen that go with the story, important, tension building, and just plan good.

We also found out that law and order Mitch is a defense attorney for “hoodlums and criminals”, interesting. Definitely a deep character.

Wow, there is more to him than I thought.

Cathy invites Melanie to her birthday party the next day, while in the kitchen Mitch and his mom start talking. They have a slight weird relationship as in someways his mom speaks to him as a child and in others their relationship is more spousal. Not that anything incestuous is going on, but as if that is the role that his mother put him in after his dad died.

We find out that there is a lot of interesting things in Melanie’s life. She jumps into fountains naked, tours Europe, and is always in the papers. A 1960s Sabrina van der Woodsen Debutante thats always doing something.

Mitch roots out the truth from Melanie about Annie, and starts goading her about her past misadventures, but Melanie isn’t having any of it. Good looks can only carry you so far Mitch.

Mitch Brenner: What about the letter you wrote me, is that a lie, too?

Melanie Daniels: No, I wrote the letter.

Mitch Brenner: Well what did it say?

Melanie Daniels: It said ‘Dear Mister Brenner, I think you need these lovebirds after all. They may help your personality.’

Mitch Brenner: But you tore it up?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Mitch Brenner: Why?

Melanie Daniels: Because it seemed stupid and foolish.

Mitch Brenner: Like jumping into a fountain in Rome?

Melanie Daniels: I told you what happened!

Mitch Brenner: You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?

Melanie Daniels: Oh, I don’t give a d*** what you believe!

Mitch Brenner: I’d still like to see you.

Melanie Daniels: Why?

Mitch Brenner: I think it might be fun.

Melanie Daniels: Well it might have been good enough in Rome, but it’s not good enough now.

Mitch Brenner: It is for me.

Melanie Daniels: Well not for me!

Mitch Brenner: What do you want?

Melanie Daniels: I thought you knew! I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked, good night!

We see the creepy birds watching from phone lines, congregating at the barn-waiting for the call to strike.

Not gulls but you understand the feeling.

Back at the house Annie and Melanie have brandy and Annie tells her her story and what happened. She met Mitch in college and fell in love, followed him here but Lydia got in the way. She kept them apart. She doesn’t want a daughter-in-law, she just wants her children. Annie didn’t want to lose him and stayed out here.

Then Mitch calls his ex-girlfriend for his new one. Ouch!

Poor girl

Melanie is apologized to and invited to the birthday party agreeing to come.

Both Annie and Melanie are surprised when a bird crashes into their door.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

At the party Mitch takes Melanie off to the side with alcohol. She wants to head home as she has work. On Mondays and Wednesdays she works at the airport, on Tuesdays she takes classes, on Thursdays she has her club and lunches supporting a child through school, etc. Normal society things. Appears there is more depth to this party girl. Hmm…I wonder if the creators of Gossip Girl have ever watched this.

Hmm…

Mitch makes a joke about a mother’s care ad it turns out she has serious mother issues. Her mother abandoned them at age 11. A theme of mother’s issues is nothing new to Alfred Hitchcock as he himself had a ton and used the theme in many films, the most famous being Psycho.

At the party they are playing a game when the gulls show up and start attacking all the kids. Dive bombing and scratching. They try to help shoo them away and get everyone into the house.

Mitch is worried for Melanie ands invites her to stay the night there to be safe. And seriously, I think it is the love birds. Even with the cloth over them that should put them to bed as it is “night” they still squabble like crazy stopping only, when Cathy remarks on them. And just after, tons of sparrows come down the chimney attacking them. All cower in fear while Mitch tries to fight them off. Melanie moves Lydia and Cathy out of the room, to safety. After the attack and birds are gone they call the police, but there is nothing they can do about it.

The next morning, Lydia takes Cathy to school and then heads out to question the farmer about the chickens being sick. Lydia goes in looking for him and instead sees broken teacups, just like how hers were destroyed by the bird attack. The rooms are quiet and face the same destruction as hers and then she sees it!

Him, the dead birds, his eyes!

So freaky the first rime I saw it. Oh, and still remains a scene that terrifies most.

Traumatizing children for all time.

Lydia races home and leans on Mitch, telling him what happened. Mitch heads over to the police that are called when he and Melanie have some very tender intimate moments. Relationships speed up when danger mars your every moment.

Lydia is worried over Cathy, with the large windows at school and the broken ones at the dead body looming in her mind. We see another side of Lydia as well, more vulnerable, worried-maybe Mitch comes home not just to help his mom but because without his aid they would loose the land. Hmm…thats one thing I love about this film, on the surface it is one thing but there are many sides to all these characters.

Lydia asks Melanie to pick up Cathy as she is very worried about her and Melanie heads out right away. Melanie goes to the school, but decides to wait a bit until recess. The kids are singing and she stays outside when we have this amazing scene.

Melanie runs in and warns Annie about the jungle gym. Annie tells them they are conducting a fire drill as not to scare them and directs them to run to different places. Of course the birds attack. Poor kids.

Melanie ends up in the diner calling her newspaper mogul father and telling him the story of what happened, All listening to every word she is telling her father.

We are introduced to Mrs. Bundy (BUNDY AHH) who is an ornithologist and for the birds, Giving us some serious information on the birds.

Traveling Salesman: Gulls are scavengers, anyway. Most birds are. Get yourselves guns and wipe them off the face of the earth!

Mrs. Bundy: That would hardly be possible.

Deke Carter: Why not, Mrs. Bundy?

Mrs. Bundy: Because there are 8,650 species of birds in the world today, Mr. Carter. It is estimated that 5,750,000,000 birds live in the United States alone. The five continents of the world…

Traveling Salesman: Kill ’em all. Get rid of the messy animals.

Mrs. Bundy:…probably contain more than 100,000,000,000 birds!

We get a bit of debate as a Captain interjects that he also hates birds and wishes they were all gone, them having attacked one of his ship captains. Melanie states that the birds are killers after the kids. Everyone keeps talking down to Melanie as she tries to tell them that it wasn’t just a few but a ton and a series of different kinds.

Mitch shows up asking for Kathy, who is at Annies. Just as they argue the birds attack again. Mitch tells Melanie to stay behind as they take out a guy pumping gas causing it to flow over the ground. An unsuspecting smoker sets it off and boom.

This causes a big sign that the other birds can see and they all come in swarming. The pyre’s have been lit.

I’m in shock

All go out of the restaurant (Why? Don’t know) and we have the famous telephone scene.

They actually have a telephone booth and Tippi Hedren mannequin at one of the shops there and you can get a picture with it.

Mitch gets her out and they head back to the restaurant. Hiding with others. Mrs. Bundy, I notice you are quiet. Not talking down at her anymore are you?

One of them is hysterical, blaming Melanie. In a way I believe she is right. Although it isn’t Melanie, but those love birds.

Mitch and Melanie run to the schoolhouse to get Cathy finding Annie’s dead body.

Cathy is safely inside, but utterly traumatized. Mitch carries Annie inside and covers her with his coat. Then the three speed off to the Brenner house.

At the Brenner home, Mitch patches up the openings, prepping the house for an attack. He notices that there appears to be a pattern. They attack, disburse, regroup, attack again. Why?

Hmm…

Melanie tries to contact her father but the lines are cut. The birds isolating them and making it unable for them to reach anyone or get even local radio.

Lydia starts to freak out wanting answers, the tension exploding. All are succumbing to it.

Cathy wants the love birds with her, NOOOO nor those evil things. Even now they are probably plotting.

Now they wait, trapped. Kathy gets so anxious she makes herself sick. Then they wait again. Hearing them, being taunted by them.

I’m crazy

We have the first attack of gulls breaking windows and trying to peck through the door. Mitch being the one to take action and stop them. Then Melanie goes up to the attic.

Poor Melanie. they tend to her, but she is banged up. This scene was horrible to film. Seven days of birds being thrown at her, again and again.

Mitch uses this time of quiet to plan an escape. Melanie needs a hospital, so he and Cathy start getting things ready, not knowing what will face in the outside world or if they will be able to ever come back.

I like how Hitchcock ends the film with us not knowing if they make it out okay. We never know if everything will go back to normal. What or who caused this? I think it makes the film stronger and gives you the opportunity to create your own theory from each of his clues.  If they had given us an answer, it probably would have been lame no matter what was chosen, we would have found faults. Sometimes it is better just not knowing.

So there we go,  believe my theory or create your own. Either way watch the film.

This film changed how I look at birds. I never liked them before and hated them ever since. I’ll never look at another the same way again. Especially when they get in large groups or swarm overhead.

Not gulls but you understand the feeling.

After I showed this film to some friends who had never seen it, a few days later we were shopping at a store. As we are leaving, my one friend looks behind us at the store and goes ashen. She freaks out and tells us to run. As we are I look back and see a ton lined up on the store watching, then deciding to take off. We all ran as fast as we could to the car struggling in, and  speeding home. Nothing happened, but a film like this just sticks to you.

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So this kicks off the beginning of Horrorfest VII. I hope you enjoy it and the spooks. thrills, and chills that are to come.

For more on The Birds, go to Going on a Treasure Hunt

For more Alfred Hitchcock films, go to You’re a Detective, Let Me Give You a Tip. Don’t Wave Important Evidence in a Telephone Booth. They Have Glass Windows: Blackmail (1929)

For more Daphne de Maurier, go to That Place…There’s Queer Things Goes on There: Jamaica Inn (1939)

Book Club Picks: The Masterpiece

So as you all know I started a book club last year. I have fallen behind with my posts, but I was catching up.  I am for sure only one behind now. 🙂

No I’m serious! This time I am really only one behind!

We’ll see.

Every month we read a book and I do a little post on the book we read and discussed. What can I say, I just love books.

There is no theme, other than with each month, a different member gets to pick a book, whichever one they want.

The Masterpiece by Francine Rivers

So Francine Rivers is a favorite author of mine. I’ve read everything of her Christian fiction, except one, The Last Sin Eater. So when the book club member suggested us reading it, I was totally down and excited.

Grace Moore has been through a lot in her life. A painful childhood, growing up with a cold and emotionally separated aunt. She put her dreams on hold for her husband, had a disastrous marriage, lost her job, and is now a single mom.

She was going to give her child up for adoption, living with the potential family but changed her mind. Now she is trying to figure out how to take care of her son and make enough money to move out as the family is trying to take her child. Everything seems to be a big no, until she finally gets a job as a assistant to temperamental artist Roman Velasco. He’s never been able to keep one as he is too out there and hard to work with, but Grace is hoping to stick it out until she can find something else.

Roman Velasco has his own hard life. He lost his mom years back, was put in foster care, and sent all over San Francisco as they just kept moving him on. He joins a gang as a runner but then becomes the tagger, graffitiing the gang everywhere. He ends up being sent to a ranch, but as soon as he is old enough takes off.

He has always been interested in painting and art, and ends up becoming a very rich and profitable one. But he has a secret. At night he runs around Los Angeles, creating graffiti art going under BRD-Billy Ray Dean, his real name. He also has been growing ill, and not feeling good-but keeps that and the BRD secret.

Grace is instantly attracted to him, but knows she needs to stay away as she has bad choices in men, he has a lot of issues, and is not a Christian.

Roman tries to leave Grace alone, but is attracted to her. He ends up letting her in more than any person in his life has been let in. But then something happens that changes their relationship forever. Will things work out or will this masterpiece go through several changes before it is completed?

This was a fantastic book and a real page turner. I never wanted to put it down, and just had to find out what happened next.

Defintely worth a read! Check it out today!

The cover of the book comes from a real graffiti painting. It is called Time Flies by artist Camer1For more about it, check out Francine Rivers blog. Our book club member who chose the book actually was able to go to San Francisco and see it in person.

For more book club picks, go to Book Club Picks: O Pioneers!

For more books by Francine Rivers, go to Book Club Picks: A Voice in the Wind

For more Christian works, go to Who Says I Have to Stop: Fireproof (2008)

For more bible verses, go to Book Club Picks: This Present Darkness

Please Accept My A-POEM-ogy: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Romantic Moment #2

So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) 

I had wanted to see this movie for a long time, and finally my friend and I watched it together. I reviewed it for Horrorfest VI

Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Meyers) is a Scottish poet living in San Francisco. He performs at a coffee shop doing his riffs on love. One day he stops at a butcher shop, Meats of the World, to pick up some haggis for his family dinner and meets the butcher-Harriet.

When he visits the family, his mother feels it is her duty to let him know of female serial killer, Mrs. X, that she read about in the tabloids. She hopes that Charlie will be careful and not end up he next victim

He and Harriet continue to date, but he starts noticing that a lot of things about her past are eerily similar to Mrs. X. Is she a fun-loving, eccentric, slightly needy, woman? Or is she an axe murderer?

Most Romantic Moment: I Wrote an A-POEM-OGY

So this romantic moment comes in the middle of the film. Charlie has freaked out over Harriet and is convinced she is Mrs. X, dumping her.

But then he starts to feel like he acted too hastily. And when his police officer friend arrests another woman as Mrs. X; he feels even more stupid.

He tries to get Harriet back, but no dice. She is not interested.

So Charlie decides he most do something really big to prove his love. He gets the coffee shop band to come to her apartment and serenades her with a special Harriet poem.

So awesome!

To start Romance is in the Air: Part V, go to Who Says I Have to Stop: Fireproof (2008)

hearts banner

For more on So I Married an Axe Murderer, go to Is She Mrs. X?: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Is She Mrs. X?: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Woman! Woah-man! Wooaahhhhh-man! We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life… Jane, get me off of this crazy thing called love.

I had always heard of this movie, but never had the opportunity to watch it. Every time I tried I would come in the middle or miss pieces. Then one day my friend and I were looking through Hulu and spotted it, deciding to watch it.

**Spoiler Alert**

Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Meyers) is a Scottish poet living in San Francisco. He performs at a coffee shop doing his riffs on love.

One day he stops at a butcher shop, Meats of the World, to pick up some haggis for his family dinner and meets the butcher-Harriet.

When he visits the family, his mother feels it is her duty to let him know of female serial killer, Mrs. X, that she read about in the tabloids. She hopes that Charlie will be careful and not end up he next victim.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, “The paper.” The paper contains facts.

May Mackenzie: This paper contains facts. And this paper has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world. Right? Plenty of facts. “Pregnant man gives birth.” That’s a fact.

Charlie can’t get Harriet out of his mind and goes back to the butcher shop to spends time with her-actually being hired on as an assistant. There he entertains Harriet, they go out and eat, and ultimately spend the whole day together-and night.

The next morning Charlie meets Harriet’s sister who is really odd.

Huh?

They way she talks about her sister Harriet is a bit off.

Rose Michaels: Well… you know Harriet.

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, actually, I don’t.

Rose Michaels: But you did have sex with her.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hello!

Rose Michaels: Let me make you some breakfast.

Charlie Mackenzie: Oh, gee, you know, I’d love to. But you know, I’m really running late, but thanks!

Rose Michaels: What would you say to silver-dollar pancakes, fresh-squeezed orange juice, bacon, and Kona coffee?

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, that sounds great!

Rose Michaels:[Cut to Rose pouring cereal in Charlie’s bowlSorry. I didn’t have those other things.

Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, that’s fine. That other stuff will probably kill you… whereas “Froot Loops” are light, and reasonably high in fiber. I care for “Apple Jacks” a great deal.

But while Harriet is fun, charming, and gives Charlie a great time; there is something not quite right about her.

Hmm…

She is evasive, needy, and slightly odd. She also has all kinds of things from all over the country that were given to her by “friends”. These friends being similar to Mrs. Xs husbands.

Hmm…

He tries to do some research into Mrs. X:

Obituary Writer: There’s another one here. Native San Franciscan. Plumber. Elliot, Ralph. Moved to Dallas, disappeared four months ago, body was found in a sewer.

Obituary Employee: Well, guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. [both laugh]

Charlie Mackenzie: Did they mention anything about his wife?

Obituary Employee: All right, okay. Look, I know that we’re talking about real people here. I’m sorry.

Charlie Mackenzie: No no, I’m serious. Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: Look, I’m sorry you know. You know, I didn’t mean to make a joke about other people’s lives.

Charlie Mackenzie: No no, I’m really serious. Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: You win, you win okay? I’m a bad person!

Obituary Writer: Just take it easy!

Obituary Employee: No, he’s sayin’ I’m insensitive! He’s sayin’ I’m a s***!

Obituary Writer: He’s not sayin’ you’re a s***!

Charlie Mackenzie: [yelling] Did they mention the wife? Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: No! No! They didn’t mention the wife! Ya happy? [speaking to the whole officeYEAH! Oh yes, yeah. I’m insensitive! I’m a very insensitive man! Stop you’re job, look at the insensitive man! That’s what they’re paying you for! [leaves]”

So he then asks his police friend Tony Giardino. Tony tells him that Harriet is not likely to be Mrs. X; but Charlie isn’t convinced. He starts watching Harriet closely on their dates and her behavior is odd and off.

hmm…

He eventually gets so terrified that he breaks up with Harriet, happy to have outlived Mrs. X.

Or is he happy? He misses Harriet and keeps thinking about her.

Hmm…

Was he wrong to break up with her? Then his friend, the police detective Tony, tells him that they caught Mrs. X. It wasn’t Harriet!!! Charlie was wrong! He overreacted! His imagination ran away from him!

He tries to get back with Harriet, but after he dumped her no dice.

Does he give up?

So sweet, right?

Aw!

Everything is going well, so well that Charlie asks Harriet to marry him.

“Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.

Harriet: No.

Charlie Mackenzie: Please?”

It is weird how Harriet was trying to make them more formal and pushing the relationship forward, but at marriage she balks. After Charlie explains how much he cares and talks to her, Harriet agrees, but then at the wedding acts weird again.

Hmm…

They head off to a romantic honeymoon. All is going well!

Yay!!!

Meanwhile, Tony is working when he finds out that the woman who claimed to be Mrs. X is a compulsive liar!

He tries to get a hold of Charlie, but a storm knocks out the power lines and the message is cut off. Tony heads up to their hotel to try and save them, he ends up commandeering a car from the dad from Beethoven and living out his fantasies of being a TV cop.

So now Charlie is trapped with an ax murderer!

So while they make it seem as if Harriet is an ax murderer, I was convinced the whole movie that it was really Rose?

Huh?

I know, Rose has like only a few minutes in the film but while Harriet is weird-

Rose seemed like:

Yeah, a real psycho. I think I suspected her because of the way she talked about “their” home and how Harriet always leaves for a little while, but then “always comes back.” The way she said “always comes back” made me think she was either obsessed with her sister or afraid of losing her forever-and was killing Harriet’s husbands without her knowing. Yep, I think Rose is:

Meanwhile, Charlie is terrified of Harriet-thinking she is going to kill him.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

But when he gets alone he discovers a “Dear Jane” letter. A letter that appears that it was signed by him! Saying he was leaving her!

What?

To make things even more surprising he finds Rose in his honeymoon suite!

And she has an ax!

AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now he gets in a game of cat and mouse as he has to run for his life!

In the end they all live happily ever after. Rose gets the help she needs in prison, Harriet knows that she wasn’t dumped and left and that Charlie loves her, and Charlie loves Harriet and knows she won’t kill him.

No facebook cover for this one either. Man the movies I have picked have been hard ones to find a moment to use. Oh well.

Oh, well

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to The Cruel Giggling Ghoul: Teen Titans Go (2016)

For more serial killers, go to Someone is Killing By Copying Old Murders!: Real Murders

For more female serial killers, go to The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

For more horror-comedy, go to China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

China is here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, they’ve been fighting for centuries.

I have wanted to watch this movie for a loooooong time. I heard it was good, Kurt Russell looks fantastic; but every time I tried to see it I always came in near the end.

One day, my friend and I were cruising through Netflix and we decided to check it out.

Let me say this is one of the weirdest films I have ever seen.

What?

I don’t even know really how to review it. I mean it is hard to classify it. It is kinda horror-comedy-action-adventure-everything. Half the time I wasn’t even sure what was going on

Huh?

But surprising to me, I really liked it.

So the film starts off with Egg Shen (Victor Wong, the grandpa from 3 Ninjas), telling an account of what happened…

Flashback

Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) is a truck driver throughout California. He stops in San Francisco for a delivery and to meet up with some friends for some gambling. His friend Wang Chi (Dennis Dun) bets him double or nothing, but loses. Jack wants his money immediately, but Wang has to run to the airport to pick up his fiancé, Maio Yin. Jack doesn’t want to go, but whatever.

Meh.

When they get there, they are interrupted by a woman grabbing onto another Chinese woman and a gang of guys taking Maio Yin. The guys try to go after them and find themselves caught in a supernatural battle with mystical and legendary characters.

All kinds of crazy things happen, confusing crazy things-you totally need to watch yourself.

Jack Burton: All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a ******* alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with *light* coming out of his mouth!

And this is one of the reasons that makes this film so enjoyable. It is a crazy film blending Chinese mysticism, history, and all blended in modern times. So a lot of the film you go:

Help me! I’m confused!

And the best thing is that Jack Burton spends most of the film this way. He is totally confused and lost; meaning that he gets to be us. He takes place of us in the film. You completely relate to him and everything he is going through and thinks.

So they are interrupted by Wang Chi’s cousin Eddie Lee who wants to help them (he’s a lawyer). While they are al taking, in bursts the woman from the airport who took the Chinese woman- lawyer Gracie Law (Kim Cattral).

Kim Cattral cracks me up in this, I could totally see her with her own little sitcom-with bumpity high music playing in the background as she charges in shouting “I’m Gracie Law”.

So what happened was that Gracie Law is an immigration lawyer and was helping a Chinese woman escape from being sold into sexual slavery. When she took the woman they paid for, the guys sent needed to bring someone back so they took the first Chinese woman they saw-Maio Yin.

Yep, Maio Yin just came in at the wrong time.

So they are trying to get her back, but it will be hard.

Wang Chi: Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can’t pay you today, okay?

Jack Burton: Oh, s***.

Wang Chi: How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.

Eddie: And it’s gonna cost. She’s got green eyes.

Gracie: Oh no, seriously? Oh, that’s an extra to these people. It’s like leather bucket seats, it’s double the price.

The group-Gracie Law, Jack Burton, Eddie Lee, Wang Chi and Gracie’s reporter friend Margo-concoct a plan to try and spring her from the brothel. I love him trying to act like a nerdy guy. And let me say that Kurt Russell totally pulls off the brawny-beefy guy and the cute-smart guy in glasses.

But they are interrupted by the mystical and magical Lo Pan. Lo Pan wants Maio Yin because of her green eyes, he has been looking for a green-eyed Chinese bride for centuries. When he realizes Gracie Law also has green eyes he decides to take her too.

“Lo Pan: Egg Shen… EGG SHEN! You have come a long ways to find me. But it is too late. There are two girls with green eyes, and I will marry them both. And then I will sacrifice Gracie Law to appease my emperor and live out my earthly pleasures with Miao Yin. [cacklesThat’s right, Egg Shen. The best of two worlds!”

Here is where things get crazy. Kurt Russell has a fantastic scene in the wheelchair, you’ve got to see it. What a hunk!

The rest you have to try to view on your own. I loved how Kurt Russell is this buff and manly dude, but then he ends up shooting his gun in the ceiling and knocking himself out and fighting and getting knocked out of it. Yes, in reality, Kurt Russell/Jack Burton doesn’t turn out to be the main character but the sidekick, Wang Chi being the real savior of the day with his awesome moves.

And the end is hilarious, it is so unexpected, I just love it! I just loved the film.

Not to mention I have a new couple goal. I’ve said I’d love to dress up as Anne and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables but here is another. I totally want to be Jack Burton and Gracie Law. I mean I HAVE green eyes, and there are very few anything green-eyes, so I am down for that. Plus I love Jack’s style-you know me and boots. The only issue I see is trying to find the bride’s headpiece-and of course the guy to do it with. I know I could do it on my own, but it hard enough to know who we are together, never mind on my own.

Maybe one day.

Aw!

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Because We’re Addams: The Addams Family (1991)

For more John Carpenter films, go to Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare: Halloween (1978)

For more ’80s films, go to That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

For more horror-comedies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

Book Club Picks: The Undoing of Saint Silvanus

So every month  a different member in my book club chooses a book for us to read and discuss the next month.

So the member who’s turn it was, was thinking of possibly doing a mystery. When our group met, she decided on this:

The Undoing of Saint Silvanus: A Novel by Beth Moore

This is Beth Moore’s first novel after years of nonfiction. It was something new but something she had been thinking about doing for a while.

Hmm…

Julia Stillwater is living in San Francisco in an controlling and very bad relationship. But when she discovers that her boyfriend is cheating on her she is hit hard and unsure of what to do.

Then she receives a call that her long estranged father is dead.

And that her grandmother, the ice queen, who she also hasn’t seen in over twenty years is offering to pay her way to New Orleans so she could attend the funeral.

As her life is currently in shambles, Jillian decides to take it.

However, there is a lot that was kept from her. It turns out that the housekeeper, Adella Atwater, came up with the idea for a family reunion, not her grandmother, Olivia.

This could get ugly.

It also turns out that she lives in an church turned boarding house-full of all kinds of characters. There is David a forty-year old bachelor and music teacher; Carrie a student in medical school and always studying or working; and an elderly dementia suffering woman.

What have I gotten myself into?

With no money, no reason to go back to San Francisco, and not sure what to do…she remains in the house.

Seriously

Meanwhile, the New Orleans Police Department have been looking into the murder of Jillian’s father, Raphael. But while they try to uncover a killer, a lot of other strange things start happening. Baby things are left outside the house, someone tries to break into the house, things go missing, etc. The NOPD spend a lot of time coming to the house trying to figure out what does this all mean? A sentiment shared by the rest of the residents.

Besides that Saint Silvanus holds a secret from its first beginning as a church. Will it be revealed?

Hmm…

Will Jillian ever learn the truth about her fathers death? Will she grow to enjoy living in Saint Silvanus? Will her family rifts be mended? Or torn further apart?

Hmm…

So let’s start with what I didn’t care for or thought wasn’t as finished.

1)First of all Jillian is unsure what to do when she comes across the homeless. She has never had to deal with such things and finds the “sour smells” of the city unbearable.

Come on now. I am from California and have been to San Francisco many times. I have been everywhere from the high price areas to the touristy ones and there are homeless EVERYWHERE. They hide in bushes and jump out to surprise you; walk out into traffic; are on every street corner along with “sour” smells. I don’t know what San Francisco Moore encountered but that sounds nothing like the one in California.

2) What happened with the church?

So throughout the novel, Moore has the story of the church’s beginning and the first pastor intersecting with the story of Jillian. But she never really says why this matters to the characters as they have no connection to each other and they never say who killed the minister. Was it suicide or murder?

3) There are a lot of little details missing.

Hmm…

In my class, The History of the Novel, we read an article about how hard it is for a nonfiction author to switch to fiction as there are a lot of little things they aren’t used to writing about-how they look, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, etc. Moore falls into the same issue as she doesn’t always describe her characters. For instance she calls Julianna “dark”. Dark hair? Dark skin? Mexican? African-American? Greek? Spanish? Italian? Black hair? Brown? Chestnut?

I know it is her first time writing a “novel” so it makes sense there are a few kinks.

4) The mystery isn’t really mysterious

I knew as soon as the character entered the picture. It was extremely obvious the way they acted was not normal

So what was good?

1) The characters

The characters were amazing! I loved every single one and each felt extremely lifelike and ones you would meet in real life.

They all had their own hangups, issues, and backgrounds that were relatable-either to you or reminded you of someone you know. They made the book interesting, a page turner, and had you feel at home in Saint Silvanus.

This in itself made the book worth reading.

For more of my book clubs reads, go to Book Club Picks: At Home in Mitford

For more mysteries, go to Suspense & Sensibility (Or First Impressions Revisited)

So after this book it is my turn to pick the next book. I was going to bring a few choices to the meeting and pulled out a western, as you know I love stuff like that:

I also took out My Fair Godmother as that book cracks me up.

I was trying to think of a third option, when I decided on one book that’s been sticking in my mind:

Yes, my book club is going to read The Darcy Monologues. This will be very interesting as:

  1. One member has read the book and seen the 1940, 1995, and 2005 versions.
  2. One member has only seen the 1995 and 2005 versions, never read the book.
  3. And the other member has not seen any film or read the book.

Will they love it? Will they hate it? I don’t know, but I am sure of one thing:

And we all know what I thought of it:

Read what I think of Part I: The Regency and Part II: Other Eras