North by Northanger (Or, the Shades of Pemberley)

So a while back I told Christina Boyd this regency story idea I had to pass onto her writers. A regency group of ladies and gentlemen, maybe make them married or related so they could be together, traveling by coach and solving mysteries. A regency Scooby-Doo.

She politely declined and suggested that I should check out the Carrie Bebris’ Mr. & Mrs. Darcy Mystery series. I told her I would think about it, but I wasn’t too keen on the idea.

You see I had read the first book Pride and Prescience (Or a Truth Universally Acknowledged) and loved it.

It was a fantastic mystery that left you wondering, was something supernatural going on? Or was Caroline Bingley’s new husband gaslighting her?

The next book, however, left me extremely disappointed.

Suspense and Sensibility (Or First Impressions Revisited) right away told you it was going to be the supernatural taking all the suspense out of it. Also the Dashwood sisters were hardly in the book, which strongly disappointed me.

I then decided to take a break, and went on reading and reviewing other things.

In July, every other day I asked a question on Instagram about Jane Austen characters and themes, such as what fashion from the Regency Era do wish we would be brought back, who had the best fashion, etc. One question I asked was what book adaption do you wish would be turned into a movie or a TV show? On thing I suggested was this series, even though I had only read two books, as I think the idea behind it was very strong.

After that I wanted to read the next book, especially as it is Northanger Abbey, but was busy with Rational Creatures and my rule is never read another Jane Austen adaption until you finish reviewing one. After that it was time to get ready for Horrorfest VIIIthen November was gone in a flash, and December was taken up with Pride and Prejudice and Mistletoe, YULETIDE, and Holiday Mix Tape

But I resolved this year that I would somehow factor in reviewing a mystery every month, so there is no time like the present to review this.

Mystery, you say?

So here we go.

North by Northanger (Or the Shades of Pemberley) [Mr. and Mrs. Darcy Mystery #3] by Carrie Bebris

So in the last book, Elizabeth found out she was pregnant and it is nearing her time. This is a joyous and strained situation, as the Darcys are pleased but at the same time Mr. Darcy is scared out of his mind as his mother died in childbirth.

But childbirth isn’t what is foremost on Elizabeth’s mind. You see Elizabeth is sensitive to the supernatural and is convinced that Pemberley has a ghost, and not just any ghost…Anne Darcy, Mr. Darcy’s mother.

Elizabeth doesn’t feel as if Anne is vindictive or angry, but feels her presence nonetheless. She has lived the year with everything exactly how it was, but has decided that the time has com to start doing things how she wants it.

She decides to shift the writing desk from its corner so that she can look out the window. After some hemming and hawing with the footmen they do, and a letter falls out. A letter from Anne Darcy to Elizabeth!

{An excerpt]

Pemberley

20 January 1796

Dear Mrs. Darcy,

Should this letter reach your eyes, it is because I no longer live to deliver its message in person. I know not who you are-what name you bore before taking that of Darcy. I know only that by addressing this letter to you, I write the woman who has wed my son. For that reason alone I entrust to you the stewardship of something most precious…I had at Fitzwilliam’s birth a…an heirloom from my own mother-I want it now, but it has become lost. If only I could find it, I would trust that I will be safely delivered. But I hid it too well, beyond my own reach. You-you must look if I cannot, for I want you to have it when…If you are my niece, my namesake Anne, know that I guarded myself from my sister, not from you-…Search for me…My daughter, the only one I may ever have, start with the knowledge that love conquers all. I am-

Your mother, 

Anne Darcy

Unfortunately, this letter, dated on Georgiana’s birthday and Lady Anne’s death day, only strengthens Darcy’s fears. It, however, baits Elizabeth’s curiosity. What was the object? Why couldn’t Lady Anne find it? Where is it?

Suspicious

We move along a few weeks where Elizabeth and Darcy have been visiting the Bingley’s for their youngest’s christening. However, they are in a hurry to leave as Lydia and Wickham have dropped by unexpectedly.

Elizabeth shares the contents of the letter she found with Jane, and Lydia overhears them mention a treasure, which Elizabeth strongly dissuades her of.

That’s not good.

The talk then turns to babies, of which Lydia is bored of. Of course, I don’t expect Lydia to ever have children, as if she has a baby she won’t be the baby anymore.

They are headed home by way of Bath, to meet the famous Dr. Severn, the man Darcy wants to have assist Elizabeth in her birth. He supposedly is the best in the nation, and very hard to get. They reach Bath and as they are about to take in the sights they run into an unexpected visitor. Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine and Anne are there to take the healing waters for Anne. Lady Catherine is more civil as Elizabeth is carrying the future heir to Pemberley, but still bossy, judgemental, and of course loves to give advice and hear her own voice.

Blah, blah

They also receive a note from a Mr. Tilney.

No, not that Mr. Tilney- Captain Frederick Tilney.

I know. I was so disappointed. I want MY Mr. Tilney!

I want MY Mr. Tilney!

Anyways…

Edgar’s Buildings

Bath, 6 October

Dear Mr. Darcy,

My discovery of your name in the Pump Room book prompts me to write. Though we are strangers to each other, I believe our families are acquainted. My late mother, Mrs. Victor Tilney, enjoyed the friendship of one Lady Ann Darcy, whom I believe to be your mother.

Though I understand Lady Anne has also passed away, I would take great pleasure in meeting her son. Unfortunately, my military duties obligate me to depart Bath this very day. However, I plan to return to my country home in Gloucestershire by 18 October, and shall remain there for some time. I would consider myself honored to receive you and Mrs. Darcy at Northanger Abbey as my guests for a se’nnight whenever you make your return to Derbyshire.

I hope your response names the date upon which I will enjoy the pleasure of your company. I am

Yours most sincerely,

Captain Fredrick Tilney

I still want my Mr. Tilney Carrie Bebris. I am intrigued, but wil be sorely disppointed and unhappy if MY Mr. Tilney doesn’t show up.

Hmm…

Anyways, the Darcys are also intrigued and decide to go visit on their way home.

Elizabeth visits with Lady Catherine and does not have a good time, it made even more when Lady Catherine tries to send Darcy to France to go after his troublesome cousin. He sends his solicitor and the Darcys visit with Dr. Severn which should be called Dr. Severe or Dr. Ima Rude Jerk. He is an awful misogynist and just all around horrible and we all should hate him-except Darcy is still wowed by his education and success rate, getting him to agree to come to Derbyshire instead of Elizabeth giving birth in London.

[Sarcastic] Big whoop

Eventually they leave Bath, and head to Gloucestershire but find it not as impressive as Catherine did.

The weather is cold, gray, dismal, and stormy. The servants are strange and act like no servant they have ever known. They are given the late Mrs. Tilney’s rooms which haven’t been used in ages and there is jewelry and all her stuff in it. Their servants have disappeared and the housekeeper has no knowledge where they are, the food gross, their host never appears, the halls are cold and drafty, and the Darcys want to leave but are forced to stay the night.

After dinner, the housekeeper takes them to their host and the Darcy’s see a very bandaged, fat man, with only one eye and his mouth are exposed.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, I know that wealthy people gained weight with the food they eat-but a narcissist like Fredrick Tilney? There is no way you can convince me he is fat. I’m sorry but I don’t believe it. This can’t be him. Something is afoot in this Abbey, I just don’t know what…

Hmm…

Tilney, (if he is Tilney which I remain unconvinced), apologizes for not being able to greet them or sit at dinner. He has no qualms that the rooms are full of things and thoroughly questions grills them about Lady Anne, her friendship with Mrs. Tilney, and if they have any correspondence.

Huh?

The Darcy’s are completely flummoxed as they didn’t even know of the friendship let alone bring anything with them.

Captain Tilney talks really weird. I mean he is only in the book Northanger Abbey for a little bit, but this feels all wrong. I’m not the only one who feels it, as Darcy and Elizabeth find themselves feeling extremely weirded out by everything and they decide to leave ASAP.

The next morning they leave, carefully maneuvering themselves out of any faux pas. They find their servants-who had taken ill (sounds like were slipped a Regency mickey)-and then a trunk disappears and it takes forever for it to be located. Finally they leave, Mr. Darcy with his cane and off they go without another thought of this strange side trip, sure to be a weird story to be shared with friends.

Or is it?!

They stop for the night and then are com upon by a constable, as they were sent an anonymous note that the Darcy’s stole jewelry and riches fom the Tilneys. They then are both arrested for theft.

What???!!!!!!!! But he’s Mr. Darcy??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What?

OMGoodness what is happening right now?

Th constable searches Mr. Darcy’s cane and finds it opens up and reveals that it has the Tilney jewels in it.

First of all-that is so cool. I want a cane or umbrella with a secret compartment, or one where you take it apart and it is a sword that would be so cool. With a wolf’s head on it like in The Wolf Man (1941).

And second WHAT THE HECK? ARRESTED? JAIL? THE DARCYS??!!!

Darcy tries to convince them it isn’t his cane but one that looks like it as his cane has an imperfection in the grain-this one does’t it is a replica, but they don’t believe him.

They then return to Northanger Abbey to speak to Captain Tilney about everything and when they reach the Abbey they see that Captain Tilney is not there but Mr. Tilney arrives, the Henry Tilney, MY Mr. Tinley.

And we get the giant bomb…you see the Darcy’s want Captain Tilney to share what happened that night, but eh can’t. He’s dead.

WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?????!!!!!!!!!

And that’s not all. Fredrick’s been dead for a while.

WHAT??!!

And that housekeeper they met? She doesn’t exist. She matches no description of any housekeeper that has ever been employed there and the most recent housekeeper was fired six weeks ago.

Huh?

WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?????

And the house has been shut up for a while.

WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!!!!?????

What is going on???

Okay, here I was undeniably hooked. I had to finish this story. Not only has Mr. Tilney entered the picture but we are in a serious web.

Ghosts?

Ghosts?

Or is there a human trying to frame the Darcys?

Hmmm…

And sidenote, is it horrible that after I got over the shock of Captain Tilney being dead, I kind of thought it was cool that Mr. Tilney would have Northanger Abbey. Does that make me a horrible person? I mean, I didn’t think that right away…it was after.

The local magistrate is being a bit of a jerk, enjoying the power he has over someone like Darcy and won’t release him. Darcy sends word to his solicitor, who unfortunately has been sent to France to take care of his cousin, but Elizabeth does the only thing they can do to free Darcy. Call the one person who no one could ever be able to go against.

No, no, no, no, no, not her.

Oh no!

Lady Catherine.

Lady Catherine comes, throws her weight around, and this guy is no match for her. She gets Darcy released and he’ll be back later for the trial. But unfortunately, Darcy isn’t just released he is released into Lady Catherine’s care and she is coming to Pemberley with them.

They are about to head home when Mr. Tilney comes back, yay! I was worried that he was only going to be in there for a moment. He apologizes for his behavior, and said that he let his grief, anger, and hurt get the best of him. He thought over what they said and realized that he does remember the Darcy name, as his mother was friends with a Mrs. Darcy and she provided great comfort in her life with his tyrannical and vampirish father.

He remembers meeting her once and knowing what he does of her and their estate, he can’t imagine that Darcy wold act this way and steal. He also found the “true” walking stick of Darcy’s.

Darcy shows them the letter they received from Captain Tilney and it is dated the day before he died in his own hand. However, when Tilney questions the Darcy’s the man could not be Fredrick (as he was dead on that date) but also the eye was the wrong color.

So who did this and why? What was their scheme? If they wanted the jewels why hide them in the walking stick? What could they have gained from delaying the Darcy’s and getting them caught up in this? Just trying to ruin their good name?

What is going on?

Tilney tried to get the lawsuit dropped, but the magistrate is just salivating over this and he will not do so. Ugh.

The Darcys leave for Pemberley, while Mr. Tilney plans on remaining at Northanger and continuing the investigation there and getting the estate handled. The two plan to keep in constant contact.

What? What? Where is Catherine? Why are they leaving? How come Tilney isn’t in the book more? NOOOO, why are we leaving Northanger…will we ever see him again?

BUt BUt BUt I Want more Mr. Tilney Wah, wah, wah…

Sorry I’m over it now. So Lizzy, Darcy, and Lady Catherine return to Pemberley and find it polluted. Yes a pest infestation has taken root since they have been away. A giant rat called Wickham.

What the HECK??!! Why would he even think to do that. I don’t know if Wickham is brave, audacious, or just plain stupid.

This guy,

Lydia immediately accosts Elizabeth for money, and Darcy catches Wickham with a servant girl, Jenny.  Not the welcome home they had wished for. Although, their presence does make Lady Catherine disappear to her bedroom. LOL.

Elizabth finds living with Lady Catherine to be extremely difficult, no surprise there, and tries to find ways of coping that do not include her starting a regency fight club or throwing her hot tea at Lady Catherine. She instead goes for walks, visiting Lady Anne’s garden, Our Lady’s Garden.

The next morning is All Hallow’s Eve and the gardner always leaves flowers on the graves. Elizabeth sees his shadow and head down to the collect the bouquets, dropping them off, only to discover that after she completes the task that the gardner had never made the bouquets, he was just about to. He laughs it off that it must be an assistant who readied them, but it gets Elizabeth thinking. Was it an assistant? Or a GHOST??

Meanwhile, Elizabeth has been curious over the correspondence with Mrs. Tilney and thought maybe there would be a clue to help find the missing heirloom. She asks for the correspondence to come downstairs from the attic, and discovers that there are NINE trunks!

OMGoodness, I have one “memory box” my grandma gave me, and when it gets too full I go through it and recycle the cards or toss them out. It is a small box I can’t imagine having nine!!

Elizabeth reads the letters and finds the ones of Lady Anne and the late Mr. Darcy’s courtship “Love conquers all” being their phrase.

Hmm…

They have the yearly Harvest Feast, and Elizabeth develops a slight nosebleed. The local midwife helps her, and talks to her about Lady’s Anne’s last pregnancy. She reveals that the object Elizabeth is looking for is a small Madonna and Child ivory statuette.

A clue!

Darcy finds her and becomes so worried about the blood, calling for the horrible doctor. Dr. Severn’s arrival makes Elizabeth have to clean up her room, and all the trunks are removed without her being able to finish going through them.

The doctor arrives angry that he was called in for a nosebleed and is a pompus jerk who doesn’t care a thing about what Elizabeth thinks, feels, or says.

Later Elizabeth has even more fun talking to Lady Catherine and finds out that the statuette was from back in the day when the family was Catholic. Lady Catherine wants it back, but Elizabeth refuses to give it to her if she finds it, intending to keep it. It is a battle of wits as both are searching high and low, in and out, and all over Pemberley.

Fight, fight, fight!

Elizabeth wants to read Lady Anne’s letter again but it has disappeared. Only later to reappear. That isn’t he only thing that is strange-is Elizabeth just having the pregnancy forgetfulness, is someone sabotaging her, or is there a spirit at play here?

At Pemberley.

Elizabeth then continues to go through the letters, finding the ones between Mrs. Tilney and Lady Anne. Those were so cute that they almost, ALMOST, but not quite, make up for the fact that there is no Catherine in this book so far. I am sorely disappointed.

Anyways, the letters are just adorable! It turns out that the statuette came from Northanger Abbey. There was a set of ten,  but they were hidden when the Church of England came into power. Mrs. Tilney encourages her to visit, and Lady Anne does, bringing the statue. Mrs. Tilney gives Lady Anne a strongbox to put the statue in, but General Tilney is not a happy camper. He does not like that Lady Anne has one, and he wants it, along with the other nine.

That’s not good.

Elizabeth shares her intel with Mr. Darcy and Mr. Darcy has seen the box before. He and Wickham found it years ago, in fact on the day Georgina was born. A box with a key that opens when you move the dials to create the right “password”. Wickham egged him on and they tried to unlock it. They search the fountain where it was years ago, but nothing is there.

They believe that Wickham might have come after it and that means Mr. Darcy must take a journey. Elizabeth stays behind with she and Georgiana comedically hiding the fact that Mr. Darcy has disappeared from Pemberley from Lady Catherine.

So Elizabeth continues to read the letters and learns more on the friendship, intent on finding where could this figurine be? Darcy heads off to find Wickham and still is trying to discover the truth of what happened in Northanger Abbey. Meanwhile, in Northanger Abbey Tilney is trying to solve the case too. When Darcy heads to Newcastle he finds the truth to everything and in a surprise twist, the villains are someone Austen readers should know.

Meanwhile, things continue to be strange in Pemberley. Is there a malicious person? Another member of the scheme? Or an evil spirit?

Hmmm…

This was extremely enjoyable and a very good mystery. I loved it.

The only thing that would be better would be if Catherine was in it and if there was more Mr. Tilney!

For more by Carrie Bebris, go to Five Jane Austen Adaptations That Should be Turned Into a Film or TV Show

For more on Pride & Prejudice, go to You Are My Fantasy: Austenland (2013)

For more on Northanger Abbey, go to Modesto Jane Con: Dressing the Regency Lady

For more Pride & Prejudice variations, go to YULETIDE: A Jane Austen-inspired Collection of Stories Audiobook

For more Northanger Abbey variations, go to Rational Creatures: Catherine Morland, Eleanor Tilney, & Lady Susan

For more mysteries, go to A Goblin in My Mailbox

For more books based on Jane Austen, go to Praying With Jane: 31 Days Through the Prayers of Jane Austen

 

To All the Ghouls I’ve Loved Before: The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo (1985)

It’s time for our annual Vincent Price pick!

I love Vincent Price-that voice, he’s amazing.

And today is the 26th anniversary of his death-I didn’t plan to post this day it just happened.

So this year I was having a hard time trying to pick a film or TV show he was in. Which ones could I get my hands on to view, which one to do…

Hmm…

Then my niece and I went to Redbox, I only ever go when I have my niece as she just loves picking out the movies. It reminds me how excited I used to get over Blockbuster and Hollywood Video.

There we were looking through the movies and I saw Scooby-Doo and the Curse of the 13th Ghost.

We checked it out and it got all my nostalgia going! So that answered the question of what to review this year:

To All the Ghouls I’ve Loved Before

So as I have said before I have always been a gigantic Scooby-Doo fan. I used to watch Scooby-Doo Where Are You?13 Ghosts of Scooby-DooA Pup Named Scooby-DooThe New Scooby-Doo Movies (in which Scooby-Doo meets the Harlarm Globetrotters, Cher, Sonny Bono, Batman, Robin, Josie & the Pussycats, etc.), The New Scooby-Doo, What’s New Scooby-Doo.

I had four birthday parties be Scooby-Doo themed, a huge collection of Scooby-Doo toys, from my own mystery machine and multiple Scooby-Doos; to a clock, clothes, books, and almost anything else you can think of.

fangirl casual fan diehard fan consume me love it

So I loved this show because of Scooby-Doo and Vincent Price. Yes, I was watching classics even back as a little kid. There is one thing I always thought was weird, whatever happened to Fred and Velma? How come they didn’t join the group on their adventures? They never said in the show (that I can remember) although they did answer in the new film.

Hmmm…

Anyways, let’s get started with the first episode: To All the Ghouls I’ve Loved Before.

 

So we start the episode off with Vincent Price as Vincent Van Ghoul, mystic, who narrates. 

I remember this used to get me so jazzed on Saturdays! It has been a long time since I’ve watched this though, especially the first episode-I don’t remember what it is about. Oh well, I will be pleasantly surprised!

So we start off in the Himalayan Mountains and enter an old spooky temple that is haunted by two ghosts. One ghost is taking a bath.

Why do ghosts need to take baths?

So these ghosts aren’t scary, but goofy like the ones in Casper or the Boo Brothers. They have awoken because the 13 ghosts in the chest are awake and have been acting up. The two want to sent them free, but can’t open the chests as it can only be done by the living.The chests glows red which means living people are on their way.

We cut away to the flying Mystery Machine where Shaggy and Scooby are flying Daphne and Scrappy-Doo to Hawaii. They end up over the Himalayas as they were looking at the wrong map.

Well Daphne its your own fault, you should have flown.

Seriously

The ghosts perform some magic to release the fuel and stop the plane. Gee, you think you could have come up with a better plan, ghouls? Like you do want them to be living, right?

They grab parachutes and jump out in comedic ways, you know Scooby and Shaggy. Daphne, however, takes over the plane and tries to land it.

Meanwhile, little boy and conman Flim-Flam has found himself in some serious trouble. He’s  been hocking a “miracle” elixir, and the townspeople want him out of town. He’s a bit of a charmer and tries to calm the crowd down but they aren’t buying it. But right when things get really bad the mystery machine comes through and he hitches a ride on Scooby’s parachute.

But they don’t escape for long as an officer arrests them and they go to court.

Like I don’t remember this first episode at all. They get thrown into court and sentenced to leave by sunset or else-plane or no plane.

When they get finished they can’t find their plane anywhere but tracks that lead to a temple. The ghosts have done it to trick them into opening the chest, but one of the ghosts locked it so they can’t get in after all.

These ghosts

Flim-Flam tells them not to worry as he will take them to his mystic friend who can help them. They go to a pub and find Vincent Van Ghoul.

I fangirled as a kid and still do as a adult watching this.

Vincent pulls out his crystal ball and gazes into it. He finds their plane but warns them the plane is in the temple but they must  under no circumstances go in. The temple holds evil, evil which cursed the town Each night when the moon rises the people turn into werewolves.

The townspeople overhear them, and now that they know-they cannot leave.

The townspeople swarm around them and make them sit and watch have them sit and get comfortable watching Ghoulio the Vampire perform. Daphne is drinking beer? Never mind, freshly squeezed wolfsbane. Scrappy says it turns people into werewolves, but it is supposed to protect you.

Daphne shrugs it off but then they hear a werewolf howl. They try to escape, but can’t and see all the townspeople turn into werewolves, including Daphne.

Shaggy and Scooby go running but find themselves in more trouble-you know those twos. They manage to escape with Flim-Flam and Scrappy down a sewer and Flim-Flam sprays Daphne with one of his magical elixirs and she’s back to normal. Shaggy and Daphne hug for a looooong time…are they together? But what about Daphne and Fred!

Anyways, the ghosts have drilled a hole and Daphne wants to go in the temple and get the plane. Scooby and Shaggy are actually the logical ones, not wanting to go in as they were warned, but the werewolves attack and they head into the temple to protect themselves.

Werewolves break in and chase them, but the ghosts help out Shaggy and Scooby to get them to the chests. Meanwhile, Flim-Flam saves people by spraying them with his bottles.

The Burgermeister shares the story of the 13th ghosts and how they caught them and imprisoned them in a chest , but before they sealed it the ghosts cursed them. This having to catch them all kinda makes me think of Danny Phantom.

Anyways, Scooby and Shaggy are trying to find a way out where they run into the two ghosts from earlier who have set up a fake TV show, Let’s Make ‘Em Squeal. Really guys? Really. How can you believe this? I mean this is a whole ‘nother level for you guys.

Although in their defense they did crash land and were just attacked by werewolves-this isn’t the strangest thing they have had to encounter.

They are given the choice of choosing between the plane or a doggy house.-but then they throw in option three-the box with amazing things inside…

Meanwhile, Flim-Flam, Daphne, and Scrappy are trying to find their plane. They are lost, but call on Vincent Van Ghoul who comes and warms them that a pair of ghosts stole it and are trying to trick them into opening the chest.

Of course when we switch to Scooby and Shaggy, they have been convinced to take the box, oh my gosh you guys.

They rest of the gang com running (minus Velma and Fred-ya still not over that), but are too late. They have released the 13 ghosts.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The ghosts fly off into the world and now Shaggy ad Scooby must hunt after each ghost and trap the in the box. Vincent gives them a crustal ball, and Flim-Flam joins them as they set off around the world!

I have to say I really like Daphne’s outfit in this. It is very April O’Neil, even her haircut.

So what did I think? Well looking back It wasn’t the best of the episodes, it definitely was missing the fun chase scenes and Shaggy and Scooby dressing up in some ridiculous charade. But it was the pilot and does what is supposed to do. It sets up the series and I remember as a kid being hooked. I could not wait to watch it every Saturday and I remember hoping for the next episode waiting to see what happened. Did they catch them all? I have to admit, even as an adult it does hook you. It makes me want to finish watching the rest of the series.

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more Vincent Price, go to Basil of Baker Street: The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

For more Scooby-Doo, go to Nowhere to Hyde: Scooby-Doo Where Are You? (1970)

For more ghosts, go to They Look Like Regular People, So No One Except Us Knows They’re Monsters Inside.: R.I.P.D. (2013)

For more werewolves, go to Women are Like Werewolves

I’m a Barbie Girl

So today marks the 60th anniversary of Barbie! I am so excited as I love Barbie!

I know a lot of people complain about Barbie but I loved her. I used to save up my money and go buy new ones-I had a giant collection of them.

I never felt Barbie projected a bad image, I thought she was awesome as she was everything-and that I could be too.

Each one of my Barbies had their own name and personality, and did everything you could imagine. You see, I wanted to do and be everything-as a child I switched from day to day what kind of thing I wanted to do as a “grown up”. I don’t have all mine with me, they are in storage-for if I have kids one day-so here are all I can remember off the top of my head:

  • Corduroy Cool Barbie-I really wanted the Daphne doll as I was such a big Scooby-Doo fan, but my mother couldn’t buy it as it was too expensive. Instead I got this doll, who I named Linda, and she was a private eye. Often I would put the scarf around her head or neck as part of her disguise.
  • Teen Skipper: All Grown Up-She was my first doll and first Skipper doll, so she was the only one who kept the “Skipper” name. She was a teenager so she didn’t have a profession, but I do remember putting all those stickers on the headboard of my bed.
  • Western Stampin’ Barbie-I really wanted to be a cowgirl when I was little and loved Dolly Patron. This one was Dolly, named after the sing-a country singer, rancher, and a ribbon winning rodeo queen.
  • CEO Barbie-Her name was Wendy and she was CEO of a stationary company. This doll was cool as it came with a CD-Rom that let you make your own calendars, stationary, and design other paper products.
  • Fashion Designer Barbie– Her name was Ashley, after my best friend, and she created cool, comfortable, and stunning clothes.
  • Pilot BarbieSpring was the pilot of Barbie Air and went all over the world. Once her plane even crashed and we needed to solve a mystery of who sabotaged the plane and killed a passenger.
  • Totally Yoyo Skipper-I can’t remember what I called her, but she was the Yoyo champion of the world. That is until she was in a car accident and lost her hand (we got a new dog who ate it). Even though she faced tragedy, she never gave up but figured out a way to continue her dream.
  • Cool Blue Barbie and Extreme Green Skipper– I think it was because they wore overalls, but I had the Barbie, who’s name was Julie, and her daughter, Janey, own their own contracting company. They would paint houses, fix any hardware issues, and were basically mechanics (even though that doesn’t fall under contracting. Hey I was a little girl-I didn’t know.)
  • Birthday Party Barbie– Brittany was a party planner, birthdays being her specialty. As her lips were permanently fixed in that expression, she was also a part time lip model.
  • Kitty Fun– Kathryn, (named after another best friend) was a teenage cat trainer.
  • Glam ‘n Groom Barbie Teresa– I received these two for my birthday one year. This was my first Teresa doll so she stayed with that name, while Barbie was Katrina. The two had an animal grooming business and had gone to school in Paris (because of the ruffles and tutu clothes.) I was heartbroken when my friend’s sister broke my Teresa doll. After her death, Katrina kept up the business, hiring Kathryn to help out.
  • Jewel Teresa My friend’s mom bought me a new Teresa to replace the one broken. I LOVED this Teresa as to me this Teresa looked like me. Teresa was Latino, like me, and had dark hair with lighter skin-like me. It was wonderful having something like that after being bullied by others for not “looking Mexican enough”. This became my favorite doll of all.
  • Generation Girl Barbie– Her name was Gina and she wanted to be a director. She wrote and filmed her own movies; sometimes acting as well.
  • Generation Girl: Dance Party Barbie– Sister of Gina, named Gia, she wanted to be a photographer for National Geographic, Vogue, or Life Magazine. Until then, she would photograph still lifes, her family, friends, and worked on the school yearbook.
  • Generation Girl Tori– Tori was the national skateboard champion, and roller skated for fun. She was also a track star and excelled at all sports.
  • Secret Messages Barbie: Leah was a teen who loved mysteries and spy stories. She wanted to be a writer or FBI agent.
  • Sleeping Beauty Barbie– I fangirled so hard after watching the commercial for this doll. I loved Sleeping Beauty but there was nothing, no merch at all. Every year my Grandma used to give us $25 dollars for Christmas, which was a lot for pastor’s kids who never received allowance. I knew it was coming and begged and begged my mom to let me open it early and buy this doll. No dice. As soon as I opened the envelope on Christmas I constantly nagged my mom to take me to the store and buy it, but the answer was no again. The next day I woke up at the crack of dawn and continued to beg her to take me to the store. She agreed and we went to Walmart. I still remember running through the store, my mom tailing after me as I’m searching for the doll-of which there were only three on the shelf, grabbing it and trying to run to a cashier. After that I could not stop playing with it, and even had it sleep by my pillow.
  • Beyond Pink-This was the only Barbie I called Barbie as that was also her stage name. International Rock Star, singer, songwriter, lead guitarist, and grammy winning star. I remember being so jazzed about this as it came with the cassette Think Pink. I think I annoyed everyone in my family playing this over and over again.
  • Twirlin’ Makeup BarbieBrenda, the beautician and owned her own salon.
  • The Front Window Barbie– Collector’s Barbie and one my mom gave me when she knew I was old enough to understand this wasn’t for playing with. I named her Susan after Susan B. Antony, my hero.

I had a lot more, but if I keep going-I’ll be writing all night and the next day. My Barbies solved crimes, went camping, took trips around the world, got stranded on an island, reenacted all kinds of movies, were spies, superheroes, stumbled onto smugglers, were pirates, and more.

For someone growing up and the world saying you are limited in your choices, it was great having someone telling-you can be anything you want to be.

Happy 60th Barbie, Here’s to 60 More!

For more Barbie, go to I Made You A Bummed Out Box: Gone Glitter Part I, Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (2012)

For more anniversaries, go to Maybe Christmas, He Thought, Doesn’t Come from a Store. Maybe Christmas…Perhaps…Means a Little Bit More: How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Nowhere to Hyde: Scooby-Doo Where Are You? (1970)

I have always been a gigantic Scooby-Doo fan. I used to watch Scooby-Doo Where Are You?13 Ghosts of Scooby-DooA Pup Named Scooby-DooThe New Scooby-Doo Movies (in which Scooby-Doo meets the Harlarm Globetrotters, Cher, Sonny Bono, Batman, Robin, Josie & the Pussycats, etc.), The New Scooby-Doo, What’s New Scooby-Doo.

My favorite of course was Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?. I used to watch the show all the time and had four birthday parties be Scooby-Doo themed. I had a huge collection of Scooby-Doo toys, from my own mystery machine and multiple Scooby-Doos; to a clock, clothes, books, and almost anything else you can think of.

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One of my favorite episodes is Nowhere to Hyde the first episode of the second season.

So the gang is hanging out at the Malt Shop, just relaxing. Meanwhile, a mysterious green ghost climbs the walls of the jewelry shop stealing a rare necklace from the Movart Collection of Rare Jewels. To escape the police, he hides in the Mystery Machine.

The teens head out in their van, who’s heater is currently not working. When they ask Scooby-Doo to give them their blanket in the back he discovers the hidden Hyde.

They all don’t believe Scooby-Doo at first, but when they see him they burst out of the van and go running.

They hide and watch him take off into the marshes. When they follow him they track him to an old dilapidated mansion. They go to the door and fall through a trapdoor into the basement-a science lab.

They encounter Dr. Jekyll who is the great-grandson of the Dr. Jekyll. He too tried some experiments, tested it on himself, and became Dr. Hyde. He is worried it might be happening again. Such a trustworthy, weary sounding Doctor. He reversed it, but is afraid it might be happening again-he might be becoming Hyde again.

The gang splits up to search for “Hyde”.

Scooby-Doo amd Shaggy head up to the attic and they find a spider web, bats, and a costume. It falls on Scooby-Doo who scares Shaggy. They think Hyde is after them-but realize it is just a costume.

Then the weirdest thing happens, Helga the housekeeper interrupts them and doesn’t even care. Why are the teens here? Why are they in the attic? She just yells at them for making it a mess and keeps on cleaning.

Meanwhile, the others are searching and find a newspaper article about how Helga used to be a famous trapeze artist-gee I wonder how she ended up here.

Scooby and Shaggy run into the library and are looking at some books and discover Hyde in the library.

They run and do a great bit pretending they are on TV, when the set is broken.

This doesn’t fool Hyde for long and they are running again, taking Velma with them down a laundry chute to the basement. There they find a feather duster like the one Helga had and decide to head to Helga’s room.

Hmmm….

There they find a can of phosphorous paint and a bottle of knockout drops. Shaggy discovers something and tries to tell them, but is taken by Hyde.

After they rescue Shaggy, he reveals he found four suction cups.

They set a trap and catch the crook. And it is….

Dr. Jekyll

Yes it seems as if he is nowhere as intelligent as his great-grandfather and his experiments created nothing. Instead he sought to make up by stealing jewelry. When he knew he was going to be found out he tried to frame Helga.

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to Ever Heard of the Tommyknockers?: The Tommyknockers (1993)

For more Scooby-Doo, go to A Dog’s Life: Chinese New Year

For more Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, go to Man-Bat: On Leather Wings, Batman the Animated Series (1992)

For more on thieves, go to The Curious Case and Crime of Jane Leigh-Perrot

A Dog’s Life: Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year goes from February 16-March 17 this year. Because the 17 is also Saint Patrick’s Day, I decided that I would post 8 of my favorite fictional dogs and 7 Irish heroes, posting both on the same day.

Alright!

Years of the Dogs are 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018, and 2030. Some qualities of Dogs are loyal, honest, kind, cautious and prudent.  Dogs will do everything for the person who they think is most important. Dogs are not good at communication and it is difficult for them to convey their thoughts to others-often they seem to be stubborn. Dogs have good natures, are always ready to help others, and tend to be sarcastic.

Dogs are best with rabbits, but also compatible with rat, tiger, monkey, and pig.

So now onto the countdown.

8) Ambrosius from Labyrinth (1986)

Sarah accidentally wishes her little brother to be taken by the Goblin King. She has to go after him and complete a series of tasks to win him back before Midnight or else he is lost forever.

***Ambrosius***

An adorable sheepdog who is a strong, cute, and noble steed for his rider, Sir Didymus.

For more on Labyrinth, go to Changes, Turn and Face the Strange

7) Pooka from Anastasia (1997)

Anastasia is a fictional story based on the real life Romanov missing princess. In this story, Anastasia loses her memory during the rebellion, and is put into an orphanage where she is given the name Anya, and is released on her 18 birthday. She adopts a stray pup and meets two conmen, Dimitri and Vladimir, who try to dress her up as the lost princess to fool the Dowager Empress. Meanwhile, the evil Rasputin is trying to kill Anya and destroy every shred of the Romanov family.

***Pooka***

Pooka is an adorable little pup that becomes Anya’s friend and family member when she has no one. As Rasputin and his minions try to attack her, he does all he can to protect his girl.

For more on Anastasia, go to I’ll Always Be There When You Need Me: Anastasia (1997)

 

6) Asta from The Thin Man (1934)

Nick Charles is retired famous police detective, having left that life behind when he married the wealthy socialite and heiress, Nora. But it is hard to stay out of the game as cops, criminals, and old friends are always trying to bring him back in.

***Asta***

Asta is an adorable police pup that helps out his masters with protecting them and providing some fun comedic moments.

5) Toto from The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Dorothy Gale is a young girl in grey Kansas. She lives with her aunt and uncle on their farm, along with the farmhands. When their mean neighbor takes Dorothy’s dog away for snapping at her; Dorothy decides to grab her dog and run away. She gets caught up in a twister and ends up in the land of Oz. She ends up on a journey to find the Wizard to get home; pairing up with a Scarecrow, a Tin Man, a Cowardly Lion; and chased by the Wicked Witch of the West.

***Toto***

Toto is the best friend a gal could have. He protects Dorothy in everything-man neighbors, witches, and even against a lion. He keeps her company, he makes her life, and is just plain adorable.

For more on The Wizard of Oz, go to There’s a Cyclone Coming: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

4) Snoopy from Peanuts

Peanuts  is the story of a group of kids that are more adult than kids. Charlie Brown is often depressed and struggles with life, Linus philosophizes but still carries his security blanket, Lucy is bossy, mean, and a psychiatrist for a nickel, Charlie’s dog Snoopy who writes novels, imagines himself as a WWI flying ace, and more.

***Snoopy***

Snoopy is a cute, silly, prankster with a great imagination that makes every comic, film, and TV program hilarious.

For more on Peanuts, go to 25 Films of Christmas

3) Bruno from Cinderella (1950)

Cinderella was born wealthy, but after her father died the stepmother took all power away and set her as a servant. She has her animal friends and keeps her positivity. When the Prince has a ball, Cinderella does all she can to go.

***Bruno***

Bruno is an adorable and cute dog that tries to protect the farm and the animals. He hates the cat Lucifer, but tries to follow Cinderella’s commands and is friends and helpful to all. He is loyal to a fault and protects Cinderella as much as he can.

For more on Cinderella, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

2) Scooby-Doo from Scooby-Doo Where Are You & More

I used to watch Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?13 Ghosts of Scooby-DooA Pup Named Scooby-DooThe New Scooby-Doo Movies, The New Scooby-Doo, What’s New Scooby-Doo, Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School, Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf, Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers, Scooby-Doo! in Arabian Nights, Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island, Scooby-Doo and the Alien Invaders, Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase, etc.

Scooby-Doo is about a group of teenage friends who travel throughout the United States, and later the world, solving mysteries and having a great time.

***Scooby-Dooby Doo***

Scooby-Doo was adopted by Shaggy and is “his” dog, but in reality Scooby doesn’t even consider himself a dog as he is so advanced. Scooby can talk, think, and loves to eat. He often steals somebody’s meal, typically Shaggy. Scooby is a total coward, but in the end will come through for his friends, as long as he is given a Scooby snack. He assists Shaggy with the comedy, helping them accidentally foil any plans made by the criminals. He and Shaggy are the only characters to appear in every TV show & film.

For more on Scooby-Doo, go to The Cruel Giggling Ghoul: Teen Titans Go (2016)

1) Wishbone from Wishbone (1995-1998)

The show was about a dog named Wishbone, his master Joe and Joe’s mom (Joe’s dad passed away) along with Joe’s friends Sam and David. In every episode it covered something happening with the characters and related it to a classic novel that Wishbone was reading and would retell. When Wishbone would tell the story, he would always be the main character.

***Wishbone***

Wishbone was absolutely adorable, everyone wanted their own Jack Russell Terrier. Plus he was the best dog as he was kind, caring, loyal, helpful, and just perfectly trained. And most of all, he brought such a strong love of reading and reading the classics. After this show I read almost every book he mentioned, the children’s version of course.

For more on Wishbone, go to To Fandom With Love

For the 2017 Chinese New Year, go to Nobody calls me Chicken: Chinese New Year

For the 2016 post, go to A Little Monkey Business: Chinese New Year

For the 2015 post, go to Well I Feel Sheepish: Chinese New Year

For the 2014 post, go to A Horse’s Tale: Chinese New Year

For the 2013 list, go to Snakes on a Post: Chinese New Year

 

The Cruel Giggling Ghoul: Teen Titans Go (2016)

So you know what that means: Horror TV episodes Tuesday

I know this is a little odd, TV episodes on a Tuesday instead of Friday as I’ve been doing for the past few years?

Help me! I’m confused!

Well this year I decided to do something special for Friday the 13th, which means I can’t put my reviews of TV shows on Friday.

So instead we will be reviewing TV episodes on Tuesdays, TV Tuesdays.

Now I HATE Teen Titans Go.

I grew up watching the original Teen Titans and it was hilarious, fun, serious, dramatic, etc. Simply amazing! In this one they don’t even fight crime!!!

Huh?

Superheroes who don’t fight crime????!!!!!!!!

Yeah it is about them doing mundane “normal” people things or redoing movies/TV shows.

And none of the episodes really go together in a sequence.

I don’t usually care for it, but this particular episode was pretty funny.

So the gang: Robin, Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy, and Cyborg are headed to a nearby amusement park to see Lebron James perform. Right away I notice Beast Boy shapeshifting into a dog and Raven wearing something she doesn’t typically have on.

There are five in the group-two girls, two boys, and an animal (Beast Boy). It is clear what they are parodying:

Yes the gang of superheroes have come to the amusement park only to see it empty of customers. There is a giggling two-headed ghoul, who is awfully reminiscent of the Creeper:

It is really silly. You have the cameo of the famous celebrity, Lebron James, and him popping up everywhere dribbling. Which reminds me of the Harlem Globetrotters episode.

Robin gets to be Fred going off with Starfire (Daphne) and Raven (Velma).

And then Cyborg and Beast Boy do all the silly dress-up, out maneuvering, eating, etc that Shaggy and Scooby-Doo would do.

Yep it gave you all the stuff you loved of the original, poking fun at it in a good way. And who does it turns out to be? You have to watch and find out.

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

For more on Scooby-Doo, go to To Kill a Fangirl

For more superheroes, go to I Always Knew and I Didn’t Care: Usual Suspects, Young Justice (2012)

For more parodies, go to I Don’t Want to Be a Vampire. I’m a Day Person: Once Bitten (1985)

For more TV episodes, go to The Hash-Slinging Slasher: Graveyard Shift, Spongebob Squarepants (2002)

How To Survive A Horror Film

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With Halloween approaching and the number of Horror films increasing, I thought it would be a good time to write a post on how to survive a horror film, just in case you happen upon this situation 😉 . Most of us have heard of the “Randy Rules” in Scream (1996), but in this we are going to look a bit more in depth in how to successfully survive a horror film.

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1) Do Not Try Out Witchcraft, Ouija Boards, or any of the Occult for “Fun.” You Will Be Messing with Forces You Have No Control Over

It is never good to mess with the occult, play around with witchcraft, or use the ouija board. When you do such things you are opening a door to a lot of stuff you don’t want to mess with. Often you open yourself or others to demon possession or evil spirits. It is best to just stay far away from such things.

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2) Do Not Make Deals With the Devil, Demons, or Other Supernatural Beings

Never, ever make a deal with the devil. It is like trying to mess with the occult or witchcraft, you are opening yourself up to serious trouble, and the devil will not like to loose his quarry. Besides, the deals/wishes you make never turn out exactly as you hope.

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3) Anything and Everything Can be a Weapon

One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are surrounded by potential weapons and don’t use them. I mean look at Scream (1996), when Tatum is in the garage and attacked by Ghostface, she tries to squeeze herself through a tiny hole to escape rather then use something, anything in the garage. I mean she is in a GARAGE!!! There are hundreds of potential weapons! USE THEM!!! That is one example, but seriously, use anything and everything.

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4) Don’t Stop Assaulting Your Attacker Until You are Sure They Are Not Going to Get Up

Now this is huge. In horror movies, if the person is able to outwit the killer and knock them out, they usually just leave it at that and take off. DON’T! You knock that sucker out until you are sure they are no longer going to try to injure you. Break their legs if necessary. Because if you don’t, they are just going to recover and come after you.

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5) If Someone Gives You a Protective Charm Do Not Give It Away

I have mentioned this in Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932), The Wolf Man (1941), Scream 2 (1997), and many more. If someone gives you some kind of charm that is supposed to help you and only work for you, DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY!!!! It will only work FOR YOU!!!! That is why it was given TO YOU!! And if you give it away you are just going to get yourself and the person you were trying to help in serious trouble. Keep it and protect yourself so that you can actually help others, instead of accidentally killing them.

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6) Sex = Death

As Randy says in Scream, Sex = Death. Never overlook the purity angle, it is like a protective charm. If you don’t do it, you are less likely to die.

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7) Doctors are Almost Always Evil

Sometimes Doctors can be good people, but if you are in a horror film, forget it; they are usually evil. Such as Dr. Hartz from The Lady Vanishes (1938), he seems kindly and trying to help, but in reality just wants the main character to think they are going crazy! Same thing in Dr. Hollingshead from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947). Then you have doctors who commit horrible things in the name of science; like We have Dr. Frankenstein (from any Frankenstein film) who tries to create life and can’t control his monster. Or  there is Dr. Arthur Carrington from The Thing From Another World (1951), who almost kills everyone as he doesn’t care about human life but scientific discovery is what matters. Not to mention Dr. Alfred Brandon from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), who experiments on teenage boy. And lets not forget Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who eats people. I could go on, but there are too many examples to choose from.

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8) Do Not Spend the Night in an Abandoned or Haunted House, Psychiatric Hospital, or Carnival

I mean seriously. Just do not go there. Nothing good will ever, ever, ever come of it! I mean look at The Uninvited (1944), House on Haunted Hill (1959), House on Haunted Hill (1999), The Hunting (1963), The Haunting (1999), etc. I could go on and on, but let’s continue with our list.

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9) If There is a Curse on Something Do Not Touch It

I know curses, many laugh at them; but of you are in a horror film and you see something that says it is cursed DON’T TOUCH IT! It is better to live another day then to have yourself face all kinds of horrors.

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10) Do Not Drink Any Potions or Test An Experiment On Yourself

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER test a potion or try an experiment on yourself. It always ends badly! I mean you have Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Fly, Batman’s Man-Bat he had to fight, even Goosebumps did an episode where the dad ended up creating a plant clone of himself. I know many don’t like animal testing or get under the stress of trying to accomplish something; but just stop! Don’t test yourself or else something bad will be created.

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11) If There is a Murderer Running Around, Do Not Go Out and Party

This drives me crazy! A murderer is running around killing people and people decide to: 1) not take any precautions; 2) go about their lives like nothing is different; and 3) party. If there is a murderer running around, yes it is good to be in a group (rule 12 & 17) but you shouldn’t be out partying, drinking (rule 13) or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

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12) Never Split Up

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NEVER, EVER, EVER go anywhere by yourself. There is power in numbers! As a group you could take a killer down, versus as a couple or single. When you split up, all you do us make it easier for someone to kill you.

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13) Do Not Do Drugs or Drink

While some of you might enjoy that type of thing it is never a good idea in a horror film. Anytime you try something that will keep you from thinking clearly, you are in serious trouble as you are likely to make bad decisions that will lead to your death. It is better to just say no.

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14) Always Call the Police

If you are being attacked, threatened, harassed, etc.; call the police. Don’t try and take care of it yourself, don’t try to investigate, call FOR BACKUP! That’s their job!!! They have guns and can make an arrest!

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15) Never Say “I’ll Be Right Back”

Unlike the Terminator here, you won’t be back. Uttering these words is signing a death warrant, as soon as they leave your lips you become next on the killer/creature’s hit list.

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16) Never Say “Who’s There?”

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Never say “who’s there”. If the person was a friend, they wouldn’t be skulking around your house in the first place, trying to scare you. Instead they would knock, ring the doorbell, or call out to you. The only type of person who would be creeping in your house is one who intends on harming you. And if you call out “who’s there”, you’re just helping them find and kill you faster.

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17) Do Not Go Out to Investigate a Strange Noise

When you hear something strange outside, do not go out and look into it. You should wait for assistance or call in the police. If you try looking yourself, you are going to end up in a trap set by a monster, psychopath, murderer, etc. Besides, why unlock the door or turn off the alarm; allowing whatever is watching you the opportunity to come in and attack? Just stay inside snug like a bug.

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18) Do Not Use the Bathroom

Have you ever though of how vulnerable you are in the bathroom? Most have no windows to flee from or they aren’t the most accessible. Some do, but for most the only easy way out is the door, which is where most attackers will come through. Plus the reason you would be in the bathroom; shower or toilet, you won’t have any weapons to help you and it would be extremely easy to kill you. If you are in a horror film, just hold it or stay stinky. You are more likely to live that way.

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19) Never Go Off By Yourself

Like I said before, the less people around you, the easier you are to kill. If you go off on your own to investigate, look around, run away; you are just putting a giant target on your back. Stay together, it is safer.

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20) Always Look Behind You and Above You

Always take a 360 degree look around you. They may be behind, they may be in front, they may even be above you. Search every angle!!!

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21) Be Nice, A Person Scorned or Mistreated Can Do Horror-ble Things

In horror movies, there are lots of people who have been bullied so much and hurt by others they end up becoming homicidal maniacs. And who do they tend to attack first? The last person to hurt them. Look at The Phantom of the Opera (any version), Carrie (1976), Hangman’s Curse (2003), Heathers (1985), etc. So if you don’t want to end up being first on the hit list be kind to those you meet.

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22) If You Are a Girl Or Not White, Be Extra Cautious

Psychopaths and monsters love to kill/eat women and minorities. Because of this if you are either, or both; take extra steps to protect yourself. Be like Ben in Night of the Living Dead.

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23) Don’t Trust Anyone, They Are All Suspects

People can tell you all kinds of things, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t trust anyone. And I mean ANYONE!

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24) Never Judge a Book By its Cover

Never judge a book by its cover. Someone who seems sweet, innocent, impossible to commit cruel acts, etc; could secretly have evil intentions lurking under the adorable facade. Always be watchful and once again, trust NO ONE!

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25) Children can Be Evil too, Never Rule Them Out

When trying to figure out who the murderer is, never overlook kids. I mean sure some will be obvious in their creepiness, such as the one pictured above, but there are many who look innocent and sweet but are actually evil. Don’t be fooled!

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26) Never Try to Create Life

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER try to create Life. It just does not go the way you plan. You can’t control the beasts you create and they just run amuck everywhere. I mean look at FrankensteinBride of Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Alien: Resurrection, the list goes on but I’ll stop here.

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27) Never Try to Control a Monster

In any horror film, whenever they create  life they always think they have complete control over it. Well, that never works out. You see, just because you made it doesn’t mean it will listen to you; every parent knows that. And more often than not, those creations will try and kill you.

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28) If Someone Tries to Make a Deal with You to Kill Someone, Do Not Think it is a Joke

Joking around with the idea of murder might be something you would do with a friend, but be careful, you never know how far they might take it.

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29) Listen to Urban Myths, They Tend to be Right

We all like to hear scary stories around a campfire and about areas. But if you are in a horror film, play very close attention as more often than not, the myths and legends turn out to be true or someone is copying them and making them true. It is always good to pay attention and know the details, it just might save your life.

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30) Never Think You Have Destroyed a Monster, They Always Find a Way to Come Back

You try to kill them and you think you do, but they always come back. Always make sure you keep an eye out for the sequel and their return.

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31) Don’t Be an Idiot

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Be smart! Don’t be stupid and do stupid things. Use your common sense! Bimbos and Mimbos are almost always the first to die.

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So there we are, 31 tips to help you survive a horror film. I hope they help you survive October.

This post is brought to you by a

horrornerd

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

Keep tuned for more horror film reviews!