Someone is Killing By Copying Old Murders!: Real Murders

Day 11) K is for Killer: Choose a book with a murderer

realmurders

Real Murders (Aurora Teagarden Mysteries #1) by Charlaine Harris

So you all know how much I love book sales.

bjksale

Part of the fun is the mystery that you never know what you are going to find at a sale.

IndianaJonesHmmMaybe

So one book sale I went to, it was the last day and they were trying to unload everything. It was a dollar a bag so I filled mine up with anything I found that sparked my interest.

neverwentwithoutabookandalwayspickedupmorevictorhugo

I can’t help it, it is an addiction.

BkHoarder

This one struck my eye as it was a mystery, involved a serial killer, and copying “real murders”.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

This was during my “I want to be a behavioral psychologist” phase, before Criminal Minds came out, and I would read anything on the subject. So this idea of someone copying real murders seemed like a hit idea to me.

loveitSupernatural

I enjoyed the book so much, that I reader it at least four times a year. The story is great, the characters fun, the mystery just perfect. It is a fantastic read and so engrossing! I just couldn’t put it down.

4inthemorningreadchapterscan'tstopreading

I was shocked when I discovered that this was the same Harris that wrote the Sookie Stackhouse Mysteries. I never would have made that connection as this isn’t as sex generated or full of supernatural characters.

Wow

Wow

And with Hallmark turning this book into a film, one that I can review for Horrorfest if I desire, what better time to choose to review this book?

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Aurora “Roe” Teagarden is in her late twenties and lives a pretty quiet life in Lawrenceton, Georgia. She works as manager for her mother’s condos and as a librarian.

MusicManLibrary

Her best friend moved away recently, and she isn’t seeing anyone romantically. The only other thing she  is really involved in, is the club Real Murders.

midsomermurdersboardfigureoutwriting

A year ago there was a book signing of a true crime novel and several people from Lawrenceton traveled to the city to attend. When they realized they all shared an interest in true crime they created a group that meets once a month to discuss past crimes, try to figure out unsolved cases, and learn about police work or the criminal mind. Each time they meet a different person has a chance to create a program and share with the group.

Yes!

Yes!

Their group consists of Roe: Jane Engle, retired school librarian and substitute, specializing in Victorian murders, particularly Madeline Smith; LeMaster Cane, African-American and interested in the racial killings of the ’60s and ’70s, especially the Zebra murders and Jones-Piagentini shootings; John Queensland, Roe’s mother’s boyfriend, an expert on Lizzie Borden; Sally Allison, newspaper reporter; Perry Allison, Sally’s son, is not quite all there and shows an unhealthy interest in the Hillside Stranglers and the Green River killer; Gifford Doakes and his friend (boyfriend?) Reynaldo, who likes massacres such as St. Valentine’s Day or the Holocaust; Detective Arthur Smith, interested in studying old crimes and seeing how police worked the case; Bankston Waites and his girlfriend Melanie; Benjamin Greer, guy who has tried everything to “belong”; Gerald Wright and his jealous wife Mamie.

batparty

Tonight is Roe’s night to share and she is covering the Wallace case from the 1930s, where William Herbert Wallace was convicted for killing his wife Julia. She is a little nervous and heads over slightly early. This month Mamie is the opener of the VFW hall they rent, followed by Sally who is in charge of refreshments. When Roe gets there she looks around for the others, but instead receives a phone call asking to speak to Julia Wallace.

dangerous crossingphoneringsscared

Roe cant find Mamie, but runs into Sally. As more people arrive, Roe finds it even odder they haven’t found Mamie in the building.

strange things are afoot at the circle k

Surprisingly Elizabeth Ann “Lizanne” Buckley, the  most beautiful and easily bored woman in town, comes to the meeting and brings Robin Crusoe, mystery writer.

ChristianSlaterHeatherseyebrowshmmooh

Roe can’t brush off Mamie’s disappearance and starts searching the building for her. As she looks, she comes across her dead body.

screamhouseonhauntedhill

Roe goes into shock over seeing her that way, but notices  the similarities between this and the Wallace case. So eerily similar that someone must have copied it and arranged the body.

OMG gasp

Everyone is subjected to long questioning, with Officer Arthur Smith making plans to meet with Roe the next day and get more information on the Wallace case.

The next day comes and Roe is finally able to give the talk she practiced.

Wallace Herbert Wallace was a Liverpool insurance salesman (like Gerald), and married with no children (just like the Wrights). Wallace had a regular schedule for collecting insurance payments from subscribers to his company and he bring the money home on Tuesdays. Wallace played chess and was entered in the tournament at his local club. There was a chart on the wall detailing when each person would play, one anybody could see.

Wallace didn’t have a phone at home and received a message from another member who had taken a call from a “Qualtrough” to meet him at his house the next evening.

Now the call came when Wallace wasn’t at the club so he could have left it himself at a phone booth down the way. H talks about the message with his friends at the club; is he puzzled or just trying to instill the message in other’s minds?

The next night Wallace goes out to meet Qualtrough. Qualtrough left the address Menlove Gardens East, but no such place exists. Wallace asks many people for help, even a policeman. Is he set on getting the new client or is he just trying to create an alibi?

Wallace returns home but his key won’t work. Julia has bolted the front door for some reason and won’t answer any knocks on the door. A couple who lives next door hears him as he heads in the back to get into the house; Wallace and the couple enter the house and see things out of place.

The box where the insurance money is usually held has been rifled. Wallace checks the house and finds his wife in the parlor, a room rarely used. Julia is lying in front of the gas fire with a raincoat under her, and she has been beaten to death brutally, but not raped; just like Mamie.

There was no real case against Wallace, just a lot of circumstantial evidence and pressure to arrest the killer.

Roe is absolutely disgusted with this killer. They killed Mamie not because she was Mamie or they had an issue with her; something that would be partially understood psychologically, but only because she was an insurance salesman’s wife and childless.

you're evil

And who will be next and which criminal will they be following next? Jack the Ripper? Ed Gein? The Blackburn Baby Killer?

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later Roe heads to the store and right into Robin Crusoe. Robin is interested in the case, and wants to know more along with getting away from his disheveled house.

While he is there a package comes to Roe, but it is actually for her mother, Aida Teagarden, and sent by Roe’s father. Roe lets her know and she comes right over.  The package is Mrs. See’s chocolate, her favorite!

Chocolate makes everything better

But it is a bit odd that Roe’s father, Aida’s ex, would send her chocolate; and even stranger that it took six days to get from the city, an hour away.

weirdtwilightzone

Aida opens up the container and picks up a caramel filled one, when Roe notices that there is a puncture underneath.

OMG gasp

She stops her mom and they look at all the cream filled ones. They all have punctures.

suspicious Hmm

Arthur and his partner, Lynn Ligget, come to question the group about the event and later it is revealed that the chocolates were poisoned. This murder copies the Botkin Case, as it appears someone is trying to kill all those in the group, or their family, copying real murders.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Aurora calls a meeting of Real Murders to see if they can figure out who the killer might be, who dislikes any of them? But no one is helpful and the group disbands.

justending

Unfortunately that does not stop the killing, as Benjamin Greer’s boss, potential mayoral candidate is killed in the bathtub, the same way as Marat during the French Revolution.

ouch Hermione

Meanwhile, amidst the killings, Roe has struck the interest of Robin and Arthur. Both men she finds very attractive, and who will win out as the series progresses? (For me I like Robin. Arthur is too egotistical and just expects her to go along with him even though he doesn’t really ask her like he should.)

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

But Roe has more on her mind than love, what murder will be copied next and which of her friends will be the next victim?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

I won’t reveal any more as the ending is great. You will definitely have to check this book out for yourself. What a twist!

midsomermurdersbookweapons

The other thing I like about this is that it isn’t gruesome but very intellectual, with all the past true crime that was researched, it is just fascinating to boot.

loveitSupernatural

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

To start the 30 Day Challenge from the beginning, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451

For the previous post, go to Midnight in Austenland

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

For more on Charlaine Harris, go to Life’s A Journey

For more mysteries, go to Your Cases Have Indeed Been of the Greatest Interest to Me: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

For more on serial killers, go to The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

For more Alex Flinn quotes, go to I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

christmas-flowers-banner Today I thought we would go all Southern, as this this book takes place in the South. So we are going to have Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley.

ElvisPresleyDanceDancing

This song was written in 1948 by Billy Hayes and Jay W. Johnson, but didn’t become a popular Christmas Carol until the King recorded it in 1957. What can I say? We love Elvis.

ElvisPresleypandemonium

christmas-flowers-banner

For more on Elvis, go to Fandom Love

For more Christmas Carols, go to I’m the Happiest Girl on Prince Edward Island: Anne of Green Gables

Advertisements

The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

bones

“They say a spirit [the Butcher of Burtonsville High] lives in these woods…He takes over a person and makes him kill.”

This episode is from the fifth season. Booth as recovered from his brain surgery and has feelings for Dr. Brennan He’s not sure if they are real, or because of the story Bones wrote and was reading to him while he was in a coma.

Booth admitted his feelings for Dr. Brennan after they recounted the story of when they first met. But Dr. Brennan didn’t reciprocate.

IDon'tevenknowhowtorespondGilmoreGirls

Angela has thrown off her vows of celibacy, dating Wendall (making Dr. Jack Hodgins jealous) and having a pregnancy scare.

Emmafakesmile

So let’s move on to the review!

halloween banner

The episode starts out with two girls going to the make out spot. They like the Katy Perry song I Kissed a Girl and decide to see if it is accurate. As they reach in for the smooch, a raccoon with a skull stmes running towards sending the skull right at them.

The-Screaming-Skull-1958

Leaving maggots all over her face!

Ew Yuck Gross

Dr. Brennan and Booth get called in to check out the body.

bones-season-5-episode-17-2-1809

Deputy Conway is in shock when she sees Booth. (I’m pretty sure I’d be the same way if I met David Boreanaz.

BonesBoothHotNiceBod

 It turns out that Dr. Brennan actually grew up in the area and went to the local high school. She recognizes Officer Conway right away.

Officer Becky Conway: Have I arrested you before, hon?

Dr. Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan: No. You were my lab partner in Chemistry at Burtonsville High.

Officer Becky Conway: Are you absolutely sure? I have an excellent memory.

Dr. Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan: Positive. Though you are thinner now, which is better for you cardiovascular system. In High School, you were quite overweight, hence the derision from the other students.

Officer Becky Conway: Yeah. I remember you now. The creepy girl.

When they find the rest of the body it brings to mind the town’s urban legend about “the Butcher.”

Officer Becky Conway: “They say a spirit lives in these woods…He takes over a person and makes him kill.”

The legend states that the butcher murders his victims and then barbecues and eats their ribs.

Ew!

Ew!

It was just a story until a girl in their grade was murdered the same way, and found missing ribs.

Dr. Lance Sweets: Now this first victim Sarah Tidwyler was a member of the class of 94?

Special Agent Seeley Booth: And the second victim was killed just before the reunion of the same class that doesn’t sound like a coincidence to me. Cops here agreed to keep everything quiet until we ID the victim and catalog the evidence.

So that’s it, Dr. Brennan and Booth are going undercover. Booth will be Dr. Brennan ‘s husband.

Alright!

Alright, undercover!

Meanwhile, back at the lab Hodgins lets slip to Wendell that Angela thought she was pregnant. It turned out that Angela never told Wendell anything.

clueless mybad oops

Back in Burtonsville, Dr. Brennan can’t wait to introduce Booth to her only friend in high school, the janitor Ray Buxley. He used to find her creatures for her to dissect, talk to her about death, etc. essentially be creepy.

He's creepin' in your windows. He's starin' at your people.

He’s creepin’ in your windows. He’s starin’ at your people.

Booth meets Julie, super popular back in the day, the organizer of the whole reunion; along with Brad, the once golden boy prom king of Burtonsville and married to the former head cheerleader, Evelyn Simms.

They then go see the janitor in his creepy basement/closet

Never a good sign.

Never a good sign.

and he is played by Robert England.

Who?

Who?

Come on, you know. This Robert England:

Freddy Kruger

And just as creepy as him:

knifecutbonescreepyjanitor

Buxley was suspected in the earlier murder, and Booth seems him still as the number one suspect, even though Dr. Brennan doesn’t think there is anything strange about him.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Back at the lab Angela and Wendall meet up to talk about everything and break up like we all know they would. Come on, Angela and Hodgins are MEANT to be.

Twocharacterstogettogether

But enough of that, it is time to get down to forensic business. They are going to try and work on the face when Angela mentions in a video chat with Dr. Brennan that the victim once had a broken jaw. That creates a lightbulb moment for Dr. Brennan and she knows who the victim is.

Dr. Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan: 33. She was 33.

Angela Montenegro: Well, how do you know that?

Dr. Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan: Because I’m the one who broke her jaw… with a tennis racket. This is one of my classmates… Evelyn Simms.

WOW

WOW

Dr. Lance “Sweets” Sweets believes it to be someone at the reunion, after all emotions and resentments can run high at those. They try looking to see if there is anything else and discover that Brad was dating Sarah at the time she was murdered, and married to the recent victim. Very interesting…

suspicious Hmm

The lab has discovered that the weapon was a metal blade, but what is interesting was how uniform the cuts were and the pattern, not to mention the distinct size and angle of the blade. The two have their work cut out for them as it appears the reunion is just hopping with all types of weapons in every blade size.

WOW

WOW

They send pics of everything, and the only thing that comes close would be an ice pick. They ask about Carrie, but Officer Conway is sure that the two were fine. After all, Evelyn gave her the city council contract for her catering business. But then Julie interrupts and reveals that Evelyn and Carrie the caterer were arguing and Evelyn took everything away. Carrie lost her whole business and was ANGRY.

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

That’s a pretty powerful motive, wouldn’t you say?

They question her but it turns out to be nothing. She was in Florida with her parents, the people she is living with as she lost everything.

Not the right one.

Not the right one.

They get a call from Hodgins and al the material found on the body go with stuff you would find in shop class. There they discover Andy making a name plate out of wood for Dr. Brennan, and he also has one there for Evelyn.

Gilmore girls creep

He also was interested in Sarah and believes that all women are interested in him. I know its not him; he’s just obsessive and insane.

completelydelusional

They check around the room and discover bone dust. Evelyn was definitely dismembered in that room.

Gross

Gross

Everything seems to be pointing to Brad; mechanic who knows his way around tools, has a big insurance policy on her, and was with both victims.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

That night they are dancing away at the reunion while waiting for some confirmation on information from the lab. Dr. Brennan is excited beyond words:

Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you’re tearing up.

Dr. Temperance ‘Bones’ Brennan: This is the prom I never got to go to.

aw cry

Instead of balloons, stars are released from the ceiling. Everything is beautiful and magical…but then Dr. Brennan notices something…those stars are a perfect match for the angle of the murder weapon.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

They snap a pic and send it back to the lab. It is a perfect match! They have found the murder weapon, now all is left is to catch the murderer.

Hmm...

Hmm…

Is it Mr. Buxley?

knifecutbonescreepyjanitor

Dr. Brennan goes over to question Buxley about who made the stars. He has figured out that Dr. Brennan isn’t there for the reunion, but is investigating. He tells her that Julie was the one who did it, after all she made every decoration in there.

Ray Buxley: Don’t surprise me, though. One look at her and you can tell she’s off. Them smiley ones, they always give me the willies.

They arrest her and it turns out she is a regular psycho. She and Evelyn made a pact in high school to kill Sarah and share Brad. When Evelyn wouldn’t give him up, she killed her.

Pamela Voorhees: [high voice] Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, Mommy! Don't let her live! [normal voice] Pamela Voorhees: I won't, Jason. I won't!

A great thriller episode with some fun parodies. You should definitely check it out.

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Those Aren’t Men They Are the Living Dead: White Zombie (1932)

halloween banner

For more on Bones, go to You’re Sad So I’m Making This Day Extra Special: The Bikini in the Soup, Bones (2011)

For more creepy janitors, go to Tuesday the 17th: Psych (2009)

For more female serial killers, go to A Matter of Loaf and Death: Wallace and Gromit (2008)

For more David Boreanaz, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

For more Robert England, go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

A Matter of Loaf and Death: Wallace and Gromit (2008)

matterofloafanddeath

So Wallace & Gromit was something that I remember watching a lot growing up. I mean who could forget their silly adventure to the moon to get more cheese in A Grand Day Out? Or when an evil penguin was controlling Wallace and Gromit had to save the day in The Wrong Trousers? They were hilarious and loads of fun.

felix_the_cat_laughing

I also loved Wallace and GromitThe Curse of the Were-Rabbit and watched it on Halloween in theaters the year it came to the big screen.

So imagine my surprise when I found out there was more Wallace & Gromit cartoons! I had no clue until my friend showed them to me, and this was one I found hilarious.

So here we go, A Matter of Loaf & Death!

halloween banner

matterofloafanddeath

So we open up with a baker making some dough for a lovely pastry or bread.

Yum!

Yum!

When he is struck from behind and killed, his chef’s toque blanche; stolen. Now why would someone want to murder a baker?

I wonder what that was all about.

I wonder what that was all about.

So in this episode Wallace & Gromit are bakers. Every time they have a cartoon/film they seem to be doing something different. I guess they like having all the experience?

I-got-this-reaction-gif

There bakery is called Top Bun and doing very well, especially as the recent killings makes 12. The papers are full of the murder.

hitch-blackmail2newspaper

They decide to continue life as normal even though there is a serial killer out there targeting bakers.

As they start making their usual deliveries, they run into the Bake-o-Lite girl, Wallace’s long time crush.

see cute guy look

All I can say is I hope this woman turns out okay, Wallace doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to women. I mean he is like Sam from Supernatural.

Sam Winchester Werewolf

 Her brakes aren’t working and she is heading down a huge hill!

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Wallace and Gromit try to help her, Wallace jumping on her bike as she careens down toward the zoo right to the crocodiles!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily Gromit saves them and the woman’s dog. She introduces herself to her saviors as Piella Bakewell and her dog Fluffles. Wallace is over the moon about meeting his longtime crush, while Gromit checks the brakes. They work just fine.

Suspicious

Suspicious

Wallace asks Piella if she still flys the Bake-O-Lite balloon, but sadly that is no longer a part of Piella’s life.

Harriet-Martin Cry

They say goodbye but Wallace can’t stop thinking about Piella, even making a bread bust of her.

The next thing you know Piella is at their door, asking Wallace to come with her. Sadly Gromit gets left to do all the work, as always.

workhardforthemoney

Wallace and Piella’s romance continues to grow and grow, them even trying to redo the pottery scene in Ghost, with bread dough, but being unable to do it as Piella is too big.

clueless mybad oops

Gromit is tired from picking up the slack and returns to the house one day and finds all his stuff win the garbage, Piella having redecorated the whole entire house. Almost like she is trying to get rid of him!!!

It makes Gromit furious!

totalrecallmachinedestroyargh

Poor Fluffles, Piellas dog is horribly abused. She always shakes and more scared than life itself. She brings Gromit his stuff from garbage, but hurries off when Piella calls.

Getting out of here

Getting out of here

This episode really makes me want some bread to eat. I’d love some right now.

eatinghobbyilovelucy

Piella forget her purse and Wallace wants to return it but it is raining, I guess love only goes so far with some people.

Nope, not him.

He sends Gromit out, poor guy, who finds the door open when he gets there.He decides to do a little snooping and heads up the stairs. There he sees a room that shocks him!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A roomful of mannequins wearing toques and having numbers 1-13 on them.

matterofloafanddeathbaker

The 13th one is missing a toque…

I wonder who that is for.

I wonder who that is for.

He finds her diary with  baker boyfriends all crossed out. All but Wallace!!!! He’s next!!!!

tumblr_dr.jekyllhydemirrorsneakupbehindscareaah!

Gromit quickly hides, but then Piella goes to bed, and Gromit is stuck in the room, in her chandelier, until he can escape.

It's getting worse!

The next day Gromit hurries to give Wallace the diary and show him what is going on, but Wallace is too oblivious. And to make matters worse, Piella is there! OH NO! Wallace and her are engaged to be married!!!! OH NO!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Piella steals the diary back from Gromit and throws it in the fire before Wallace can even see it.

It's time to take this to the next level.

It’s time to take this to the next level.

Gromit studies hard to incorporate cameras and all kinds of surveillance to stop Piella from killing his master.

notaproblemwalktoremember

Gromit has stolen all the knives and potential objects and hid them locked up in a shed. He even is trying to taste taste test Wallace’s food to keep him safe.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

Piella bites herself

Gilmore girls creep

What a FREAK! And then blames it all on Gromit. Why would Wallace believe that? Like he would really just attack her like that instead of making something to boot her out.

Come on!

Come on!

Gromit is then given a muzzle and has to wash every single pot, plate, spoon, fork, etc.

Ugh great gatsby

Poor guy.

Meanwhile, Piella then does what she can to try to kill Wallace but is thwarted by a bag of flour knocking her over.

ouch Hermione

Now I’m not sure if Fluffles did this or if it just happened. I think it was Fluffles.

Piella then freaks out! She screams that she hates bakers, bread, and throws the ring at Wallace’s face.

Victor Moritz: You're crazy! Henry Frankenstein: Crazy, am I? We'll see whether I'm crazy or not.

Victor Moritz: You’re crazy!
Henry Frankenstein: Crazy, am I? We’ll see whether I’m crazy or not.

 

With Piella gone, Gromit is now in Wallace’s good graces. But Piella isn’t gone for long as she returns with a giant box and an apology. But she is without Fluffles.

OMG gasp

What happened to her? Did she kill her?!!!

Piella gives Wallace a cake, probably a bomb. Gromit leaves to investigate what happened to Fluffles. When he gets to the house, he finds out that Piella has created a trap, Fluffles is fine but locked in a closet, so that is where she tosses Gromit as well.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Piella is ecstatic as now she has a complete set.

loafanddeathbakersdozen

But Gromit and Fluffles have escaped in the Bake-O-Lite balloon.

Getting out of here

Getting out of here

Wallace is trying to lit the cake/bomb, but fails at everything without Gromit. Wallace just manages to do it, and Gromit tries to put it out but can’t, Wallace stops Gromit from taking the cake, knocking it on the ground and realizes that it is a bomb.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

Gromit gets the bomb and tries to toss it, but one window has baby ducks and the other nuns with cats! What to do??

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Piella comes in and smacks Gromit with a giant spatula sending him into a huge thing of dough.

ouch Hermione

Piella is angry at all bakers! The reason she is killing them is because she ate too much of their yummy bread, making her far too heavy to be ride the balloon and be the Bake-O-Lite girl.  She is about to smack Wallace and kill him…

Pamela Voorhees: [high voice] Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, Mommy! Don't let her live! [normal voice] Pamela Voorhees: I won't, Jason. I won't!

But he is saved by…Fluffles?

matterofloafanddeathaliens

Yep in an Aliens-like parody dog and master fight, accidentally knocking Wallace out the window into the windmill with the bomb!!!

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

Gromit is still stuck in the dough mixer and unable to lend a hand. But through his will he manages to free himself while Wallace gets back into the house, followed by the bomb! Gromit comes to help while Piella and Fluffles are still locked in a fight. All stop as Wallace is looking for the bomb, it being in his pants!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Piella jumps in the balloon but has forgotten one thing! Her weight.

Fluffles and Gromit work together to get the bomb surrounded by so much dough when it explodes, it does hardly does any damage. Piella flys away, but then starts to go down, right over the zoo and into the crocodiles lair.

ouch Hermione

Gromit invites Fluffles to stay, but she decides to leave. Gromit is heartbroken.

SayanythingHeartPenBrokenheart

Wallace tries to console him, but it doesn’t really help. So they go off to deliver bread when who should be out there but Fluffles! She hasn’t left! She can’t leave as she loves Gromit!

How cute

How cute

I guess that’s what they call Puppy Love!

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to You’re a Detective, Let Me Give You a Tip. Don’t Wave Important Evidence in a Telephone Booth. They Have Glass Windows: Blackmail (1929)

halloween banner

For more female serial killers, go to Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

For more serial killers, go to It Was the Curse. My Curse: The Cheerleader Murders (2016)

It Was the Curse. My Curse: The Cheerleader Murders (2016)

The_Cheerleader_Murders_2016_8060405

“It was the curse. My curse.”

So I was housesitting and dogsitting for a family friend while they went camping, and they asked if I would hang out with their dogs as they just love attention. They told me to help myself to anything to drink and that I could watch TV or movies.

Sounds good to me.

Sounds good to me.

As dogs love attention I would come multiple times a day. And as I don’t have cable anymore I miss watching TCM (Turner Classic Movies) along with Lifetime and Hallmark.

So I was checking out what was on and then decided to look up xfinity’s on demand. I came across this movie’s summary.

Ellie was just your regular cheerleader until her father and sister were murdered. Now she’s investigating, but then two other girls are kidnapped. It seems as if the killer is on to Ellie’s investigation. Will she figure it out before they go after her next?

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

I thought it sounded great. Girl’s father and sister are murdered and she’s hunting down the killer’s in this huge game of cat and mouse?

I'm ready to watch

I’m ready to watch

This film was no where near that at all.

Majorly

Majorly

Instead it was stupid, Ellie was a giant numbskull, and it was extremely obvious who the killer was. I hated it and wished I hadn’t wasted my time.

lord-henry-remind-u-that-ur-getting-old

However, as I already spent about two hours watching, so you guys are going to get my review.

startrekletsgetstarted

As I didn’t really like the film it will be mostly images from other things. Just a quick FYI for you all.

halloween banner

So the film starts off extremely strangely. The girl believes everything that has gone wrong in her life is because of a curse.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Some “curse” of cheerleaders follows her family. First the prom king was killed  when he was with her mom in high school. Then her sister and her boyfriend broke up. He didn’t take it kindly and snuck into the house. Ellie saw him and didn’t say anything due to her shock. He went into the sister’s room and shot her.

OMG gasp

The father hearing the cries came out and was shot as well. The boyfriend then committed suicide.

Under Capricorn Aah oh no ugh

Ellie blames herself for the murders, saying they happened because she is cursed.

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

Now I get blaming yourself (even though it wasn’t her fault. In fact if she had tried to do something she probably would have been killed) but a curse? A curse? Really? Why does she believe it? It makes zero sense, it just doesn’t jell of line up. There is no reason why she would believe she is cursed.

huh

huh

So now it is a year later. The mom and daughter are strangely still living in the same house. I don’t know way they wouldn’t have moved, I sure would’ve.

Getting out of here

Getting out of here

So Ellie is friends with the two most popular girls in school, also cheerleaders, Morgan and Dee. Morgan’s parents are out of town so she’s having a sleepover with Dee and Ellie. Ellie also dates the newest, yet hottest, guy in the school; Nicholas.

hot pretty sexy

They think they are pretty hot.

Meanwhile, there is a guy who is on the fringe of high school social society, Ben. He tries to talk to Morgan but Dee scares the “loser” off.

ChristianSlaterHeathers

Meanwhile, Morgan and the coach seem very friendly, so much that there is a rumor that something might be going on there but Morgan denies it.

Mmhm great gatsby

At the sleepover one of the girls notices a little clay bunny. They ask Morgan where it came from, but Morgan doesn’t know, it just appeared.

weirdtwilightzone

So the sleepover doesn’t end well. Ellie and Dee are trying to find out if Morgan’s rumors with the coach are true. She gets mad and says some remarks to the two girls. Dee strikes back and Ellie gets offended when they say something that triggers her father’s and sister’s death.

HateEverythingthewomen

Ellie leaves and heads home. When she arrives there she finds a clay bunny in her room too.

Gilmore girls creep

The next day Morgan and Dee don’t show up at school. It isn’t weird that they would skip, as neither girl is really an academic like Ellie, but hey would never miss the big day of the pep rally, I mean after all Dee’s the head cheerleader.

Something is not right!

Something is not right!

Ellie decides to drive out to the house to check on the girls, but both are gone! And it looks like a struggle!  She calls the police and they start investigating as to what could have happened.

Hmm...

Hmm…

Ellie goes home where they have the police wait outside just in case. After all, everyone knew she was going to be at the sleepover, she is lucky she left when she did or she would’ve been taken too.

Woah! Close Call!

Woah! Close Call!

Now I don’t understand why she thinks there is a “curse” that affects her. I mean she is pretty lucky. Here she wasn’t kidnapped, and later  she does some real stupid things but makes it out okay. If anything she should think she is a “blessed” person.

MeanGirls I know right!

Anyways, so she is at home while her boyfriend pulls a Billy from Scream and sneaks in through the window instead of going through the front door.

Billy-From-Scream-scream-1804906-547-342

Now immediately I think, “hey, he’s new in town, this never happened before they moved here, and he gives off mega Billy vibes.” He is definitely in the equation.

MeanGirls I know right!

So they end up finding Morgan’s body out of town in a ravine. It matches up with some other deaths that have happened all over the country, and is clearly the work of a serial killer. The FBI are called in and are very interested in Ellie.

suspicious Hmm

But why would they think that Ellie is involved? There is zero evidence and no reason why she would do such a thing.

come on

The FBI find a clay bunny in Dee’s room as well. Could it be left by the killer?

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

Ellie then receives a threatening note at school and decides to tell NO ONE ABOUT IT!!

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

What the HECK?!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?! So stupid! TELL the POLICE!!!

Every time!

And this makes no sense at the end. How did the…whoa getting a head of myself.

So Ben has been questioned by the police and acting up, yelling, being mean, etc. Ellie becomes suspicious of Ben and decides to investigate.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

And DOES THE STUPIDEST THING EVER!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING GOING TO THE HOUSE OF A PERSON YOU THINK IS A KIDNAPPER AND MURDERER?

doyouwanttodie

There, at Ben’s house, Ellie finds a bunch of clay bunnies. She freaks out, and then Ben come home with his drugged up mother. He says that he did leave the bunnies, but only because he wanted to be friends with them.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Well then why you creeping around? I mean I know that he didn’t feel he could approach them one on one in school, as they might be cruel or laugh in his face. But come on man, did you really think that by breaking into their house you would become besties with them?

stupidestThingeverheard

Ben gets arrested, of course, but I know it’s not him. 1) He doesn’t seem like a killer, just a misunderstood boy looking for the love he is not getting from an abusive mother. 2) Its too easy. 3) There is a whole lot more left to the film.

Nope, not him.

Nope, not him.

Now Ben, I feel bad for you but you are going about this all in the completely WRONG way. First, stop skulking about the halls, no one likes a skulker. Second, stop being so mean and grouchy. Everyone likes a brooder but not someone who yells all the time. “10942424_357159407813870_3439160684594339232_n

So Ellie gets more threats, but these through her text messages. She still choses to not discuss it with the police.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

She’s also not even freaked out that crazy kidnapper and murderer, nay serial killer is after her. She’s just like no big deal.

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

So she is not at all questioning her boyfriend or his father’s weird behavior. I mean she barely knows them, they just moved here, none of this happened before they came.

It is totally one of them and I'm leaning toward the dad.

It is totally one of them and I’m leaning toward the dad.

Ellie decides to head out to where Morgan was found and the little altar/memorial they made for her but does the stupidest thing in the world.

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

First, she was supposed to go with her mom but tells her she can’t because Nicholas and her are going together. Then Nicholas offers to go with her but she turns him down as she wants to go BY HERSELF TO TRY AND CATCH THE KILLER!!! Can you believe that? How stupid! Did you just forget that you’ve been threatened twice already?

You are just asking to be killed.

You are just asking to be killed.

So I’m like please take a weapon or something with you, and does she? NO! BECAUSE SHE IS A BIG, FAT, STUPIDHEAD. Jeez, I try not to judge but you are really encompassing that stereotype of dumb cheerleader because you are so dumb!!!

My dream ending is that Ben will comes to Ellie’s rescue somehow, redeeming him and making everyone love and want to be his friend. That’s how I would end it. Either the dad or boyfriend turns out to be the psycho and Ben has to help her.

Scream 2 geek get the girl

But back to the film. As soon as Ellie gets to the memorial, everyone just disappears! Why?

2013-11-27-bradpitt friends ugh slap face stupid

Morgan’s dad comes depressed, sad, and acting really creepy. A big red herring is what I think, tossing him in like that as a potential suspect.

You think I'm really going to fall for that?

You think I’m really going to fall for that?

As Ellie is leaving a car kind of attacks her and they go on a chase, but he takes off and Ellie gets no plates or anything.

So Ellie decides to drive up the highway where Morgan was found. So goes up to THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!! YOU ARE JUST ASKING TO BE KILLED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

She finds this house that is all alone and just looks like the ideal murder spot. And what does she do? Call the police? NO OF COURSE NOT. THIS DUNDERHEAD DECIDES TO GO MARCHING IN. Just because you can’t see a car doesn’t mean the killer isn’t there. And what if there is more than one? Eh? You don’t have anything to protect yourself. I mean, seriously.

Look at your life, look at your choices. You are making some really bad ones.

Look at your life, look at your choices. You are making some really bad ones.

So she breaks a window and gets into the house. Now of course this is the murder site, the writer of this flick wasn’t too bright or interesting. But what if this wasn’t the murder house? What if this house belongs to someone and you just wrecked it? You just don’t think do you.

Or do anything

Or do anything

This girl is so dumb, she deserves to die. Now I’m not usually that callous, but seriously the way she is acting. She’s asking to be a victim.

victimallyourlife

So Ellie hears a noise and heads down into the basement. There she finds Dee chained up, starved, and abused. Ellie gets her free and expects her friend to take off with her, but Dee is in too much of shock. She can barely move. If only Ellie had not forgotten to bring her phone.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Yes this entire movie Ellie has her phone permanently in her pocket, but then this one time she cold really use it, she left it in her car.

ugh

Then the killer returns. This part as actually interesting as the girls have to play a type of cat and mouse trying to flee from their attacker. Now this guy is fast, really fast like a football player. Hmm…just like her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s dad…

suspicious Hmm

The killer is wearing a mask so they can’t see who it is. As they are running, Dee of course falls as she barely has control over her body after being bound for so long. The killer gets her as Ellie continues to run to the car and eventually has to go before she too is killed.

Told you so!

Told you so!

Again she blames the curse but this is on you. Too bad you didn’t bring a friend with you. Or your phone.

So later Ellie is an artist and draws the car that she saw trying to drive her off the road. Nicholas comes over to cheer her up when he looks at the sketch and freaks out:

Nicholas: [Worried] It’s happening again.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

The dad is the killer, he just has to be the one!

Then we have Ellie who is completely convinced she is cursed and everything is her fault.

Blah, blah

Blah, blah

Again with that? Really. I mean a five year old would believe that but you are almost an adult and you think a “curse” is to blame?

.

Anyways we have this weird and crazy flashback. This happens periodically throughout the film but have no reason. They don’t add anything to the story and they are just dumb.

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

Ellie then gets a creepy message about how she can’t save the other? Others who? cheerleaders? I mean, come on. If you are going to threaten someone be clear.

So Ellie starts talking to her mom about the curse and the mom is actually pretty bright and decides to send her to the grandma in Sacramento.

It is extremely rare in this film.

It is extremely rare in this film.

Ellie is mad and decides to go see Nicholas to tell him good-bye. Nicholas isn’t home so the dad lets her go up to his room to wait for him. Nicholas’ room is really weird. He has a bunch of pics of himself, nothing with friends or anyone, just him. Weird.

Gilmore girls creep

Nicholas finally comes home and says some vague creepy things.

Nicholas: What if things weren’t exactly how you think they are.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

The dad ends up killing his son and goes after Ellie taking her back up to the house. Luckily, the FBI were doing their job and has investigated the house, discovering it belongs to Nic’s dad. One of the FBI saves Ellie.

The film is over!!!

The film is over!!!

But Ellie still doesn’t think she is safe. She is still CURSED. UGH!!!!

stupidestThingeverheard

So yeah. This film was extremely bad.Do yourself a favor and just skip on by it.

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to That Face-I’ve Seen Her Before…: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (1997)

halloween banner

For more cheerleader-horror films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more on curses, go to You Will Die in Seven Days: The Ring (2002)

For more serial killers, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

 For more sucky films, go to Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Horrorfest V: New Blood

Horror Films

So it is once again time for Horrorfest.

horrornerd

So this year marks my fifth time doing Horrorfest. Since it is such a huge marker I wanted to do something different.

Do tell

Do tell…

The past four years I have started off Horrorfest with a classic Horror film, working from the 1960s, Carnival of Souls, to the 1930s, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I thought about doing something from the 1920s, or 70s, or starting back in the 1960s; but none of those seemed right.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

I want this year’s Horrorfest to be different. Unexpected. Unusual.

StarTrekFascinatingSpockinteresting

But full of:

sensationhorrorshock_VincentPrice

So what will we cover?

Hmm...

Hmm…

Let’s see we have Alfred Hitchcock, ghosts, kids with powers beyond their control, murderers, psychopaths, radioactive creatures, robots, serial killers, and more.

horror films

Check back daily to find out more.

HorrorfilmCan'tlookaway

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest I from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World: Carnival of Souls (1962)

To start Horrorfest II from the beginning, go to There Are Many Strange Legends in the Amazon: The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

BuffytheVampireSlayerTed

“Will, I’m not wrong here. Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I’m in the way or something. And Mom’s been totally different since he’s around.

Different, like happy?

Like Stepford.”

So quick background for those who don’t know who Buffy Summers is. Buffy is a strong, independent woman that totally kicks butt slaying demons, monsters, vampires, aliens, bug creatures, etc. She is lead by Giles her Watcher or mentor. He’s the type of guy you’d want as a dad or uncle. One if her best friends is Willow (played by Alison Hannigan) a shy, insecure, brilliant girl who takes care of spells and reversing curses. The other is Xander who is a total goofball. There is also Cordelia, the snooty, rich girl. At first she is Buffy’s nemesis, but she actually ends helping the group out. And lastly, Angel. Angel was a guy living in Ireland in the 19th century. He was turned into a vampire and wrecked havoc on the world. He was cursed by a group of witches in getting his soul back, forcing him to have feelings and a conscious. He turns from his life of killing, to protecting; attempting to atone for his mistakes.

That's a lot!

That’s a lot!

So this episode takes place in season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Short recap: Buffy knows she is the “Slayer” and accepted her role. At the end of last season, she saved the whole world from the Hellmouth. She and Angel are dating, and getting closer and closer. More recently, Cordelia and Xander have put aside their mutal disgust as they have become make-out buddies. Giles let loose a demon when he was younger, and that secret/demon came back out in the open. Spike and Druselia have been causing problems, but the crew think they have gotten rid of them. Now onto the review!

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

So one day Buffy, Xander, and Willow are patrolling the city at night, looking for any Vampires to get rid of. Everything is actually extremely quiet and nice for a change. Maybe it will stay like this for a while?

Spoke too soon

Spoke too soon

So Buffy goes home with her pals, and while she is outside she hears her mother scream and glass break. She pushes the door in, intent to save the day!

I-got-this-reaction-gif

Only to interrupt her mom and a man kissing.

idon'tgotthis

It turns out her mother has been dating a computer salesman, Ted, for quite a while. He came over tonight to cook mini pizzas for Buffy and her. The others of course join them.

Buffy is not happy at all as she does not like her mom dating again. In fact in a lot of ways they reverse roles, as she is scolding her secrecy.

I don't like it 11

Her friends however, love Ted. It turns out he is an amazing cook.

I love Pizza

Now the guy they choose for Ted is John Ritter. You know the sweet, funny guy from Three’s Company? The lovable, over-protective dad from 8 Simple Rules? And in this he is sweet, a great cook, pleasant, kind, etc. But something is just not right.

IDon'tTrustHimGreatGatsby

It’s weird, he’s like the perfect guy ever, but that’s the problem. It’s almost as if he is tooo perfect. Like he’s hiding something.

suspicious Hmm

Maybe I’m reading too much into it.

The next night Ted comes over again and cooks everyone dinner, along with baking cookies.

cookies

That night Buffy is so angry about how everyone is raving over Ted, she goes out patrolling, this time with Giles. Instead of finishing off Vampires like usual, she beats them to a pulp. She clearly has some issues with Ted dating her mom.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

And you can’t really blame her, it was all kind of sprung on her, I mean her mom didn’t even tell her she has started dating again.

How rude

The next day, Willow and Xander can’t stop talking about Ted. It is driving Buffy crazy, and she is convinced that something with Ted just isn’t right.

 buffyvampireslayerTed

Just as Buffy is talking about her suspicions, guess who shows up? Ted.

Person hate talking

Yep, he’s installing some new computer software for the school. He invites Buffy and her friends to mini-golf with him and Joyce, Buffy’s mom. Buffy doesn’t want to go, but her friends do and cancel their nonexistent plans.

On a side note, Giles and the computer teacher, Jenny, were getting close, but because of his old secret coming back to bite him in the butt, she can’t be around him at the moment.

Sadface Batman

That night Buffy goes to Angel’s place. She has been caring for him after he was badly injured in a previous episode. She complains about everything, but sweet Angel tells her to give Ted a chance. After all, her mother’s is probably been lonely from the divorce.

buffyvampireslayerTed

Buffy agrees and heads home.

At dinner that night, Ted is over once again. He not only made dinner, but went to the guidance counselor about her grades. He keeps going “Dad” on Buffy, even though he’s only known her for a couple of days. This makes Buffy angry, not only because he is overstepping his bounds, but being extremely controlling.

Something is not right!

The crew goes mini-golfing and Buffy isn’t very good at it. She knocks her ball way out in the bushes. Everyone wants to let her have a second chance, but Ted. He keeps insisting that rules are rules and they need to followed.

jerk_alert32

Like just chill, it is just a game.

Ted has convinced everyone that Buffy has to follow the rules like everyone else. She then picks up the ball and tosses it in the hole, yelling to everyone that she got a hole in two.

Double double yay

Ted tells her he saw what she did and gets angry. Buffy just shrugs it off and says that it is a game, making Ted get really mad and threaten her.

buffyvampireslayerTed

That’s it, Ted is a creeper.

Certified Creepo Ribbon

He needs to get very, very, far away.

Buffy tries to tell her friends and her mom about it, but no one will listen to her. In fact after Buffy tells her mom what Ted said, Joyce says “No, honey that’s not true. Ted told me what happened.”

Whattheheck

Yes her mom is taking his word over her own daughter!!!

what what'shappeningSupernatural

And that is what makes this episode scarier than any other one in the show. Because this is something that could really happen. Yeah vampires, ghosts, the swim team turning in fishes, a substitute teacher turning out to be some alien insect, etc.; are all pretty creepy. But this one tops them all because it could actually happen. The fact that someone could treat you cruelly but others nicely, causing no one to believe you is the creepiest. Especially when you know they mean you harm.

keanu Whoa

So Buffy knows that she needs to dig up some serious proof is she is going  get everyone to believe her. She goes to Ted’s work and discovers that he has planned his and Joyce’s wedding for two weeks from today!

This can't be happening

This can’t be happening

She looks over at his desk and sees a picture of her mom. When she looks closer, she realizes that she has seen that picture before. She opens the back, and it turns out to be a picture of her and her mom. Ted took it from the fridge where it was hanging, and folded Buffy out of the picture.

buffyvampireslayerTed

da dum Jaws

Yep, it is clear to see that this is a metaphor for what Ted wants to do. Remove Buffy from the picture.

That night Ted comes over for dinner. When he is praying he talks sweet and kind, but all his words are edged in double meaning. He knows what Buffy did.

Spoke too soon

Buffy asks them is they are planning on getting married. They say they aren’t but ask Buffy’s feelings on the matter. She tells them that it makes her want to kill herself.

ouch Hermione

This earns her a ticket to her room. She leaves out the window and goes patrolling. When she gets back she has a surprise waiting for her.

Ted.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only has he been waiting for her in her room, but he’s been snooping through everything. He found her diary and read it, threatening to tell her mom that she is crazy, and needs psychiatric help for her “Slayer” and “Vampire” delusions; unless she does everything he asks her to do.

Screen shot 2015-06-22 at 6.43.55 AM

Buffy tries to get the diary back and Ted slaps her. The two start fighting, with Buffy’s Slayer abilities causing her to over power him, and him to fall down the stairs. Joyce sees them and checks the body, finding Ted dead.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

You know Joyce is so focused on Ted, she doesn’t even ask why they were fighting. Buffy has been a good kid her whole life, but Joyce just assumes her daughter is a murderer than needs protection, rather than assuming Ted was not as he seemed. Yes, Joyce, bad mother alert.

So they call an ambulance, which takes Ted off to the morgue. Joyce tries to cover everything up, telling the police he fell down the stairs, but Buffy speaks up and tells the truth.

The cops take her downtown and start questioning her.

Being questioned police Annex - Tierney, Gene (Laura)_03

She tells them Ted hit her, and she fought back. The police see no marks on her, [as a Slayer she is fast healer], and are very suspicious but let her go home.

At home things are worse. Her mother won’t talk or look at her. And Buffy has to now deal with the fact that she killed a human, she took a human life. She is not a Slayer or protecter, but a murderer. An accidental one, but still a murder.

Reality Sucks

At school things are not better as everyone stares at her. Willow and Xander try to cheer her up. But nothing seems to help.

Sadface Batman

Buffy goes back home, while Willow, Cordelia, and Xander try to find something on Ted. As they are researching in the library, Xander finds some of Ted’s cookies and eats them. He suddenly becomes completely mellow.

That's weird.

That’s weird.

Willow takes the cookies and runs tests on them, discovering that they were tranquilized. Yep, Ted dosed the cookies so he could control everyone around him.

Then they discover an address for him along with a lot of marriage certificates. Marriage…but no divorce…marriages that go back to the 1950s.

The plot thickens

The plot thickens

Back at Buffy’s house, she is trying to talk to her mom, but Joyce isn’t having anything. Buffy goes up to her room, and finds the window nailed shut. And that’s not all she finds…

buffyvampireslayerted

Ted!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But he was dead!

i'mscared

It turns out that he wasn’t dead, but had to “shut down”. He attacks Buffy and begins strangling her.

OMG

Before he can finish, he hears Joyce and runs downstairs.

Back with the rest of the gang, they find the address, but it looks abandoned. Xander breaks in, and as they are looking, Cordelia notices that the carpet doesn’t match. Moving it aside they find a secret passage that leads to an underground house. As they search inside Xander discovers the best evidence against Ted. His four previous wives’ dead bodies.

OMG

Back at the Summer’s house, Joyce is overwhelmed at seeing Ted alive. He explains that he flatlined, but was brought back. He didn’t come sooner as he “didn’t know who he was.” He tries to talk Joyce into running away with him, but every time he speaks it is all mumbled, almost as if he is short circuiting.

That's weird.

That’s weird.

Ted starts spazing out and Buffy comes down, knocking him out with a frying pan.

tangled_____frying_pan_by_disgrace_angel369-d398z19

Poetic Justice if I do say so myself.

When Buffy does that, we have a major reveal. It turns out that Ted was a cyborg!

buffyvampireslayer2-11p2

They call the police

The next day everything is sorted out and it turns out that the real Ted was dying, back in the 1950s. His wife left him, and he built a robot to be his replacement. The robot went and brought his wife back, imprisoning her until her death. When she died he went searching for “his wife”, choosing another girl who looked just like his first wife, marrying her, and locking her up until she died. This continued up until Joyce.

Oooh creepy!

shiver

It might not be what most would choose as an inaugral episode, but it defintely stuck with me as the creepy factor is super high.

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

halloween banner

For more Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series), go to Heaven on Earth

For more Buffy Summers, go to I’m the Chosen One…And I Choose to Be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more on cyborgs/robots, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

Horrorfest IV: The Curse

HalloweenStartsNow

Sorry, sorry, for the messy posting and the lack of posting. I have just been so excited for Horrorfest and trying to get everything ready in between work and all my other commitments.

So October is upon us, and while:

 

EverydayHalloweenHorrorfanOctober

October is the penultimate.

halloween-wallpaper-large006

So what do I have planned for you this year? Every year has had something extra planned, beyond just reviewing horror film. In Horrorfest (2012), I reviewed what I call the Big Three in remakes & sequels, Friday the 13th (1980), Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)and Halloween (1978)

I see more sequels and remakes coming in the future.

I see more sequels and remakes coming in the future.

The year after that, Horrorfest II: Return of the Terror and Woe, I posted on the odd days of October. I also reviewed all three Jurassic Park films: Jurassic Park, The Lost Worldand Jurassic Park III

It was great

It was great

Then last year, Horrorfest III: The Revenge was the best Horrorfest I have ever done. I was able to get it halfway completed, before October 1st even came around. Last year I did a Werewolf theme: I started with The Wolf Man (1941) and ended with The Wolfman (2010), and making nine out of the thirty-one reviews Werewolf related.

wolf

And I also reviewed all four films in the Scream series: Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3and Scre4m.

Randy Scream

And I reviewed three Alfred Hitchcock films: Shadow of a Doubt (1943), Under Capricorn (1949)and Dial “M” for Murder (1954). Yes, I had to make up for lost time.

AlfredHitchcock

I even finally got around to reviewing a Vincent Price film, Laura (1944)

Laura Interviewing Shelby

So what do I have planned for this year? Well you’ll just have to wait to find out.

HorrorfilmCan'tlookaway

After all:

BetterWhenScared friday the 13th jason voorhes

So stay tuned for 31 days of terror, woe, mystery, murder, monsters, mad scientists, vampires, witches, robots, stalkers, serial killers, and much, much more!

Happy Halloween jack-o-lantern

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World: Carnival of  Souls (1962)

To start Horrorfest II, from the beginning, go to There are Many Strange Creatures in the Amazon: Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

To start Horrorfest III, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

Please Excuse My Dear Fan Lady

LifeofaFangirl

Yep another Fangirl post, chock full of all the things I love. Be sure to check out a few of these as they are awesome and you are sure to enjoy them almost as much as me.

hearts banner

Eureka

eureka-cast-image

Eureka is a show that is The Twilight Zone merged with Twin Peaks. Now I know most of you are probably scratching your heads at those references, but I will be talking about them later in a future post.

I remember when SciFi, or SyFy as it is now called, first brought this show on TV. I thought it was an interesting idea and happy that they set it in Northern California as people always forget that there is a lot more in California than just San Francisco, Los Angeles, and San Diego. I wasn’t into it, but my sister would watch it. It wasn’t until Amazon put it up on Prime that I started watching it and getting into the series.

So U.S. Marshal, Jack Carter, is bringing his daughter home to Los Angeles from who knows where she had run away to. It is late and raining and the two get lost, crashing the car. They walk into the nearby town of Eureka, Oregon (I don’t know why they didn’t just use Eureka, California). With their car messed up, they have to stay in the town a few days and discover that it isn’t any regular area. It is a town full of scientists, giving them a place where they can work and create in privacy. Nearby is the company Global Dynamics that employees most of the scientists, contracting to the military. While they are there, one of the townspeople are creating a time machine that causes a huge rift in time and almost destroys the town. Jack Carter is able to come up with a plan to help over come it, and due to his efforts is promoted from U.S. Marshal to Sheriff of Eureka.

What I like about Eureka is that the Sheriff is very smart but also very much a regular guy. This makes him extremely relatable and also allows him to solve the hard cases, with help, in that he has a different way of viewing things than anyone else. Each episode revolves around a crisis involving an invention, along with giving us clues to a mystery that runs the whole season. It is a very fun and good show and I highly recommend it to anyone into science and mysteries.

hearts banner

Make It or Break It

make_it_or_break_it-show

I started watching this show because I loved the film Stick It and had wished, too late, to be a gymnast. If I could go back in time I think I would try it, whether or not I would compete and try for the Olympics. Anyways, this show is about four girls trying to achieve the dream of Olympic gold, while at the same time dealing with family, friends, and regular teenage girl stuff.

First we have Kaylie Cruz (Josie Loren), who is rich as both her parents used to be famous and are rich. She is secretly dating fellow gymnast Carter, which has to be a secret as dating is not allowed in the gym or by her parents. Carter ends up sleeping with Kaylie’s best friend Lauren, as Kaylie wouldn’t sleep with him. Most of the first season is Carter trying to keep it a secret, Lauren trying to win him, and Kaylie being oblivious. When she finds out she is pissed, but eventually forgives Lauren. Kaylie goes on to win the National Chap and has a better chance at getting the gold. Afterwards, Kaylie feels a lot of pressure as everyone had expected Payson to win, and feel as if Kaylie didn’t deserve her title as Payson was out with a back injury. She constantly feels as if she has to defend herself and her talents. The gym brings on Austin Tucker (Zane Holtz), who I really liked, but Kaylie dislikes. Kaylie also becomes anorexic as the pressures from the gym, her father and mother, her parent’s divorce, and a need to be in control. Now a lot of people made fun of this as abcfamily was trying too hard or something, but I thought this was done very realistically and well in regarding what it is like to be anorexic and how other issues can compound into it. Austin sees what is going on and helps her come to terms with it and seek help. While Kaylie is recuperating, she starts singing and hanging out with Damon. She eventually is ready for worlds, bringing in the gold. The third season sees Kaylie on the team in London, getting ready for the gold and Austin’s girlfriend.

Payson Keeler (Ayla Kell) is from a middle class family that is always struggling to get the money to support their daughter’s dream. Payson is extremely focused on her goals, being the best of all the girls on the team. In the first season Lauren‘s father blackmails their coach, getting rid of him. Sasha Belov is brought in, and Payson is ecstatic as he is one of her idols. When they hear of a party in the area, Payson does not want to go, but ends up coming too as she wants to make sure the other girls stay out of trouble. She has some back problems, but conceals it from everyone. She ends up damaging herself and loses her chance at worlds and messes up her back completely. In the second season she starts a relationship with Nicky Russo, played by Cody Longo. This didn’t go far as he ended up leaving the series. I was sad about this as I LOVED him. I was also sad as every guy Payson started to get with, ended up disappearing shortly after they proclaimed their feelings. Payson was the best as she worked through her trauma and disappointment to try other things, and was brave enough to try an experimental project, restoring her. When she comes back, her body isn’t exactly the same and she finds herself not being able to do the same things, changing to be one on grace. She gets involved with Max, Austin’s friend, and they start dating, but then he left to be the lead guy on Revenge. She goes on making it to London, and meeting a guy there.

Lauren Tanner (Cassie Scerbo) is the rich, spoiled, princess as she is the apple of her dad’s eye and used to getting anything she wants. She wants Carter, and his constant denying her for Kaylie makes her incredibly angry and want him more. Kaylie finds out and is angry, but the two work through their issues and become friends again. A new guy, Max, comes into the gym and is into Payson, but Lauren wants him and bad. She constantly tries to seduce him, not always getting the responses she desires. On one of their dates she gets in a car accident, she’s okay but Max is out of the competition. She eventually focuses on her gymnastics and sees herself setting off for London.

Emily Kmetko (Chelsea Hobbes) is a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. She has a single mother who does nails, and later works as a waitress at a strip club to make ends meet. She also has a younger brother in a wheelchair. She has been trying for years to get into a gym, and eventually scores a scholarship. She faces the most issues out of the girls as she has money she is trying to earn to stay afloat, trying to take care of her brother, and trying to befriend girls who have been friends for years and hate her. Eventually, they all become friends, but it takes quite a while. She meets this guy, Razor at work and kind of likes him; but when he goes out of town, his best friend Damon fills in for him. Damon was the best character, and when the series got weird and too silly, he was the anchor I loved, the reason I watched.

Makeitorbreakit

Yep, he was awesome. He was always there for her, he helped her practice, he got her family to Nationals, he brought Radiohead, when she wanted to wait to have sex he was all for it, when she decided she wanted to be with him and ended up pregnant (the actress was pregnant in real life) he went after to her to help raise the baby. He was awesome and hot…and I love him. 🙂

swoon dreamy

hearts banner

Michael Crichton

History

For me the love of this author began with one book Jurassic Park. You see I have always loved the series, it is one of my all-time favorites, (and you can read a review here). After one of my constant viewings, my mother mentioned it was based on the novel. I decided to start reading his book, buying every one I would find in a book sale. I still have one to go, The Andromeda Strain, but besides that I have read everything he has ever written. I love all his writings as the characters are great, the plot always suspenseful, and I love the melding of science-fiction and technology with horror, history, etc. Almost every book has been turned into a film, but sadly I have yet to view how they all were done. Each one is amazing and I recommend them all.

goodbookDon'twantittoEnd

Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park- In this book, a genetic company has decided to try to bring back dinosaurs. By using frog DNA to fill in the gaps, they have created new versions of the creatures. John Hammond, the head of the company, has asked a group of people to visit and review his island. Ready to review is paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant; paleobotanist, Dr. Ellie Slatter; Ian Malcolm; and Hammond’s two grandchildren. Of course, “life can find a way”, and these creatures do what they want to; causing havoc on the island. This has quite a few differences then the film, with the dinosaurs escaping the island; a pterodactyl fight, more deaths of the group, and no relationship between Dr. Grant and Dr. Slatter. However, I think both are done very well and could watch the movie or read the book again and again.

J-0002_Jurassic_Park_The_Lost_World_quad_movie_poster_l

The Lost World- Now when I first watched the movie, I thought it was okay and denoted it as my least fav in the series. However, after I read the book,  I had to agree that the movie was better. This book was okay, it moves much slower than the original and doesn’t have as many lovable characters. In this book, Hammond reveals that there is a second island of creatures that survived from the previous book. He sends in Malcolm with a crew of people, and two stowaway kids. This isn’t a horrible book, but just pales in comparison to the original.

Timeline- This is one of my mother’s absolute favorite books, and she would constantly talk about how great it was. I decided that this would be the next book that I would read of Crichton, and it was AMAZING! I love this book so much. We have group of graduate students and archeologists, all working in Medieval history. One is focused on architecture, one on technology, one on fighting, etc. They find an amazing discovery, and are immediately swept off to a secret organization that has produced a technology allowing traveling through time, right back to medieval times. The group goes to find a friend sent before, and find that living history is fun, but also incredibly dangerous. The film was also really good, starring Paul Walker and Gerard Butler, the only thing I disliked about it was that in the book each person encountered what they were studying, helping them further their research. In the movie they cut that out, sadly.

Airframe- Just an ordinary day and an ordinary flight from Hong Kong to Denver. That all changes when it crashes with a hundred injured and three killed. What happened to the flight? It’s up to investigators to discover who was at fault; the plane, the airport, or the pilot?

A Case of Need- This was Crichton’s first novel and utilizes his medical training. The book is set in a Boston Medical Center, where a patient receiving surgery is killed. Is it just an accident or murder?

Congo- Deep in the Congo, near the ancient city of Zinj, eight American geologists are brutally and mysteriously murdered. Karen Ross, the project supervisor back in America, watches video feed of the massacre. In San Francisco, primatologist Peter Elliot has been able to teach a gorilla named Amy over 600 signs, finger painting, etc. Lately, Amy has been acting strangely and painting horrible things, that Peter thinks maybe it is time to take her home. A map from the 17th century supposedly leading to Zinj matches up with Amy’s finger paintings exactly. When all three parties intersect, a strange expedition sets out to discover what holds Zinj. This was made into a less than stellar film, of which I will review in Horrorfest IV.

Disclosure- This is an interesting book, although it doesn’t seem like it in the beginning. Thomas Sander has had a bad day. He is passed over for a promotion by an old flame, and his new tech is having some glitches. When his boss asks him over for drinks, she immediately comes on to him. He refuses, and leaves. The next day she is charging him with sexual harassment and Sanders is fired. Luckily for Sanders, he accidentally recorded what happened and tries to turn the case around and sue his boss. But Sanders start wondering, why would his boss do that? Was she so upset that he turned her down? Or is there more to this case then meets the eye?

Eaters of the Dead- This is a retelling of Beowulf told from the point of an Arab courtier, who finds himself unwilling dragged along a quest to destroy the monster, Grendal. This too was turned into a film I have yet to watch, but starring Antonio Banderas.

Five Patients- This is a non-fiction volume that tells of Crichton’s experiences as an intern at the Massachusetts General Hospital.

The Great Train Robbery- This is another novel that I love. Based on the historical event, Crichton once again is able to meld the account with amazing characters. In this, the charming and persuasive Edward Pierce easily moves through society in Victorian London, all the while plotting the crime of the century…The Great Train Robbery.

Prey- This one of my all-time favorite books. The way Crichton writes it, it is so haunting and amazing. I don’t want to give too much away as you REALLY should read it.

BookWithNoFandom

Jack Forman lost his job and took on being the one taking care of his daughter and the home. His wife works at Xymos Corporation and has been acting weird. Other things start to seem strange, but Jack thinks it is nothing but his imagination. When his wife hires him on, he discovers that the mirco-bots that Xymos produces are not as benign as he was told. In fact, there is much more horrifying things happening than Forman could ever imagine.

Rising Sun-During the grand opening celebration of the new American headquarters of a Japanese company, the dead body of a beautiful woman is found. The investigation begins, and immediately becomes a headlong chase through a twisting maze of industrial intrigue and a violent business battle that takes no prisoners. This two was turned into a film I have yet to view.

Sphere- This book always makes me think of the film Forbidden Planet. In this a spaceship on the floor of the ocean is discovered. Scientists prepare an expedition and head down to the ship, discovering a ship over 300 years old and holding a power much stronger than any could imagine. This power gives them increased abilities and paranoia. One scientists starts using his power to attack the ship and people, but which one? I really, really loved the book and couldn’t stop reading it the first time I had it. They turned this also into a film, of which I have had problems getting my hands on it. When I do see it, you can bet it will be a part of a future Horrorfest.

State of Fear- In this book Crichton spins a tale of political conspiracy. As eco-terrorists and global warming are the biggest issues ands causing all kinds of destruction, one investigator starts wondering if whether this is just a smokescreen for something far more sinister.

The Terminal Man- Harry Benson suffers from horrible seizures that cause violent outbursts. He is experimented on and has electrodes placed deep in his brain’s pleasure centers, effectively short-circuiting Harry’s seizures with pulses of bliss. The surgery is successful, but while Benson is in recovery, he escapes and his violent impulses have grown; leaving a horror in his wake.

Travels- An account of Michael Crichton’s travels abroad and all over the world.

Next- This is his last complete novel and is an amazing story. In a world where we focus on our genes, what diseases we might carry, taking apart our genome; Crichton speaks on how such technology can get out of hand. A man going in for tests ends up having his blood and genes patented and in a sense sells his children into slavery of a company. A man who wins custody from his wife on the basis of her high possibility of becoming afflicted with deadly diseases; and an ape human born of gene splicing.

Pirate Latitudes- This was Crichton’s last book, but was unfinished. It was a “complete” manuscript, but was missing the special Crichton charm that each story has. Jamaica in 1665 is the home of people willing to go after gold and riches of the Spanish and Portuguese. If caught they are pirates, if they make it out with the wealth then England gets a cut and everyone is happy. Captain Edward Hunter is one such type and decides to go after the dangerous island of El Trinidad. A crazy scheme that will have enormous bounty if it succeeds, or incredible death if it fails; leads Captain Hunter and his team on a a swashbuckling adventure.

For more on Michael Crichton, go to Just Follow the Screams: The Lost World (1997)

hearts banner

The Mentalist

the mentalist

So I started watching this show on accident. The episode “Red Handed” came on after something else I was watching. In the episode “Red Handed” the CBI (California Bureau of Investigations) team discovers a right hand straddling the California and Nevada state lines. After measuring it, they discover that it is inside the California boundary, and therefore the CBI’s responsibility. After that I was hooked. I caught up on the previous episodes and became a big fan.

mentalistPsychShawnSpencerab0181d69b90b6545647d89bdd0280dc

So the series is about Patrick Jane, played by the incredibly handsome Simon Baker, who is a “psychic” consultant to the CBI.

Patrickjanementalist

Patrick Jane has such style. He only drinks tea, he has an Aston Martin, and always dresses amazingly sharp. Anyways, Patrick Jane isn’t really a psychic. He is extremely intelligent and observant, a sort of kind, sweet, and charming Sherlock Holmes. He never went to school, but was raised by his swindler father who touted him a psychic in his carnival show. He married a woman from a similar background and the tweo had a daughter, Charlotte. He went on to make millions off his “psychic ability”. It gained the attention of Red John, a serial killer, who murders his wife and child. This brings Jane to consulting with CBI as he does it from his guilt and in order to get a view of the official files. Red John becomes Jane’s Moriarity as in each season Jane continuously searches for him.

The team is lead by Teresa Lisbon (Robin Tunney), who is a no-nonsense cop. She is the perfect foil for Jane as Lisbon is tough and serious; while Jane is comedic and more fanciful. They have a platonic relationship, but like Bones and other cop shows there is something simmering under the surface.

Then we have Kimball Cho, who second to Jane is my favorite character. Cho is always reserved and speaks in a monotone.

the mentalist NoNonsense

But he is very intense as well. He is honest, straightfoward, observant, and altogeether awesome. We later find out that there is a lot more to him than meets the eye. He used to be a baseball player, gang member, and Special Forces.

Then we have Wayne Rigsby who is absolutely adorable, sweet, and charming. He was raised by a dad in motorcycle gangs and coming in and out of prison. He’s more relaxed than Cho, but more serious than Jane. He is also in love with fellow team member Grace Van Pelt. Grace Van Pelt is tough, but sweeter than Lisbon. She has a famous father, and tries to live up to his name. She is always focused on the job, but Rigsby constant infatuation starts her thinking of maybe more with him.

I used to watch this every Thursday without fail, but school got in the way and I am way behind in desperate need of catching up. The show just ended this last February, which saddens me as it was an awesome piece of TV.

hearts banner

Midsomer Murders

MidsomerMurders-76846

So I love the library.

ParadiseisaLibrary

When I was in college I would spend hours in the library; working, reading, watching movies or TV shows. The library had a great selection of movies and TV shows that I really utilized. But that library wasn’t enough for me. I also went to the city library for books and films. Every time I went there I would see the DVDs for the show Midsomer Murders and wanted to check them out, but never felt I had the time. This summer as I would write my blog posts on my computer, I would also watch movies and TV shows on my phone. Or at least try to as I had a little screen. One day Midsomer Murders popped up in related videos and I was estatic watching them. Now youtube doesn’t have every episode and I watched them out of order, but I really, really enjoyed the show. When I got another free month on Netflix I started rewatching the episodes and loved it all over again!

love it

This series is based off a book series and set in England. How their Department of Criminal Investigations (DCI) teams works is that they have a county in which they travel all over investigating, sort of like the Sheriff’s department. Tom Barnaby (John Nettles) is head of the Midsomer unit and is extremely intelligent and excellent at his job. Unfortunately for his wife, a murder tends to occur whenever she wants to do something, causing Barnaby to miss it. He also has a daughter,  Gillie, who is in college and studying to be an actress. He starts out with his assistant being Sgt. Gavin Troy, who I didn’t like as he wasn’t that bright, and same for his second assistant Sgt. Dan Scott. I really liked his third assistant Ben Jones, because he was very smart and actually helped solve the mysteries. The series is ongoing, but I don’t really like the newer episodes as Tom Barnaby retired and his nephew, John Barnaby, took over. He was good, but Tom was way better. Tom had a way of gathering information that made you not realize how intelligent he was until the end when he is the only one who has put the whole picture together. The mysteries were amazing, and often times really puzzling. The only thing that I kept questioning was, how do these small country towns survive with so many deaths? I highly recommend this for any mystery fan.

hearts banner

Murder She WroteMurderSheWrote

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this show. I grew up watching it and wish they had still played it on TV as I got older as I truly love this show.

Angela Lansbury plays J.B. Fletcher, former high school teacher and now famous mystery author. Every episode Jessica (the J in J.B.) will be minding her own business working on something or visiting a friend and get caught up in a mystery. Usually she can either get someone to share info with her, or is able to have some kind of insight that solves the case. If you love mysteries, then this is a show for you!

For more Murder She Wrote, go to At the End of the Rainbow: 17 More Irish Heros

hearts banner

w:outFandoms

hearts banner

For the previous fangirl post, go to A FANtastic Voyage

Stay tuned for part 11

hearts banner

I Left My Car in San Francisco

San_Francisco_005

This postcard did not lie. I had quite the adventure in San Francisco.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Now I have traveled to San Francisco numerous times and have loved it. I have had all kind of adventures from getting lost in San Francisco, going to historic sites, traveling to see The Godfather on the big screen, touring Alcatraz at night; but nothing compares to this last trip.

StoryOfMyLifeSomeLikeItHotMarilynMonroe

So it started out very tame. My friend and I had been enjoying Martin Luther King Jr.’s  birthday weekend. As the spring term had just started, we didn’t have much homework and decided to do a Lord of the Rings marathon. As we were watching Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, one of my friends, Alex, brought up the idea of shopping in San Francisco.

dun-dun-duuuun

Alex wanted to go to Union Square and Elaine was eager to join him. I wasn’t sure as I had work later that day, but Elaine had work too, so both assured me we would be home in plenty of time.

Yeah right.

Yeah right.

I was waffling, but then they dangled a trip to the de Young museum. Now to some that might sound really boring, but to me that was the deal breaker. They were having this exhibit on the Dutch Masters, and I am a huge fan. Johannes Vermeer, Jan Van Eyck, Jacob Van Rusidael, Rembrandt, William Kalf, Rachel Ruysch, etc. So that was it, I was in.

Double double yay

So the trip was on and I was excited!

So the next day went reasonably well. We started out to San Francisco talking about music, movies, philosophy, whatever. And we headed down to Union Square.

Now I am not completely adept at fashion. In most cases I know what looks good on me and always try to dress well. Or at least matching to what I expect the day to be like.

goodoutfitonunimportantDay

And after all Marc Jacobs says:

StyleMarcJacobs

Well that’s all fine for Marc, but when you go into those high end shops in San Francisco, not only do I become aware of how little money I have, but also everything that is old or wrong with my outfit. You know missing buttons, scuff marks, frizzies on the sweaters, etc.

Mistake Great Gatsby

I actually didn’t feel as self-conscious this time. And it’s not because I was wearing some great outfit. Actually, most of the clothes I saw there were just ugly. To me the colors were wrong, designs, and even the accessories. The shoes were cute though.

So Alex didn’t find anything that he wanted, and Elaine and I did not have the money for anything even if we saw something we love. So we headed down to the museum.

dean whinchester shrug smile oh well

As we start heading to the museum…that’s when it happened.

dun-dun-duuuun

When the engine overheats.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

So we need to turn the car off and let the engine cool, and figure out what to do. Only one problem, we’re in San Francisco. That means…NO PARKING!!!!!!!!!!

Crap!

Crap!

Yep we drove around and around and around and around trying to find a spot but where getting NOTHING!!!! Not only is there NO parking, but all the empty spots are now reserved for smart cars. It made us all so furious!!!!!!!!

Supernatural impala

We didn’t do that. We were able to finally find a place to park. The only problem now is that Alex didn’t know anything about his car.

dean whinchester shrug smile oh well

He had just gotten it. While he started calling his father, Elaine called her father and started looking for the manuel.

Phew!

It turned out that since Alex’s car was really fancy and expensive, he needed a special kind of coolant. So then began more calls as we had to figure out which store carried the coolant to put in the car. After we found a store we had to try to get to one and find parking.

Duh!

Yep, this meant we spent another 20 mins trying to find a place to park.

Crap!

Crap!

We finally founs a place near an O’Reilly’s and put in the coolant. Now, by this time it was too late to go anywhere else. Alex thought we had a chance of going to the museum and then heading back, but Elaine and I both agree to  not risk it. So we said good-bye to San Francisco and started heading off toward home when…

dun-dun-duuuun

Yep you guessed it, the adventure is not over yet.

As we start driving across the bridge the light comes on AGAIN!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were so scared. Now for some of you who have never been on the Golden Gate Bridge, let me tell you that is a place you DO NOT want to get stuck on. I just started praying we would make it off before something happened.

pretty please beg

Luckily we made it off the bridge and decided to stop at the nearby Vista Point to call a tow truck.

Now I’ve never been to Vista Point before, I wasn’t ever really aware of it before this time, but apparently it is a BIG tourist attraction as the place was packed chock full of people. We couldn’t find parking ANYWHERE!

whatsthedeal

I know, just not our day. Am I right?

So we drive around and around, hoping and praying for a parking spot. Along with hoping and praying that the car doesn’t break down while we are searching for it.

pretty please beg

And it was kind of weird because I noticed a piano mover’s truck there. Why would a piano mover stop at Vista Point and stay there? They were there for quite some time. It was weird.

Weird

Weird

Anyways, so we finally manage to find a parking spot and Alex calls a tow truck. And we all begining calling people to try and find a ride into the city with the car and a ride home.

I’m thinking, this’ll be easy!

howtheGrinchstoleChristmasWrongo

First I call work and let them know there is no way I’ll be able to make it in and then I immediately think to call my Aunt Ann and Uncle Jeff as they live in San Francisco, and I know they would help us out. Unfortunately no answer.

facepalm Star trek

So then I call my cousin Celeste who also lives in San Francisco. No answer.

Then I call my cousin Erik, who doesn’t live in San Francisco, but was visting his mom, my Aunt Ann. No answer! By now I am getting pretty upset, and wondering why NO ONE is answering their phones. This was how I felt:

NonepicksupPhone

(I later found out that my Aunt and Uncle didn’t answer as they were not in San Francisco but in Napa visiting friends; my cousin Celeste was in Los Angeles visiting family; and my cousin Erik was heading back to school.)

Alex and Elaine were also having no luck reaching our friends. Our friend Aylin had gone home for the weekend, as did our friends Haley and Allie. Our friend Julie was in San Francisco visiting friends, but had gotten sick and couldn’t get us either. Alex called his roommate Roger, but Roger had lent his car to his girlfriend Cora.

So we were stuck and it sucked.

Reality Sucks

Elaine’s parents lived not too far away, although with traffic it was going to be like two hours, but they offered to pick us up if we couldn’t find anybody. We didn’t really want to have them drive all that way and back, so Alex decided to call a cab into the city as soon as the tow truck took the car.

So were stuck waiting at Vista Point.

VistaPointSanFrancisco

Now usually I bring a book with me in my purse just in case of situations like these.

GilmoreGirlsCarryBookWithMeHabit

But this was the ONE time I didn’t and it could have really come in handy.

Instead we ended up making up stories about the people who were there visiting Vista Point, in order to pass the time. The best one was the one Elaine came up with, making one couple spies on some super secret mission involving my suspicious piano movers.

Eventually the tow truck came and picked up the car. As soon as it was gone, Alex called the cab company who said they could meet us in 15.

Double double yay

BUT…

There is always a but

There is always a but

We had to go on the other side of the bridge. Yep, we had to go down the creepy stairs under the bridge that looked like they were going to fall apart.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Yes, and I’m not kidding. Underneath the bridge is uber creepy. It’s the kind of place that serial killers or rapists would hang out.

Freddy Kruger

I actually wouldn’t be that surprised if I saw him there. Or him.

31_challoween-michael-closeup

So we finally make it to the other side and are waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting, and waiting. 15 mins pass and no cab.

mob

Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

Just kidding. But we are upset. It’s getting later and later, we are hungry and we want to get to the shop before it closes. Alex calls the cab company again, and they tell us the car is on the way.

Now the side of the bridge we were on was where bikers or cyclists as I should really say, hang out. There were large groups and a couple from Australia that were really cool. But…there were some really weird people.

Weird

Weird

So we had been waiting about 30 mins, when these two guys come up on their bikes. They had been drinking beer and biking. They saw me and Elaine and tried hitting on us, but they were pretty dumb.

instructions_on_flirting_640_05

Then they decide they need to pee and just whip their junk out in front of us.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I mean come on dudes. After that we had some other weirdos come, and we decided that the cab wasn’t coming (50 mins now). Alex called the tow company who told him he didn’t have to come today as his dad had already made arrangements. So we called Elaine’s parents and headed over to Vista Point as fast as we could.

run-away

So we went to Vista Point and started waiting. Shivering as it was getting colder. And then we discoverd that Vista Point didn’t have the best upkeep. Lights kept flickering.

flickeringlights

It felt like we were in a horror film or something.

picasion.com_38526d725d870d501378c448b6ed4093

Finally Elaine’s parents get there, and we are all so happy we practically leap for joy!

Double double yay

We head on home, stopping for a bite along the way.

So that was my adventure in San Francisco, it wasn’t the first, and it will most definitely not be the last.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

For more scenes from my everyday life, go to Five to Nine

For more on Marc Jacobs, go to Perfectly Imperfect

For more on Gilmore Girls, go to What a Fanatic!

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Scream-4-Intl-3

You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!

If only Wes had followed his own advice.

2013-11-27-bradpittUgh

I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.

hmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3

Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.

So let’s get started on this travesty…

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna

So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

1&2

Victims 1&2

But wait…

Psych!Gameofthrones

It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).

So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.

3

Body #3

Just kidding

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7  that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.

Victim 4 & 5

Victim 4 & 5

And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.

Duh!

Duh!

And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Still not over that.

We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.

big mistake

I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney.  Blah, blah blah…

boohoo_zps058c9fe1

Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.

I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.

Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)

Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.

Stop stop it now!

At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey  gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Never letting that one go. Moving on.

So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?

phil first name agent Avengers phil coulson tony stark pepper potts

Sorry. Back to the film.

So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:

thats-how-its-done

Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.

Duh!

Duh!

So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.

Girl Please

So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.

At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.

dun-dun-duuuun

Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.

verbalbeatdown

So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.

ouch Hermione

You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.

Gilmore girls creep

So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.

Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.

So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.

jerk

That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!

Scream 2

The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.

Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream  films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.

Victim 6

Victim 6

And her friends just watch.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!

Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!

Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.

Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Not happy, not happy at all

Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Town you are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.

ew! Gross Yuck

PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.

you're evil

So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.

Victim #7

Victim #7

Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?

Girl Please

You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!

But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?

And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.

Scream

  1. Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
  2. Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
  3. Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
  4. Revenge because his mother left.

Scream 2

  1. Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
  2. Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
  3. Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
  4. Female serial killer

Scream 3

  1. Parody of trilogy films
  2. Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
  3. Single killer this time
  4. All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid

Scre4m

  1. Recycled plot
  2. Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
  3. They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.

So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.

The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.

They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.

jerk_alert32

So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.

Ugh

Ugh

Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE  to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.

I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.

So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.

Duh!

Duh!

So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.

Stop stop it now!

So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?

Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.

They both get killed.

Victim #8 & 9

Victim #8 & 9

I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.

So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!

So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.

Victim #10

Victim #10

Yawn! Wes you already did that in Scream 2.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.

So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.

Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.

So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.

metropolis-Robot

Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!

Is this too crazy?

Is this too crazy?

This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big mistake

So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.

Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.

ouch Hermione

You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!

So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.

This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?

So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.

Victim #11

Victim #11

Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and  Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.

I don't think so

That is the worse place to hide. Beds and  closets are always checked first.

Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.

The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.

Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.

The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?

Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.

The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?

Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.

The Voice: Leatherface?

Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!

The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?

Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.

The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?

Kirby Reed: Psycho.

The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.

Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.

The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…

Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

[silence]

Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.

Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]

Yep Kirby is dead.

Victim #12

Victim #12

And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.

Duh!

Duh!

So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.

dean_punching_supernatural

Does that make me a bad person?

So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.

Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.

So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.

Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.

Victim #13

Victim #13

You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.

Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!

So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.

Victim #14 &15

Victim #14 &15

After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.

When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.

Say What

Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

You can’t plan everything sweetheart.

So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.

I don't think so

That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.

Girl Please

Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome!  Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.

Victim #13

Victim #15

Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.

Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.

Jill tries one last time, but Sid shoots her.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sid is awesome!! Best scene in the whole film. Yeah don’t mess with the original baby!!!! Yeah!!! But its not over. What about deputy Judy

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

She’s alive! She was wearing a bulletproof vest. In the end the body count ends at 15.

Victim #13

Victim #15

And Wes I only have one thing to say to you

Over You

So this ends our Screamtastic Saturdays kind of on a bad note, but don’t blame me. I didn’t make this film. Wes did.

2011Scre4m

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

halloween banner

For more on the Scream series, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off

For more modern remakes, go to Keep Clear of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more serial killers, go to But the Book, It Will Never Close…

For more slasher films, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?