Why I Still Love My Fair Godmother

Day 25) Y is for Young: Choose a junior or Young adult book

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My Fair Godmother (My Fair Godmother #1) by Janette Rallison

I first came upon Janette Rallison when I stumbled upon her book, All’s Fair in Love, War, and High School (Pullman High #2). I thought the story was hilarious, fun, the characters were fun; i.e. I just LOVED it!

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I then went on to stalk her work and reading anything published that I could get my hands on: Just One Wish; My Double Life; It’s a Mall World After All; My Unfair Godmother; How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend; Fame, Glory, and Other Things On My To-Do List; Revenge of the Cheerleaders; Playing the Field; and Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Free Throws. 

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But out of all of these, my favorite was and still is My Fair Godmother.

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Now you all know I like fairy tales,

FairyTales

I mean I have already reviewed I think four retellings. And this book is the ultimate: you get a combo of two fairy tales, magical creatures, princes, funny situations, and just all around a fantastic book.

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Yes, even though I’m heading into adulthood more than “young adult”; I still read this book like every three months. I just can’t get enough.

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Chrysanthemum “Chrissy” Everstar wants to attend Godmother University and go from “fair” to full. For extra credit she was sent to the Delano family in Herndon, Virginia the 21st century. There she is to figure out which Delano sister is in need of her services and assist them.

She starts with no-nonsense, older sister Jane. Jane is logical, intelligent, and doesn’t care about clothes, looks, or boys.

the mentalist NoNonsense

She is interested in one boy, Hunter, and he approaches her one day, but it turns out that he is dating her younger sister, Savannah.

What?!

What?!

Jane is upset but then begins to believe that Hunter does like her and rationalize that everything he does means he really loves her.

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But when that moment is shattered she begins an attack on him for hurting him. She gets a makeover, flirts, and does all she can to get other boy’s attentions.

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She succeeds in getting his attention and the two date, even though he hasn’t broken up with Savannah.

What jerks

What jerks

I mean seriously, you are her sister!!! You should know better.

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Anyways, after that heartbreak, Chrissy turned her attentions towards Savannah using her magic to give both sister a happily ever after full of handsome princes, beautiful gowns, and a renewed bond.

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Yes, in the words of my algerbra II math teacher: “You are not passing this class unless you show you work. Even of the answer is correct I need to see how you came to the answer or you will fail.”

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Professor Goldengill, admissions, is not taking that for the full answer. Before they let Chrissy in, they want the whole story, not part of it. They ask the leprechaun who was assigned to assist her, Clover T. Bloomsbottle, but he isn’t helpful in his information either. Only one thing left to do, call in the memory elves.

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They go in and get the real story.

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Savannah Delano

After Savannah Delano blew her money on the perfect prom dress and spent all that time bringing out Jane’s beauty; her boyfriend dumps her.

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And not just dump her, but dump her for her older sister!

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Understandably, Savannah is upset and doesn’t make the best decisions. She starts with the normal post-boyfriend phases. Eating sugar:

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Getting back and her sister by hiding her stuff

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And by buying a bikini (something her parents have forbidden her to wear) to wear to the big pool party. She hopes to capture the interest of someone else and maybe get Hunter back in the process.

I don't need you

To rub the salt in the wound, Hunter and Jane are trying to fix her up with Hunter’s friend Tristan.

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Tristan is nice, but having your ex who dumped you for your sister and then try to fix you up is just too painful and embarrassing.

So embarressed

At the pool party, Savannah removes her contacts for fear of losing them or ruining them with chlorine getting in her eyes. She goes swimming and has the most mortifying night; losing her top, going in the men’s room on accident, etc. After that she is done with life and everything.

Reality Sucks

Enter Chrissy, Savannah’s fair godmother, here to grant her three wishes. Chrissy a gum chewing, bubble headed, heel wearing godmother. Not your usual grade.

Not good

Not good

Savannah is given a contract to sign and told that until her wishes are fulfilled she will be cursed with having to tell the truth or else snakes and toads and such will come sliding out of her mouth.

ew! Gross Yuck

Savannah agrees and tries to figure out what to wish for, this popping out of her mouth:

“I just wish that somehow my life could be like a fairy tale. You know, with a handsome prince waiting for me at the ball, and that somehow when I meet him, everything will work out happily ever after.”

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Wish #1: Cinderella

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Savannah finds herself sent back to a medieval time and as Cinderella. There she has to serve two evil stepsisters and a stepmother.

Crap

Forced to do backbreaking labor for months that she has no skills or knowledge of doing before. Everyday she calls for Chrissy, but gets no answer.

Ugh great gatsby

Then Prince Edmond, Prince Hugh, and their sister stop by the house when passing through and in need of lodging for the night. There Savannah sees the handsome prince destined for her, is actually nothing but a big jerk.

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She continues to call and call with Chrissy finally answering. Chrissy has sent Savannah long before the ball to learn her lesson. Savannah, however, doesn’t want this and makes a new wish.

“I just…um…I want to feel beautiful and loved, and although I like the idea of having a prince, he has to be more than just handsome and rich. He has to be nice and kind…”

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Wish #2: Snow White

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Savannah now finds herself as Snow White living with seven dwarves. Apparently Snow White isn’t the brightest bulb of the bunch as the dwarves treat her like an imbecile.

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And Savannah can’t do anything to show she is intelligent as she doesn’t know their names, doesn’t know how to make bread, doesn’t know how to make soup, and doesn’t know the people in the town.

I don't know what to do

After a truly embarrassing scene where she tries to outwit the tale of her poisoning to only confusing a harmless widow with the witch’s change of appearance:

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She then tries to convince the group she is from another time as Chrissy won’t return her calling her and she doesn’t know what else to do. They don’t believe her and plan to do some bloodletting to remove the crazy.

Run Away

Chrissy finally comes and Savannah makes her third wish.

“I don’t want to be in some medieval fairy tale. I want to live back home with my family. When I said I wanted a prince, I didn’t mean somebody from history or the pages of a storybook. I meant that I wanted that type of guy, but I wanted him from my own day and age. I want a boyfriend who is nice, kind-and handsome too, but that’s not the most important thing. As I’ve thought about Jane and Hunter during my time here, I realized that the problem was that he never liked me, he just liked what I looked like. He always wanted someone who was more like Jane and when they met, well, it was just bound to turn out that way. So I want someone who is loyal and has integrity-but most important I want a guy who likes my personality…And okay, I admit that in the past I haven’t applied myself in school like I should have, but I’m turning over a new leaf, so I want a guy who is smart too. And I want this guy to go to prom with me.”

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Back Home

Savannah is thrilled to be home again, to her it has been months (one week there equals one hour in our time) but the family thinks she has just been in her room for hours; Chrissy’s magic not perfect as it should be as if no time has passed like in Narnia. And after being forced to eat medieval food, she pigs out and enjoys modern living.

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But then Savannah goes to school and hears Tristan is missing.

Not good

Not good

She starts to suspect what might have happened, with Chrissy confirming it. Chrissy has sent him back to the medieval time that Savannah was in. He has to become a prince or else he can’t come home again. Savannah tries to wish him out, but can’t as she has used up all her wishes already.

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She tries to get help from Clover, setting up a leprechaun trap, but he will only help is she promises to send him and his gold back to Ireland.

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Ugh! My life!

She agrees, and Clover points out that in the contract she can oversee her wishes. Therefore Chrissy can send her back to that time so she can aid Tristan. Savannah returns her prom dress and uses the money to buy a costume dress to wear, along with paying the postage to send Clover back. But before leaving she uses all her knowledge of the times to pack items that she can use to barter and will help them: aspirin, spices, costume jewelry of glass, silverware, etc.

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She also makes Jane promise to mail the package for her as she has no time to waste.Eventually Chrissy answers her and Savannah finds herself back in time.

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Wish #3: Turn Tristan into a Prince

When Tristan meets her he is less than happy, having spent about five months in medieval times due to her wish. Savannah explains she didn’t mean it, and she had just gotten cheated on and dumped for her older sister. This softens Tristan.

Aw, man.

Aw, man.

She shows Tristan the items she brought and he explains what must be done in order for him to become a prince. He needs to kill a cyclops, a dragon, and defeat a mysterious black knight.

ouch Hermione

The next day he goes to get fitted for armor, while Savannah runs into a wizard. There she trades some items to get a potion switching elixir. If she kisses anyone or is kissed (or licked by an enchanted animal) she will find herself trading enchantments with that person (or animal). This becomes increasingly hard as she finds herself falling for Tristan, but unable to share about her curse or show her feelings as she can’t get the enchantment to become a prince. She’ll never be able to go home!

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Savannah calls for the black knight, and ends up getting him to kiss her, swapping his invincibility for her only being able to tell the truth. She then tries to help Tristan fight the cyclops, making a mess and having to be rescued.

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Not in this case.

However things get even more complicated when Jane and Hunter arrive (having opened the box and striking a deal with Clover), the Princess wants to get rid of Savannah, both Princes appear to be fighting over her, and it turns out that she is still living out her Cinderella and Snow White wishes. This means not only does she have to go to the ball, where Edmond will fall for her, but Snow White’s stepmom is still trying to kill her.

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Will Savannah be able to save Tristan and get back home? Or will she be doomed to spend the rest of her days in Medieval Times?

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I love this book so much and think it is the penultimate for any fairy tale fan. I also just love Tristan, he is beyond the perfect guy.

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If only he were real:Dateficchar

So yes, go to your local library or bookstore and pick up your copy today!

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To start the 30 Day Challenge from the beginning, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451

For the previous post, go to Xactly Why I Think Beastly is An Xcellent Story

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For more fairy tales, go to At Midnight, Your Coach Will Become a Pumpkin Again, and the Animals Will Regain Their Original Shape Until Your Next Ball: Ella Enchanted

For more on Cinderella, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more on Snow White, go to Snow White of A Day

For more sisterly rivalry, go to Fantastic Fantasies

For more Audrey Hepburn, go to The Dashwood Sisters Tell All: A Modern Day Novel of Jane Austen
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And once again:

Merry Christmas

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“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11 (KJV)

The Little Moreland

So you all are aware I’m a Disney fan right? I mean after my 30 Days of Disney I think it’s pretty obvious.

So being female, I loved the Disney princesses, my favorite being Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty and Belle from The Beauty and the Beast.

Now in the past I have compared myself to Cinderella, Snow White, and Belle; but I never thought I would compare myself to Ariel.

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Although now that I’m a redhead, I can see it.

In fact, I once took a quiz that said I was her, and I thought yeah right, that’s not me.

Go here to see which you belong in/are

Go here to see which you belong in/are

But the other day I was full on The Little Mermaid. Although, truth be told it wasn’t really the Disney version, but the hardcore Hans Christian Anderson one.

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You see in the original story The Little Mermaid was the youngest of six sisters. On her 15th birthday she is able to go up to the surface where she sees the prince and saves his life during a storm.

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She visits him everyday at his palace at the seashore and falls in love.

So romantic!

So romantic!

She soons becomes heartbroken as she can’t be with him. Nothing makes her happy, all she wants is to be human.

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The other mermaids tell her to be happy, she can live for over 300 years. But she won’t have it. She travels to the sea-witch who lives in a horrible area and is an awful crazy person. The sea-witch turns her into a human, for her voice. However, their are strong consequences. One, she can never, ever be a mermaid again. Two, every step will be agonizing pain. Three, if the prince marries another, the next morning she will die with no soul but turn into foam. The Little Mermaid agrees and her tongue is cut out.

Sadface Batman

She washes up on shore and the prince takes her into his house. He clothes her and cares for her, as if she was his little sister. He tells her of the girl that saved his life and that she will be the only one he will ever love.

Yay!

Yay!

Well time comes when the prince has to marry. And the girl chosen is so beautiful he agrees. In fact, he asks the Little Mermaid to be in the ceremony.

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She is in so much heartbreak as she is doomed to die while the man she loves is to be married to another.

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Her five sisters come to see her. They have cut off all their hair and given it to the sea-witch. They give her a knife and tell her that if she kills the prince and sprinkles his blood on her feet then she will be a mermaid again. But she must do it before the sunrise. She goes into the room to kill him…but she can’t do it. She loves him too much.

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So she dies.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Yes she dies. But she doesn’t turn to foam. She instead is given an eternal soul because she sacrificed herself for another.

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I always knew the books we read as kids strongly affect us.

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But I didn’t know how much until now.

So you are probably wondering what this has to do with me? How am I like The Little Mermaid? Book or film, I’m pretty sure all of you are wanting me to get to the point.

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Well for Halloween this year I decided to be Poison Ivy. She is my favorite villainess, as I think she is just amazing. I did a post on her that includes pics of the costume.

So anyways, this past summer I mentioned I was in Wyoming, and that is the land of meat + potatoes. Fruit and veggies are few and far between. So since that summer, I’ve been feeling large.

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Yes I do, but I noticed I have put more weight on in the butt/thigh area, or at least that’s what it feels like. So I decided that it was time to get into shape. I started doing squats and did about 100.  I was feeling pretty good about it too.

Awesome

The next day I was a bit sore, but still feeling good.

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The next day that was radically different. I drove to an interview, wearing my two inch boots, preparing to change into my four-inch heels when I got there. When I reached the site, I had to park a bit away. After I parked I changed into my heels.

Now I love heels. If you remember from a previous post, I’m short. I’m only 5’3, so heels are great as they finally make me closer to my dream height. They make me feel powerful and awesome. The higher the better.

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So walking in 3-5 inch heels is not unusual for me. However, this time was much different. It WAS SO PAINFUL.

No no no no no

No no no no no

I felt just like The Little Mermaid.

“It will feel like a sword were passing through your body…each step you take will feel like sharp knives piercing your feet. “

That’s how it felt with me. Each step was utter agony as my muscles just burned and were so inexplicably sore.

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I had to take so many breaks. As soon as I could I went to my car and changed my shoes. I’ve decided to rest from squats. And heels. I’ll just have to accept my bod for what it is.

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Or focus on a different exercise!

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For more on The Little Mermaid, go to I’m Not Gonna Lose Her Again

For more on Hans Christian Anderson, go to Disney Lesson

For more on my fashion style, go to Fashionably Postworthy

For more on Disney, go to Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf?

For more fairy tales, go to Happily Ever Aftermath

For more book-y posts, go to Conan the Librarian

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Part XI: A Movie Line List ‘s Excellent Adventure

Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List

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So since this is Disney month I decided that for this month all the lines on the list will be disney films. Some are films I am sure you know by heart,  others will probably be new, but all are randomly placed and I hope you enjoy!

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501)”Ned Land: [singing] Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, a whale of a tale or two, ’bout the floppin’ fish and the girls I’ve loved on nights like this with the moon above. A whale of a tale and it’s all true, I swear by my tattoo. There was Mermaid Minnie; met her down in Madagascar. She would kiss me anytime that I would ask her. Then one evening, her flame of love blew out. Blow me down and pick me up, she swapped me for a trout! Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads, a whale of a tale or two, ’bout the floppin’ fish and the girls I’ve loved on nights like this with the moon above. A whale of a tale and it’s all true, I swear by my tattoo. There was Typhoon Tessie; met her on the coast of Java. When we kissed, I bubbled up like molten lava. Then she gave me the scare of my young life. Blow me down and pick me up, she was the captain’s wife!–20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

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502)”Little Elf Judy: Not too hot. Extra chocolate. Shaken, not stirred.”–The Santa Clause (1994)

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503)”Little John: You know somethin’, Robin. I was just wonderin’, are we good guys or bad guys? You know, I mean, uh? Our robbin’ the rich to feed the poor.
Robin Hood: Rob? Tsk tsk tsk. That’s a naughty word. We never rob. We just sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it.
Little John: Borrow? Boy, are we in debt.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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504)”Genie: I can’t help you, I work for Senor Psychopath now!”–Aladdin (1992)

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505)”The Blue Fairy: Now, remember, Pinocchio: be a good boy. And always let your conscience be your guide.”–Pinocchio (1940)

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506)”Captain Nemo: I am not what is called a civilized man, Professor. I have done with society for reasons that seem good to me. Therefore, I do not obey its laws.”–20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

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507)”Lyle: Ursula, I found your scrunchie.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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508)”Genie: [normally] Uh, rule #1, I can’t kill anybody. [cuts his head off] So don’t ask. A-rule #2! [fixes his head] I can’t make anybody fall in love with anybody else. [smooches Aladdin] You little punim there. RULE #3! [turns into a slimy Genie, and imitating Peter Lorre]I can’t bring people back from the dead. It’s not a pretty picture. I DON’T LIKE DOING IT! [he returns to normal] Other than that, you got it!”–Aladdin (1992)

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509) “Sharon McKendrick: ‘Cos that’s how true love creates its beautiful agony. All splendid lovers had just dreadful times! Er, Pelias and Melisande, Daphnis and Chloë. History’s just jammed with stories of lovers parted by some silly thing!”–The Parent Trap (1961)

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510)”Grumpy: Hah! Women! A fine kettle of fish.”–Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

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511)”Prince Phillip: Now, father, you’re living in the past. This is the 14th century!”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Prince Phillip

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512)”Max: Thor, were you fighting with the Narrator?
Thor: Well, he started it.
Narrator: Did not.
Thor: You did too.
Narrator: Did not.
Thor: You did too.
Narrator: Did not.
Thor: You did too!
Max: Thor, stop it. “–George of the Jungle (1993)

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513)Robin Hood: Marian, my darling, I love you more than life itself.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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514)”Meg: Thanks for everything, Herc. It’s been a real slice.”–Hercules (1997)

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515)”Prince Edward: [talking to a TV] Magic Mirror. I beg you. Tell me where she is!
Mary Ilene Caselotti: [on TV] Reporting from 116th and Broadway.
Prince Edward: One hundred and sixteenth and Broadway! [hugs the TV] Thank you mirror!”–Enchanted (2007)

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516)”Maleficent: Touch the spindle. Touch it, I say!”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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517)”Belle: Gaston, you are positively primeval.

Gaston: Why thank you, Belle.”–Beauty and the Beast (1991)

beauty and the beast

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518)”Queen: Magic Mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”–Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

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519)”George: No people here to look stupid for. Just George.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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520)”Robin Hood: Faint hearts never won fair lady.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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521)”Hercules: But, Father, I’ve defeated every single monster I’ve come up against. I-I’m… I’m the most famous person in all of Greece. I’m… I-I’m an action figure!”–Hercules (1997)

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522) “Fauna: Maleficent doesn’t know anything about love, or kindness, or the joy of helping others. You know, sometimes I don’t think she’s really very happy.”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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523)”Gaston: How can you read this? There’s no pictures!

Belle: Well, some people use their imagination.”–Beauty and the Beast (1991)

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524)”Cinderella: [singing] A dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”–Cinderella (1950)

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525)”Ape: George, what on earth are you doing?
George: [George is wearing flower lei] George just feel like looking a little special today. That all.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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526)”Skippy: You gotta take the oath.
Toby: The oath?
Tagalong: Put your hand on your heart and cross your eyes.
Skippy: Spider, snakes and a lizard head.
Toby: [repeats] Spider, snakes and a lizard’s head.
Skippy: If I tattletale, I’ll die till I’m dead.
Toby: [repeats] If I tattletale, I’ll die till I’m dead.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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527)”The Blue Fairy: A lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as plain as the nose on your face.”–Pinocchio (1940)

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528)”E.L.F.S. Leader: We’re your worst nightmare. Elves with attitude.“–The Santa Clause (1994)

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529)”Verbena: You didn’t know what a good thing you had when you had it.”–The Parent Trap (1961)

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530)”Gaston: Lefou, I’m afraid I’ve been thinking…

Lefou: A dangerous pastime?

Gaston: I know.”–Beauty and the Beast (1991)

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531)”Thor: I’m chafing, Max. I’m chafing big-time.

Max: Didn’t I tell you not to wear twenty pounds of black leather in the jungle? Didn’t I tell you? Cotton, I said. Cotton breathes.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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532)”Toby: I’m scared of Prince John. He’s cranky.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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533)”Hades: He’s gotta have a weakness, because everybody’s got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay?”–Hercules (1997)

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534)”Susan’s roommate at camp Inch: The nerve of her! Coming here with your face!

Susan’s other roommate: What are you gonna do about it?

Susan Evers: Do? What in heaven’s sake can I do, silly?

Susan’s other roommate: I’d bite off her nose. Then she wouldn’t look like you.”–Parent Trap (1961)

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535)”Fauna: [Fauna finishes lighting the candles on Aurora’s birthday cake and it begins to fall over]Well, what do you think of it?

Flora: Why, it… it’s a very unusual cake, isn’t it?

Fauna: Yes… of course, it will be much stiffer after it’s baked.”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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536)”Beast: I want to do something for her… but what?

Cogsworth: Well, there’s the usual things: flowers… chocolates… promises you don’t intend to keep…”–Beauty and the Beast (1991)

truestoryofmen beauty and the beast

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537)”George: Sleep sweet, Ursula.
Ursula Stanhope: Sleep sweet, George.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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538)”Friar Tuck: [singing] A pox on the phony King of England.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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539)”Roberta ‘Bertie’: Do you read a lot, Fritz?
Ernst Robinson: Who, him? He practically doesn’t ever read at all!
Fritz Robinson: Never really needed to. Sooner or later, Ernst tells me everything he knows.”–Swiss Family Robinson (1960)

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540) “Pip in New York: [as Nathaniel] Apple?
Pip in New York:[as Giselle] No, thank you.
Pip in New York: [as Nathaniel] It’s good.
Pip in New York: [as Giselle] Oh, okay.”–Enchanted (2007)

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541)”Mr. Stork: Here is a baby with eyes of blue, straight from heaven, right to you. Or – straight from heaven up above, here is a baby for you to love”–Dumbo (1941)

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542)”The Coachman: Give a bad boy enough rope, and he’ll soon make a jackass of himself.”–Pinocchio (1940)

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543)”George: To swing or not to swing?
Man: Help!
George: Swing.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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544)”Tarzan: No matter where I go, you will always be my mother.
Kala: And you will always be in my heart.”–Tarzan (1999)

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545)”Gaston: [singing] I use antlers in all of my decorating!”–Beauty and the Beast (1991)

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546)”[Prince Edward knocks on a random door in Robert’s apartment building, trying to find Giselle]
Pregnant Woman with Kids: [taking in Edward’s “Prince Charming” getup] … You’re too late.
Prince Edward: [stricken] My apologies.”–Enchanted (2007)

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547)”Narrator: “You can’t reason with a headless man.”–The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949)

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548)”Lyle: Hey! The important thing, Kwame, is that I was outnumbered.
N’Dugo: [in Swahili, subtitled] It’s easy to be outnumbered when you’re a zero.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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549)”Charlie: These are Santa’s reindeer, aren’t they?

Scott Calvin: I hope not. These are… A gift. Probably from the cable company. We’re getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas.”–The Santa Clause (1994)

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550)”Zeus: You ought to slow down. You’ll work yourself to death. Hah. Work yourself to death.[all laugh] Oh, I kill myself.
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.”–Hercules (1997)

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551)”Timothy Q. Mouse: You all oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of big guys like you, pickin’ on a poor little orphan like him. Suppose you was torn away from your mother when you was just a baby. Nobody to tuck you in at nights. No warm, soft, caressin’ trunk to snuggle inta. How would you like being left out alone, in a cold, cruel, heartless woild? And why? I ask ya, why? Just because he’s got those big ears, they call him a freak. The laughing stock of the coicus. And when his mother tried to protect him, they threw her into the clink. And on top of that, they made him a clown! Socially he’s washed up! Aw, but what’s the use of talkin’ to you cold-hearted boids? Go ahead! Have your fun! Laugh at him! Kick him now that he’s down! Go on! We don’t care.”–Dumbo (1941)

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552)”Verbena: I’m not saying a word. Not one single word.”–The Parent Trap (1961)

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553)”Merryweather: It looks awful.

Flora: That’s because it’s on you, dear.”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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554)”Brom Bones: I’m telling you, brother, it’s a frightful sight for what goes on Halloween night.”–The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949)

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555)”Jane Porter: I was saved! I was saved by a flying wild man in a loincloth.”–Tarzan (1999)

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556)”Phil: [training Hercules in knife-throwing] Rule number 95, kid: concentrate. [Hercules misses the targets and pins Phil against the wall with his knives] Rule number 96: aim.”–Hercules (1997)

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557)”Giselle: Now if only I can find a place to rest my head for the night.
Robert Philip: What kind of place?
Giselle: I don’t know. Maybe a nearby meadow or a hollow tree.
Robert Philip: A hollow tree?
Giselle: Or a house full of dwarves. I hear they’re very hospitable.”–Enchanted (2007)

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558)”Princess Aurora: I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. Yet I know it’s true, that visions are seldom all they seem… but if I know you, I know what you’ll do: you’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream…”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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559)”Neil: What about Santa’s reindeer? Have you even seen a reindeer fly?

Charlie: Yes.

Neil: Well, I haven’t.

Charlie: Have you ever seen a million dollars?

Neil: No.

Charlie: Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean is doesn’t exist.”–The Santa Clause (1994)

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560)”Clayton: Even if you hadn’t grown up a savage, you’d be lost. There are no trails through a woman’s heart.”–Tarzan (1999)

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561)”Phil: The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.”–Hercules (1997)

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562)”Taran: What does a girl know about swords, anyway?

Eilonwy: “Girl”? “Girl”? If it wasn’t for this *girl*, you would still be in the Horned King’s dungeon.”–The Black Cauldron (1985)

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563)”Merryweather: I’d like to turn her into a fat ol’ – hop toad.

Fauna: Now, dear, that isn’t a very nice thing to say.

Flora: Besides, we can’t. You know our magic doesn’t work that way.

Fauna: It can only do good, dear, to bring joy and happiness.

Merryweather: Well, *that* would make me happy.”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Sleeping beauty

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564)”Cinderella: Oh, no. No, it isn’t true. It’s just no use. No use at all. I can’t believe. Not anymore. There’s nothing left to believe in. Nothing.

Fairy Godmother: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now you don’t really mean that.

Cinderella: Oh, but I do…

Fairy Godmother: Nonsense, child. If you’d lost all your faith, I couldn’t be here. And here I am.”–Cinderella (1950)

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565)”Sir Hiss: Snakes don’t walk, they slither.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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566)”Tarzan: Kerchak, forgive me.
Kerchak: No. Forgive me, for not understanding that you have always been one of us. Our family will look to you now.”–Tarzan (1999)

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567)”Narrator: Don’t worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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568)”Street Salesman: Hey, Mack.[opens his coat]
Phil: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Street Salesman: You wanna buy a sundial?”–Hercules (1997)

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569)”Giselle: What about you? How long have you known your Nancy?
Robert: Uh, five years.
Giselle: And you haven’t proposed?
Robert: Well, no, I…
Giselle: Well no wonder she’s angry.”–Enchanted (2007)

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570)”Prince Phillip: [Hearing Aurora’s singing] You hear that, Samson? Beautiful. [Samson snorts] What is it? Come on, let’s find out. [Samson refuses] Aw, come on. For an extra bucket of oats? And a few… carrots? [Samson nods yes] Hup, boy! [They ride through the forest; Samson jumps over a river but Phillip falls off and into the water] Whoa! [Samson goes back for him and Phillip splashes water on his face] No carrots.” –Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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571)”Timothy Q. Mouse: Aw gee, Dumbo, I think your ears are beautiful!”–Dumbo (1941)

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572)”Sir Hiss: A mere slip of the forked tongue.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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573) “Jane Porter: [Hanging from a tree] It can’t get any worse, can it? [it starts to rain] Obviously, it can.”–Tarzan (1999)

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574)”Narrator: [after George is shot] Whew! Okay, kids, let’s settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can’t die because let’s face it, he’s the hero.”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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575)”Pain, Panic: [disguised as kids trapped in a rockslide] Somebody call IX-I-I.”–Hercules (1997)

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576)”Flora: Thou sword of truth, fly swift and sure, that evil die and good endure!”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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577)”Clucky: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”–Robin Hood (1973)

Absence Heart

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578)”Mowgli: The jungle speaks to me because I have learned how to listen.”–The Jungle Book (1994)

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579)”N’Dugo: Bad guy falls in poop: Classic element of physical comedy. Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?
Guides: Ready! [they all throw their heads back and laugh]”–George of the Jungle (1997)

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580)”Panic: If? If is good.”–Hercules (1997)

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581)”Princess Aurora: Yes, it’s only in my dreams. But they say if you dream a thing more than once, it’s sure to come true, and I’ve seen him so many times.”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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582)”Yori: [to Tron] I knew you’d escape. They haven’t built a circuit that could hold you!”–TRON (1982)

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583)”Dallben: Untried courage is no match for his evil.”–The Black Cauldron (1985)

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584)”Colonel Brydon: I think a man lucky who could count you as a friend.”–The Jungle Book (1994)

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585)”Genie: PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS! [shrinks down inside the lamp] Itty-bitty living space!”–Aladdin (1992)

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586)”Timothy Q. Mouse: ‘Dumbo! The ninth wonder of the univoise! The woild’s only flyin’ elephant!”–Dumbo (1941)

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587)”King Hubert: Nowadays I’m still the king! And I command you to come to your senses!

Prince Phillip: [mounting his horse] And marry the girl I love.

King Hubert: Exactly!

Prince Phillip: [riding off] Goodbye, father!”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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588)”King Richard: Oh, Friar Tuck. It appears that I now have an outlaw for an in-law.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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589)”Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Birds are beautiful.
Mowgli: Birds are beautiful. So is you.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: So *are* you.
Mowgli: Yes. You are.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: Thank you.
Dr. Julien Plumford: Picking up fast, isn’t he.”–The Jungle Book (1994)

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590)”[Abu is swinging a stolen sword at the guards]
Guard: [frightened] He’s got a sword!
Razoul: [to his subordinates] You idiots. [louder] We’ve all got swords!”–Aladdin (1992)

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591)”Fauna: Now, yeast, one tsp. Tsp?

Merryweather: One teaspoon.

Fauna: One teaspoon, of course!”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

Sleeping Beauty

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592)”Crows:But I be done seen about everything, when I see an elephant fly.”–Dumbo (1941)

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593)”Nutsy: [shouting] One o’clock and all’s well.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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594)”[Mowgli is staring at a painting]
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: What are you looking at?
Mowgli: I’ve seen that hat before.
Katherine ‘Kitty’ Brydon: That’s King Louis. Of France.
Mowgli: King Louis? If you see him, tell him I know who took his hat.”–The Jungle Book (1994)

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595)”Genie: I’m history! No, I’m mythology! Nah, I don’t care what I am; I’m free-hee!”–Aladdin (1992)

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596)”Prince Phillip: But when will I see you again?

Princess Aurora: Oh never, never!

Prince Phillip: Never?

Princess Aurora: Well, maybe someday.

Prince Phillip: When, tomorrow?

Princess Aurora: Oh no, this evening!”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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597)”Movie Mason: Children… Children… Children… When we arrive in this world magic is all around us. You simply have to see a baby chuckle at a butterfly or a toddler splash in the bath for the first time… Yet as the years pass, simple pleasures aren’t quite so simple to find. Myths… Legends… Fall away. Santa’s secrets are revealed. Card tricks lose their fascination. True wonder is hard to come by… But there is always magic at the movies. Pirate ships… bicycles that fly… angels earn their wings, beautiful women marry handsome men and we all learn that there is no place like home.”–Phantom of the Megaplex (2000)

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598)”Little John: Ah, come one, Robby. Climb the castle walls. Sweep her off her feet. Carry her off in style.”–Robin Hood (1973)

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899)”Jafar: [hypnotizing the Sultan with his snake staff] You will order the Princess to marry me.
Sultan: [hypnotized] I will order the Princess to…[suddenly breaks out of the trance] But you’re so *old*!”–Aladdin (1992)

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600)”Flora: Wait, Prince Phillip. The road to true love may be barred by still many more dangers, which you alone will have to face. So arm thyself with this enchanted Shield of Virtue, and this mighty Sword of Truth, for these weapons of righteousness will triumph over evil.”–Sleeping Beauty (1959)

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For more movie lines go to Episode V: The My Favorite Movie Lines List Strikes Back

For more on Aladdin go to Episode III: Revenge of the Favorite Movie Lines List

For more on Beauty and the Beast go to Belle of the Ball

For more on The Black Cauldron go to A Hidden Wonder

For more on Cinderella go to Cinderelly,Cinderelly

For more on Enchanted go to I Don’t Dance or Sing, Except When I’m With You

For more on Hercules, go to According to Disney

For more on the Phantom of the Megaplex go to When Horror Doesn’t Stay on the Screen

For more on Robin Hood and The Swiss Family Robinsons go tSnakes on a Post

To read more on Snow White go to Snow White of a Day

For more on The Legend of Sleepy Hollow go to A Fright on Halloween Night

For more on The Parent Trap (1961) go to At the End of the Rainbow

For more on The Santa Clause go to On the 11th Day ‘Til Christmas

For more on Sleeping Beauty go to Prince of a Man

Disnified Horror

So artist José Rodolfo Loaiza Ontiveros’  came up with this idea to combine Disney characters with images we have of celebrities, calling it DisHollywood.

It deals with a lot of different cultural issues,  homosexuality, drugs, physical abuse, etc; but the pictures I was really into were the horror and disney mash-ups.

 

1) A Clockwork Apple 

A Clock Work Apple

(Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs meets A Clockwork Orange)

“Alex: It’s milk that make the menfolks’ mouths water. [Presenting the milk-plus to Snow White] Milk-plus like this.

Snow White: Oh, it does look delicious.

Alex: Yes, but wait till you taste it, dearie. Like to try it, hm? Go on. Go on, have a sip…And because you’ve been so good to poor old Alex, I’ll share a secret with you. This is no ordinary milk, it’s magic *wishing* milk.

Snow White: Wishing milk?

Alex: Yes! One sip, and all your dreams will come true.

Snow White: Really?

Alex: Yes, girlie. Now, make a wish, and take a sip.”

2)The Silence of the Dwarfs

Silence of the Dwarfs

(Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs meets The Silence of the Lambs)

“Snow White: A dwarf once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some soup, bread, and a apple martini.”

3)Pan on Halloween Night

Pan on Halloween Night

Peter Pan meets Halloween

“[referring to dead Tinkerbell]

Wendy: A man wouldn’t do that.

Peter Pan: This isn’t a man.”

4)Edward Scissorhands in Wonderland

Edward Scissorhands in Wonderland

Edward Scissorhands meets Alice in Wonderland

“Alice: [to Edward] Oh! Eddie, is there anything you can’t do? You take my very breath away, I swear. Look at this! Have you ever cut a woman’s hair? Would you cut mine?”

5) Snow White and the Seven Gremlins

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs meet Gremlins

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs meet Gremlins

“Queen: Magic Mirror, on the wall, who, *now*, is the fairest one of all?

Magic Mirror: Over the seven jewelled hills, beyond the seventh fall, in the cottage of the Seven Dwarfs, dwells Snow White, fairest of them all.

Queen: Snow White lies dead in the forest. The huntsman has brought me proof. Behold, her heart.

Magic Mirror: Snow white still lives, fairest in the land. ‘Tis a gremlin you hold in your hand.

Queen: A gremlin! Then I’ve been tricked!”

6) And my personal fav The Creature and the Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid meets The Creature from the Black Lagoon

The Little Mermaid meets The Creature from the Black Lagoon

“Creature: Rawr, rawr, rawr!”

I hope you liked those. I thought they were pretty funny.