Sadly I’m a Stalker

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After all:

BoysinBooks

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For more of my book loves, go to Weekend Plans

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It’s Coming From Inside the House: When A Stranger Calls (2006)

when-a-stranger-calls-2006-posterWe traced the call! It’s coming from inside the house! Do you hear me? It’s coming from inside the house! You need to get out!

So I love this movie so much! It came out during the period of remakes of 1970s horror films, you had Dracula 2000, The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Carrie (2002), The Omen (2006), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), Dawn of the Dead (2004), Halloween (2007), and Invasion (2007). 

I thought it was a great remake, although I’ve never seen the original. And as the trailer revels the climatic ending I don’t feel bad about doing so either.

So the film starts off a police cleanup as a baby-sitter and the kids she had been watching were ripped to shreds.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying

 Then we cut to out protagonist Jill who is practicing track. She is suffering from a supremo of bad days. Her times are all off and she needs to improve her speed. Part of the reason she is sucking so much is that she is distracted by her broken heart.

Broken Heart

It turns out that her boyfriend and best friend hooked up! What jerks!

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And she is grounded because she went over the mins on her phone. Remember, back in the day when every cellphone plan had min limits, and everyone was going over them all the time?

Oops!

Oops!

She really wants to go to the bonfire party, but the only place she is allowed to go is to babysit.

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Yep, the money from the job is supposed to be enough to cover the cost of the phone bill. They must be paying her an awful lot of money.

money money money

To further her punishment, she can’t have her own car but has to be dropped off by her dad and then dropped off by the couple when they return from their night. Now this is a pretty sweet baby-sitting job. It is for a rich family, who lets you eat anything in the house, watch things on their massive TV, getting paid lots of money, and you don’t even have to look after the kiddos as they’re sick.

MeanGirls I know right!

Only one problem, she is in the freakin’ middle of nowhere. But it is a beautiful house!

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It has a so many glass windows and such, it also has an inside garden/aviary thing.

When a stranger calls

Now my home has a whole wall of windows, so when I first watched this with my friends we were all freaked out during the…well I’ll save that for later.

So Jill doesn’t have much to do as the kids are sick and knocked out upstairs. The maid is there, but will be leaving shortly after she finishes her rounds. The couple have an older son who attends college and he may or may not be coming back to visit, but if he does he’ll crash in the guest house in their backyard.

Seems easy enough

Seems easy enough

So Jill gets ready for a night o’ fun. She eats popsicles and tries on jewelry and clothes.

Thesweetestthing.png movie montage

Everything is fun and games until Jill begins to receive anonymous and annoying phone calls.

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Jill Johnson: [phone rings] Hello? [no answer] [sighs] Mandrakis Residence.

Voice of the Stranger: Have you checked the children?

Jill Johnson: What

[Stranger hangs up. Jill runs and checks on the children. Comes back downstairs]

Jill Johnson: [phone rings] Hello?

Voice of the Stranger: [pauses] How were the children?

At this point in the film if you look hard enough you can actually see him watching her through the window while she is walking around and talking to her on the phone.

Gilmore girls creep

In between she gets some creepy calls from her ex’s friends. She gets even more calls, but then one turns out to be her ex-friend Tiffany. Tiff the big, bad, boyfriend stealer.

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Tiff comes and tries to fix things between them, with Jill feeling lukewarm about the whole thing. She kicks Tiff out, who tries to leave but can’t as a tree blocks her path. A tree that wasn’t there earlier. That means only one thing, bye-bye Tiff.

Goodbye now!

Goodbye now!

 

The calls continue getting even creepier.

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Jill Johnson: Tiffany, I know it’s you. I can see your name on Caller ID, genius.

Voice of the Stranger: This isn’t Tiffany.

Jill Johnson: Who is this?

Voice of the Stranger: [pause] Who is this?

Jill Johnson: Cody?

Voice of the Stranger: Who’s Cody?

Jill Johnson: You better cut this out!

[stranger hangs up]

Now for the most part Jill is pretty smart girl. She calls the police and tries to get them to trace the call and get rid of her stalker. She keeps the security system on at all times. When she sees a light go on in the guest house, she thinks it might be the son and tries to get him to come back with her to help.

She turns the security system off and runs down to the guest house to get the son. When she gets in there, she discovers that there is no one there.

What the

Jill concludes that it must have been the maid, going over here to clean and then left after she completed the job. She runs back to the house, causing the security system to go off. She gets a call from the company, but tells them that it is only her. She must have only thought she turned the system off.

She continues to get more calls from “the Stranger”, telling her that he can see her.

Oh Crap! [Note: Pic from When a Stranger Calls not Phantoms]

Oh Crap!

Jill Johnson: He can see me!

Officer Burroughs: Sorry?

Jill Johnson: It’s Jill, the girl who called before about the man who keeps on calling.

Officer Burroughs: What’s going on?

Jill Johnson: He called me again.

Officer Burroughs: What did he say?

Jill Johnson: He’s out there, he’s outside, he’s watching me through the windows.

Officer Burroughs: Did you see him?

Jill Johnson: No, but I know he can see me, because I went upstairs…

Officer Burroughs: Okay, take a deep breath, where’s the house keeper?

Jill Johnson: I don’t know, I saw her purse and the keys but I can’t find her.

Officer Burroughs: The house locked up?

Jill Johnson: Yes.

Officer Burroughs: Alarm system?

Jill Johnson: It’s on.

Officer Burroughs: Okay, you’re safe inside that house. If he wanted to break in, he wouldn’t be calling.

Jill Johnson: But he must want something!

Officer Burroughs: Listen to me, Miss, it’s just some a****** trying to hassle you.

So when my friends and I were watching this film, we were in the living room which has a whole wall made entirely out of windows, similar to the house in the film. There is also a window behind the TV. As we were watching this part, something hit our window.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our cat had jumped up on the fence outside and hit the window with her tail. We were just so into the film that we were creeped out.

So back to the film. So Jill keeps trying to talk to “the Stranger” so the police can trace the calls. It is so creepy, it was like when that crazy girl kept calling/texting me last spring.

Jill Johnson: [On phone] You really scared me, if that’s what you wanted. Is that what you wanted?

Voice of the Stranger: No.

Jill Johnson: What do you want?

Voice of the Stranger: Your blood all over me.

Gilmore girls creep

As gross and creepy and Nightmare in Elm Street’s Freddy Kreugar.

EW!

EW!

That’s when everything starts to fall apart.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Besides Tiff, Jill also finds the body of the housemaid. She tries to help save the children, but end up getting in a deadly fight with “the Stranger”.

Save the Children!!!!

Save the Children!!!!

Jill is awesome how she takes down the stranger, totally kicking butt.

Kudos for carrying the crowbar

Kudos for carrying the crowbar

The cops come and capture the killer and cart him off, taking Jill with them to be looked at.

when a stranger calls

The ending is great, with its nod to Friday the 13th. Check it out, it is an amazing film!

The creepiest thing about this film is how the guy watches her and how he gets in the house and does the whole cat and mouse game. It is such a creeptastic film.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

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For more on When a Stranger Calls, go to Do You Know Where Alex Is?

For more on psychopathic killers, go to Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare

For more great remakes, go to Redone Done Right

I Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy: The Cable Guy (1996)

You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music

This movie is really creepy! Jim Carrey is awesome as a creepy freak. If you have ever seen Batman Forever, you would know that, but this is the clincher.

Certified Creepo Ribbon

The saddest thing about this is though, when I watch this film I see myself. The way he talks about films and TV; I just know that if I was a psychopath I would be Chip Douglas. Or Billy in Scream.

screamBilly

So the film is directed by Ben Stiller and also stars Matthew Broderick. [You know with all those comedians it just has to be good]. And this is considered a black comedy, like Heathers, by most, but to me it definitely is a Horror-Comedy, or just down right horror film with comedic moments.

So Matthew Broderick’s character, Steve, had proposed to is girlfriend, but she turned him down. Steve then moves into his own apartment. He is depressed and about to get cable when his friend, played by Jack Black, tells him to bribe the cable guy and have him hook him up with all the premium channels.

Steve does, but that is his big mistake. Chip hooks him up, making him one of his VIP customers.

Ouch

Ouch

All of a sudden Chip starts running into Steve, ALL the TIME. And it isn’t pretty.

Chip starts calling him all the time, sabotaging his cable when he doesn’t get a reply.

“Chip Douglas: Hey Steve I’m on a pay phone, so if you’re there pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, well OK, call me back.”

Steve wants to have his cable fixed, so he makes up with Chip.

Funny-how-you call when need something cable guy

Chip in turn takes him to Medieval World, we see the psychotic and neurotic side coming out even more.

Things start getting worse. Chip wants to help Steve get back with Robin and ends up beating up her date, Owen Wilson.

He gives Robin free cable “on Steve”, and Robin gets back with Steve.

Steve doesn’t want to be friends with Chip anymore, but Chip doesn’t like that answer.

Chip ends up kidnapping Robin, and he and Steve have an epic fight at the end where Chip says my favorite line:

Chip Douglas: You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music”

This something I agree with as I think that life would be so much better if it did. Imagine if the Jaws theme song played when bad stuff was going to happen. Or a love song played when you met the perfect person for you.

thememusic

You should check this out, although just so you know I saw this film on TV so I’m not quite sure how graphic it is.

That’s today’s post, more to come! 9 Days ‘Till Halloween!

Here’s a little cover photo I made for my facebook page.

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To start Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Potato

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For more Horror-Comedy, go to Someone Very Special

For more on psychopaths, go to It’s Alive, It’s ALIVE!

For more on obsessed individuals, go to I Saw Goody Osburn With the Devil

For more in stalkers, go to The Only Thing That Matters is the Ending

The Only Thing That Matters is the Ending: The Secret Window (2004)

You know, the only thing that matters is the ending. It’s the most important part of the story, the ending. And this one… is very good. This one’s perfect. 

So I watched this movie on recommendation from a friend and loved it. It is a psychological thriller from Stephen King’s book; Secret Window, Secret GardenKing got the idea for this novella from the many people who claim that that he has stolen plot ideas for different works from them. In this story, instead of the person being just delusional, they are also demented.

Now this film has had mixed reviews. I loved it and I showed it to some friends who adored it. However I have had friends who hated it. They thought it was too kitschy and predictable, but I thought the ending was very good, even perfect.

Johnny Depp plays Mort and is simply amazing as usual, although he has some real messed up and raggedy hair.

So the film starts out with Mort discovering his wife is having an affair. He decides to go to Maine, as they do in almost every Stephen King film, to an isolated cabin, another Stephen King Usual (SKU). Mort is a writer (SKU), and decides that he will be able to get over his writer’s block (SKU) in the middle of nowhere than at home (SKU). He also had to leave the house as his wife is getting the house in the divorce.

One day he is confronted by a man called John Shooter, played by John Turturro, who does an amazing job at being creepy.

Shooter has come to demand Mort to give him credit as he’s convinced that Mort stole his story, “Sowing Season”. Mort just blows him off, but Shooter leaves his manuscript and threats behind.

Mort tosses out the manuscript and moves on, but unbeknowest to him, his cleaning lady pulls it out and leaves it on the table. Mort than reads the story and realizes that Shooter’s story is just like his story, “The Secret Window”.

He stole my story!

The next day, Mort is out and aboout walking and runs into Shooter. They argue over who wrote it first; Mort happily telling him that his story was written and published a full year before. He has proof as he has a copy of the magazine it was published in at his home. Shooter is furious about this and tells him that he has three days to deliver the magazine as proof or else.

John Shooter: Do you wanna wake up from one o’ your stupid naps ‘n find Amy nailed to yer garbage bin? Or turn on the radio one mornin’ and find out that she came off secon’ best in a match with the chainsaw you keep out ‘n the shed? Do ya?

Mort doesn’t really care to listen to Shooter’s threats.

However, Mort quickly discovers that Shooter’s threats are not harmless. Shooter starts stalking him and his ex-wife. Bodies start piling up, as Mort goes down a road of insanity, trying to discover the truth of who is Shooter and why is he after him.

Just like in The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and The Bad Seed, the end is too good for me to go into. This is a movie one has to see! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Hope you enjoyed Monday’s murderous tale. More to come!

Here’s a facebook cover I made for my countdown to Halloween.

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To start Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

To go to the previous post, go to A Tale So Strange It Must Be True

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For more on Stephen King, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more films based on a book, go to A Fright on Halloween Night

For more on Johnny Depp, go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep

For more on serial killer horror films, go to Camp Blood

For more on affairs causing incredible emotional pain on a person, go to I Saw Goody Osburn With the Devil

Forney Hull: Makes Stalking Adorable

I don’t know how many of you out there have seen the film Where the Heart Is, but it is an amazing film. It’s about 17 year old Novalee Nation, who is scared of fives (bad stuff happens to her when fives abound), who is pregnant, and has a loser boyfriend. Her boyfriend ends up dumping her off at the Walmart in the middle of nowhere. There Novalee lives in the Walmart, eventually having her baby there. The film chronicles her starting a new life there in Oklahoma, and all the characters she encounters. There’s Sister Husband, the Christian who takes her in; Moses Whitecotton, a photographer who helps Novalee achieve her dreams, Lexie Coop the ever fertile woman in search of the perfect man, and Forney Hull, the educated, caring best friend. The film also chronicles what happens to Novalee’s deadbeat boyfriend as he goes from prison mate to rising country star. Novalee goes through many twists and turns until she discovers true love and the meaning of friendship. To watch the trailer click here.  To see the first half of the film go here. Sorry but that’s all I could find online.

Forney Hull is one of the best characters in the book  and the film. In the beginning he is seen as a harsh, rude character; but we see him soften as we learn more about him.

He genuinely cares for Novalee, and takes care of her in the novel. He cooks her dinner everyday, and brings her books to read about mothering. However he also follows her.

While stalking someone is creepy, when Forney does it,  it’s cute. He first becomes her friend, and then follows her not because he is a creep; but because he is worried about her. He knows she is alone and pregnant in a new town. In the movie, however, they don’t show that relationship and it instead looks a tad more creepy than caring. He ends up saving Novalee’s life and her baby by delivering it himself. He comes crashing into the Walmart, it is such a great scene.

From there Forney becomes not only Novalee’s best friend, but also Americus’, Novalee’s baby, quasi-godfather. He also is deeply in love with Novalee and tries to tell her how he feels. He is always there for Novalee and Americus no matter what.

Aw! So cute!

And he is so good with kids. The way he is with Americus is just darling!

“Americus: Forney, if you give a cow chocolate will you get chocolate milk?
Forney Hull: Yeah. And if you spin a cow around real fast you’ll get whipped cream.
Americus: Wow! You know a lot.
Forney Hull: Well, I work in the library!”

As the film progresses we hear that Forney has a sad backstory. He was studying to be a history teacher when his father died. He then had to come back home, and take care of his alcoholic sister, the librarian. When she dies, Forney is given the freedom to do whatever he wants, but the only thing he wants to do is stay in Oklahoma with Novalee. He is willing to work in a plastics factory, just to be with her and Americus.

Forney is the all-around perfect man. He is kind, caring, loving, sweet, intelligent, etc. Novalee ends up letting him slip through her fingers, scared that she could never measure up. But Forney doesn’t care that she didn’t finish high school, or that she got pregnant at 17 and was living in a Wal-Mart. He cares about Novalee as a person, loving her and her spirit.

The end is so adorable! They finally get reunited and Forney’s dreams come true!

Novalee Nation: It’s too late, isn’t it, Forney?
Forney Hull: Too late for what?
Novalee Nation: I lied to you, when you asked me if I loved you, and I said no. Remember?
Forney Hull: Yes.
Novalee Nation: I lied. It wasn’t true, I-I love you. It’s just I lied because I thought you deserved something better.
Forney Hull: Something better than you? Novalee, there isn’t anything better than you.
[they kiss]

Here’s the end scene. Sorry it is not of better quality.

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For more films based on books, go to A Fright on Halloween Night

For more non-Austen films, go to Insults

For more bookish posts, go to Darcy’s Dream Date

For more on guys who can cook, go to Squeak, Squeakity, Squeak-ems

For more on the perfect guy, go to My New BF

What’s Your Line

Guys have the stupidest lines in the world. And what really gets me is when you try and help a guy out and tell them what to say that would be better at getting the girl’s attention and they tell you:

“You’re not a guy, you don’t know anything”

Oh of course, I’m just a girl so I must “have no clue” what girls like. I mean seriously!

For all the guys out there here are some lines that have guys used on me that you should not use. Repeat: You should NOT use these.

 

“How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!”

That is just sooooo lame. I don’t know anyone who would be into that

“If you where a pirate would you want your parrot on this shoulder? [Puts hand on shoulder closest to him] OR this one? [Puts hand on shoulder farthest away, therefore having arm around girl’s shoulders]

This will cause the girl to push you away, and yell at you. I mean who do you think you are coming up to someone you don’t know and doing that?

“Hey want to have my friend’s baby?”

Puh-leaze! What on earth made you think that was a great line? Most likely you will be slapped.

“Hey babe, wanna give me a refresher course in the female anatomy?”

Heck no loser! Another candidate for getting slapped.

“Hey babe, those are great pants! You’d look better with them off thought.”

Like seriously what about that is going to make me want to spend time with you? Another slap.

“Guy: I wish I could have what I need to be happy

Girl: You deserve to be happy

Guy: Great so that means were going out!”

Excuse me? I did not say that I was going to bring your happiness. Slow down crazy!

“Do you know karate? Cause your body’s kicking!”

Whatever your friends may say, that line is not gold but LAME. One time a guy asked me that and I said I did and was a black belt (not a complete lie) and that got the guy to leave me alone!

“Do you like your eggs fried or fertilized”

Gross and deserving of another slap.

“[Jumping out of a bush] Will you go out with me?”

Sorry I don’t date STALKERS! Seriously, presentation is important! Don’t act like a creep!

“Hey I’m cheap. You can have me for a chicken dinner. I’ll make you a winner!”

Ick. Now I’ll have nightmares for days

“Hey take me home tonight, we’ll have a dance party!”

No way Jose! And that line is muy es tonto!

“You must be tired because you’ve been running through me dreams all night!”

Yeah well, I didn’t take a pit stop there. LAME!

“You should come over tonight and be my nurse. Help me with my health.”

Yeah right perv, the only role playing I want to do is where you are a soccor ball so I can kick you.

I’m really good with my hands!

Ick! That’s so disgusting I don’t know what to say to it.

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These are all I can think of today, but I’ll probably post more. I’m always being hit on by weirdos. It’s like I have some scent that attracts them. Post a comment with any lame lines that you have been hit on by a guy or girl and your reaction!

I found this online, and it will be my response from now on.

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For more on Disney, go to Cinderelly, Cinderelly

For more on modern times, go to Where Oh Where Can it Be?

For more on Beauty and the Beast, go to According to Disney

For more on Gaston, go to There’s No One Like Gaston

For more on Cinderella, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List