Creepy Baby, Vampire Worldwide Tour, and Psych Ending. At Least it Has Lee Pace: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, Part II (2012)

Twilight on a Thursday instead of a Saturday?

Weeeeeell, as what usually happens, I have fallen behind. I had something else scheduled for today but the review is not easy, so I decided to move this review up a day.

Yes I was never planning on reviewing the last Twilight on a Saturday as Saturday the 30th holds a very special anniversary! (Any guesses what it could be?) So Twilight was always going to be moved up a day, it’s just going to be an even extra day. I don’t feel bad about breaking the symmetry as this film was not very good and psyched everyone out. To be honest I think everyone who spent money on a ticket watching this should get their money back as it was really a waste.

At least on the positive side, even though this is a terrible movie it means I will finally be done with Twilight.

No more Twilight ever!

So as I said in my previous reviews of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga” before this year. I remember when the books and films came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

This really happened at my school, but not with a shovel.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays (although today ended up being a #twihardthursday ) for Horrorfest X.

After watching these I do not understand how this captured the interest of so many. I mean I was there when it happened and witnessed it, but I’m still in shock as to why, why do so many people like them? Like of all the books in the world why was this terribly written one the one that “made it”?

I find them all to be really boring and to not make any sense at all, but at least I am now finally at the end.

So Edward and Bella are horrible parents, which doesn’t surprise me as they can’t even take care of themselves or make good decisions. Like where is the baby in all this “I’m a vampire nonsense that we already witnessed in the first film. Like they don’t even care who is watching her.

I also hate the name Reneesme, it is an extremely dumb choice and they should have listened to Rosalie (except no one does).

Jacob comes to see Bella and they are so mean calling him stinky. They are so mean to the werewolves. It is really uncomfortable how the Natice Americans are the werewolves and are told they stink and aren’t good enough. Hmmm, it makes me wonder about Stephanie Meyer.

Hmmm…

The show the baby and it is SUPER creepy. The baby is ABSOLUTELY terrifying, it looks like a robot. And then have a weird scene where the baby remembers trying to kill her mother. She was trying to end this series I guess, and failed. If only she actually could have.

Issues arise as Jacob is very protective of the baby and imprints on it. And I don’t care how they try to explain it, him imprinting on the baby and falling in love with her is weird.

But his creepy pedophilia “saves” the baby, (you know Stephanie Meyer is weird and this film has me really wondering about her) as because a werewolf imprinted the baby cannot be killed by then but must be protected. But Edward chooses to say nothing and let Bella beat Jacob up. I can’t blame him though, I’d probably do the same thing.

Bella is all mad about the Nessie nickname but I’m like you gave her the dumb name in the first place.

Why is Edward the only married vampire? How come Emmett and Jasper don’t marry their ladies?

So with Bella being a vampire, they made up a story that she became really ill and is in Switzerland getting treatment. The plan is for her to “die”, the Cullens to move, and for them to return after all who knew them has died. I’m like does she even care about her dad Charlie? He’s probably trying to get tickets to Switzerland to see her.

Jacob is all mad that the Cullens are planning to lead. He doesn’t want them to take the baby. He decides to show his wolf self to Charlie in an attempt to get the Cullens stay.

I feel bad for Charlie. I wish he would get remarried and have a good wife and a grateful daughter.

The budget is not very good in this, I don’t know where the money went (probably to that creepy baby). The makeup is horrible and the CGI is really bad.

So they have Bella meet up with her das and introduce the baby, who still looks like demon spawn, and to be honest not much happens. This movie is one of the most boring-est things I have ever seen. They did not need to make this into two films at all; this should have been one.

The baby grows really fast and continues to look extremely creepy. creepy CGI face .

One day Irina sees Bella, Jacob, and Reneesme out together and gets really angry about, deciding to tell the Volturi who aren’t even that scary.

Irina thinks Renesme is an immortal child. What kind of what is that? You know what I don’t really care.

You know, how come the vampire ladies can’t sleep with a human man and have a baby, why is it the vampire men are the only ones with the magic semen/venom? That seemed really unfair to me.

So this plot is weird. I mean the Volturi aren’t that scary, Bella could take them all out as one none of their powers work on her and she’s super strong as she’s a baby vamp (you know the whole plot to the previous film). But they are scared and decide they need to take their baby to all these vampires to prove she is only a half vamp.

So this becomes Passport Around the World Vampire Edition.

This movie is really, really, really boring. And again should have been one film not two parts.

But then something happens to make this film a little more bearable: Lee Pace. I’m like Lee Pace you deserve so much better than this film but thank you for making my viewing a bit more enjoyable.

Even though Lee Pace is in this, there isn’t enough of him. It reminds me of The Mortal Instruments when they had Aidan Turner and just wasted him. He was hardly in the film and I was like they should have made the film ALL him. That’s how I feel about this film and Lee Pace, they should have had him in it more. Such a handsome man, I have this still from Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.

I’m totally checked out this film. Is so boring I’m done.

Where’s Buffy when you need her?

From Buffy the Vampire Slayer

What is this Volturi Michael Sheen wearing? Is he going to the circus? What’s with all the gold braid. What is Michael Sheen doing? What is that noise? Is he having a stroke.

So we have a fight but like where is the epic music for the fight? Like they should have had intense music.

It’s a really lame fight though as one man can control the elements and he does nothing. Why doesn’t he set them all on fire?

The battle scene is lame and the vampires are like super easy to kill. They are like ceramic vampire Barbie dolls. You can just pull their heads off to kill them.

It turns out to be all a vision from Alice and they don’t fight. Everyone just goes home.

That’s it. That’s how they decide to end this.

This film was a literal waste. Like I can’t believe they made this. It had no plot, it was boring, and to be honest-dumb.

So that’s it! We are done everybody!

It’s over, I’m free!!

For more on Twilight, go to Vampire Wedding, Vampire Baby, and Bella Finally Gets What She Always Wanted: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part I (2011)

For more vampires, go to You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

For more werewolves, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

Vampire Wedding, Vampire Baby, and Bella Finally Gets What She Always Wanted: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part I (2011)

So you all, I’m really excited! There are only two Twilight films left and then I’m all done with the series!

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga” before this year. I remember when the books and films came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

This really happened at my school, but not with a shovel.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all. 

I find them all to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film four (that really should be the last one but they decided to spilt in half for no reason.)

So Bella and Edward are going to get married but I’m really think that is a terrible decision as they do not know how to be in a healthy relationship. I’m not the only one who is questioning this as Jacob is angry and throws his invitation in the rain puddle and her dad is sad. Probably thinking he should have fought harder for custody and then maybe his child wouldn’t have grown up to have so many vampire undead issues.

Bella looks sadly at the dream catcher, but you broke Jacobs heart so don’t be acting that way.

Bella is mad that Edward tells her it isn’t too late to change her mind. Yeah, he giving you a way out because he doesn’t want to turn you into a vampire and he’s probably thinking about how you cheated on him when you kissed Jacob in the last film.

Edward decided to tell Bella the rest of his life story. Edward rebelled against Carlisle and went off killing and drinking blood. In one scene he is watching the premiere of The Bride of Frankenstein, now I love that film but it feels a little on the nose to include it in this movie. They make Edward not really bad as he murdered a lot of people but they were all “monsters”. Yeah, he can read their minds but he didn’t know whether or not they would actually act in it.

Hmm…

Bella has a dream about the wedding and sees the Volturi and all the roses turn to blood. Blood is everywhere, on her dress, and everyone is dead-I know this is just supposed to be symbolic but she should really be thinking about this as a possibility that as it could actually happen. I mean she turning is breaking the covenant with the werewolves. Like does she even care people will die for her selfishness?

Now I really like Charlie Swan, he’s my favorite character. He sees the graduation cap mural and thinks it is really, really weird. I also like that he is 100% against this wedding, but even though he feels this way he still gives her a hair comb, a beautiful one. Such a sweet dad.

I wish Charlie had raised Bella as she would have been a better person and not so crazy or dreaming to be a vampire.

Jessica thinks Bella is pregnant and Bella is surprised people would think that. I’m like, yeah, I think most would assume that as she is 18 years old and previously kept talking about how she thinks marriage is dumb.

You know all the vampires have yellow eyes and look super jaundiced, yet no one is questioning why Carlisle the doctor, hasn’t taken care of this?

I noticed too that they got rid of the blue overlay and the whole set is much warmer. They also warmed up all the people too, the vampires don’t look like walking dead anymore.

So after the wedding, Charlie gives a speech and I love it, he is definitely the best character. I also love how he gives the mom a weird look when she is singing, he’s like why did I ever marry her I must have been super drunk.

I should not have ever married her.

Jacob missed the wedding, but stopped by the reception instead. They talks and Bella is really inappropriate talking about the “night”. Jacob warns Bella she should not sleep with Edward as a human as she could die. But Bella doesn’t care, she wants vampire love and if she almost dies, even better as he’ll be forced to turn her.

As Bella and Edward drive away, they hear the wolf cry and we all know it is Jacob.

From The Wolf Man (1941)

Carlisle gives Edward an island, Esme Island. Can Carlisle adopt me?

Please pick me.

So we have gone through a third of this film already and it has just been a wedding. It’s pretty boring.

Their honeymoon scenes are super awkward. Edward and Bella were together the first night and his vampire loving left a lot of bruises on her body. Since then, he hasn’t wanted to be do anything so then we just get a ton of scenes of Bella trying to seduce him.

Bella is weird and all I can think is why do you want to spend the rest of your vampire life with her? I’d be like stake me now.

Bella basically cries until Edward give in, and again-all this is weird to watch.

Weird…

They then abruptly switch to the werewolves. Jacob is planning to kill the vampires, but Sam says no. And Sam is the alpha make. Jacob need to stop being Moody McBroody. It’s really annoying

Bella throws up and realizes she’s pregnant. She thought it was impossible as he’s a vampire and they don’t have kids. My first call would be to call Carlisle.

Jacob goes to see Charlie and hears that Bella is sick. Jacob thinks she might have been turned and they are lying and he goes to see Bella at the Cullens. Jacob tells her she looks terrible and she does, she looks like she hasn’t slept in days and is so faint and super pregnant.

Should not have slept with Edward.

Bella is way too calm to have become giant pregnant lady in two weeks. Like I don’t know anyone who would be this calm. I’ve had dreams like this and freaked out more than her and it is actually happening to her body.

If I was Bella I’d be afraid I was caring the devil’s child like in Rosemary’s Baby. That’s who Rosalie should kill, Rosemary’s horrible husband. I’m going to make a fictional hit list for Rosalie to hunt down and take out.

Your on my list!

I can’t believe this is even a plot point as there is no way that Edward could have even made a baby.

The werewolves have a wolf pack meeting like in The Jungle Book. And they want to kill Bella and the baby. Jacob fights with Sam but Sam enforces his alpha male status and Jacob runs off to create his own pack of one. But it quickly becomes two as Seth comes to help Jacob as he left Sam’s pack and Seth is so cute. Leah also comes as she can’t stand being with her ex, Sam

Jacob warns the Cullens and all I could think is man Bella you’re messing everyone up. Like they warned her and she didn’t care sand she still doesn’t care that everyone could be killed because of her desire to be a vampire.

This movie is really boring and there isn’t any actions. Edward is yahooing (really Edward?) to find out about vampire babies. He’s been alive 100 years and this is the first time he has ever heard of vampire babies? I’m telling you Edward has magic semen, oops I mean venom.

Bella looks like the crypt keeper. And the baby is apparently killing her. Crushing her from the inside out.

Bella is super faint and old looking and hair is turning white. For someone who was freaking out two movies ago about growing old she is really calm for one who is growing super old.

Why is Edward the husband not rubbing her back when she’s throwing up? He does nothing and Jacob does all the hard work.

The baby is eating Bella I guess, so they need to give her blood and instead of a transfusion she has to drink it out of a straw, which is impossible.

What else is weird is if she was consuming large amounts of blood she would develop lesions in her brain, they should give her a blood transfusion.

This movie is super boring and makes zero sense. I would have been mad if I sat outside in line for hours and wasted my time or money on this.

It astounds me that if all the books that are written and published this is the one that made it and sold millions and was turned into a film? This one? I feel bad for all the authors out here who are such great writers and write wonderful stories and are stuck in obscurity while this and After and The Bad Boys Girl and Fifty Shades of Grey are the ones making money.

Rosalie is the Cassandra of this series, no one listen later to her and they should. She was right about how they shouldn’t turn Bella into a vampire, she’s right about the danger, and she’s right about the name Renesme being dumb.

Bella’s back breaks from the infant and of course the doctor is gone as he went to get Bella food. Rosalie tries to cut the umbilical cord but then tries to eat her, Edward like rips her open with his mouth and hands and this scene is gross and weird. This whole film is.

Bella is dying and Edward tries to bring her back and I’m like let her die.

Edward gives her venom and she turns into a vampire. Jacob becomes a pedophile in this film and falls in love with the baby.

So the werewolves don’t kill the baby because he imprinted her and she is now protected by the pack. He saved the baby but he’s still a pedophile. Edward should pinch him I’m mad that he did that.

So this film was horrible. Like all this could have been summed up in like 30 mins and this easily could have been just one film. It really was not necessary and it honestly feels like a cash grab. I’m glad I’m almost done with this series and only have one film left.

For more on Twilight, go to Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

For more vampires, go to You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

For more werewolves, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga”. I remember when they came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all.

Huh?

I find them to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film three.

So we start this film off very different than the others. Some dude we don’t know is walking in the rain, and gets knocked over by a vampire. There is screeching, fighting, etc. I don’t know if that’s how the book starts, but this makes me feel like some studio head did a survey and the charts said that they needed more action.

I’m done

We then switch to Bella and I’m tired of her saying all these deep quotes and laying in the fields and grass. It looks so uncomfortable.

This interaction between Bella and Edward is weird as she is nagging him about turning her and I thought this was all solved in the last film when he agreed to turn her if she married him. Why are they still fighting over this?

We are still on this?

Oh it’s a problem because it turns out Bella doesn’t believe in marriage.

What??

So she doesn’t believe in marriage because her parents are divorced and half of marriages end in divorce; basically she’s not sure they will last forever. Yet even though she’s like “I don’t know if I want to be with you forever”, she also tells him she does want to spend forever with him and needs her to turn her into a vampire.

Like Edward, this girl is crazy! Run from her, run far from her! But he won’t. And you know why? Because this sums Edward up in one image.

So her dad doesn’t know what has been going on (with the vampire/werewolf things) but knows something isn’t quite right and like a good dad senses this relationship with Edward is not beneficial to his daughter. While he doesn’t want to push too hard, as she is 18 and an adult, he does start laying down some rules: such as a curfew and having Bella hang out with her friends and not just Edward. Good for him. I really like Charlie Swan, he’s probably my favorite character.

Bella decided to go visit Jacob on the reservation, as he won’t return her calls since he is still mad about her wanting to become a vampire. But Edward won’t allow this stops her car to stop her. This is horrible as this relationship is super toxic.

Edward acts really weird trying to get Bella to leave Forks but like why not tell her why? It’s plot lines like this that I can’t stand. Bella agrees to go but only if Edward goes with her. Bella visits her mom in Florida and her mom is horrible as she is every encouraging of this dangerous relationship. Edward’s behavior is really disconcerting. The way he stares and always watching isn’t romantic but gives me flashbacks to when I was in an abusive relationship.

Back in Forks, Victoria has arrived and that is why they sent Bella away. The vampires try to kill her but she runs into wolf territory and gets into a little skirmish. Jacob shows up warns the Cullens to stay off the Rez.

I really don’t like how Edward doesn’t want Bella to be around Jacob. It really bugs me how he tries to control who her friends are. He’s extremely controlling.

Bella goes to visit the pack anyway and talks to Jacob and learns more about the werewolves. Jacob describes imprinting and it is really weird. Like the way he describes it, does not stop how creepy it is that he does it later with a baby. Also it makes it even creepier that Sam imprinted on Emily when she was an adult while Jacob does it to a BABY!

I like that Jacob tries to convince Bella not to turn into a vampire. He brings up valid points that Bella needs to think about. She hasn’t even lived, how does she know she wants to spend the rest of her like with Edward? And will she be okay with never having children. And does she even care that her being turned will destroy a contract that the vampires and werewolves made and start a giant war between them. No she doesn’t think about those things and he doesn’t even care that these people she cares about could die because she’s selfish.

Yep Bella don’t care about anybody but herself, and keeps nagging Edward to turn her. But like Bella doesn’t care that Edward doesn’t want to steal her soul, he doesn’t want her to go to hell, he hates living forever, etc.

Jacob and Bella are hanging out and Jacob admits his feelings for Bella. He gets really upset when she says she feels nothing for him and I don’t blame him as she lead him on in the previous film. I mean she was all up on him, touching his abs a lot, etc.

Later that evening Rosalie tries to talk sense into Bella as she doesn’t understand what is going to be given up and what she’ll never have in the end.

Rosalie’s story is so sad. She was supposed to get married but was raped by her fiancé and his friends. After she was turned she gets her revenge on the men, and dressed as a bride too! Good for her. I SO wish she continued her revenge and became a vigilante that continuing killing abusive men. I would 100% read/watch that! Like turn that backstory into

Meanwhile in Seattle, Victoria is building a vampire army. Now the Volturi is supposed to be taking care of things like this but instead are like the UN not doing anything. They just want to let the world burn, what happened to law and order?

We switch from that plot to graduation and Anna Kendrick’s speech is really bad and there is no way they would let them her do that as they have to approve all the speeches.

Bella goes to the graduation party and Jacob shows up with his friends. Bella gets really mad and Jacob apologizes for his earlier poor choices. He brings her a cute wolf charm, and those are super expensive. When I went to Montana all the Native American crafts were SUPER pricey, especially if you can prove it have been made by Native Americans.

Alice gets a vision at the the party that vampires are coming and the werewolves have decided they will stop the army. Bella is mad and tries to get Edward to stop them, but Bella the vampires can’t tell wolves what to do, he’s not the boss of them.

Edward is all mad at her for wearing Jacob’s cute little wolf charm but I’m like settle down Edward those are cute. Again extremely controlling.

We then get the newborn mythology and Jasper training. What is with this training scene. Why didn’t they just do this at home, why do they need it to be done in front of the werewolves?

If I was in this story I wouldn’t be hanging out with the vampires, I’d be chilling with the wolves like Princess Mononoke.

Edward in these next few scenes really make me angry. So Victoria wants to kill Bella and to protect her Jacob carries Bella off to mask her stench. Edward is all angry and he just needs to chill.

Then Edward is a total jerk when he decides to give Bella a bracelet to not only replace Jacob’s and get him to stop wearing Jacob’s and try to show himself as better as his bracelet is more expensive.

But Bella is worse as she keeps pushing him to have sex with her, even though he has already made it clear he does not want to have sex until he is married. It is really abusive and inappropriate that she doesn’t respect his no. Like if she was a guy talking to a girl this to would make a lot of people mad, it’s like Unbreakable all over again.

That evening Bella is freezing to death in the tent and Jacob comes into to give her warmth and Edward gnat . I don’t know why he doesn’t become a wolf. Edward is all mad but hey, he’s trying to help and you can’t do it.

Jacob and Edward talk all night and I’m kind of done with it. All this scene makes me think is that none of these people are mature enough to be in a relationship or to be thinking about marriage and “forever”. Plus isn’t there a battle going on, what happened to that?

Jacob finds out that they are planning to marry and Edward does it on purpose even though Bella told him she was going to Jacob later. So rude as he should respect her wishes and let her tell him in her own time.

Then when Jacob wants to run off to join the fight she gets really mad and tells him to kiss her which is really horrible as she is not only leading him on but she’s engaged and cheating on her fiancé. Both these boys should not be involved with her she has no loyalty or respect.

And what kind of vampire film is this? Jasper just punches the heads off people. There is no staking of the hearts but just punching and ripping heads off like they are glass or something. It is really weird.

The vampires light up super fast as well, I feel like they should just get blowtorches and blow them all away.

The Volturi arrive and I’m not sure why they are even the villains as they don’t seem that scary. Like there are only four of them and Jane’s power doesn’t even work on Bella she could take them all out. They should also be afraid of Bella as a vampire as the powers don’t work on her.

But the biggest come away for me is that Edward you should not marry Bella. They were engaged two days ago and she cheated on you with a child. She’s not forever material. And it is even worse when you realize she did that in real life as well. Yep, life imitating art as Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson got engaged in real life and she cheated on him.

For more on Twilight, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

For more vampires, go to Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

For more werewolves, go to You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga”. I remember when they came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X.

Plus people are always saying that if Catherine Morland existed today she’s be all over this series, so it is Jane Austen related. Sort of. 

This film was really really hard for me to watch. It is badly written, which I expected, but what was worse was how manipulative and abusive Bella was to Edward.

We begin the film with Bella having a dream that she is old and she has turned 18 in real life, but Edward will stay forever 17. The first thing she starts with is trying to convince Edward to turn her. She uses emotional abuse and manipulation to convince Edward to turn her. She is constantly trying to guilt him into it and almost all of her dialogue is about 18 is ancient turn me, when will you turn me, please turn me, and so on.

They watch Romeo and Juliet and Bella keeps talking over and over that suicide is great and how she would love him to turn her into a vampire and it is really disturbing. Edward is not at all into it, and all I can think is Edward should dump her and run far away because Bella is really weird.

I feel so much for Edward, Bella is super annoying about being a vampire and constantly harassing him. He’s only known her for less then a year and she’s only 18, like how does she know she will want to spend “forever” with him? She kind of sounds like The Little Mermaid, and not in a good way.

To be perfectly honest it feels more like she would try to be “forever” with any vampire as she just wants to be a vampire. She doesn’t love Edward, he was just the first vampire she met.

Then Bella has her birthday party at the Cullen’s house and I think it is super rude that she doesn’t celebrate with her dad. Why didn’t she bring Edward over to her house? Like that would make a lot more sense. In fact as I think about it, she never has Edward come to her house or interact with her dad. Very suspicious!

Hmm…

So at the party Bella gets injured and Edward flings her across the room and throws her on the wall where she breaks something and is more severely injured then she was before, her arm bleeding everywhere as he tries to “protect” her.

Like seriously? What is Edward doing.

So Bella is all this is fine even though that is a serious injury, and again one she has had from being around the Cullens and vampires. Although it’s just a cut when she should have a seriously bruised tailbone as Edward threw her across the room, into the wall, with his vampire super strength. Edward is starting to realize that this is not a good idea, then being around will probably just put her more at risk especially as Jasper has a really hard time dealing with stuff like that.

Edward is starting to realize that hanging out with a mortal human who is constantly getting injured at his hands is not a good idea, and that continuous time around her will probably just put her more at risk. So Edward does the mature thing and breaks up with Bella, he and his family leaving as it isn’t the best thing for them to be around her right now.

Bella Swan: If this is about my soul, take it I don’t want it with out you!

Edward Cullen: It’s not about soul Bella. You’re just not good for me!

But Bella is not mature. She does not deal with the breakup well. She isolates herself from her friends and spends all her time in her room. I don’t know why people always hate on her dad as he tries really hard. He’s so concerned about her he is going to send her back with her mom but she refuses to go and hangs out with Jessica to please him. Her dad is trying to help her, but she doesn’t really communicate well with him.

When she is out with Jessica she sees some bikers and it reminds her of the time when Edward saved her from some dudes. She goes with him and sees Edward’s image. Here is where she becomes abusive by using coercion and constantly putting her life in danger so that she can bring Edward to her, so that he will save her from these terrible situations, or if she dies so that he will be forced to turn her. Because if he really “loved” her he would always be there to “save” her. Well how about your stop doing things like that.

She literally is

This really gives me a vibe that Stephanie Meyer was obsessed with some boy at school and he rejected her and she wanted him and tried to get him and instead wrote this book.

So Bella starts hanging out with Jacob and using him to make her feel better. And this really makes me upset as she has no romantic feelings for him but she continues to lead him on.

“Bella Swan: Dear Alice, I wish I had your real address. I wish I could tell you about Jake. He makes me feel better. I mean, he makes me feel alive. The hole in my chest… well, when I’m with Jake it’s like it’s almost healed for a while. But even Jake can’t keep the dreams away.

Like this is a horrible thing to do and it really makes me mad how she just uses him. Poor little boy, he’s like only 15 in this film.

So she and Jacob grow close and she injures herself again and again being dumb and bleeds a lot. It’s funny to me how she doesn’t see how much better it is with a human helping her as he doesn’t push her into another rock or something and cause more bleeding or broken bones.

Jacob really likes her and let’s her know his feelings but she crushes them. He then gets sick and she takes him home and it turns out that he is a werewolf.

Bella is furious at this and tells him he should try and stop and I’m like really? Werewolves don’t have any choice in the matter, like vampires. And I can’t believe someone who is constantly begging vampires to turn her can tell someone to stop being a cryptid, especially one who has no control over it but has a gene that causes them to turn. Stop being a hypocrite and get over yourself Bella.

It really bugs me too how horribly they treat the Native Americans. The Native Americans are seen as the bad guys as Bella tells Jacob to change, he can be better than that. Better than my race Bella? Really?

I also don’t like how the one man, Sam, he abused his girlfriend as he couldn’t control his wolf power (which I like that the film makes it very clear that this is not okay) and Bella is all upset, but yet the damage Edward does to her is no big deal. I mean Emily had her face scratched but Bella has been thrown against the headboard (when they were making out in her underwear), had her leg broken, femeol artery cut open, Edward sucks the poison out and almost kills her (Carlisle has to smack him out of it), and she’s been thrown against a wall by Edward causing a vase to break and cut her arm open. Yet, that’s okay? But the Native American werewolves are bad guys?

Bella is also mad that Jacob doesn’t want to be around her because he is afraid of hurting her. But again, all she tells him is he should change.

She is also mad that Jacob killed the vampire that tried to kill her as Vampires being killed is evil. This whole storyline is that werewolves are really bad as they kill animals and vampires they don’t have a treaty with but what are the vampires killing and eating? They are definitely killing animals too.

Seriously

I also don’t like this negative undertone of Narive Americans as being angry, aggressive, can’t control themselves, killers, need to change who they are but Vampires are pale, perfect, and something to be achieved.

So it turns out Edward thinks that Bella is dead as Alice told him she saw a vision where Bella died and when he called the house Jacob tells him the dad is at a funeral (his friend who had a heart attack when he was hunting) and Edward thinks it is Bella, even though Edward could have just asked who’s funeral.

I think it is weird as the first thing he does is decide to kill himself instead of coming to the funeral or paying the last respects first. Something that most normal people would do. And interesting that Bella this while time has been trying to kill herself so Edward could save her or turn her, but when he finds out she died he does neither of those things. Sucks to suck.

Edward then heads to Italy to try and kill himself by the Vultori but they don’t want to kill him as they want his ability to read minds. Weird, whatever.

Back in Forks, Alice comes and is surprised to see if Bella is alive. It turns out because Bella was with a werewolf that it blocked her vision.

They then hurry to Italy but I don’t know how as Vampires aren’t able to cross over water. And even if they aren’t following that lore, they’re no way they would beat him with how long it takes to travel and these vampires don’t shape shift.

But they save Edward, return home, and stood up to the Volturi who aren’t even scary. They look like they bought their vampire outfits at the discount store.

I know a lot of people like these movies, but I don’t get it. And there are three more films left to watch, I’m really regretting this.

I know I have!

For more on Twilight, go to Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

For more vampires, go to You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

For more werewolves, go to Holy Smokes! Your Mom’s a Werewolf!: My Mom’s a Werewolf (1989)

Prom & Prejudice

psychPromjulietshawn

Prom.

Some of us loved it,

Some of us hated it.

Whether we planned for it

Or ignored it,

it is something that every person in public school in the United States encounters in their lifetime.

It’s true.

For me, I enjoyed prom. I tried to spend as little money as possible on everything and did extremely well. I had a beautiful blue gown, cost $2.50 at a thrift store sale, $8 to get it dry cleaned.

Oh yeah!

My shoes? Beautiful silver heels, extremely comfortable, and free-with the purchase of a bracelet for $8 (Kohl’s cash buy something $8-10, get something $8-10 free).

I like it.

Make-up? Free, my sister did it.

Yep!

Hair? Only $16 as I knew a hairstylist.

Limo? Free, my friend’s date father owned a limousine rental.

Sweet!

Dinner? Free, my friend had coupon that covered everything.

Awesome!

The most expensive thing? $25 tickets. So a total of $59.50, not bad.

But we don’t want to just hear about my experience. Oh no, this is a book review post:

Promandprejudice

Prom & Prejudice by Elizabeth Eulberg

**Contains Spoilers**

Yes, if we go through prom, why not the Austen characters? (Or at least Pride & Prejudice Austen characters.)

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In Eulberg’s book Jane, Elizabeth, Lydia, Caroline, Mr. Darcy, Charlotte, Mr. Collins, and Mr. Bingley all get an opportunity to go to prom.

Why not?

This book came out when I was a young adult and I just happened on to it accidentally, started reading and LOVED it! In fact I think it is one of the best modern adaptions.

Elizabeth “Lizzie” Bennet is a scholarship student at the elite prep school, Longbourn. She was recruited for her musical talent, as she is an accomplished piano player.

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Sadly, piano playing is the only nice thing about being there at the school. Everyone treats her horribly as they want her to “know her place.” They dump drinks on her, call her names, give her the wrong room when she asks for directions, etc.

HateYou

She does have two friends in the school, one is a fellow scholarship student, Charlotte, and the other is the incredibly nice Jane.

So Lizzie has just returned from Hoboken, New Jersey to the school from winter break. While she is thinking about the spring concert and her studies; every other girl at Longbourn and every boy at Pemberley (school for boys) have only one thing on the brain: prom.

To not have a date would be the biggest faux pas; so all are prepping and conniving to have the best date.

While Jane is excited for prom, she is also thrilled that Charles Bingley will be returning from England where he spent the previous semester. Before he left the two had been heading toward something, and spent the whole summer emailing and writing; so Jane is eager to see if they  will become more.

 At the welcome back dance Lizzie is pleased to meet Charles as he is extremely nice and appears to be perfect for her friend Jane. Unfortunately, his twin sister Caroline is a real jerk.

Charles also brought his best friend Will Darcy, who is attractive and seems like a good guy, that is until he finds out Elizabeth is a scholarship student and just takes off, major diss.

What a jerk

Later she overhears him saying how he spent a year in London to try and get away from those kinds of people.

Ugh

Elizabeth tries to leave, but is stopped by Colin Williams (Mr. Collins) the only other person nice to her and the most boring person she has ever met.

Blah, blah

Oh, Mr. Collins:

While her way at school is paid, she still needs money to fund everything else and works at the local coffee shop as a barista. She runs into Darcy there, but the fate is sealed. She is not going to like him for anything.

Charles invites Jane and Lizzie to come with him, Caroline, and Darcy as they are headed to Vermont to ski. Lizzie agrees to support Jane although she has no clue about skiing. She decides to just wait inside playing the steinway (piano), doing homework, and sipping hot tea.

The next day everyone heads out to the slopes while Lizzie decides to head to the bookstore to pick up a book for school. Darcy offers her a ride, but Lizzie doesn’t want help. She finally agrees and the two talk on the drive. Darcy doesn’t get why she is being so snobby and down about school, while Lizzie lets everything out about how people are treating her.

That night things go a bit sour as Charles is taking Jane out and Lizzie is to be stuck at the house with her two favorite people, Caroline and Darcy.

Those guys

Darcy isn’t so bad, but Elizabeth Lizzie has to be there while Caroline tries to impress him. She starts with commenting on his email writing, then doing yoga moves, etc. The conversation moves to involve only Lizzie and Darcy, but Caroline doesn’t like that.

They all return to school, and in Lizzie’s case work, and things are back to normal. However, Lizzie meets George “Wick” Wickham who is handsome, charming, and hates Longbourn and Pemberley as much as she does. Wick tells her that Darcy and he became very good friends, but when Darcy’s father was paying too close attention to him Darcy got jealous and had him kicked out.

Charles is having a party and invites all kinds of people. Jane and Lizzie are going of course, and because Jane is going, her sister Lydia squeezes her way in. Jane’s father recently lost his job and that has downgraded her status at the school. It doesn’t help that Lydia is all kids of crazy and embarrassing and can’t stop about prom or boys.

If only she followed this advice.

Wick was supposed to come to the party but changed his mind, leaving Lizzie sad and upset as she wanted to spend the time with him. However, Darcy pays quite a bit attention to her and even asks her to dance.

The night ends even worse with nonstop attention from Colin, Lydia doing a bad dance/rockette/cheerleader routine, and her coat getting stolen. Could things get worse?

The next day things get even worse, as Colin asks her to prom and doesn’t want to take no for an answer. He then insults her and says that she will have no one else ask her poverty-stricken patootie (I added that).

When Elizabeth gets home, she is surprised with a new coat. Life seem to be brightening up, but then the dark cloud comes back as Charles just breaks off contact with Jane as “things came up.”

Two weeks pass and no Charles. He just drops off the face of the earth and poor Jane is heartbroken.

Noooo!

To add to that, it turns out that Wick didn’t consider he and Lizzie a couple, but has been dating a wealthy Longbourn girl who’s family has great connections. What a jerk!

But strangely enough, who should come every day to the coffee shop? Mr Darcy. And not only does he see her every day bit he leaves a big tip.

One day as she was walking, she runs into him and his cousin Fitzpatrick, and discovers that he broke up his friend’s relationship as the girl wasn’t right. Lizzie hooks on that it must be Jane and Charles. She is furious!

She tells Darcy her hours and hopes that he will avoid her. It is the opposite as Darcy seens to come more than ever.

And out of nowhere he drops the bomb:

And he asks her to prom. Elizabeth Lizzie’s reaction?

She is furious with him for Jane, Charles, Wick, Longbourn, everything!

She goes to write an email to her New Jersey friends, but finds one from Darcy instead! His letter contains the following:

  1. He’s had scholarship kids in the past try and get things from him-money, connections, social status, etc.-so now he avoids them. He’s sorry to have been so rude to Elizabeth, but that has became his instant reaction.
  2. He wasn’t the one who really pushed Jane and Charles apart, although he didn’t try and have them be together either.
  3. The guy and girl he was talking about? It was Colin who wanted to ask Lizzie out again and Darcy thought it was a bad idea.
  4. He had Wick kicked out of school because of two reasons:
    1. He got Darcy’s young sister, Georgiana drunk to try to get her to have sex with him.
    2. He broke into their house and stole a bunch of things.

Elizabeth realizes that she thought Darcy was the prejudiced and prideful one, but it turns out that she was as well. Because he was rich she thought the worse of him, and because he hurt her pride she was willing to believe anything horrible that was said of him.

They both are.

Things get weirder as it turns out that Wick and Lydia are “together”.

I guess his rich girlfriend didn’t work out.

Lizzie sees this and is horrified as she now knows that Wick is a sexual predator, looking for young, freshmen girls. She goes to Jane and lets everything out. She is just as shocked when she hears it all.

They keep a tight leash on Lydia and argue whether or not to reveal what happened to Darcy’s sister to keep Lydia away from Wickham. They decide to wait as it isn’t their story to tell.

They are both pleasantly surprised when Charles comes with a bouquet and begs Jane’s forgiveness. And as she is so sweet and adorable, she forgives him.

 Midterms end and Lizzie heads home for break, but she gets an even better surprise. Her piano teacher, Mrs. Gardiner, gives her two tickets to see her favorite pianist, Claudia Reynolds.

When Lizzie and her mother go to the concert they are thrilled with the amazing music, and Elizabeth is floored when she discovers that Claudia Reynolds is Darcy’s mother.

She meets Darcy in his own setting and sees all pretense gone. She also meets his adorable sister and sees how cute their little family is.

The have a great time and even make plans for Darcy and Georgiana to visit her in New Jersey. Their fun trip is cut short when Lydia goes missing with Wick and Lizzie and Darcy set out to find her.

Darcy goes through everywhere that Wick would want to stay at and finds the two utterly wasted in a trashed hotel room. He uses his father’s money and influence to remove Wick and settle the bill.

The rest of the break is uneventful and quiet, with no calls from Darcy. It seems that now that she wants him, nothing is heard from him. Don’t you just hate that? When they return to school Charles has a big dinner party for their friends, but Darcy doesn’t sit with Elizabeth Lizzie or talk to her, no matter how hard she tries to get his attention.

Soon Lizzie’s recital comes up and she rocks (figuratively). Afterwards Darcy asks her out, telling her he was waiting as he didn’t want to break her concentration.

Aw!

However, they will not be going to prom but be going out to enjoy their night together.

I loved this book.

Even though they didn’t follow the book exactly I thought Eulberg was able to capture the life of the characters and bring across what Jane wanted.

The only thing I din’t like was Darcy didn’t take her to prom. Come on, you guys could have just dressed casual or not spent a lot of money. I mean seriously.

Totally!

But there is something that really surprised me. I spotted this in the acknowledgements:

“I’d especially like to thank Stephanie Meyer for being so enthusiastic for my writer life and having that conversation about Pride and Prejudice that led me to the idea for this book.

Stephanie Meyer?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Stephanie Meyer who wrote Twilight?

The horror!

I can’t believe I have to thank her for something good!

Well that aside, it is a fantastic book and I recommend it for any Austen fan.

For more on Pride & Prejudice, go to Brought Shame and Scandal to Pemberley: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Two (2013)

For more Pride & Prejudice variations, go to Suspense & Sensibility (Or First Impressions Revisited)

For more books based on Jane Austen, go to For Darkness Shows the Stars

For more Jane Austen quotes, go to Perfectea, A Perfect Cup of Tea or Tea for Two

For more on prom, go to Oh What A Night