Should We Pity Miss Bates or Strive to Be Her?

Oh Miss. Bates. Often we see her in Emma  films or when we encounter her in the story we ignore her:

Find her annoying:

Or pity her:

But then something stood out to me this time I read it that made me wonder…

Hmm…

Maybe WE have always approached this character the wrong way and we should actually strive to BE her.

So let’s start at the beginning.

Miss Bates was the daughter of a vicar, he having passed on and left the family in an improvised state.

She isn’t known to be intelligent, witty, or wise.

She wasn’t considered beautiful when she was young and isn’t seen as such now,

She never was courted, engaged, or married.

Her youth passed by with no distinction.

She now is middle-aged and spends all her time taking care of her elderly mother.

 And she spends most of her time trying to stretch her dollars as far as they can go.

Yes, life seems to be pretty grim.

So why should we want to be like her?

Because, despite ALL this, despite her life and circumstances, this is how she is:

“And yet she was a happy woman, and a woman whom no one named without good-will[sic].”

And where does this happiness come from? How does she have such pleasant emotion in such a bleak situation?

“It was her own universal good-will[sic] and contented temper which worked such wonders.”

Yes, her happiness isn’t derived from objects, money, people, beauty, etc. She is happy because she wants to be happy…

And because she can find pleasure in everything.

“She loved everybody, was interested in everyone’s happiness, quicksighted[sic] to every body’s merits: thought herself a most fortunate creature, and surrounded with blessings in such an excellent mother, and so many good neighbors and friends, and a home that wanted for nothing.”

Yes, most of us would be complaining, grumbling, whining, or disgusted to have her life…

But that isn’t how Miss Bates react. Instead she is joyful in everything and thankful for all she has in her life, even though most would view it as nothing. She reminds me of the green onion girl from Veggietales. Always joyful in everything.

And because of her joyful spirit she finds herself enjoying “a most uncommon degree of popularity.”

And that’s why I believe we should strive to be like her. How much nicer would life be if we learn to love what we have? If we tried to be kind and compassionate to all? If we looked at the good in others and our life instead of focusing on the negative?

For more on Miss Bates, go to A Bit Pottery About Jane Austen

For more Emma, go to When You Shockingly Relate to Mr. Woodhouse

For more Cristina Garcia quotes, go to Optimum Image

For more Charles Dickens quotes, go to Trek the Halls with Bones and Scotty

For more L.M. Montgomery quotes, go to I’m the Happiest Girl on Prince Edward Island: Anne of Green Gables

For more bible verses, go to Each Illustration is a Little Story. If You Watch Them, In a Few Minutes They Tell You a Tale: The Illustrated Man

For more Steve Maraboli quotes, go to The Final Chapter

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The Final Chapter

So if you have been following my blog you probably wonder why my attitude from my ex went from I’m happy it’s over to he’s a cheating, lying,

wordICan't say Toy Story

Some of you are probably like that is every relationship, but no that’s not the reason. Let me back up and just give you who are new to following a brief recap.

So my ex and I broke up last year and it was not the best ending for me. You see I was away at school and we were trying to make a long-distance relationship work.

longdistancenicholassparks

I had thought things were fine, until Michael, my ex started talking to me less and less. I went down to see him and he took an extra shift. When I was coming back for Thanksgiving he wasn’t sure he would be able to fit me in.

Now for all you people (and me now) it is clear that this guy was obviously moving on from me. But of course, I didn’t see it as:

Love_Is_Blind_by_Luquicas

So he was talking to me less and less and I was just so confused by it.

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My grandfather died, and still barely any peep from him. I know, my grandfather dies and he can’t see me or comfort me. What a major loser, am I right?

Jerk

So I go surprise attack him and see him, trying to get an answer out of him why he was so distant. Did he even want to stay together? You know, the usual questions. I mean I was so confused and unhappy and emotional, I just wanted the truth. We ended up breaking up. Now at first I was completely heartbroken, and there are earlier posts which detail that phase of my life.

HeartHurtsDon'tKnowCanDoAgainHeartbroken

In fact I stupidly blamed myself for most of it. Maybe if I had done this differently or this we would still be together.

what-not-to-say-to-broken-hearted-girl-3what went wrong holiday

Luckily, I eventually realized it wasn’t all my fault, in fact I was a great girlfriend. I sent him care packages, I treated him wonderfully and he was the one who was acting wrong and not like a boyfriend at all. I mean I got hit on by tons of guys and could have cheated on him or passed him up for someone “better”, but I didn’t as I really cared about him. I’m not gonna lie, it took a while, but I eventually got over him.

Miss you less sweeney-todd-sweeney-todd-23636342-500-270

I realized that breaking up was better than being in a relationship that was becoming non-existent.

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I mean he couldn’t even get up the balls to break up with me. Like what was he expecting me to do  over Christmas break? Never come around?

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But then I found out something. You see, Michael was cheating on me those past few months of our relationship. When I found that out I was incensed! I wanted to hurt him so bad!

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I was seriously angry. I would imagine myself going and punching his lights out.

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I really wanted to make him pay. In fact it took every ounce of my will to not go to his work and teach him a lesson.

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Now some of you this might seem a normal response, but for those of you who are shocked or appalled at my confession, let me tell you why this rankled me so much. You see I have always vetted the guys I date very throughly, so much that many don’t make it far with me. Yes, I’m picky but I just don’t want any old boy.

HighstandardsExtraordinary

And I had allowed Michael to get farther than any other boy had. I became his girlfriend, which is something I had always stayed away from becoming as I was always afraid of picking the wrong guy. With Michael, I didn’t think we were soul mates or meant to be together forever, but he just seemed so right.

he gets me

Only for me to find out I was dead wrong. Extremely wrong. You see when he asked me to be his girlfriend I told him I had three rules he had to agree to for me to say yes. The first was to NEVER, EVER cheat on me. Cheating is just a horrible thing to do as it screws people up for a long time. Second to call or skype me once a week, and third visit me at least once a semester. He agreed, especially to the first rule as he had been cheated on before and knew what it felt like.

That horrible guy!

GoldenGirlsEat&DieTrash

How could he treat me like that if he knew how it felt! I was enraged! But slowly, I got over it.

Bandaid

It sucks that the first guy I gave my heart to turned out to be such a Wickham:

Darcy Wickham Pride&Prejudice

But I’m not going to let him have any more power over my life. I already wasted time thinking, crying, plotting revenge, etc on him.

moveon

It sucks that he turned out to be such a rotter, but that’s life right? You can’t protect yourself from everything.

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Bitterness, resentment, and revenge may seem like your best friends, but they really aren’t doing you any favors.

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After all, they’ve already misused you, why let them continue that. It is always better to move on.

strongwoman

And I’m not letting that guy hurt me anymore. After all I got the best deal. I love his family, and they still love me. Plus I’m amazing! Eventually, maybe not anytime soon, but one day he’ll realize what a catch I was and kick himself for letting me get away! Your loss!

yourloss

And someone else’s gain.

And you are out of my thoughts forever.

I don't need you

And that would be the end of the post, except for one thing. I did see him again. And no I didn’t hit him or injure him.

You see every year my family goes to see the free Christmas play in town. And this year guess who had the lead? Michael.

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Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

No I’m kidding. It actually wasn’t that bad. I saw his relatives again who I absolutely adore. I saw him and to be honest I didn’t care. I will admit that at one time the urge to kick him really hard came over me:

KickShin

But it was a really small urge.

In fact seeing him again, I actually wasn’t impressed. No heartfelt longing to get back together. No breaking down and crying. In fact, nothing at all.

OverThemNewPerspectiveNothingSpecial

Now some of you might be wondering why I haven’t said anything about the girl he cheated on me with. I don’t really feel as if I can say anything because I don’t really know her role in this. Did she know he had a girlfriend? Did she try purposely to break us up? And to be honest, if she was actively involved than she is a horrible person, as scamming on somebody else’s person is just down right low. But, the person in the relationship is more at fault as they should know better.

And you know what, whoever is at fault, they’re going to get what’s coming to them. What goes around comes around. I don’t have to settle the score as someone else will. What’s important is to concentrate on me, and the next phase of my life.

Some of you may think, that’s a lot of personal information. Aren’t I worried if the guy finds out and reads it? Well, first of all:

Idon'tcareanymoreDeanWinchesterSupernatural

And secondly, if he wanted me to say something nice, he should have been nicer.

storiestellthemhowyouwant

Now I’m planning this to be the very last post on my ex, I’m not planning on seeing him ever, and I don’t think I will write another thing on him. Now think is the operative word as every time I thought the Verne Saga was over, he would come around again.

So I am going to end this last ex post with something I want you all to remember. If you have ever been hurt by someone, let it go and never, ever let it take over your life or destroy your personality.

HeartneverhardensCharlesDickens

Stay golden!

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For more musings of me, go to Concentrated Awesome

For more on getting over a broken heart, go to If It Means A Lot to You

For more on Nicholas Sparks, go to I Don’t Want to Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

For more on Sarah Dessen, go to I Will Survive

For more on Steve Maraboli, go to Love Will Find a Way

For more of my favorite quotes, go to The Many Reincarnations of Me

Missing You

missyou

So the next song in my getting over a heartbreak list is one of my favorite songs ever.

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12) Missing You by John Waite

80sSong

I just love this song so much:

favsong

Not only does it have great music and lyrics, but I feel like he just captures the emotions so well.

Music

The song is about a breakup and how he is missing his ex but then gets over them and stops mising them. Other people may not believe him, but he’s getting over that person. My favorite part is at the end when he loudly sings out, I ain’t missing you, I ain’t missing you at all!

This song works well next, because now we are reaching the point when you are starting to get over the other person, but can be brought back again into thinking of them, but are consciously making the decision to not have them on your mind.

choosereality

The  song is written by  John Waite and when it was released in 1984 it was  #1 on the Billboard Hot 100. The song has been covered by numerous artists, but Waite is the best (at least in my opinion).

The music video is also really cool. As it is told in a series of flashbacks as Waite is thinking of his past relationship, along with the present as he is trying to figure out what and where to go next. This song is super popular and has been in a ton of things: Warm Bodies22 Jump Street, One Tree Hill, Life As We Know It, Everybody Hates Chris, Selena, Miami Vice, etc.

*********************************************************

Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I’m still standing here
And you’re miles away
And I’m wondering why you left

Missing You

There’s a storm that’s raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time thinking about you
And it’s almost driving me wild

IUsedto

missingYou

And there’s a heart that’s breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone away
I ain’t missing you
No matter what I might say

Missing You

There’s a message in the wild
And I’m sending you this signal tonight
You don’t know, how desperate I’ve become
And it looks like I’m losing this fight
In your world, I have no meaning
Though I’m trying hard to understand

Missing You

And it’s my heart that’s breaking
Down this long distance line
But I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone away
I ain’t missing you
No matter what my friends say

And there’s a message that I’m sending out
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can’t bridge this distance
Stop this heartbreak overload

Missing You

I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone away
I ain’t missing you
No matter what my friends say
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I can lie to myself

And there’s a storm that’s raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I ain’t missing you at all
Since you’ve been gone
I ain’t missing you
No matter what my friends say

Ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I keep lying to myself
Ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you
I ain’t missing you

Missing You

I’ve always felt that this song is super empowering
no longer need you

You are finally heading round that corner to complete and total acceptance and renewal!

IDon'tneedyou

musicnotes

To start at the beginning of the Heartbreak series, go to If It Means A Lot To You

To go to the previous post, go to For a Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic

musicnotes

For more on John Waite, go to Say Something Human

For more of my favorite songs, go to Pizza Power

For more of my favorite quotes, go to I’ll Be Alright Without You by Journey

For more on ’80s music, go to Love Stinks 

For more on Julie Lessman, go to At the End of the Rainbow

For more on Warm Bodies, go to Say Something Human