I can’t stand them, there are few and far between that I can actually watch, let alone love.
But I decided to review the sequel to Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th. And to take that one step further, I’ll be reviewing a sequel to horror films that spanned sequels and influenced the horror genre. First one:
You all know that I love Alfred Hitchcock:
Master
And how much I love Psycho.
So I thought I would give this a watch when it came up on AMC‘s Fear Friday. This film takes place 22 years after the original, Norman having been receiving help that whole time has finished the program and will be released to society and the Bates Motel.
Norman thinks he is ready to live his life again, but there are many others who are not. One of which is Marion’s sister Lila Loomis (she and Sam ended up getting married).
Lila Loomis: What about his victims? I have a petition here signed by 743 people against Norman Bates’ release, including the relatives of the seven people he murdered.
Norman sets about living a normal life as much as he can, hopeful that life will be better.
Dr. Raymond: You don’t have to stay. I could find you a place in town.
Norman Bates: No, no. I… I want to stay here.
Dr. Raymond: As long as you realize the memories are more likely to reoccur here. But you know how to handle that now, don’t you?
Norman Bates: Sure.
He discovers the person placed in charge of the motel while Norman was sent away was using the motel as an hourly one and to deal drugs. Norman kicks him out, takes a job at the local diner run by Mrs. Spool, and things seem to be going well. He even befriends a young waitress, Mary Samuels.
Things start going downhill fast when Norman is given mysterious notes and phone calls from Mrs. Bates.
Then a womanly figure in black is seen running around the complex and bodies are piling up.
Norman is trying to keep it together, but is feeling the pressure and unraveling with every attack. Objects in blood are found in the house, he starts forgetting what he was doing and where he was, items of his mother’s he thought were given/thrown away all end up back in the house.
Mary feels bad for him as he is trying so hard, she ends up moving in with him to help him keep it together. And when the sheriff comes to question him about an incident, she outright lies to protect him.
Sheriff John Hunt: Are you sure neither one of you heard anything between four to five this afternoon?
Norman Bates: No, I was…
Mary: [cutting Norman off] He was with me all afternoon. We were walking in the fields behind the house around that time.
Sheriff John Hunt: Okay. Nice to see you again, Norman. [the sheriff and his deputy walk out. Mary closes the front door and watches them walk away]
Norman Bates: [to Mary; bewildered] Why did you do THAT?
Mary: Do what?
Norman Bates: Lie to the sheriff. You weren’t with me all afternoon!
Mary: I had to do something! He was going to arrest you! [Norman suddenly holds his head in pain, and slumps down into a nearby armchair] Norman, what’s wrong?
Norman Bates: It’s starting again.
Is someone trying to make Norman go crazy? Has Mrs. Bates risen from the grave? Or is Norman starting to kill again?
I have mixed feelings about this movie.
Hmm…
Let’s start with the negative:
So this movie was made in the ’80s and they decided that the classy way the original film was made wasn’t going to fly with modern viewers. So there is a lot of blood, gore, sex, etc.
Now what was positive:
I like this
I loved that they had the original actors reprise their roles. Anthony Perkins is just sheer perfection at playing a sweet innocent man you just feel sympathy and empathy for-and at the same time flip and be frightening.
I liked that the director really concentrated on trying to copy Alfred Hitchcock’s style and use the same angles and lighting he did.
The story line had a few issues, but for the most part they tried hard to be suspenseful like the original and have an ending you weren’t expecting.
Every three thousand years, the stars align. Unleashing an army of monsters.
If you’ve been following me you’ve read this already, but for the new readers I’m giving a little background as to why I choose a TMNT film. If you have seen it already, feel free to skip ahead
So this is our second installment of four reviews of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ films.
So I know those of you who haven’t been following me, and have stumbled upon this post are probably really confused. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? As a horror film? NO WAY.
I know you are all saying to yourselves, hey this is a superhero movie, not a horror film. Au contraire, you see the turtles are radioactively enhanced to be larger; agile, smarter, etc. In fact the only thing that separates them from other radioactively changed creatures: such as the ants in Them, the giant spider in the Tarantula, or even Godzilla. They choosing to use their abilities for good and be superheroes doesn’t change the fact of how they were made.
So last week I started with the 2014 film as it contained a lot of horror film components, as these turtles are engineered in a lab instead of accidentally created, just like Frankenstein.
Today we are doing the 2007 version/remake. In this one we have a lot of horror film components, I mean we have giant stones turning into monsters and trying to destroy New York City. So no use waiting around:
The Review
So as you know I hate remakes and sequels.
I was not excited about this film coming out at all. It’s going to suck. I just knew I would hate it.
But my nephew loved the film and wanted me to watch it with him when it came out. What are you gonna do? It’s family!
But I was right. It was horrible.
So the film starts off with long narration about an Aztec warrior finding a portal to another dimension granting him immortality but his generals were turned to stone. It also released 13 monsters, everything from Bigfoot to the Jersey Devil.
Flashforward to present times, after the defeat of the Shredder, the turtles have broken up.
Yes…I’ll get to that later. So Leonardo was sent to central America to train to be a leader and hasn’t returned. Since then, the remaining turtles have been working
Yes…I know. More later. With Raphael doing vigilante things at night.
April is working as a relic acquirer
And not a reporter
Yes…I know. More later. She runs into Leonardo and convinces him to come back. He does and him and Raphael fight all the time.
OVERDONE
April delivers the statue she find to the uber rich Max Winters, makes me think of Shreck from Batman Returns, and he hires the Foot clan to hunt down the 13 monsters.
The Generals awaken and help hunt down the monsters, but when they discover they won’t be immortal with all 13, they want to betray Winters.
Thanks to Casey, they’ve discovered the Aztec warrior is Winters and try to help him. Meanwhile Leonardo hates the vigilante Raphael is secretly, and tries to stop him. When he finds out it is Raphael, the two fight and Leonardo ends up getting captured by the generals as the 13 monster.
And in the end they save the day, destroy the monsters, and reunite.
So why did I hate it? Let’s count down!
1) CGI
The CGI was horrible. They looked awful and boxy and just bad. I would have preferred 2D. I mean look at Casey, his whole face and body, just no.
Not the right one.
And it’s not like CGI was still working out the kinks. I mean you had some good stuff like Ratatouille, Meet the Robinsons, I mean even the dumb movies like The Bee Movie and Alvin and the Chipmunks had good CGI. This was just bad.
2) Instead of the Turtle Background We are Focusing on Aztec Warrior Meets Monsters Meets Multiple Dimensions
WOW
I know this is so strange. They give the turtle background as to who they are, how they were created, and such like three lines! Three LINES!
Four turtles. Four brothers. Genetically reborn in the sewers of New York. Named after the Renaissance masters and trained as ninjas.
And then we are supposed to give our attention to this Yactl or whatever, his generals turning into stone, immortality gift, blah blah…
Blah, blah
Our full attention?
I PAID TO SEE A TURTLE FILM!!! I WANT THE TURTLES!!!
It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!
I mean really, out of all the comic written, this is the back story you want to give us???!!! OUT OF EVERYTHING??? Who was paid to write that? If it had been up to me, as soon as I read that, they would have been FIRED!!!
3) Why Was the Main Warrior Not Turned to Stone?
So how come Yactl was not turned to stone but all the generals were? They never really seem to explain why he was the only one given the immortality. Then again maybe they did, but my mind glazed over when I had to pay attention to the most non-turtle Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle film.
Yes film you are so bad you are forcing me to reference not just the Master of Disguise, but its stupidest scene to talk about how I feel.
4) The Turtles are Split Up
Hey guys let me point you to the title of the comics and the films: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes did you get that? TurtleS!!!!!!! TurtlesSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU CAN’T EVEN GET THAT RIGHT!!!!!! THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE THAN ONE TURTLE FIGHTING!!!
It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!
Yes, they split the turtles up and send Leonardo to South America, why I don’t know. It’s dumb, it makes no sense, just argh!. They are supposed to be a team! When I paid for my ticket I paid to see four turtles not one on his own. And it makes no sense why they would split them up? Like seriously, who wanted that. Did any of these people read the comics or watch the TV show/films. I mean seriously!!!
Let’s move on…
5) April is Not a Reporter but Tomb Raider
April is not a reporter…
Yes April is not a reporter…
April is not a reporter but a tomb raider…
Yes no matter how many times I say it, it still sounds dumb. Why isn’t she a reporter? I mean how could she even go from reporter to tomb raider. It’s not like she’s an archeologist or anthropologist, or knows any of that stuff at all. And I SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE A REPORTER!!!!!
And to ease the suckage of this film
6) The Turtles Have Jobs
WHAT!
The TURTLES have JOBS?!!!!!!
Just end the film here because that is literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
So you are telling me GIANT, MUTANT, GREEN, TURTLES with no social security numbers, good contact info, experience, etc are able to have jobs?
And let’s just forget about the social security number, experience, education; you know all those things you need to work and focus on this tiny little issue: GIANT, MUTANT, GREEN, TURTLES!!!!!!!!!
How do GIANT, MUTANT, GREEN, TURTLES get jobs? Huh HOW?!!!!!!!!!! This is just so stupid that if I think about it any longer my IQ will drop.
7) Why is Raphael the Nightwatcher?
So Raphael is the only one continuing to fight crime and be a ninja superhero. But instead of continuing as himself, he has faux batman gear and even takes on a faux Batman name with Nightwatcher (similar to Nightwing). I mean why does he even have to dress up? He is a giant turtle!!! And why hide it? Just because Leonardo is gone they can’t be vigilantes anymore? That makes NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are driving me insane!!!!
8) No Shredder
While its true you don’t have to have a Shredder to make a TMNT film, you notice how much they suck when they don’t have one. Like this movie, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. I mean Shredder and Turtles just go together, it’d be like making macaroni and cheese with no macaroni.
9) The Convoluted Plot
It feels like they spend hours talking about Yactl, the monsters, dimensions, blah blah blah.
I totally checked out from this film. I mean I came to see TMNT, not all this useless drivel they keep trying to push. Just dumb, dumb, dumb.
10) Raphael and Leonardo Fight Over Who is the Leader
Ugh I hate this plot thread. It is too:
OVERDONE
I mean it worked in the first film, but because of that it doesn’t mean you have to do it non-stop!! Just do something else. I swear that if I see this repeated one more time in a TMNT film(not counting the 2014 one) I will be held responsible for me actions.
ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!
11) The End
It was horrible, dumb, and I didn’t like it. The only thing that was good was that it was over!
Good-bye forever!
Yes this film was horrible, just horrible. I mean it was so bad, it made the 2014 film look good. For all their faults, at least they tried to make a TMNT film that actually centered on the TMNT.
Well that’s it for this post. Next week I’ll be reviewing the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle film. How does it compare? How does it hold up? Well, all those questions will be answered in seven days.
So I know many of you see this film on this list and are probably thinking to yourself:
Why would I put an action/adventure, superhero film on my list of horror films? Well I’m including it because of this reason: 1) You have two, not one, TWO scientists who create two, not one, but TWO creatures.
I loved this film and thought it was the best superhero film. It covers a team, but each character was given their own moment to shine. It had great dialogue, amazing scenes, and was just altogether fantastic.
Now as for the sequel? How did I feel about it.
I thought it was horrible!!!!!
And it sucks because I was jazzed about this film. James Spader? Love him in everything! Our dream team, the Avengers? Awesome! Having some X-Men characters finally in it and teasing with a full on cross over? YES!
But then is sucked.
You ruined it!!!!
And believe me, my opinions based on this film isn’t just from one viewing. I saw it at the midnight showing, I saw it in 3-D the Sunday after with my nephew, and then my friend and I went and saw in June after seeing Jurassic World. Each time I saw it, the more I thought it was just done poorly, 2015’s Godzilla (which strangely, the same actors who were husband and wife in that movie are the Maximoff twins in this one.)
So this is going to be a slightly different review, I will give a brief synopsis and then go on to list why I didn’t like this film.
So the film starts with the Avengers taking down what they believe is the last cell of HYDRA out in a small Eastern European country. They are also after the scepter Loki had in the first film. They believe they have accomplished it when they run into two “enhanced creatures” or whatever they call them, Wanda/Scarlet Witch and Pietro/Quicksilver Maximoff. Wanda has the power to manipulate reality, while Pietro can run at super fast speeds.
Wanda uses her powers to cloud each Avengers mind and mess with their ability to think, espechially Tony Stark. After the defeat, of everyone, (except the Maximoff twins), the team returns home to the tower in New York to have a party and celebrate the end of the Avengers.
Tony convinces Thor to allow him to study the scepter, believing he can use it to create a robot that will be able to save humanity and keep it safe. He convinces Bruce Banner to assist him. See here is where we have the Frankenstein parallels.
In Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein believed that his work could save humanity: it could bring about immortality, he could save people who’s limbs were lost reanimating dead limbs; etc. Instead he creates a creature, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Frankenstein into playing his games and doing what he wants. Frankenstein realizes his mistake in trying to take God’s place and create something he has no control over, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.
With Tony, he believed that his work could save humanity: it would protect them from aliens and any threat too large for humans to handle. Instead he creates a creature, Ultron, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Tony into playing his games and doing what he wants. Tony realizes his mistake, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.
The team has discord and seems to be falling apart, when after a brief pastoral retreat they come back in the game and go after Ultron. They steal the machine he was going to use to create the perfect body, with Tony comes up with a second idea. Use Ultron’s plan, but instead of Ultron, input his best friend/butler, J.A.R.V.I.S.
So here we have The Bride of Frankenstein parallels.
In the Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has realized his mistake. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. Then an old friend, ), comes around and convinces him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Frankenstein knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a bride for the creature.
So in this Bruce Banner has realized his mistake in assiting in creating Ultron. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. But then Tony starts wheedling him, insisting and convincing him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Bruce knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a yin to Ultron’s yang, Vision.
So after the create Vision, they go after Ultron, ending back where the film started; but this time with Vision, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver (Wanda and Pietro both choosing to go with the Avengers than Ultron).
The fight to save the world, losing an avenger in the process. Back in New York, the old has gone it’s own way and a new Avenger team is born.
Now on to the issues.
1) What an Opening, “What” as in “What is Going On?”
The first scene was all over the place, in a ton of slow motion, and unrealistically packed with action that I thought they were pulling a Toy Story 2 and it was a video game.
I mean come on, in that one scene they are practically posing for the camera.
It might have been the drugs I was on for my ear infection, but yeah I legitamitely thought it was some kind of tease, that is how horribly fake looking that beginning is. It didn’t feel like it was happening, but as if you were watching a bad community play. I mean I saw several times where Black Widow should have been shot but “wasn’t”. The fighting in the first one was much better.
Also no context as to what it going on, why are they after Loki’s scepter? Where did it go after the first Avengers film? Now some people might say “if you watch the TV show you’ll know”, but that’s not what a sequel is about. A sequel is created to enhance characters or events from the first film/book, having a progression from the previous to the next. Not suddenly throw everything at you with you like I don’t know what is going on.
2) Slow Mo needs to Go No Mo’
Honestly Joss Wheedon, the ’90s called, they want their special effects back. But seriously, waaaaaaay tooo much. It looks horrible, it is distracting, and just takes your viewer out of the right state of mind.
3) Calling Someone Out for Cursing Worth Talking About, But Create an Evil Robot and That’s Just a Moment Thing
Seriously. This a running joke for everyone, it keeps rearing its ugly head throughout the film. But Tony? They are mad for a nanosecond, and then they move on. Really guys? Really? The Robot is definitely worse and worth discussing.
And he doesn’t make just one thing, but TWO! TWO!!!!!
4) Enhanced Not Mutated
I don’t know who’s idea it was to not make them mutants and the children of Magneto, but that was beyond stupid.
THEY ARE MUTANTS NOT ENHANCED MUTANTS!!!!!! And they are Magneto’s children.
5) Clintasha or Brutasha?
So I did not like Black Widow and Hulk together. I really wanted it to be Black Widow and Hawkeye.
Now I might not have minded the whole Brutasha if it weren’t for the fact that it came out of left field. Natasha does go get him in the first Avengers film, but that’s all we see of their interactions. There is nothing to suggest anything romantic, and no chemistry between them, but yet we are expected they are considering running away together?
6) Visions…I Guess?
So what is up with the visions that Scarlet Witch makes. They never really explain her powers in the film so is it magic? Really the future? What?
They also don’t make any sense. For Tony it is his fear, and a bit of the future. Black Widow, a hidden memory, Thor a fear/vision. Captain America? How does what he sees relate to anything?
7) Tony Pop Culture Allergy?
So unlike Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, etc. Tony is a HUGE pop culture junkie. Yet when he creates artifical life, he doesn’t even consider how things could go horribly wrong. Wouldn’t he have seen Jurassic Park, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Frankenstein, The Terminator, I Robot, etc? Espechially as three that I just listed involve bad robots? Wouldn’t that make him pause, at least for a moment.
8) I Leeloo Ultron Robot
The part when Ultron awoke and then starts researching to figure out his purpose and what he’s supposed to do made me think if The Fifth Element.
Ultron’s breakdown around his objective is also very similar to V.I.C.K.I., in I Robot, when she starts killing mankind to save mankind.
9)Massive Iron Man Vs. Hulk
I feel like someone thought of this and then wrote the script around it. I know everyone thought it was super cool, but I actually thought it was kind of a worthless scene.
10) Green Acres is the Place to Be
So the whole crew go out to Clint’s farm so that they can regroup and figure out a new plan. To me it seems like a ripoff from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), when they go to upstate New York to heal and refigure out what to do.
11) Motorcycle Mama Knows NO Bounds of Gravity
When Ultron tosses the ground at Black Widow and she is able to not only stop in time but turn so she isn’t hurt.
Really?
Impossible and dumb thing to do. Just no, no.
12) Copying Captain Underpants
So there was this book series in the early 2000s, Captain Underpants, about two kids, George and Harold, who hypnotize their principal into thinking he is their comic book creation, Captain Underpants.
In the sequel, Attack of the Talking Toilets, George and Harold use the nerdy kid’s science fair project, a 3D printer, and accidentally bring a giant toilet and his toilet army to life.
When Captain America isn’t able to stop them, they then create a Giant Robot to battle and destroy the toilets.
Avengers: Age of Ultron is like the same exact plot. Just switch out toilets for Ultron & the robots, and Giant Robot for Vision.
13) A Death That Didn’t Need to Happen
So people have been complaining that no one really dies in a superhero film, they always come back to life again. This coupled with Joss Wheedon liking to make us cry, meant he was going to kill someone and he killed Pietro.
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The man has SUPER SPEED!!!! You really think he wouldn’t be able to just move around the bullets in time?
I mean for once Fox did a better job than Disney.
Just so much awesome.
And if they are going to kill him, why not save him in the Stargate cradle thing? Hawkeye used it. And why does he, Cho, and Coulson get to survive?
You know why, because he is just being a pain, like Wes Craven when he killed Randy but let Dewey survive. And you know what Wheedon? Because that was so stupid, I’m going to ignore it.
Let’s face it, we all know how it should have ended:
So no banner as I couldn’t find a pic that worked right. Instead I’m going to end with those who criticize films best:
I think this is the best Disney sequel ever! And you know why, because it had its own unique storyline. It didn’t rip off the first one (*cough* *cough* I’m looking at you Little Mermaid II); take place during the first film and completely reconstruct it (*cough* *cough* I’m looking at you Bambi II); or make the characters act like jerks (Lion King II); or are insanely stupid (Cars 2). Instead it did what every great sequel should do; take the story further, develop the character, and be able to stand on its own.
So the first film was about the rivalry between the two toys, as Woody is jealous having been tossed aside for the new guy, Buzz. Woody gets rid of him, only to have to go after them and in the process both go through changes as Buzz has an existential crisis and Woody realizes that he has been far too judgmental. They team up, take out the bad guy, and become best buds!
So the second film we take a different approach. In this one Woody has been preparing to go with Andy only to get injured and has to stay behind. In this film he gets stolen, and while orginally wants to return to Andy, he is presented with the question of what will happen when Andy grows up. This took the film in a brand new direction that was just amazing, as it deals with the complicated question. Is it better to go back to the person who loves you, who will only have a limited time with; or should you go on to be loved by all forever, but never form a personal connection again?
We also see the growth of Buzz, as he has to help lead the team taking Woody’s place in instructing the other toys. This is amazing as we see how much Buzz cares for the others now instead of being all about himself and his “mission”.
We also get new characters; the adorable Jessie who ends up with Buzz, and Bullseye the incredibly adorable horse.
As this is a sequel we get double the villians, Al the greedy guy who steals Woody, and Stinky Pete; jealous of the adoration that Woody has had over the years as no child ever wanted or loved him.
I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE this film. I think it is the worst film Disney-Pixar made. Just Horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And Stupid!
So in this film Lightening McQueen is going on this big race and Mater joins him. Mater ends up being recruited as a spy…and I don’t even need to finish this for you to figure out how horrible it is. I think they just wanted to make a stupid Mater movie, thought it wouldn’t do well so added all the characters in, which just made it worse. It was horrible and should DIE.
Die, die, die!
The only redeeming thing was Michael Caine’s character, Finn McMissile, the car version of James Bond. Otherwise the film was a major mess.
janeaustenrunsmylife 