I Don’t Kill People Anymore: Psycho II (1983)

I don’t kill people anymore.

So you all know how I feel about sequels.

I can’t stand them, there are few and far between that I can actually watch, let alone love.

But I decided to review the sequel to Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th. And to take that one step further, I’ll be reviewing a sequel to horror films that spanned sequels and influenced the horror genre. First one:

You all know that I love Alfred Hitchcock:

Master

And how much I love Psycho.

So I thought I would give this a watch when it came up on AMC‘s Fear Friday. This film takes place 22 years after the original, Norman having been receiving help that whole time has finished the program and will be released to society and the Bates Motel.

Norman thinks he is ready to live his life again, but there are many others who are not. One of which is Marion’s sister Lila Loomis (she and Sam ended up getting married).

Lila Loomis: What about his victims? I have a petition here signed by 743 people against Norman Bates’ release, including the relatives of the seven people he murdered.

Norman sets about living a normal life as much as he can, hopeful that life will be better.

Dr. Raymond: You don’t have to stay. I could find you a place in town.

Norman Bates: No, no. I… I want to stay here.

Dr. Raymond: As long as you realize the memories are more likely to reoccur here. But you know how to handle that now, don’t you?

Norman Bates: Sure.

He discovers the person placed in charge of the motel while Norman was sent away was using the motel as an hourly one and to deal drugs. Norman kicks him out, takes a job at the local diner run by Mrs. Spool, and things seem to be going well. He even befriends a young waitress, Mary Samuels.

Things start going downhill fast when Norman is given mysterious notes and phone calls from Mrs. Bates.

Then a womanly figure in black is seen running around the complex and bodies are piling up.

Norman is trying to keep it together, but is feeling the pressure and unraveling with every attack. Objects in blood are found in the house, he starts forgetting what he was doing and where he was, items of his mother’s he thought were given/thrown away all end up back in the house.

Mary feels bad for him as he is trying so hard, she ends up moving in with him to help him keep it together. And when the sheriff comes to question him about an incident, she outright lies to protect him.

Sheriff John Hunt: Are you sure neither one of you heard anything between four to five this afternoon?

Norman Bates: No, I was…

Mary: [cutting Norman off] He was with me all afternoon. We were walking in the fields behind the house around that time.

Sheriff John Hunt: Okay. Nice to see you again, Norman. [the sheriff and his deputy walk out. Mary closes the front door and watches them walk away]

Norman Bates: [to Mary; bewildered] Why did you do THAT?

Mary: Do what?

Norman Bates: Lie to the sheriff. You weren’t with me all afternoon!

Mary: I had to do something! He was going to arrest you! [Norman suddenly holds his head in pain, and slumps down into a nearby armchairNorman, what’s wrong?

Norman Bates: It’s starting again.

Is someone trying to make Norman go crazy? Has Mrs. Bates risen from the grave? Or is Norman starting to kill again?

I have mixed feelings about this movie.

Hmm…

Let’s start with the negative:

So this movie was made in the ’80s and they decided that the classy way the original film was made wasn’t going to fly with modern viewers. So there is a lot of blood, gore, sex, etc.

Now what was positive:

I like this

I loved that they had the original actors reprise their roles. Anthony Perkins is just sheer perfection at playing a sweet innocent man you just feel sympathy and empathy for-and at the same time flip and be frightening.

I liked that the director really concentrated on trying to copy Alfred Hitchcock’s style and use the same angles and lighting he did.

The story line had a few issues, but for the most part they tried hard to be suspenseful like the original and have an ending you weren’t expecting.

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to For All You Know, A Witch Might Be Living Next Door to You: The Witches (1990)

For more on Psycho, go to We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes: Psycho (1960)

For more sequels, go to But If Any of It Fell Into the Wrong Hands…:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Secret of the Ooze (1991)

For more ’80s films, go to That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

For more on Fear Fridays, go to Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

Every Three Thousand Years, the Stars Align. Unleashing an Army of Monsters: TMNT (2007)

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Every three thousand years, the stars align. Unleashing an army of monsters.

If you’ve been following me you’ve read this already, but for the new readers I’m giving a little background as to why I choose a TMNT film. If you have seen it already, feel free to skip ahead

So this is our second installment of four reviews of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ films.

So I know those of you who haven’t been following me, and have stumbled upon this post are probably really confused. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? As a horror film? NO WAY.

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I know you are all saying to yourselves, hey this is a superhero movie, not a horror film. Au contraire, you see the turtles are radioactively enhanced to be larger; agile, smarter, etc. In fact the only thing that separates them from other radioactively changed creatures: such as the ants in Them, the giant spider in the Tarantula, or even Godzilla. They choosing to use their abilities for good and be superheroes doesn’t change the fact of how they were made.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

So last week I started with the 2014 film as it contained a lot of horror film components, as these turtles are engineered in a lab instead of accidentally created, just like Frankenstein.

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Today we are doing the 2007 version/remake. In this one we have a lot of horror film components, I mean we have giant stones turning into monsters and trying to destroy New York City. So no use waiting around:

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The Review

So as you know I hate remakes and sequels.

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I was not excited about this film coming out at all. It’s going to suck. I just knew I would hate it.

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But my nephew loved the film and wanted me to watch it with him when it came out. What are you gonna do? It’s family!

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But I was right. It was horrible.

Ew Yuck Gross

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TMNT

So the film starts off with long narration about an Aztec warrior finding a portal to another dimension granting him immortality but his generals were turned to stone. It also released 13 monsters, everything from Bigfoot to the Jersey Devil.

Flashforward to present times, after the defeat of the Shredder, the turtles have broken up.

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Yes…I’ll get to that later. So Leonardo was sent to central America to train to be a leader and hasn’t returned. Since then, the remaining turtles have been working

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Yes…I know. More later. With Raphael doing vigilante things at night.

April is working as a relic acquirer

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And not a reporter

crazy

Yes…I know. More later. She runs into Leonardo and convinces him to come back. He does and him and Raphael fight all the time.

OVERDONE

OVERDONE

April delivers the statue she find to the uber rich Max Winters, makes me think of Shreck from Batman Returns, and he hires the Foot clan to hunt down the 13 monsters.

The Generals awaken and help hunt down the monsters, but when they discover they won’t be immortal with all 13, they want to betray Winters.

Thanks to Casey, they’ve discovered the Aztec warrior is Winters and try to help him. Meanwhile Leonardo hates the vigilante Raphael is secretly, and tries to stop him. When he finds out it is Raphael, the two fight and Leonardo ends up getting captured by the generals as the 13 monster.

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And in the end they save the day, destroy the monsters, and reunite.

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So why did I hate it? Let’s count down!

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1) CGI

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The CGI was horrible. They looked awful and boxy and just bad. I would have preferred 2D. I mean look at Casey, his whole face and body, just no.

Not the right one.

Not the right one.

And it’s not like CGI was still working out the kinks. I mean you had some good stuff like RatatouilleMeet the Robinsons, I mean even the dumb movies like The Bee Movie and Alvin and the Chipmunks had good CGI. This was just bad.

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2) Instead of the Turtle Background We are Focusing on Aztec Warrior Meets Monsters Meets Multiple Dimensions

WOW

WOW

I know this is so strange. They give the turtle background as to who they are, how they were created, and such like three lines! Three LINES!

Four turtles. Four brothers. Genetically reborn in the sewers of New York. Named after the Renaissance masters and trained as ninjas.

And then we are supposed to give our attention to this Yactl or whatever, his generals turning into stone, immortality gift, blah blah…

Blah, blah

Blah, blah

Our full attention?

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I PAID TO SEE A TURTLE FILM!!! I WANT THE TURTLES!!!

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

I mean really, out of all the comic written, this is the back story you want to give us???!!! OUT OF EVERYTHING??? Who was paid to write that? If it had been up to me, as soon as I read that, they would have been FIRED!!!

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3) Why Was the Main Warrior Not Turned to Stone?

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So how come Yactl was not turned to stone but all the generals were? They never really seem to explain why he was the only one given the immortality. Then again maybe they did, but my mind glazed over when I had to pay attention to the most non-turtle Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle film.

Yes film you are so bad you are forcing me to reference not just the Master of Disguise, but its stupidest scene to talk about how I feel.

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4) The Turtles are Split Up

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Hey guys let me point you to the title of the comics and the films: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes did you get that? TurtleS!!!!!!! TurtlesSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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YOU CAN’T EVEN GET THAT RIGHT!!!!!! THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MORE THAN ONE TURTLE FIGHTING!!!

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

Yes, they split the turtles up and send Leonardo to South America, why I don’t know. It’s dumb, it makes no sense, just argh!. They are supposed to be a team! When I paid for my ticket I paid to see four turtles not one on his own. And it makes no sense why they would split them up? Like seriously, who wanted that. Did any of these people read the comics or watch the TV show/films. I mean seriously!!!

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Let’s move on…

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5) April is Not a Reporter but Tomb Raider

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April is not a reporter…

Whattheheck

Yes April is not a reporter…

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April is not a reporter but a tomb raider…

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Yes no matter how many times I say it, it still sounds dumb. Why isn’t she a reporter? I mean how could she even go from reporter to tomb raider. It’s not like she’s an archeologist or anthropologist, or knows any of that stuff at all. And I SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE A REPORTER!!!!!

And to ease the suckage of this film

And to ease the suckage of this film

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6) The Turtles Have Jobs

WHAT!

WHAT!

The TURTLES have JOBS?!!!!!!

Stop stop it now!

Just end the film here because that is literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

So you are telling me GIANT, MUTANT, GREEN, TURTLES with no social security numbers, good contact info, experience, etc are able to have jobs?

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And let’s just forget about the social security number, experience, education; you know all those things you need to work and focus on this tiny little issue: GIANT, MUTANT, GREEN, TURTLES!!!!!!!!!

I don't think so

How do GIANT, MUTANT, GREEN, TURTLES get jobs? Huh HOW?!!!!!!!!!! This is just so stupid that if I think about it any longer my IQ will drop.

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7) Why is Raphael the Nightwatcher?

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So Raphael is the only one continuing to fight crime and be a ninja superhero. But instead of continuing as himself, he has faux batman gear and even takes on a faux Batman name with Nightwatcher (similar to Nightwing). I mean why does he even have to dress up? He is a giant turtle!!! And why hide it? Just because Leonardo is gone they can’t be vigilantes anymore? That makes NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are driving me insane!!!!

You are driving me insane!!!!

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8) No Shredder

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While its true you don’t have to have a Shredder to make a TMNT film, you notice how much they suck when they don’t have one. Like this movie, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. I mean Shredder and Turtles just go together, it’d be like making macaroni and cheese with no macaroni.

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9) The Convoluted Plot

Nope, not him.

It feels like they spend hours talking about Yactl, the monsters, dimensions, blah blah blah.

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I totally checked out from this film. I mean I came to see TMNT, not all this useless drivel they keep trying to push. Just dumb, dumb, dumb.

big mistake

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10) Raphael and Leonardo Fight Over Who is the Leader

Stop stop it now!

Ugh I hate this plot thread. It is too:

OVERDONE

OVERDONE

I mean it worked in the first film, but because of that it doesn’t mean you have to do it non-stop!! Just do something else. I swear that if I see this repeated one more time in a TMNT film(not counting the 2014 one) I will be held responsible for me actions.

ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!

ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!

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11) The End

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It was horrible, dumb, and I didn’t like it. The only thing that was good was that it was over!

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Good-bye forever!

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Yes this film was horrible, just horrible. I mean it was so bad, it made the 2014 film look good. For all their faults, at least they tried to make a TMNT film that actually centered on the TMNT.

Well that’s it for this post. Next week I’ll be reviewing the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle film. How does it compare? How does it hold up? Well, all those questions will be answered in seven days.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

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For more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to Heroes are Not Born, They’re Created: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

For more sucky remakes, go to Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

For more alternate dimensions, go to There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist: The Mist (2007)

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In other news today is our 800th post

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For the 700th post, go to Fan-do or Fan-don’t. There is No Fan-try

For the 600th post, go to There Are Thirteen Chairs at the Table…And That’s Unlucky: Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943)

We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

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“We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters.”

So I know many of you see this film on this list and are probably thinking to yourself:

Whattheheck

Why would I put an action/adventure, superhero film on my list of horror films? Well I’m including it because of this reason: 1) You have two, not one, TWO scientists who create two, not one, but TWO creatures.

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So I’m sure you all who have been following me know how much I liked The Avengers film that came out two years ago.

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Not me, that’s for sure.

I loved this film and thought it was the best superhero film. It covers a team, but each character was given their own moment to shine. It had great dialogue, amazing scenes, and was just altogether fantastic.

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Now as for the sequel? How did I feel about it.

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I thought it was horrible!!!!!

EW!

And it sucks because I was jazzed about this film. James Spader? Love him in everything! Our dream team, the Avengers? Awesome! Having some X-Men characters finally in it and teasing with a full on cross over? YES!

excited

But then is sucked.

You ruined it!!!!

You ruined it!!!!

And believe me, my opinions based on this film isn’t just from one viewing. I saw it at the midnight showing, I saw it in 3-D the Sunday after with my nephew, and then my friend and I went and saw in June after seeing Jurassic World. Each time I saw it, the more I thought it was just done poorly, 2015’s Godzilla (which strangely, the same actors who were husband and wife in that movie are the Maximoff twins in this one.)

So this is going to be a slightly different review, I will give a brief synopsis and then go on to list why I didn’t like this film.

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

So the film starts with the Avengers taking down what they believe is the last cell of HYDRA out in a small Eastern European country. They are also after the scepter Loki had in the first film. They believe they have accomplished it when they run into two “enhanced creatures” or whatever they call them, Wanda/Scarlet Witch and Pietro/Quicksilver Maximoff. Wanda has the power to manipulate reality, while Pietro can run at super fast speeds.

Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) Ph: Jay Maidment ©Marvel 2015

Wanda uses her powers to cloud each Avengers mind and mess with their ability to think, espechially Tony Stark. After the defeat, of everyone, (except the Maximoff twins), the team returns home to the tower in New York to have a party and celebrate the end of the Avengers.

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Tony convinces Thor to allow him to study the scepter, believing he can use it to create a robot that will be able to save humanity and keep it safe. He convinces Bruce Banner to assist him. See here is where we have the Frankenstein parallels.

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In Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein believed that his work could save humanity: it could bring about immortality, he could save people who’s limbs were lost reanimating dead limbs; etc. Instead he creates a creature, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Frankenstein into playing his games and doing what he wants. Frankenstein realizes his mistake in trying to take God’s place and create something he has no control over, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

With Tony, he believed that his work could save humanity: it would protect them from aliens and any threat too large for humans to handle. Instead he creates a creature, Ultron, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Tony into playing his games and doing what he wants. Tony realizes his mistake, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

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The team has discord and seems to be falling apart, when after a brief pastoral retreat they come back in the game and go after Ultron. They steal the machine he was going to use to create the perfect body, with Tony comes up with a second idea. Use Ultron’s plan, but instead of Ultron, input his best friend/butler, J.A.R.V.I.S.

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So here we have The Bride of Frankenstein parallels.

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In the Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has realized his mistake. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. Then an old friend, ), comes around and convinces him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Frankenstein knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a bride for the creature.

So in this Bruce Banner has realized his mistake in assiting in creating Ultron. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. But then Tony starts wheedling him, insisting and convincing him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Bruce knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a yin to Ultron’s yang, Vision.

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So after the create Vision, they go after Ultron, ending back where the film started; but this time with Vision, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver (Wanda and Pietro both choosing to go with the Avengers than Ultron).

The fight to save the world, losing an avenger in the process. Back in New York, the old has gone it’s own way and a new Avenger team is born.

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Now on to the issues.

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1) What an Opening, “What” as in “What is Going On?”

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The first scene was all over the place, in a ton of slow motion, and unrealistically packed with action that I thought they were pulling a Toy Story 2 and it was a video game.

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I mean come on, in that one scene they are practically posing for the camera.

It might have been the drugs I was on for my ear infection, but yeah I legitamitely thought it was some kind of tease, that is how horribly fake looking that beginning is. It didn’t feel like it was happening, but as if you were watching a bad community play. I mean I saw several times where Black Widow should have been shot but “wasn’t”. The fighting in the first one was much better.

Also no context as to what it going on, why are they after Loki’s scepter? Where did it go after the first Avengers film? Now some people might say “if you watch the TV show you’ll know”, but that’s not what a sequel is about. A sequel is created to enhance characters or events from the first film/book, having a progression from the previous to the next. Not suddenly throw everything at you with you like I don’t know what is going on.

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2) Slow Mo needs to Go No Mo’

Stop stop it now!

Honestly Joss Wheedon, the ’90s called, they want their special effects back. But seriously, waaaaaaay tooo much. It looks horrible, it is distracting, and just takes your viewer out of the right state of mind.

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3) Calling Someone Out for Cursing Worth Talking About, But Create an Evil Robot and That’s Just a Moment Thing

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Seriously. This a running joke for everyone, it keeps rearing its ugly head throughout the film. But Tony? They are mad for a nanosecond, and then they move on. Really guys? Really? The Robot is definitely worse and worth discussing.

And he doesn’t make just one thing, but TWO! TWO!!!!!

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4) Enhanced Not Mutated

Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) Ph: Jay Maidment ©Marvel 2015

I don’t know who’s idea it was to not make them mutants and the children of Magneto, but that was beyond stupid.

THEY ARE MUTANTS NOT ENHANCED MUTANTS!!!!!! And they are Magneto’s children.

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5) Clintasha or Brutasha?

So I did not like Black Widow and Hulk together. I really wanted it to be Black Widow and Hawkeye.

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Now I might not have minded the whole Brutasha if it weren’t for the fact that it came out of left field. Natasha does go get him in the first Avengers film, but that’s all we see of their interactions. There is nothing to suggest anything romantic, and no chemistry between them,  but yet we are expected they are considering running away together?

Girl Please

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6) Visions…I Guess?

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So what is up with the visions that Scarlet Witch makes. They never really explain her powers in the film so is it magic? Really the future? What?

They also don’t make any sense. For Tony it is his fear, and a bit of the future. Black Widow, a hidden memory, Thor a fear/vision. Captain America? How does what he sees relate to anything?

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7) Tony Pop Culture Allergy?

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So unlike Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, etc. Tony is a HUGE pop culture junkie. Yet when he creates artifical life, he doesn’t even consider how things could go horribly wrong. Wouldn’t he have seen Jurassic Park, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Frankenstein, The Terminator, I Robot, etc? Espechially as three that I just listed involve bad robots? Wouldn’t that make him pause, at least for a moment.

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8) I Leeloo Ultron Robot

The part when Ultron awoke and then starts researching to figure out his purpose and what he’s supposed to do made me think if The Fifth Element.

Ultron’s breakdown around his objective is also very similar to V.I.C.K.I., in I Robot, when she starts killing mankind to save mankind.


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9)Massive Iron Man Vs. Hulk

I feel like someone thought of this and then wrote the script around it. I know everyone thought it was super cool, but I actually thought it was kind of a worthless scene.

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10) Green Acres is the Place to Be

So the whole crew go out to Clint’s farm so that they can regroup and figure out a new plan. To me it seems like a ripoff from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), when they go to upstate New York to heal and refigure out what to do.

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11) Motorcycle Mama Knows NO Bounds of Gravity

When Ultron tosses the ground at Black Widow and she is able to not only stop in time but turn so she isn’t hurt.

Really?

Really?

Impossible and dumb thing to do. Just no, no.

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12) Copying Captain Underpants

So there was this book series in the early 2000s, Captain Underpants, about two kids, George and Harold, who hypnotize their principal into thinking he is their comic book creation, Captain Underpants.

In the sequel, Attack of the Talking Toilets, George and Harold use the nerdy kid’s  science fair project, a 3D printer, and accidentally bring a giant toilet and his toilet army to life.

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When Captain America isn’t able to stop them, they then create a Giant Robot to battle and destroy the toilets.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is like the same exact plot. Just switch out toilets for Ultron & the robots, and Giant Robot for Vision.

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13) A Death That Didn’t Need to Happen

So people have been complaining that no one really dies in a superhero film, they always come back to life again. This coupled with Joss Wheedon liking to make us cry, meant he was going to kill someone and he killed Pietro.

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That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The man has SUPER SPEED!!!! You really think he wouldn’t be able to just move around the bullets in time?

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I mean for once Fox did a better job than Disney.

Just so much awesome.

And if they are going to kill him, why not save him in the Stargate cradle thing? Hawkeye used it. And why does he, Cho, and Coulson get to survive?

You know why, because he is just being a pain, like Wes Craven when he killed Randy but let Dewey survive. And you know what Wheedon? Because that was so stupid, I’m going to ignore it.

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Let’s face it, we all know how it should have ended:

So no banner as I couldn’t find a pic that worked right. Instead I’m going to end with those who criticize films best:

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

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For more on The Avengers, go to Avengers Assemble!

For more evil robots, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

For more mad scientists, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts that Lie Hidden Within: I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

For more Frankenstein, go to It’s Alive, It’s ALIVE!: Frankenstein (1931)

For more on The Bride of Frankenstein, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on sequels, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2 (1997)

For more How It Should Have Ended, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

For more CinemaSins, go to Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)

 

The Boys Are Back in Town

Day 20) Your Favorite Disney Sequel

Toy_Story_2_Soundtrack

I think this is the best Disney sequel ever! And you know why, because it had its own unique storyline. It didn’t rip off the first one (*cough* *cough* I’m looking at you Little Mermaid II); take place during the first film and completely reconstruct it (*cough* *cough* I’m looking at you Bambi II); or make the characters act like jerks (Lion King II); or are insanely stupid (Cars 2). Instead it did what every great sequel should do; take the story further, develop the character, and be able to stand on its own.

So the first film was about the rivalry between the two toys, as Woody is jealous having been tossed aside for the new guy, Buzz. Woody gets rid of him, only to have to go after them and in the process both go through changes as Buzz has an existential crisis and Woody realizes that he has been far too judgmental. They team up, take out the bad guy, and become best buds!

throw confetti

So the second film we take a different approach. In this one Woody has been preparing to go with Andy only to get injured and has to stay behind. In this film he gets stolen, and while orginally wants to return to Andy, he is presented with the question of what will happen when Andy grows up. This took the film in a brand new direction that was just amazing, as it deals with the complicated question. Is it better to go back to the person who loves you, who will only have a limited time with; or should you go on to be loved by all forever, but never form a personal connection again?

We also see the growth of Buzz, as he has to help lead the team taking Woody’s place in instructing the other toys. This is amazing as we see how much Buzz cares for the others now instead of being all about himself and his “mission”.

We also get new characters; the adorable Jessie who ends up with Buzz, and Bullseye the incredibly adorable horse.

As this is a sequel we get double the villians, Al the greedy guy who steals Woody, and Stinky Pete; jealous of the adoration that Woody has had over the years as no child ever wanted or loved him.

Plus we have the amazing Star Wars reference.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

 

For more on Toy Story 2, go to A Horse’s Tale

For more on Buzz and Woody, go to They’re Alive

For more on Disney, go to Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride

For more on my favorite songs, go to Diamond in the Rough

For more on Disney Villains, go to  There’s No One Like Gaston

For more on sequels, go to Just Follow the Screams

A Mater Mess

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Day 19) Your Least Favoite Disney-Pixar Film

Cars 2

Cars 2

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE this film. I think it is the worst film Disney-Pixar made. Just Horrible. Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And Stupid!

So in this film Lightening McQueen is going on this big race and Mater joins him. Mater ends up being recruited as a spy…and I don’t even need to finish this for you to figure out how horrible it is. I think they just wanted to make a stupid Mater movie, thought it wouldn’t do well so added all the characters in, which just made it worse. It was horrible and should DIE.

Die, die, die!

Die, die, die!

 

The only redeeming thing was Michael Caine’s character, Finn McMissile, the car version of James Bond. Otherwise the film was a major mess.

For more Sucky Sequels, go to Mean Girls 2

If you would like to read about more films that I think are clunkers, check out A Squashed Mess and The Beast of Yucca Flats

For more on Disney-Pixar films, go to They’re Alive

For more on spies, go to The Cat’s Meow

Pink Elephants

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14) Your Least Favorite Disney Song

I hate the song Pink Elephants on Parade from Dumbo. This song is horrible and freaked me out as kid. It actually continues to do so. This song is just wrong on so many levels. Aw! Look at his face. :(

Everytime I see it I’m like why was this made? I mean a drunk elephant? Really disney? Really?

facepalm

I can’t watch it, think about it, or talk about it. Its horrible and horrfying!

Die, die, die!

Die, die, die!

“Seeing pink elephants” term means a hallucination, caused by alcohol. Jack London is the first to have used the term in his autobiographical book John Barleycorn, as “the man whom we all know, stupid, unimaginative, whose brain is bitten numbly by numb maggots; who walks generously with wide-spread, tentative legs, falls frequently in the gutter, and who sees, in the extremity of his ecstasy, blue mice and pink elephants.”

Here’s the vid if you want to see it. Watch at your own risk.

For more on Dumbo, go to Episode VI: Return of the Movie Lines List

For more on Disney animals, go to the Cat’s Meow

For more of my favorite songs, go to There’s No One Like Gaston

For more on Disney, go to If I Never Knew You

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In other news, yesterday was

Fridaythe13th

Yep, I stuck to my usual tradition, calling in a pizza

Pizza Delivery Sabrina the teenage witch

When I put in my special instructions, I asked for the guy to talk in a Transylvanian accent. I mean come on, it’s Friday the 13th!

Then I put on my Ghostbuster T-shirt, as there was no way I could spend Friday the 13th not wearing that. I mean seriously.

So I was sitting down and waiting for my pizza using the Heavy Metal one as its the best

Domino'spizzatracker

But it didn’t work. It said prep the whole time.

Anyways, so when the guy got there he didn’t want to do the accent, which made me sad as I really wanted it! It’s Friday the 13th! Keegan would have done it (that was the delivery guy I had last time). I play-threatened to not tip him, but got what I wanted in the end. 🙂

Since it was a full moon, I decided the films I would watch would be werewolf theme. I started off with

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as I have had it referenced in so many books and movies, but it sucked. Really, really bad. Come back in October and read my review.

Then I watched:

the wolf man

Which was amazing! I LOVE this movie so much. (A review of it will also be out this October)

All in all it was a pretty good Friday the 13th. 🙂

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For more on The Wolf Man (1941), go to My Favorite Movie Lines

For more on Classic Horror Films, go to Eternal Punishment for Anyone Who Opens this Casket

For more on Friday the 13th, go to That Video…is Not of This World

For more on Horror films, go to I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

For more on Heavy Metal, go to Unbound (The Wild Ride)

For more on Pizza, go to Would You Like a Pizza My Heart?

Sucky Sequels: Mean Girls 2 (2011)

So the other day I had just come home from the store and was dead tired from walking there and back; along with carrying my groceries.

I had work in little over an hour so I decided to surf the channels until I found something good. Of course it was one of those days where nothing is on.

Then I saw something with Meaghan Jette Martin in it. I was intrigued as I only knew Meaghan from the completely sucky TV series  10 Things I Hate About You(The show was so awful! They ruined the movie! I could write a huge post on everything wrong with that show, but I’ll save that for another time. To read more on what I think of the actual film, click  here.)

axe-murderer

The film was Mean Girls 2 which sucked so bad. I mean the original film was awesome as it was so real at how it expressed how girls are in high school. Every girl could relate to it! Everyone could relate to it! I loved it! Why must they constantly remake or create sucky sequels of great films?

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I was just about to flip the channel and try to find something else when who should walk across the screen and change everything?

The Very Handsome…The Very HOT…The Very Talented…

Rock Of Ages - European Film Premiere

Diego Boneta!!!

I love this guy! Ever since his guest role in Pretty Little Liars and Drew in Rock of Ages! I couldn’t believe he was in this movie! I mean he deserves so much better. But now that I saw him in there I couldn’t stop watching. I mean look at this guy how could you say no?

Can't look away from his gorgeousness.

Can’t look away from his gorgeousness.

So the film was very dumb and predictable. The main girl, Jo, bands with the “losers” to take down the head girls. Problems arise as the secret Jo has been hiding is found out and she loses her friends; her love interest, and her power. In the end everything works out and everyone gets back together.

Blah, blah

Besides  sucking because of its predictability, it had HUGE plot holes and many, many, many things wrong with it! How did the writers and producers pass this on through?

What the heck is that?

1) North Shore High in Ohio

Why are they in Ohio? They weren’t in Ohio in the first film. I thought they were in California. So now why place them in Ohio? Do they feel that having it in Ohio makes it more racecar friendly as that is the job her dad has? And if it is a different school from the first one, why have the same principle? Does he just like to oversee schools named North Shore? Since the plot was nowhere near the first film, and in a completely different area; why even use the same actor to be the principle and use the same name? Don’t establish links of continuity if there is none!

2) People would not think Jo was the hottest girl ever because she is new

Contrary to cinema belief, when a girl moves to a new school, people don’t think she’s automatically hot. New does not equal hot. It’s more on par with John Tucker Must Die as people don’t know the new girl and don’t care to. I mean in this film they treat her as if she is Aphrodite gracing Earth with a visit.

LOL another 10 Things I Hate About You reference

LOL another 10 Things I Hate About You reference

Now I am not saying that this is what a personally believe, nor am I saying that this is what people should assume; what I am saying is that if a girl dressed grungy, took shop class, knew how to work on cars, made feminist remarks, knew all about sports, almost breaks a guy’s arm for touching her, and doesn’t wear a bra all the time; most people would assume she was a man-hating feminist; also decreasing her hotness factor with most of the guys in the school to 0. And therefore Jo would be friendzoned for life.

welcome_to_the_friend_zone_card-p137754528915651724z85p0_400

3) NO dogs in school

Okay dogs are not allowed in school. My friend trained guide dogs and brought the pup into school until it graduated and the teachers plus the principle always hated it. Principal Miller had a cow the day that one of the yellow labs pooped in the outside hallway. I remember our English teacher Ms. Martyn hated the dogs. She was always complaining about tripping over it and “play” threatening to get rid of it. One year the dog’s name was Mackenzie, Ms. Martyn’s first name and she would become upset whenever someone would call the dog.

Anyways, yeah dogs are not allowed in school. City ordinances state that domestic animals are not allowed in public education places.

 

Better Schooch your Pooch

Better Scooch your Pooch

4) Dating the School “Hottie” to get a modeling career

So Mandi is dating the school “Hottie”, I put it in quotations because he is clearly a nottie. Tyler (Diego Boneta) is the hottest, but as we have just been told that he and Mandi are siblings that means he is off limits. Anyways, Mandi’s convoluted plan is to date this immature jerk, Nick, so that when he gets his football scholarship to UCLA she can visit him and become a model.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-it

Mandi’s supposed to be rich and the prettiest girl around. Why doesn’t she just have her parents pay for a portfolio, model there in Ohio and then move out to California. I’m pretty positive that there are many modeling agencies in Ohio.  Oh look there are! And why California over New York? New York is closer to Ohio than California and it has been the fashion capital of the United States for a lot longer. LA will always be second.

I mean it makes sense that she would date the school “hottie” to keep her position of power, but for a modeling career? That just seems weird. And why even go to CA just to visit him? If she wants to be a model that bad, why not just move out there on her own? Why does she need him to be a model? That doesn’t make any sense at all.

5) Guess what…we’re poor

So Jo has always wanted to go to Carniege Mellon since that is where her mom went. Unfortunately, dear old dad lost all the money they had and they can’t afford to send her there, she’ll have to apply to in-state. Now I may be wrong here, but Jo made it sound as if her dad had all the money tucked away set on her tuition. Tuition for Carniege Mellon in 2011 when this film came out was $44,450, (that’s just tuition alone). That means it was $177,800 (before tuition increased) for four years. How did the dad lose all that money? You think that even if he was playing the stock market, like the film uses as an explanation for lack of funds, he would still have been plugging some away. You don’t just put money on stocks and hope that sixteen years later you would have over $177,800. I mean he should have at least most of the first year squirreled away. I mean she is an only child and it seems like he was always planning on sending her to college. And with Jo applying to financial aid she should get some support. The next year she would have completed a year’s residency and can apply for in-state tuition.

AdrianBoothroyd_998696c

It would be more believable if her dad lost it gambling or due to a past addiction; but I think this was on abcfamily so they wouldn’t have that.

6) French Revolution Meltdown

So we hear of why the Queen Bee Mandi hates super nice girl Abby. Back in middle school Mandi had a French Revolution party and Abby outshone her in a Marie Antoinette oufit.

First of all what 11-year old has a French Revolution themed Halloween party? What kid (besides me and other nerds) even knew about the French Revolution? (I had read he children’s version of A Tale of Two Cities already and the Marie Antoinette Diary from the Royal Diary Series.)  What popular kid who is not into school or history would do that? And what kid would ever do that for a Halloween party? Not much imagination allowed for costumes. Usually you do “At the Movies”, “Disney”, “Monster Films”or a “Decade” party. But hey, I guess it makes buying the food easy, as you can serve them nothing. That would get those kids really into the spirit. It would make more sense for her to have a Phantom of the Opera party as the film just came out. The Marie Antoinette film which would have sparked interest in the French Revolution wouldn’t be coming out for another two years.

And why would someone throwing a French Revolution party, and not dress up as Marie Antoinette? It’s her party of course she is going to be Queen, especially if she is Queen Bee of the school. No way would the host dress up as a peasant girl.AdrianBoothroyd_998696c

And on that note, what parent would dare send their child to someone else’s party dressed up as the Queen? That is just rude and distasteful. Dear Abby would disapprove! You know, at this point I can’t say I blame Mandi for hating Abby, I would have been pissed too.

Is this too crazy?

Oh look Abby, you’re up.

7) I Want the Disabled Spot!!!

Okay so Mandi gets a boot up her butt because she has the number two spot, the number one is the disabled parking, which Abby ends up snagging. Come on now, no one would be jealous over that. Besides, Mandi would hate to wear a walking cast, as it would clash with all her outfits. Not buying it.

8) Pimping Out Your Friends…That’s Real Friendship

So Mandi enlists the help of school web designer and nerd Elliot in order to embarrass Abby. In fact to make sure he does it, she pimps out her friend Chastity. The only problem with this is that she never had to pimp out her friend in the first place. Mandi asks Elliot for a favor and he agrees right away. Then she sics Chastity on him to make sure he does it. But if he already agreed than why do that? Why pay for something when you can get it for free? That makes no sense at all!

9) “Most Girls Would Have Laughed, Texted, or Posted a Status Update”

Okay writers I don’t know what Hell you’ve been having Tyler live in, (oh wait that’s right Mandi’s house), but every girl he knows would have reacted that way? I find that a bit odd that Jo is the first girl he’s ever met that would actually show compassion. Seriously? Even if he has been sequestered in a home with a she-devil, I do expect him to go outside sometime and if he did he should meet way more than one girl who would not have been cruel to others for laughs. As a delegate of my sex I take it upon myself to be the one to teach Diego, uh I mean Tyler, that there are caring and compassionate women in this world. 😉

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

10) Guns in School? Is this Writer on Crack?

So embarrassing Abby by spilling beans and sour cream on her, taking a pic, uploading that to the school website and texting it out to everyone wasn’t good enough for Mandi. She had a guy paintball Abby’s car! PAINTBALL!

Screen shot 2013-04-08 at 11.31.28 PM

How the heck did they get a paintball gun in the school? Man the security guards, the principal, the cops, SWAT team would be all over this thing.

Screen shot 2013-04-08 at 11.31.31 PM

And why on Earth would the black kid be the one doing it. Hello! Abby’s parents are super rich, and Mandi is not going to stick up for you! There is no way that this black guy would have been doing the shooting.

And lets get back to the gun issue. How the heck do you get a paintball gun in school, and why are there no cops crawling all over or taking you down? Paintball guns are not that quiet, a teacher would have heard and seen you and called 9-1-1. I mean a 7 year old got suspended for bringing a water gun to school, an Ohio first grader got suspended for bringing an airsoft gun to school (maybe it happens in Ohio more than I thought), oh and looky here Kansas student expelled for bringing a paintball gun to school. I mean after the Columbine shootings and Virgina Tech, schools don’t mess around. This kid would have been taken down or shot.

The Steve Sloan tackle

The Steve Sloan tackle

11) “It Wasn’t an Accident, Just Some Girls at School”

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-it

This is more than just teasing, this is serious assault. They hired a guy to shoot up Abby’s car with a paintball gun. That’s messed up, that requires notifying the parents, that means taking action. Don’t  pull a Baby-sitter’s club and try and handle this problem all on your own.

12) Prostitution…I Mean Escorting or Supplying a Service

So Abby’s Billy Mays-esque father offers to pay Jo to be Abby’s best friend. When Jo declines, stating that this is wrong; he offers to pay her college tuition.

He looks devilish and creepy here. Definitely wouldn't want to be in a room alone with him.

He looks devilish and creepy here. Definitely wouldn’t want to be in a room alone with him.

Okay, I don’t care how much anyone wants their kid to have friends, there is no way he is paying $177,800 to some kid he doesn’t even know. If he is such a smart businessman, he could hire an actor and have them fake be enrolled in the school. I mean a guy who is always has a wad of bills on hand and “has more money than he can spend” would make that happen in a second.

And why would he pay her in cash? That seems really weird and under the table. I would think he was secretly in  the mafia or a drug lord. The Kingpin, Henry Hills, etc.

If I was Jo I would ask the dad to create a scholarship (in which I would be the one already set up to win) that I would apply to. Therefore causing me to not feel like a prostitute, and Abby would never find out that I was being paid to be her friend. (Which you know is going to happen, these films always follow a pattern.)

I wonder what her dad would say once he saw the money. I mean you could pull a 21 and tuck it away, but it is probably safer in a bank. But how would you explain were you got the dough from. Can’t say a casino as she isn’t 21 yet. If she tried to pay her tuition in cash the IRS would swoop on ’em. Problems galore.

13) B.A. Biker Chick?

Helloooooo she rides a Vespa! A frickin’ Vespa!! I don’t know what B.A. may be in Ohio but here in CA I have never heard people who ride Vespas called B.A. And Biker chick? Bikers would eat her for breakfast. I’m sure the Hell’s Angels would kill Mandi for even supposing that Vespa riding Jo is in the same level as them.

Ray Liotta would take Mandi, Jo, and the rest of the crew out just like in Wild Hogs. 

14) Paparazzi? Really TMZ Wannabe has that much time?

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I don’t care how popular, how cool, or how much of a Queen Bee she is; there is no way that this girl is going to approach her every morning for a quote on something to place in her paper.

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15) Mandi is a Sociopath

Clearly we have seen that Mandi has some issues, but she is also a raging sociopath. She is attractive and always decked out, she believes herself to be best, has no respect for rules and responsibilities (I think bringing a dog to school and hiring someone to shoot up a girl’s car clearly answers this as check), she is a pathological liar, she is a parasite that feeds on you, comes from a broken family, and she does you wrong “because you asked for it”. Not only does she fit those traits but has exhibited cruelty to animals (threw her dog in the trash), hired someone to assault a girl’s car with a gun (symbolizing what she wants to do to the girl in real life), gave someone with an allergy to strawberries the fruit that could kill her; clearly someone needs to turn her in before she becomes the next Patrick Bateman.

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don’t know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Further proof: Later she pimps out Chastity to get Jo’s file and has Hope stalk Jo. This girl needs help, pronto. And her friends need to find someone saner to hangout with.

16) Random Tyler Moment

Okay not that I’m complaining that we get a look at Diego Boneta, but this is just strange. Jo’s walking down the hallway and we see Tyler behind her about to approach her, but never does. Like what the heck writers! Is he too scared to ask her out? Did he get waylaid by a friend? Like why place him in a scene if he’s not going to do anything? Did you think we would forget about him?

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As if we could ever forget him.

17) Crushed Drink in Anger, Yet no Spills

Seriously?

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First of all it would be really hard to just crush it like that, but even more so not to spill on herself. The drink would have gone flying all over her, and she would have been full of stains. Just saying.

18) Not Breaking but Entering

Screen shot 2013-04-14 at 12.19.02 AMSo Mandi and the crew just run into the Mitchell’s garage in hopes of finding a way to embarrass Jo. Now, maybe this is just me, but wouldn’t you have locked your garage if you aren’t outside? Especially if you have an expensive racecar in it? Now I know that both Jo and her dad are home but that thing must have cost a fortune. Cars can be $1-3 million per team and engines alone can cause up to $8 million. If it were me, I’d be keeping that baby locked up tight.

19) Sticky Situation

So Mandi & Co decide that to really embarrass Jo and get her to march to their tune; they will put industrial glue on her vespa causing her to get stuck. The only problem is, it should have lost it’s stickiness long before then. Jo meets up with Abby around 3:00, went to the auto parts store and probably got home around 4:00-4:30. Abby went home about 4:30-5:20 when the girls showed up. They douse her Vespa with glue about 5:30-6. Now judging by most schools, she has class at 8 which means that she will be leaving anywhere from 7-7:30 So that glue that has been on the chair has been aired out for over 12 hours, it should be very dry now and not sticky. And wouldn’t Jo have noticed when she fixed up her Vespa?  I mean most industrial glue stinks. There is no way that the glue would be working by the time Jo place her rump on the  bike.

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20) Riding Vespa through the School

Screen shot 2013-04-14 at 12.39.21 AMAll I could think of when watching this is how much trouble she would get in. And you notice they always do something like this in movies, but it would never work in real life. There are too many people in the halls for you to get around or make wide enough turns. Plus how would she get it through the bathroom door? They always open out. The principal would be on her case, she’d probably be expelled, yeah muy mal.

21) Art Smock Skirt

Seriously? The art smock is just going to magically stay on her without any safety pins, ties, or buttons; and still look good? Yeah right! This is what Abby hands her.

funny_artist_art_smock_art_painting_apron-r3ff7dd4bc34e43dfa1d0dadfb63ae0a6_v9wtf_8byvr_512There is no way you are turning this into an actual skirt. I know, I’ve tried. I had a barbie shirt that was red and white, and really wanted a red skirt to go with it. Barbie didn’t have a red skirt, but she had a red apron. I tried to make a skirt, but a portion of Barbie’s hiney was always showing. You can’t do it by tying. I’m actually going to try myself to see if it works. I’ll let you know.

Yep tried it. Doesn’t work.

22) Golden Gate Bridge

Jo is telling Abby about some her favorite buildings and is super surprised Abby has heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. Hellooo, maybe my California is showing but I would think that most people in the US have heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. After all it is one of the seven man made wonders of the U.S. Jo you need to crawl out from under that rock you have been living in and get in the real world.

23) Grounds for Termination

So Jo is pretending to be Abby’s friend because Abby’s dad is paying her. Then Abby offers to draw buildings for Jo since she sucks as an artist but wants to be an architect, (wow-I hope you are good at math). Abby tells Jo not to tell Abby’s father because he doesn’t approve.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-itI don’t know about you all, but this just screams BAD IDEA. Her dad isn’t going to be too happy to hear that you are encouraging something he disapproves of. If he finds out he will probably out you and fire you.

24) I’m Applying to Columbia…Just Kidding it’s really NYU

Uh, hello Abby but unless you are planning on paying for college yourself, your dad is going to figure out that you are going to NYU and not Columbia. In fact I don’t know how you even imagined getting that past him.

Ugh, and I hate these storylines. Oh no-poor little rich girl who has a ton of money and could go to any college anywhere-but shoot, Dad won’t support my artistic dreams.

Ugh!

I also feel the whole wealthy kid wanting to go to art school and dad not approving, and therefore the girl having to use her skills to make it on her own is a little too much of a ripoff of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, primarily the third book Girls in Pants. The same thing happens to Lena. I don’t understand how these rich kids can always get money and win scholarships, but here I am someone who’s parents can’t afford college and never seems to get the breaks. Oh yeah, that’s right, these are works of fiction and I’m in the real world. Seriously though, please STOP these storylines.

25) Jo’s Daydream/Memory (Not too sure which it is)

Actually there is nothing wrong with this scene. This was the best part of the film, (the only part). I just felt like including it. 😉

26) The Big Egg Drop Project

So in order to be one of the finalist for this architecture scholarship, Jo has to pass this egg drop project that is extremely hard. Now I’ve had to do this in my physics class, it is not that hard so don’t understand the big deal. In my class we had to create a basket made of paper and drop a raw egg in it. If the egg didn’t crack, we’d go on to the next level were we would have to drop an egg from a higher point. I remember just throwing a bunch of paper together and testing it out by tossing Dum Dums in it. Got it completed in less than 20 mins. Now they are having to make a parachute, but seriously why this be the big project? I was expecting something more like the projects they do in Ren’s woodshop class in Even Stevens. The one where she has makes a stool. I mean come on, the writers could have come up with something better.

27)Borrowed Car

I get that Nick has a nice car, and hey it would impress practically any girl but why doesn’t Tyler have his own sweet ride? Mandi has a cool car and she is only his stepsister, why isn’t his father buying his son a set of wheels?

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I mean in Pretty Little Liars when he was the “poor kid” dating rich Spencer he had an amazing set of wheels. Why doesn’t he have any when he is a rich kid?

I love Mustangs!

I love Mustangs!

It is true that we aren’t supposed to know that Mandi and Tyler are stepsibs yet, but still how come he doesn’t have a hot ride?

And granted, his friend could have a better car than him, but if he is planning on making out with Jo that night, wouldn’t it be strange to do it in your friends car? I mean I think that is sooo weird.

28) Photo Finish Date

Okay I get that the writers want to show this awesome date that Jo and Tyler are having but in a serious of snapshots? Are you kidding me? I understand that they might be tired of writing text, but that is one of the worst things you could do in the middle of the film. It just distances the viewer from the plot and to be perfectly honest, bores them. “Photographs” of scenes should only be done in the beginning or end, like The Parent Trap (1998). I mean who is taking these photos on their date? Did they bring a third person just for this? Is it a ghost?

29) Too Touchy-Feely

Okay this is Tyler and Jo’s first date, and Jo’s first date ever, there is no way they’d be THAT comfortable climbing all over and feeding each other. On the first date, you are still reserved as you are trying to figure out what is acceptable by the other person. There ain’t no way that Jo’d be that okay seeing as she’s never been on a date with any guy before and would definitely be way nervous and awkward.

30)Asking About Past Loves

Okay there is no way anyone would ask the question of “how many have you been with?” on the first date! It’s the FIRST DATE! Those are things you wait to ask until you have been dating for a while. No one wants to hear on the first date every single person their crush has been with. That comes later when the two have become more invested in each other and are not so quick to run out. Tyler I love ya, but that was a bad move.

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31) Tyler and Mandi? Hooking Up? GROSS!

Okay, why does everyone say this? I mean yes they grew up together, but they are step siblings. NOT BLOOD RELATED, therefore it is perfectly legal for them to have a relationship. I mean hasn’t any of these kids seen Cruel Intentions? (I don’t recommend it) They have that total vibe going on as Mandi seems waay into Tyler. Except Mandi is both the Ryan Phillippe and Sarah Michelle Gellar characters, Tyler is just awesome.

Cruel Intentions + Mean Girls 2

Cruel Intentions + Mean Girls 2

Jo could definitely be Reese Witherspoon‘s part.

32) I’m Sorry I Posted that Awful Video of You

Okay  Elliot apologizes for posting the video on the web, and says he no longer can be webmaster. All I can say is I’m feeling no sympathy for you here and I want some real groveling. YOU POSTED A VIDEO OF ME ON THE INTERNET, its going to be around FOREVER! You humiliated me in front of EVERYONE I deserve all kinds of things for you to prove your sorry. I’d be screaming at him like Karen when Henry stands her up in Goodfellas.

If I was Abby I’d be yelling at Elliot “whatever you are doing to earn my forgiveness, it better be good”. And it better be as high up there as Henry Hill’s “I’m sorry”.

33) The Wrong Eggs

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So Mandi switches the eggs and Jo & Tyler end up with an unboiled egg instead of a boiled one. Their parachute crashes and they receive a 0.

First of all, when I did this in my physics class you had to use raw eggs because that better proved how strong your egg catcher thingy was. And we didn’t have a ruler we just had to try and toss it in our baskets. So I really am not understanding the level of difficulty this is supposed to be.

Secondly, besides that though, how could they not tell the egg was raw? I mean a raw egg has a completely different feel to it regarding weight. It just seems so much lighter and you can tell there is liquid in it.

Third, what teacher is really that much of a dipstick they won’t let you go again using the proper egg? He totally would have. Or they could bring their parents in and start a huge fuss how it wasn’t fair that they weren’t able to have an equal try.

And once again what does the egg drop have to do with architecture? NOTHING!

But hey at least one good thing came out of this. Raw egg is really good for your hair.

34) Doctor Supplying Drugs

Okay I don’t care how rich Hope may be, but there is no way that a doctor is going to provide her with laughing gas just because she asks for it.  Oh look:

“Ohio: Selling nitrous oxide to a person under 21 years of age is illegal. Selling nitrous oxide (to a person over 21 years of age) is illegal if also devices used to inhale nitrous oxide are sold, or if the seller has reason to believe that the nitrous oxide will be inhaled. All sales have to be recorded. All cartridges containing nitrous oxide have to be printed with a note which includes intended use and warning about the presence of ‘dangerous health effects’. “

Yeah, there is no way that Hope could have gotten a supply as her doctor would not want to risk losing his license.

35) Now You’re Just Asking for It (Not Breaking but Entering Part 2)

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Okay man you have an expensive racecar in your garage! LOCK IT! This baby is  $1-3 million per team and engines alone can cause up to $8 million!! Keep that car locked up tight. You are just asking for someone to steal from you. No sympathy right now. I mean I have nothing valuable in my garage but I keep that puppy sealed up stronger than a Pharaoh’s tomb. This reminds me of the Bling Ring. These kids stole from a ton of stars because they never locked up their belongings. Come on you have valuables! Protect Them!

And this is further proof that Mandi is a psychopath.

36) “Not enough time, not enough money”

Okay so Jo’s dad is crying like a baby because his engine is ruined, and states that only if they had time and money to fix it. Now Jo has money that could probably help, but doesn’t offer it to her dad. What a jerk!

Now I know it would be hard to, because her father would want to know where it came from, and would probably make her give it back, but look at this man! How could you not even offer it?

It would break my heart to see my dad cry.

It would break my heart to see my dad cry.

37) Girl Hormones

Okay, I don’t like the fact that this movie is making it seem as if feeling upset and wanting to crush someone for hurting you is “girly” and something that “tomboy” Jo never did. Those are things everyone goes through, no matter what their sex. Bad form, bad form.

See Hook agrees with me.

See Hook agrees with me.

38) “But it was so much fun”

When Jo confronts Mandi she flat out admits she did it. Come on, there is no way that she would say it in a crowded area like that. I mean TMZ girl is not that far away and this is the scoop of the year. She’d pull a Campus Confidental and expose Mandi for the psycho she is. Mandi seems pretty smart, she’d probably say she didn’t know what Jo was talking about, while smiling the whole time to let Jo she knew exactly what she was talking about. The whole false innocent thing is totally Mandi’s MO. Plus she would know that would piss off Jo even more.

39) Almost tells her, but chickens out at the last minute.

Classic movie cliché, right up there with the POG. I mean right here you seal the friendships death warrant. There is no surprise ending in this film, we know how it will be. I know that it is something you can never seem to cut out of the equation, but I really wish they would come up with a new plot line than “I’m lying abut really being your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, but I really fell for you in the end. Our relationship may have been built on a lie but the rest has been true” thing.

40) Getting ready for the party scene

Okay I understand that the writers created this scene so that we could see the brother/sister dynamics and that we could hear all the reasons why Tyler dislikes Mandi (that way when Jo starts acting like Mandi we will understand why the two break up. I mean we know they are going to be Super Ob.) But this scene is just too intimate. It just seems weird to me that he is talking to her while she is getting ready in her room that close to her.

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I know the film is trying to dissuade a whole stepbrother/stepsister relationship, but this scene kept giving me flashbacks to Cruel Intentions. I mean the tension between the two was really similar.

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They should have had the scene in the  kitchen or living room or at least not have them speak that close to each other. I mean it looks like they are going to kiss.

41)”Who wants to go to a party where they have to wear cocktail dresses?”

Uh, Jo I know you are supposed to be a super tomboy, but do you really have so little imagination that you can’t fathom why some girls would want to dress up? Lots of girls enjoy it, I mean look at prom. You like to dress up and feel like a beautiful creature ever now and then.

And don’t you dare get on your tomboy high horse again, because you wear a nice dress to your own party. So…just shut up. So there. (Granted Abby’s mom insists that she dress up, but if Jo was really as principled as she is always insisting, she would have just ignored her)

So there!

They may be trying to portray Abby’s mom as silly but she’s right. If your the host/hostess you need to dress your best. It’s YOUR party. And the mom is totally right, YOYO (You’re Only Young Once) Live it up, when your old and gray you can look back on those memories of when you could wear those sexy dresses.

42) There is no way that Abby’s dress could fit Jo.

Abby’s mom insists the girls dress up and pulls out a skin tight green tank dress for Jo to wear. There is no way that the two girls could wear the same size as Abby is much more fuller figured. The dress would be way too big for Jo and falling off her. Sorry guys, this isn’t The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It would actually make more sense if the mom pulled something out of her closet as the two are a similar size.

There's just no way

There’s just no way

43) TMZ girl is not a true friend

Okay TMZ wannabe girl has been hanging out with Abby and Jo all the time. She is supposed to be a “good” friend, yet she goes to Mandi’s party first instead of Jo and Abby. What kind of friend would do that? Why write her that way? All I got to say about her now is CUT ‘ER LOOSE!

And run fast

44) Clip in colored hair

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.18.54 AM

Okay NOBODY wears that anymore, it died out in the early 2000s. I remember, because I used to have some. What was really in 2011 was tinseling the hair or the pheasant hair extensions. Whoever was writing this wasn’t with the times.

45) Tree Dancer, not hugger

Seriously?

Seriously?

Like dancing with a tree is really they way into a girl’s heart? I know it is supposed to be sweet/silly, but it just is dumb to me. Like that is really going to impress me and have me forgive you? No way! I want GROVELING!

46) Drug Deal

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.35.06 AM

So Mandi has Hope pay the pizza delivery guy to coat the pizzas in ipecac. And all I can think is how does Hope have that much money and would the pizza guy really jeopardize his job that way? I mean first of all, having all these kids throwing up is going to reflect very badly on whatever pizzareia he is employed at. The guy will lose money, and pizza boy here will be out of a job.

Plus with such a wide amount vomiting, I feel like these kids are going to be tested to make see what was exactly the cause. Their drug tests, I’m sure would show that these kids all took ipecac, which will be denied by everyone. When they test the pizzas, they will see that this is where it came from. Then, everyone will piece together where the ipecac came from which is for sure going to get Pizza boy in a ton of trouble. Hope, I’m not so sure, her family has money.

I mean giving someone laxatives without their knowledge is technically a murder attempt, I know because someone threatened me with this and got in big trouble. It’s because you can die from too much diarrhea. I feel that the same would go for ipecac. I’m pretty sure Pizza boy does not want to go to jail.

47) Delivery Boy Must Have Wings

Okay so Hope pays Pizza boy to coat the pizzas with ipecac, runs back to get the rest of the group at Mandi’s, gets her mask and gloves and the quartet run back over to Abby’s. Now this couldn’t have taken more than 10-15 mins, 20 if we’re really pushing it. So how the heck were they able to, in that short of time get enough Chinese food for everyone?

Where-To-Find-Hong-Kong-One-Dollar-Chinese-FoodThere is no way they could do that with so many people at Abby’s place. I mean they had like 6-8 boxes of pizza, and now they have to buy a carton for everyone? There has to be over a 100 people there. There is no delivery place on Earth that could make that much food, that quickly, then have someone take it over and deliver it, and everyone grab a carton and finish all before Mandi & Co make the less then 10 min walk to Abby’s.

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48) I’m Blind to Everything

Okay, so I understand that Nick is not the brightest crayon in the box and can be pretty oblivious to everything, but when Jo grabs the ipecac-laden pizza out of the trash, how does he not see it? It is right in front of him!

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.51.11 AMHe should have totally seen it and been like, “I don’t want it…” Plus that is just gross and mean to give someone something out of the trash. And mean to use Nick, who hasn’t done anything to you.

And so that’s as far as I got in the film. I then had to go and get ready for work. Let me know what you think of this post, and comment below if you want me to finish reviewing the film. I had a ton of fun writing this, as I hated it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

For more (and better) sequels, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on Diego Boneta, go to Nothing But A Good Time