Vampire Wedding, Vampire Baby, and Bella Finally Gets What She Always Wanted: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part I (2011)

So you all, I’m really excited! There are only two Twilight films left and then I’m all done with the series!

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga” before this year. I remember when the books and films came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

This really happened at my school, but not with a shovel.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all. 

I find them all to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film four (that really should be the last one but they decided to spilt in half for no reason.)

So Bella and Edward are going to get married but I’m really think that is a terrible decision as they do not know how to be in a healthy relationship. I’m not the only one who is questioning this as Jacob is angry and throws his invitation in the rain puddle and her dad is sad. Probably thinking he should have fought harder for custody and then maybe his child wouldn’t have grown up to have so many vampire undead issues.

Bella looks sadly at the dream catcher, but you broke Jacobs heart so don’t be acting that way.

Bella is mad that Edward tells her it isn’t too late to change her mind. Yeah, he giving you a way out because he doesn’t want to turn you into a vampire and he’s probably thinking about how you cheated on him when you kissed Jacob in the last film.

Edward decided to tell Bella the rest of his life story. Edward rebelled against Carlisle and went off killing and drinking blood. In one scene he is watching the premiere of The Bride of Frankenstein, now I love that film but it feels a little on the nose to include it in this movie. They make Edward not really bad as he murdered a lot of people but they were all “monsters”. Yeah, he can read their minds but he didn’t know whether or not they would actually act in it.

Hmm…

Bella has a dream about the wedding and sees the Volturi and all the roses turn to blood. Blood is everywhere, on her dress, and everyone is dead-I know this is just supposed to be symbolic but she should really be thinking about this as a possibility that as it could actually happen. I mean she turning is breaking the covenant with the werewolves. Like does she even care people will die for her selfishness?

Now I really like Charlie Swan, he’s my favorite character. He sees the graduation cap mural and thinks it is really, really weird. I also like that he is 100% against this wedding, but even though he feels this way he still gives her a hair comb, a beautiful one. Such a sweet dad.

I wish Charlie had raised Bella as she would have been a better person and not so crazy or dreaming to be a vampire.

Jessica thinks Bella is pregnant and Bella is surprised people would think that. I’m like, yeah, I think most would assume that as she is 18 years old and previously kept talking about how she thinks marriage is dumb.

You know all the vampires have yellow eyes and look super jaundiced, yet no one is questioning why Carlisle the doctor, hasn’t taken care of this?

I noticed too that they got rid of the blue overlay and the whole set is much warmer. They also warmed up all the people too, the vampires don’t look like walking dead anymore.

So after the wedding, Charlie gives a speech and I love it, he is definitely the best character. I also love how he gives the mom a weird look when she is singing, he’s like why did I ever marry her I must have been super drunk.

I should not have ever married her.

Jacob missed the wedding, but stopped by the reception instead. They talks and Bella is really inappropriate talking about the “night”. Jacob warns Bella she should not sleep with Edward as a human as she could die. But Bella doesn’t care, she wants vampire love and if she almost dies, even better as he’ll be forced to turn her.

As Bella and Edward drive away, they hear the wolf cry and we all know it is Jacob.

From The Wolf Man (1941)

Carlisle gives Edward an island, Esme Island. Can Carlisle adopt me?

Please pick me.

So we have gone through a third of this film already and it has just been a wedding. It’s pretty boring.

Their honeymoon scenes are super awkward. Edward and Bella were together the first night and his vampire loving left a lot of bruises on her body. Since then, he hasn’t wanted to be do anything so then we just get a ton of scenes of Bella trying to seduce him.

Bella is weird and all I can think is why do you want to spend the rest of your vampire life with her? I’d be like stake me now.

Bella basically cries until Edward give in, and again-all this is weird to watch.

Weird…

They then abruptly switch to the werewolves. Jacob is planning to kill the vampires, but Sam says no. And Sam is the alpha make. Jacob need to stop being Moody McBroody. It’s really annoying

Bella throws up and realizes she’s pregnant. She thought it was impossible as he’s a vampire and they don’t have kids. My first call would be to call Carlisle.

Jacob goes to see Charlie and hears that Bella is sick. Jacob thinks she might have been turned and they are lying and he goes to see Bella at the Cullens. Jacob tells her she looks terrible and she does, she looks like she hasn’t slept in days and is so faint and super pregnant.

Should not have slept with Edward.

Bella is way too calm to have become giant pregnant lady in two weeks. Like I don’t know anyone who would be this calm. I’ve had dreams like this and freaked out more than her and it is actually happening to her body.

If I was Bella I’d be afraid I was caring the devil’s child like in Rosemary’s Baby. That’s who Rosalie should kill, Rosemary’s horrible husband. I’m going to make a fictional hit list for Rosalie to hunt down and take out.

Your on my list!

I can’t believe this is even a plot point as there is no way that Edward could have even made a baby.

The werewolves have a wolf pack meeting like in The Jungle Book. And they want to kill Bella and the baby. Jacob fights with Sam but Sam enforces his alpha male status and Jacob runs off to create his own pack of one. But it quickly becomes two as Seth comes to help Jacob as he left Sam’s pack and Seth is so cute. Leah also comes as she can’t stand being with her ex, Sam

Jacob warns the Cullens and all I could think is man Bella you’re messing everyone up. Like they warned her and she didn’t care sand she still doesn’t care that everyone could be killed because of her desire to be a vampire.

This movie is really boring and there isn’t any actions. Edward is yahooing (really Edward?) to find out about vampire babies. He’s been alive 100 years and this is the first time he has ever heard of vampire babies? I’m telling you Edward has magic semen, oops I mean venom.

Bella looks like the crypt keeper. And the baby is apparently killing her. Crushing her from the inside out.

Bella is super faint and old looking and hair is turning white. For someone who was freaking out two movies ago about growing old she is really calm for one who is growing super old.

Why is Edward the husband not rubbing her back when she’s throwing up? He does nothing and Jacob does all the hard work.

The baby is eating Bella I guess, so they need to give her blood and instead of a transfusion she has to drink it out of a straw, which is impossible.

What else is weird is if she was consuming large amounts of blood she would develop lesions in her brain, they should give her a blood transfusion.

This movie is super boring and makes zero sense. I would have been mad if I sat outside in line for hours and wasted my time or money on this.

It astounds me that if all the books that are written and published this is the one that made it and sold millions and was turned into a film? This one? I feel bad for all the authors out here who are such great writers and write wonderful stories and are stuck in obscurity while this and After and The Bad Boys Girl and Fifty Shades of Grey are the ones making money.

Rosalie is the Cassandra of this series, no one listen later to her and they should. She was right about how they shouldn’t turn Bella into a vampire, she’s right about the danger, and she’s right about the name Renesme being dumb.

Bella’s back breaks from the infant and of course the doctor is gone as he went to get Bella food. Rosalie tries to cut the umbilical cord but then tries to eat her, Edward like rips her open with his mouth and hands and this scene is gross and weird. This whole film is.

Bella is dying and Edward tries to bring her back and I’m like let her die.

Edward gives her venom and she turns into a vampire. Jacob becomes a pedophile in this film and falls in love with the baby.

So the werewolves don’t kill the baby because he imprinted her and she is now protected by the pack. He saved the baby but he’s still a pedophile. Edward should pinch him I’m mad that he did that.

So this film was horrible. Like all this could have been summed up in like 30 mins and this easily could have been just one film. It really was not necessary and it honestly feels like a cash grab. I’m glad I’m almost done with this series and only have one film left.

For more on Twilight, go to Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

For more vampires, go to You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

For more werewolves, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

Do You Like This Hotel?…I Guess So. Good. I Want You to Like It Here. I Wish We Could Stay Here Forever… and Ever…: The Shining (1980)

Do you like this hotel? Yes, I do. I love it. Don’t you? I guess so. Good. I want you to like it here. I wish we could stay here forever… and ever… and ever.

So last week I went to a Halloween party and the guys were trying to figure out what movie was still scary. They had a bunch that frightened them when they were children, but felt that they were no longer horrifying as an adult. When they mentioned this one, I was like maybe for you but I find this movie even more terrifying as an adult. Jack Torrence is a horrible and abusive man. When I first saw it their relationship scared me, but after being in an abusive relationship it is a little too real. The scene when he yells at her for “disturbing him” would give me nightmares and that manner he takes with her would fire so many emotional triggers.

So Jack is a writer and and alcoholic. He hurt his son and his wife unfortunately believes in giving him a second chance, I’m like no don’t, but she does and they are going to be staying at a hotel in the Rocky Mountains during the off season (winter) taking care of it.

Everything about this sounds like a truly terrible idea. This former alcoholic man who abused his child is now trapped with you up on the top of the mountain in the middle of snowy winter where help will be unable to come if needed. If I was the wife there is no amount of money that I could be paid that would convince me to be trapped with that man. Even the first time when I watched this and had no clue what would happen next, Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of Jack Torrance scared me so, even in that just beginning “normal” scene, I would not want to be trapped up there with either Jack.

But before they are given full reign the manager, Stuart Ullman, reveals that the former caretaker had murdered his wife and two daughters, afterwards committing suicide.

Jack is okay with that and insists his wife will be too, uh no, but he is again he is also incredibly creepy. From the start of the film Jack Nicholson looks like a psychopath, as he does in every film.

Jack and Wendy’s son, Danny, has the ability to read minds and premonitions that always come true, just like in almost every Stephen King film. We are never given any reason why that happens. Is this “shining” an inherited trait? Why is he the only one in the family that can do it?

Oh he also has an adult man that lives inside him, but no one is too freaked out by that. I would be very worried.

Once they get to the Overlook weird things start happening as it is clearly possessed and starts affecting the family.

There are the ghosts of the twin girls that were murdered by their father: a scene that inspired one of my most loved memes:

But there are even more strange and paranormal things happening: the dead wife rises (in zombie form), there is a ghostly bartender, two men involved in some strange fetish of one being dressed as a dog, rivers of blood flowing, etc.

Eventually Jack is so possessed that he tries to kill his family, correcting them as the ghosts and hotel insists he should.

From The Invisible Man

I’ve always wondered do the spirits and ghosts come out only to play in the wintertime, like a reverse snowbird? Haunting other areas in the summer? Is it his abusive nature that made him one they felt they could turn to their side? Do they only attack when there is a single family living there? Why don’t they continue this reign of terror and murder in the summertime?

Hmm…

The film is very well done with the pacing and how they show everything, but I just can’t watch something like this because of the abuse. Jack is absolutely horrible, I wish Wendy would have left that situation before they went to the hotel, but she’s been with him so long, seen the good side, and is trapped in the wheel of promises and manipulation.

Stephen King actually hates this film as he feels the actors didn’t capture his characters and the storyline is nothing like his book, just a “shallow interpretation”. He actually remade it for TV but I have seen that one and it is soooo boring. I still can’t believe any studio read that script and green lighted it, but I do feel that way about a lot of films.

The background of making the movie is as equally horrifying as the film, as Stanley Kubrick was a nightmare to work with. Remember when I talked about William Wyler in Wuthering Heights? Kubrick was just as terrible as with his constant retakes and need for the perfect shot drove every actor and staff member to near insanity. In all interviews I have ever read or watched by the actors in this film, everyone says that they were thankful for the opportunity and that they were a part; but would never ever do it again.

Kubrick also completely traumatized and gave Shelley Duvall a nervous breakdown. Unfortunately that was back in the day when a famous director could do whatever they wanted to and didn’t have to face any repercussions. That is another reason that makes this film hard for me to watch, all the fear Duvall had and her breakdown is actually real. After this film she had to go to a sanitarium for a little while.

And as this is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, I want to end with this: if you are in a relationship that mistreats you, abuses you or your children, and you want to leave, there is help out there and there are resources for you. One thing they show in this movie that is really accurate is about how Jack keeps saying he will change, he will be better, but doesn’t. Very few people will ever truly change their abusive behavior. They might be able to for a little while-enough to make you think they have changed for good-but instead after they have hooked you again, then they slowly return to their horrible nature.

Abuse is more than just physical violence, it can be in many different forms.

I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence and I Know Help is Out There:

Are you being abused?

It’s abuse when someone who should care about you does or says things that hurt you or make you feel afraid, helpless or worthless. Here are only a few examples:

  • Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, grabbing, shoving, kicking you or your kids, your pets
  • Threatening you, your kids, friends, family or pets
  • Hitting, kicking, slamming walls, doors, furniture, possessions
  • Forcing you to have sex
  • Calling you names, swearing at you, yelling
  • Controlling all the money, even money you earn
  • Blaming you or your kids for everything
  • Putting you down, making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
  • Treating you like a servant or slave
  • Controlling where you go, what you do, what you wear
  • Controlling who you see, who you talk to
  • Humiliating you in front of other people
  • Refusing to let you leave the relationship

It can also look like the below cycle 

If you are in danger call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

And the Facebook banner:

For more Stephen King films, go to My First Boyfriend is a Monster!…Literally: Sleepwalkers (1992)

For more Jack Nicholson, go to What Are You? I’m Batman!: Batman (1989)

For more ‘80s films, go to Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga”. I remember when they came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all.

Huh?

I find them to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film three.

So we start this film off very different than the others. Some dude we don’t know is walking in the rain, and gets knocked over by a vampire. There is screeching, fighting, etc. I don’t know if that’s how the book starts, but this makes me feel like some studio head did a survey and the charts said that they needed more action.

I’m done

We then switch to Bella and I’m tired of her saying all these deep quotes and laying in the fields and grass. It looks so uncomfortable.

This interaction between Bella and Edward is weird as she is nagging him about turning her and I thought this was all solved in the last film when he agreed to turn her if she married him. Why are they still fighting over this?

We are still on this?

Oh it’s a problem because it turns out Bella doesn’t believe in marriage.

What??

So she doesn’t believe in marriage because her parents are divorced and half of marriages end in divorce; basically she’s not sure they will last forever. Yet even though she’s like “I don’t know if I want to be with you forever”, she also tells him she does want to spend forever with him and needs her to turn her into a vampire.

Like Edward, this girl is crazy! Run from her, run far from her! But he won’t. And you know why? Because this sums Edward up in one image.

So her dad doesn’t know what has been going on (with the vampire/werewolf things) but knows something isn’t quite right and like a good dad senses this relationship with Edward is not beneficial to his daughter. While he doesn’t want to push too hard, as she is 18 and an adult, he does start laying down some rules: such as a curfew and having Bella hang out with her friends and not just Edward. Good for him. I really like Charlie Swan, he’s probably my favorite character.

Bella decided to go visit Jacob on the reservation, as he won’t return her calls since he is still mad about her wanting to become a vampire. But Edward won’t allow this stops her car to stop her. This is horrible as this relationship is super toxic.

Edward acts really weird trying to get Bella to leave Forks but like why not tell her why? It’s plot lines like this that I can’t stand. Bella agrees to go but only if Edward goes with her. Bella visits her mom in Florida and her mom is horrible as she is every encouraging of this dangerous relationship. Edward’s behavior is really disconcerting. The way he stares and always watching isn’t romantic but gives me flashbacks to when I was in an abusive relationship.

Back in Forks, Victoria has arrived and that is why they sent Bella away. The vampires try to kill her but she runs into wolf territory and gets into a little skirmish. Jacob shows up warns the Cullens to stay off the Rez.

I really don’t like how Edward doesn’t want Bella to be around Jacob. It really bugs me how he tries to control who her friends are. He’s extremely controlling.

Bella goes to visit the pack anyway and talks to Jacob and learns more about the werewolves. Jacob describes imprinting and it is really weird. Like the way he describes it, does not stop how creepy it is that he does it later with a baby. Also it makes it even creepier that Sam imprinted on Emily when she was an adult while Jacob does it to a BABY!

I like that Jacob tries to convince Bella not to turn into a vampire. He brings up valid points that Bella needs to think about. She hasn’t even lived, how does she know she wants to spend the rest of her like with Edward? And will she be okay with never having children. And does she even care that her being turned will destroy a contract that the vampires and werewolves made and start a giant war between them. No she doesn’t think about those things and he doesn’t even care that these people she cares about could die because she’s selfish.

Yep Bella don’t care about anybody but herself, and keeps nagging Edward to turn her. But like Bella doesn’t care that Edward doesn’t want to steal her soul, he doesn’t want her to go to hell, he hates living forever, etc.

Jacob and Bella are hanging out and Jacob admits his feelings for Bella. He gets really upset when she says she feels nothing for him and I don’t blame him as she lead him on in the previous film. I mean she was all up on him, touching his abs a lot, etc.

Later that evening Rosalie tries to talk sense into Bella as she doesn’t understand what is going to be given up and what she’ll never have in the end.

Rosalie’s story is so sad. She was supposed to get married but was raped by her fiancé and his friends. After she was turned she gets her revenge on the men, and dressed as a bride too! Good for her. I SO wish she continued her revenge and became a vigilante that continuing killing abusive men. I would 100% read/watch that! Like turn that backstory into

Meanwhile in Seattle, Victoria is building a vampire army. Now the Volturi is supposed to be taking care of things like this but instead are like the UN not doing anything. They just want to let the world burn, what happened to law and order?

We switch from that plot to graduation and Anna Kendrick’s speech is really bad and there is no way they would let them her do that as they have to approve all the speeches.

Bella goes to the graduation party and Jacob shows up with his friends. Bella gets really mad and Jacob apologizes for his earlier poor choices. He brings her a cute wolf charm, and those are super expensive. When I went to Montana all the Native American crafts were SUPER pricey, especially if you can prove it have been made by Native Americans.

Alice gets a vision at the the party that vampires are coming and the werewolves have decided they will stop the army. Bella is mad and tries to get Edward to stop them, but Bella the vampires can’t tell wolves what to do, he’s not the boss of them.

Edward is all mad at her for wearing Jacob’s cute little wolf charm but I’m like settle down Edward those are cute. Again extremely controlling.

We then get the newborn mythology and Jasper training. What is with this training scene. Why didn’t they just do this at home, why do they need it to be done in front of the werewolves?

If I was in this story I wouldn’t be hanging out with the vampires, I’d be chilling with the wolves like Princess Mononoke.

Edward in these next few scenes really make me angry. So Victoria wants to kill Bella and to protect her Jacob carries Bella off to mask her stench. Edward is all angry and he just needs to chill.

Then Edward is a total jerk when he decides to give Bella a bracelet to not only replace Jacob’s and get him to stop wearing Jacob’s and try to show himself as better as his bracelet is more expensive.

But Bella is worse as she keeps pushing him to have sex with her, even though he has already made it clear he does not want to have sex until he is married. It is really abusive and inappropriate that she doesn’t respect his no. Like if she was a guy talking to a girl this to would make a lot of people mad, it’s like Unbreakable all over again.

That evening Bella is freezing to death in the tent and Jacob comes into to give her warmth and Edward gnat . I don’t know why he doesn’t become a wolf. Edward is all mad but hey, he’s trying to help and you can’t do it.

Jacob and Edward talk all night and I’m kind of done with it. All this scene makes me think is that none of these people are mature enough to be in a relationship or to be thinking about marriage and “forever”. Plus isn’t there a battle going on, what happened to that?

Jacob finds out that they are planning to marry and Edward does it on purpose even though Bella told him she was going to Jacob later. So rude as he should respect her wishes and let her tell him in her own time.

Then when Jacob wants to run off to join the fight she gets really mad and tells him to kiss her which is really horrible as she is not only leading him on but she’s engaged and cheating on her fiancé. Both these boys should not be involved with her she has no loyalty or respect.

And what kind of vampire film is this? Jasper just punches the heads off people. There is no staking of the hearts but just punching and ripping heads off like they are glass or something. It is really weird.

The vampires light up super fast as well, I feel like they should just get blowtorches and blow them all away.

The Volturi arrive and I’m not sure why they are even the villains as they don’t seem that scary. Like there are only four of them and Jane’s power doesn’t even work on Bella she could take them all out. They should also be afraid of Bella as a vampire as the powers don’t work on her.

But the biggest come away for me is that Edward you should not marry Bella. They were engaged two days ago and she cheated on you with a child. She’s not forever material. And it is even worse when you realize she did that in real life as well. Yep, life imitating art as Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson got engaged in real life and she cheated on him.

For more on Twilight, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

For more vampires, go to Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

For more werewolves, go to You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga”. I remember when they came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X.

Plus people are always saying that if Catherine Morland existed today she’s be all over this series, so it is Jane Austen related. Sort of. 

This film was really really hard for me to watch. It is badly written, which I expected, but what was worse was how manipulative and abusive Bella was to Edward.

We begin the film with Bella having a dream that she is old and she has turned 18 in real life, but Edward will stay forever 17. The first thing she starts with is trying to convince Edward to turn her. She uses emotional abuse and manipulation to convince Edward to turn her. She is constantly trying to guilt him into it and almost all of her dialogue is about 18 is ancient turn me, when will you turn me, please turn me, and so on.

They watch Romeo and Juliet and Bella keeps talking over and over that suicide is great and how she would love him to turn her into a vampire and it is really disturbing. Edward is not at all into it, and all I can think is Edward should dump her and run far away because Bella is really weird.

I feel so much for Edward, Bella is super annoying about being a vampire and constantly harassing him. He’s only known her for less then a year and she’s only 18, like how does she know she will want to spend “forever” with him? She kind of sounds like The Little Mermaid, and not in a good way.

To be perfectly honest it feels more like she would try to be “forever” with any vampire as she just wants to be a vampire. She doesn’t love Edward, he was just the first vampire she met.

Then Bella has her birthday party at the Cullen’s house and I think it is super rude that she doesn’t celebrate with her dad. Why didn’t she bring Edward over to her house? Like that would make a lot more sense. In fact as I think about it, she never has Edward come to her house or interact with her dad. Very suspicious!

Hmm…

So at the party Bella gets injured and Edward flings her across the room and throws her on the wall where she breaks something and is more severely injured then she was before, her arm bleeding everywhere as he tries to “protect” her.

Like seriously? What is Edward doing.

So Bella is all this is fine even though that is a serious injury, and again one she has had from being around the Cullens and vampires. Although it’s just a cut when she should have a seriously bruised tailbone as Edward threw her across the room, into the wall, with his vampire super strength. Edward is starting to realize that this is not a good idea, then being around will probably just put her more at risk especially as Jasper has a really hard time dealing with stuff like that.

Edward is starting to realize that hanging out with a mortal human who is constantly getting injured at his hands is not a good idea, and that continuous time around her will probably just put her more at risk. So Edward does the mature thing and breaks up with Bella, he and his family leaving as it isn’t the best thing for them to be around her right now.

Bella Swan: If this is about my soul, take it I don’t want it with out you!

Edward Cullen: It’s not about soul Bella. You’re just not good for me!

But Bella is not mature. She does not deal with the breakup well. She isolates herself from her friends and spends all her time in her room. I don’t know why people always hate on her dad as he tries really hard. He’s so concerned about her he is going to send her back with her mom but she refuses to go and hangs out with Jessica to please him. Her dad is trying to help her, but she doesn’t really communicate well with him.

When she is out with Jessica she sees some bikers and it reminds her of the time when Edward saved her from some dudes. She goes with him and sees Edward’s image. Here is where she becomes abusive by using coercion and constantly putting her life in danger so that she can bring Edward to her, so that he will save her from these terrible situations, or if she dies so that he will be forced to turn her. Because if he really “loved” her he would always be there to “save” her. Well how about your stop doing things like that.

She literally is

This really gives me a vibe that Stephanie Meyer was obsessed with some boy at school and he rejected her and she wanted him and tried to get him and instead wrote this book.

So Bella starts hanging out with Jacob and using him to make her feel better. And this really makes me upset as she has no romantic feelings for him but she continues to lead him on.

“Bella Swan: Dear Alice, I wish I had your real address. I wish I could tell you about Jake. He makes me feel better. I mean, he makes me feel alive. The hole in my chest… well, when I’m with Jake it’s like it’s almost healed for a while. But even Jake can’t keep the dreams away.

Like this is a horrible thing to do and it really makes me mad how she just uses him. Poor little boy, he’s like only 15 in this film.

So she and Jacob grow close and she injures herself again and again being dumb and bleeds a lot. It’s funny to me how she doesn’t see how much better it is with a human helping her as he doesn’t push her into another rock or something and cause more bleeding or broken bones.

Jacob really likes her and let’s her know his feelings but she crushes them. He then gets sick and she takes him home and it turns out that he is a werewolf.

Bella is furious at this and tells him he should try and stop and I’m like really? Werewolves don’t have any choice in the matter, like vampires. And I can’t believe someone who is constantly begging vampires to turn her can tell someone to stop being a cryptid, especially one who has no control over it but has a gene that causes them to turn. Stop being a hypocrite and get over yourself Bella.

It really bugs me too how horribly they treat the Native Americans. The Native Americans are seen as the bad guys as Bella tells Jacob to change, he can be better than that. Better than my race Bella? Really?

I also don’t like how the one man, Sam, he abused his girlfriend as he couldn’t control his wolf power (which I like that the film makes it very clear that this is not okay) and Bella is all upset, but yet the damage Edward does to her is no big deal. I mean Emily had her face scratched but Bella has been thrown against the headboard (when they were making out in her underwear), had her leg broken, femeol artery cut open, Edward sucks the poison out and almost kills her (Carlisle has to smack him out of it), and she’s been thrown against a wall by Edward causing a vase to break and cut her arm open. Yet, that’s okay? But the Native American werewolves are bad guys?

Bella is also mad that Jacob doesn’t want to be around her because he is afraid of hurting her. But again, all she tells him is he should change.

She is also mad that Jacob killed the vampire that tried to kill her as Vampires being killed is evil. This whole storyline is that werewolves are really bad as they kill animals and vampires they don’t have a treaty with but what are the vampires killing and eating? They are definitely killing animals too.

Seriously

I also don’t like this negative undertone of Narive Americans as being angry, aggressive, can’t control themselves, killers, need to change who they are but Vampires are pale, perfect, and something to be achieved.

So it turns out Edward thinks that Bella is dead as Alice told him she saw a vision where Bella died and when he called the house Jacob tells him the dad is at a funeral (his friend who had a heart attack when he was hunting) and Edward thinks it is Bella, even though Edward could have just asked who’s funeral.

I think it is weird as the first thing he does is decide to kill himself instead of coming to the funeral or paying the last respects first. Something that most normal people would do. And interesting that Bella this while time has been trying to kill herself so Edward could save her or turn her, but when he finds out she died he does neither of those things. Sucks to suck.

Edward then heads to Italy to try and kill himself by the Vultori but they don’t want to kill him as they want his ability to read minds. Weird, whatever.

Back in Forks, Alice comes and is surprised to see if Bella is alive. It turns out because Bella was with a werewolf that it blocked her vision.

They then hurry to Italy but I don’t know how as Vampires aren’t able to cross over water. And even if they aren’t following that lore, they’re no way they would beat him with how long it takes to travel and these vampires don’t shape shift.

But they save Edward, return home, and stood up to the Volturi who aren’t even scary. They look like they bought their vampire outfits at the discount store.

I know a lot of people like these movies, but I don’t get it. And there are three more films left to watch, I’m really regretting this.

I know I have!

For more on Twilight, go to Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

For more vampires, go to You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

For more werewolves, go to Holy Smokes! Your Mom’s a Werewolf!: My Mom’s a Werewolf (1989)

I Just Killed My Best Friend. And Your Worst Enemy. Same Difference.: Heathers (1988)

I just killed my best friend.

And your worst enemy.

Same difference.

This is a movie I love but I also have a hard time watching it as I am Veronica. I too was swayed by a crazy guy who tried to kill me. Luckily for both of us, we survived.

Heathers is a film that to be honest is weird to summarize. If you tried to give a synopsis to someone who has never seen it you would sound crazy. You like a film where they end up killing people and making it look like suicide? And it is a comedy? It is definitely odd, but like Mean Girls there is just something about it that pulls you in. The writing is great, the characters understandable and so relatable in its teen angst.

This film also deals with a lot of harsh issues and is not for everyone. It covers suicide, abuse, bullying, shooting, etc. if any of those things might be a trigger for you, it would be best not to watch this film.

Although, now as an adult watching this film I’m like Veronica you are a junior, why are you freaking out? You only have two years left in school and then you can go any where and do anything you want! Her family is rich and if her dad puts up with her calling him an idiot every day I’m sure he will pay for whatever she wants to do whether it is college, seeing the world, or moving to the City and trying to make it on her own doing whatever. I mean if she was poor, wasn’t the best student, or was stuck in her place, I would be more sympathetic.

The other thing I love about this film are the clothes, the ‘80s really could go over the top. I love that these girls are always wearing blazers, giant hats, ostentatious outfits, bright clothes- Veronica even wears a monocle. This juxtaposition of wealth and color with the sad dark themes of suicide works so well in ways I don’t fully understand. There’s just something about Heathers.

The film starts off with this crazy dream sequence, the three Heathers playing croquet, and Veronica (Winona Ryder) is buried up to her neck. She’s unable to move but finds herself at the will of the Heathers. She talks to them, being sarcastic and making cutting comments, but no change occurs as the Heathers ignore her words and she is still stuck in the same place.

“Heather McNamara: It’s your turn Heather.

Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it’s Heather’s turn. Heather?

Heather Duke: Sorry Heather

As I’m sure you can tell, the symbolism runs deep. The Heathers run the school with Heather Chandler (Kim Walker) as the Queen Bee, Heather McNamara (Lisanne Falk) as her yes-man, and Heather Duke (Shannon Doherty) is treated better than the rest of the school, but still the one Heather C. likes to kick around.

Veronica is in a weird place, as she’s not the doormat Heather D. is, but she’s also not as cemented in the group either. She’s still very much an individual, not a minion like the other two Heathers, but at the same time still goes along with all they do-even though she may voice a concern or complain about their activities-she still does it. Just like in her dream.

The film starts off with Veronica noticing the new boy in school, J.D. (Christian Slater). He’s got the bad boy look down pat, long hair, and wearing a trench coat. Very cool and the type of guy every girl falls for at least once in their life.

He’s a bad boy

They ask him the question of the day which is “what would you do if you won 5 million dollars but only have one day left on Earth because Aliens are going to destroy it?” He gives a pretentious answer, but Veronica eats it up.

Christian Slater has stated that his performance was heavily inspired by Jack Nicholson and I believe it as he is creepy! But he also is much better looking than Jack Nicholson and does that eyebrow thing we all love.

Oh, wow…

Veronica’s fallen for him, but gets dragged away by Heather as J.D. is not their crowd. Two football players Ram and Kurt don’t like him trying to move up into another stratosphere and run over to try and bully him. J.D. listens to their insults and pulls a gun out and shoots them.

Later, the girls are talking about the events and all the Heathers think J.D. is insane! But Veronica-poor Veronica is blinded by her crush on the bad boy defends him as “it was just a joke and blanks”.

Veronica no!!! NO NO NO! This is a big red flag, but Veronica doesn’t see it. Poor, dumb, in love, Veronica. Not only has her crush on J.D. blinded her from this scary, crazy event that has happened, but she actually likes what J.D. did. She never liked Ram and Kurt and thinks they should be taken down a leg or two. In her mind J.D. isn’t insane, but a vigilante, a Robin Hood against high social hierarchy.

This makes me so sad as this kind of thing happened all the time with women, and men. They meet someone who exhibits insane and dangerous behavior, but in their mind they make excuses, they reinvent it so it’s then staid go up against something, maybe “protecting” someone or something. But all it is, is a red flag that should be warning you to stay away-but so often it just draws people in.

Veronica is going with Heather C. to a Remington Frat Party, but on the way there they stop at the connivence store, where Veronica runs into J.D. She zooms in on him as she is fascinated by how different he is and wants to be with him. Veronica is an interesting character as she becomes “different people” depending on who she is around. With Heather she’s the popular girl with a slightly better moral code than the others-with J.D. she can rebel, be wild, and free.

J.D.: Is your life perfect?

Veronica Sawyer: I’m on my way to a party at Remington University… No, my life’s not perfect. I don’t really like my friends.

J.D.: I… I don’t really like your friends either.

Veronica Sawyer: Well, it’s just like – they’re people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.

J.D.: Maybe it’s time to take a vacation.

Now I understand what Veronica is going through, high school can feel like a tremendous pile of crap while you are going through it, but at the same time I’m like Veronica it isn’t your job. You only have a year and a couples months left and then you can do whatever you want. Try not to take it so seriously.

I also love the outfit Veronica wears in this scene. I would love to own it.

The two separate with Veronica going off with Heather to the party. There none have a nice time as Heather C. Is pressured into things she doesn’t want to do to keep up with the college crowd and Veronica’s date only cares about sleeping with her and doesn’t like the word no. Veronica spends the rest of the night getting drunk and then throws up in the alley. Heather C. yells at Veronica, with Veronica finally standing up to her. Heather declares everything is over for Veronica.

That night Veronica gets out her monocle and really let’s her feelings fly in her journal-she especially shares all about her hatred of Heather.


Veronica Sawyer: [writing in diary] Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west… wait east. West!

Veronica is interrupted by her musings when J.D. climbs through her window. I’m like Veronica, here is another red flag. You didn’t ask him over, he searched out where you lived, waited for you to come home, and climbed through your window without permission. Like it would be one thing if he got her attention or had asked her address or phone number-but he never did. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch this, I’m always like Veronica no! Even though I know what will happen next.

The two play strip croquet and Veronica confides in J. D. about her hatred of Heather. Veronica was really just trying to vent, but too bad she doesn’t realize her newly acquired boyfriend is a psycho!

The next day Veronica and J. D. break into Heather C.’s house as Veronica plans on making her a fake hangover cure and getting her semi-revenge. J. D. pours draino into a cup, but Veronica ignores him as she thinks it is just a joke-Veronica this is like the fourth red flag!

Veronica makes an orange juice and milk mixture and the two hawk some loogies into it. Afterwards, J.D. tricks Veronica into taking the draino one by kissing her. Everyone says it is an accident, but I think it was done on purpose. It is such a weird time to kiss her so to me it seems like a distraction, but then again he is a freak. He does almost warn her, but changes his mind so it could have be an accident turned into an opportunity. Either way they go into Heather’s room and basically double dog dare her to drink it, she does, and dies.

Veronica is freaked out and doesn’t know what to do, and says these iconic lines (one of my favorite parts)

Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend.

J.D.: And your worst enemy.

Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.

Now Veronica is unsure what to do and wants to call the police, but J. D. convinces her to hide it by writing a suicide note. She’s so upset that she goes along with him. Again, another red flag Veronica.

The suicide note is an sensation. School shuts down for the cheerleader, they have a funeral service, and everyone talks about how lovely the note was, how Heather had such a poetic soul.

Veronica is amazed at how this whole thing has turned Heather into more of a “goddess” at school as all are worshiping her. At first she laughs about it, but then the worshipfulness starts getting to her. Later, she meets J. D.’s father and he and his father’s relationship is weird. Even more so when he shares how his mother died, she stayed in a building that his father was going to demo, committing suicide. The way his dad is I’m not so sure it was suicide, I’m thinking it might have been murder! Or it might have been the only way she could be free of him.

What is even more upsetting with Heather gone, Veronica hoped life would be better but Heather C. is still everywhere and Heather D. has stepped up to take her place. That always happens, Queen Bs are like Hydras, cut off the head and there will always be one to take their place.

After the funeral, Heather M. asks Veronica to help her out as she needs someone to go on a double date with her as she is going out with football player, Ram. Veronica insists that she is dating J. D. and she doesn’t want to go out as the guys will just want to tip cows. Heather continues to beg and Veronica agrees only to have a horrible night as the boys get drunk, tip cows, and when Kurt tries to make a move Heather goes off with J. D. (who just happened to show up another red flag). Kurt collapses drunk in a field and in the background you can see Ram date rape Heather. I forgot how disturbing this film can be.

The next day Kurt and Ram spread a story about Veronica that she was with both of them and this makes Veronica and J. D. furious. J. D. wants to get revenge and decides to use some German guns that use “blanks”. He asks if she she knows German, she says no, and then he gives the guns a German name, words which mean he is lying. Veronica is so mad at the guys for spreading lies she goes along with his plan to “kill” them, thinking she is using blanks. I’m like Veronica no! Another red flag, but J. D. is kryptonite to her common sense as he can tell she wants to be a cool, rebellious, person of action-and totally plays into it. Plus he is hot. Unfortunately, attractiveness can really blind you to faults.

The next morning Veronica is happy and giddy to play their prank. She watches as J.D. pulls out all the evidence to make it looks as if they were gay lovers who decided to commit suicide. Again, it is so easy to be like Veronica how can you not see what is happening-but J. D. has really manipulated her. They go to commit their act, Veronica having the guys strip, before they “rip her clothes off”, and when they are in their underwear, they shoot. Ram dies with a bullet in the head, while Veronica misses Kurt. J. D. yells at her and shepherds Kurt back to their suicide circle and Veronica shoots him. They finish setting up their little scene and take off as they hear police, jumping in the car and pretending that they were out there making out.

They go to school and this is one of my favorite parts when Veronica has seen what is happening and realizes she doesn’t want this life. She didn’t really want anyone dead she was just being dramatic and upset, but she’s no killer. The two argue with her going did not (meaning she did not want them to die) and J. D. saying did too. The remaining Heathers see her and think they are just having an argument about their relationship.

She should not have gotten involved with him.

Everyone in school finds out about the football players and their note. All are shocked and the two become martyrs for the lgbtq+ cause. Again Veronica is amazed at how such horrible people could have their whole personality changed by death and an eloquent suicide note.

Heather M. is having a really hard time-she’s a follower and her leader killed herself. She poured her sorrows into this new relationship with Ram, who raped her, and then it turns out he’s gay? And he killed himself?! She’s really lost and confused and traumatized-poor girl.

Meanwhile, J. D. has some plans and blackmails Heather D. with fat camp pics of her and Martha “Dumptruck” Dunnstock to get people to sign a petition for Big Fun to come and play at the school their hit song “Teenage Suicide (Don’t Do It!)”. Heather goes along with it, lying about everything in order to get people to sign it. But what is he planning?

Veronica decides it is time to cut all the toxic people out of her life. She dumps J. D., fights with Heather D. over her wanting to wear Heather C.’s scrunchies and take over Heather’s spot, and tries to rekindle her old best friendship with Betty Finn, a real true friend she traded for the Heathers. The two go to play croquet, but the happy afternoon is ruined by Heather D.

Heather D. shares that Martha tried to kill herself only to fail when she didn’t get hit running into traffic. Heather D. makes fun of Martha trying to be cool and failing again. Heather D. and Veronica fight, with Veronica slapping Heather for her cruel words.

Veronica and Heather make up and again we see Veronica has a way out of this, but she doesn’t take it. Instead she goes along with Heather D. as they listen to a radio program Hot Probs, and listen as Heather M. calls in and complains about her perfect life. Poor Heather, she is just trying to figure out what is going on. The next day all the kids in school are making fun of her, and she starts thinking about committing suicide. Veronica notices her leaving class and goes out saving her.

“Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game show host.”

Veronica starts to unravel at the chaos she has created. Heather D. rules the school, J. D. tells her parents that she is planning on killing herself (laying the foundation to kill her and hide it as suicide), she finds a hanging doll in her room (courtesy of J. D. and she is full of strange nightmares that highlight the guilt she feels over the killings. Like Veronica should try and seek out help about J.D. or get a restraining order. He won’t give up until she is dead.

After she has a nightmare about J. D., she decides it is time to take control of her life. She pretends to kill herself, hanging so that when J. D. visits that night he reveals his whole plan to blow up the school. The next day Veronica finds him and takes him out, this is such an awesome scene. A fantastic scene!

Veronica Sawyer: You know what I want? [shoots J.D] Cool guys like you out of my life.

After the bomb goes off and kills J. D. we have a smoking Veronica who comes in for the 1-2 punch; first she takes out Heather being the new Queen B, and then she invites Martha to be her friend.

Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren’t doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.

Martha ‘Dumptruck’ Dunnstock: I’d like that.

Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too

Such a great ending to this film. It’s weird as it has seriously dark moments, comedic moments, is very sad, but also extremely enjoyable. It’s just one of those films.

We threw a Heathers themed croquet party where we served spaghetti with lots of oregano (Veronica’s favorite). Two dressed as Heather Chandler (red Heather), one as Heather Duke (green Heather), one person came as J.D., and I was Veronica, because I am Veronica.

Looks pretty close, right?

Also our Facebook cover

So with today’s topic, as J. D. is a horrible person and October being national domestic violence awareness month, I felt compelled to share this.

I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence and I Know Help is Out There:

Are you being abused?

It’s abuse when someone who should care about you does or says things that hurt you or make you feel afraid, helpless or worthless. Here are only a few examples:

  • Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, grabbing, shoving, kicking you or your kids, your pets
  • Threatening you, your kids, friends, family or pets
  • Hitting, kicking, slamming walls, doors, furniture, possessions
  • Forcing you to have sex
  • Calling you names, swearing at you, yelling
  • Controlling all the money, even money you earn
  • Blaming you or your kids for everything
  • Putting you down, making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
  • Treating you like a servant or slave
  • Controlling where you go, what you do, what you wear
  • Controlling who you see, who you talk to
  • Humiliating you in front of other people
  • Refusing to let you leave the relationship

It can also look like the below cycle

If you are in danger call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

For more Winona Ryder films, go to Once, There Was Even a Man Who Had Scissors for Hands: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For more horror comedies, go to Dirty Deals, Murder, Mob Goons, and a Kidnapping: Men at Work (1990)

For more ‘80s films, go to Father Knows Best: The Stepfather (1987)