Man-Bat: On Leather Wings, Batman the Animated Series (1992)

leatherwings

 I knew he discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat.

When I think of Batman, two things come to mind instantly. First, Michael Keaton as Batman and Batman: The Animated Series.

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Batman: The Animated Series came out in the ’90s, when children’s television was perfect. It was one of the best animated shows in the history of TV. One of my absolute favorite things about it is how they blend three different styles to create this artistic and amazing work. We have the Art Deco movement of the 1920s-30s, the 1940s outfits and clothing, blended with the technology of the ’90s and beyond (seriously, some of the things they created in this are things we actually have today!)

So this is the “first episode” in the series, but not the first one shown. It was the first one made but was actually aired later because of the popularity of Batman Returns, them going with the episode The Cat and the Claw as it had to do with Selena Kyle.

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So while this isn’t the most famous episode, the best written, etc; I liked it and it fit one of the themes we had going this year. The real name of the episode is actually On Leather Wings, but I liked Man-Bat better.

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So the first part of this episode is the amazing opening.

We open on Phoenix Pharmaceuticals. The night watchman of course, isn’t paying any attention. He’s trying to make a tryout tape for a radio program. All of a sudden he is attacked!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We, the viewer, are unable to see what this creature is. All we see is a shadow, that resembles something like a….Bat!

Dracula

NO not him…that movie were he and Batman meet was kinda weird.

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NO not him either.

Sadface Batman

Definitely not him. But everyone thinks it is. Who else could have gotten in and loves bats as much as him?

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Officer Bullock hates Batman and is all set to do anything to take him down. The commissioner, on the other hand, doesn’t want to destroy Batman, he thinks that he does good (even though he does technically break the law by being a vigilante.)

However, the mayor sees it as best to get rid of him and gives Bullock full backup. Harvey Dent also agrees if they can get the evidence and the Batman; he will do it.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

Things are looking grim for the Caped Crusader, everyone is going to be on his tail.

Sadface Batman

So Batman starts investigating. The first thing he does, it head out to the Pharmaceutical company to do some research. As he looks around with his special goggles, he spots a hair, strange. After some more thorough digging, he also finds the tape recorder, which not only caught the guard but the sounds of whatever attacked him.

As he is searching around, Bullock comes with a whole contingent of SWAT. Man when the mayor says he’s got your back, he means it.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

So Bullock comes in and pretty much blows up the lab with his trigger happy ways. Thank goodness for Batman, or they would all be dead right now.

Batman-Begins

Commissioner Gordon comes by and relays that while Bullock was pretty much wiping out his own men; another company was being robbed. It clearly is not Batman. But we already knew that, I mean come on. It’s Batman!

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As Bruce Wayne is an amazing scientist, with technology that most only dreams of, he still isn’t the leader in the study of bats and heads out to visit a Dr. March.

Freidrich March

Freidrich March?

He tells the doctor that he has a “bat issue”:

Dr. March: You donate a few million and you think you own the place. I understand I’m the analyze something for you.

Bruce Wayne: Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney.

[Hands Dr. March a small plastic sandwich bag]

Bruce Wayne: And I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem.

Dr. March: And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won’t survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They’re survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that!

I think he loves bats a little too much.

Gilmore girls creep

However, a beautiful blonde doctor rescues Bruce, Dr. Francine Langstrom, his daughter. She is followed by her husband Dr. Kirk, who assures Bruce that they can help him. Kirk acts kind of weird too…

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Maybe it runs in the family? Francine could be the exception.

Anyways, later Dr. Langstrom calls Bruce and tells him that they ran the hair and that it is a regular old brown bat, and the noise on the tape a combo of bats and birds.

Not always the best idea

Just the usual.

Except, unbeknownst to Dr. Langstrom, Batman already ran the hair follicle and the sounds through the computer and no match came up. He the tape again, under combined noises, but no match.

Meanwhile, we see someone burning the evidence of the tape and the hair. We already know both doctors are crazy, maybe even Francine (nicely rounding out to three), but which could be behind this? And why?

suspicious Hmm

Batman also figures out that the answer lies in the lab and takes off.

Batman reaches the lab and finds things from Phoenix Pharmaceuticals. He  searches for Dr. March to apprehend him, but runs into Dr. Langstrom.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Who’s back there? [Batman steps out of the shadowsYou.

Batman: I’m looking for Dr. March.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He’s not here, Batman.

Batman: Where is he?

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He’s really quite brilliant.

Batman: [holding up a stolen chemical] He’s misguided and a thief.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He’s just a theorist. He was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn’t. I knew he discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn’t stop.

Yep Kirk is the Man-Bat

Jekyll&Hydedrink potion

Batman asks him why he didn’t stop, but Dr. Langstrom said he couldn’t.

batmandrjekyllmrhydebeastchange

And he enjoyed it. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; he got a little taste and can’t give it up. He’s addicted and can’t stop, turning into….the Man-Bat.

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He only needs one more component to stay that way forever, and he’s out to get it.

You know what that means for Batman.

batmanBamSmackKaboom

Batman Vs. Man-Bat

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Batman and the Man-Bat are fighting in the sky, as Batman has hooked on to him. As they struggle, Commissioner Gordon and Officer Bullock heads up in a chopper to try and get him.

They manage to get away from the police and Batman knocks him out.

batmanBamSmackKaboom

He takes him back to the lab, and Batman uses it to fix Dr. Langstrom and heals him of the drug. How you may ask? Two words:

Dean Winchester Batman

Batman can do anything.

Batman NaNaNaNa

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to And Then There Was Two: A Study in Scarlet (1933)

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For more on Batman, go to Na Na Na Na Batman!

For more on mad scientists, go to We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

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Sucky Sequels: Mean Girls 2 (2011)

So the other day I had just come home from the store and was dead tired from walking there and back; along with carrying my groceries.

I had work in little over an hour so I decided to surf the channels until I found something good. Of course it was one of those days where nothing is on.

Then I saw something with Meaghan Jette Martin in it. I was intrigued as I only knew Meaghan from the completely sucky TV series  10 Things I Hate About You(The show was so awful! They ruined the movie! I could write a huge post on everything wrong with that show, but I’ll save that for another time. To read more on what I think of the actual film, click  here.)

axe-murderer

The film was Mean Girls 2 which sucked so bad. I mean the original film was awesome as it was so real at how it expressed how girls are in high school. Every girl could relate to it! Everyone could relate to it! I loved it! Why must they constantly remake or create sucky sequels of great films?

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I was just about to flip the channel and try to find something else when who should walk across the screen and change everything?

The Very Handsome…The Very HOT…The Very Talented…

Rock Of Ages - European Film Premiere

Diego Boneta!!!

I love this guy! Ever since his guest role in Pretty Little Liars and Drew in Rock of Ages! I couldn’t believe he was in this movie! I mean he deserves so much better. But now that I saw him in there I couldn’t stop watching. I mean look at this guy how could you say no?

Can't look away from his gorgeousness.

Can’t look away from his gorgeousness.

So the film was very dumb and predictable. The main girl, Jo, bands with the “losers” to take down the head girls. Problems arise as the secret Jo has been hiding is found out and she loses her friends; her love interest, and her power. In the end everything works out and everyone gets back together.

Blah, blah

Besides  sucking because of its predictability, it had HUGE plot holes and many, many, many things wrong with it! How did the writers and producers pass this on through?

What the heck is that?

1) North Shore High in Ohio

Why are they in Ohio? They weren’t in Ohio in the first film. I thought they were in California. So now why place them in Ohio? Do they feel that having it in Ohio makes it more racecar friendly as that is the job her dad has? And if it is a different school from the first one, why have the same principle? Does he just like to oversee schools named North Shore? Since the plot was nowhere near the first film, and in a completely different area; why even use the same actor to be the principle and use the same name? Don’t establish links of continuity if there is none!

2) People would not think Jo was the hottest girl ever because she is new

Contrary to cinema belief, when a girl moves to a new school, people don’t think she’s automatically hot. New does not equal hot. It’s more on par with John Tucker Must Die as people don’t know the new girl and don’t care to. I mean in this film they treat her as if she is Aphrodite gracing Earth with a visit.

LOL another 10 Things I Hate About You reference

LOL another 10 Things I Hate About You reference

Now I am not saying that this is what a personally believe, nor am I saying that this is what people should assume; what I am saying is that if a girl dressed grungy, took shop class, knew how to work on cars, made feminist remarks, knew all about sports, almost breaks a guy’s arm for touching her, and doesn’t wear a bra all the time; most people would assume she was a man-hating feminist; also decreasing her hotness factor with most of the guys in the school to 0. And therefore Jo would be friendzoned for life.

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3) NO dogs in school

Okay dogs are not allowed in school. My friend trained guide dogs and brought the pup into school until it graduated and the teachers plus the principle always hated it. Principal Miller had a cow the day that one of the yellow labs pooped in the outside hallway. I remember our English teacher Ms. Martyn hated the dogs. She was always complaining about tripping over it and “play” threatening to get rid of it. One year the dog’s name was Mackenzie, Ms. Martyn’s first name and she would become upset whenever someone would call the dog.

Anyways, yeah dogs are not allowed in school. City ordinances state that domestic animals are not allowed in public education places.

 

Better Schooch your Pooch

Better Scooch your Pooch

4) Dating the School “Hottie” to get a modeling career

So Mandi is dating the school “Hottie”, I put it in quotations because he is clearly a nottie. Tyler (Diego Boneta) is the hottest, but as we have just been told that he and Mandi are siblings that means he is off limits. Anyways, Mandi’s convoluted plan is to date this immature jerk, Nick, so that when he gets his football scholarship to UCLA she can visit him and become a model.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-it

Mandi’s supposed to be rich and the prettiest girl around. Why doesn’t she just have her parents pay for a portfolio, model there in Ohio and then move out to California. I’m pretty positive that there are many modeling agencies in Ohio.  Oh look there are! And why California over New York? New York is closer to Ohio than California and it has been the fashion capital of the United States for a lot longer. LA will always be second.

I mean it makes sense that she would date the school “hottie” to keep her position of power, but for a modeling career? That just seems weird. And why even go to CA just to visit him? If she wants to be a model that bad, why not just move out there on her own? Why does she need him to be a model? That doesn’t make any sense at all.

5) Guess what…we’re poor

So Jo has always wanted to go to Carniege Mellon since that is where her mom went. Unfortunately, dear old dad lost all the money they had and they can’t afford to send her there, she’ll have to apply to in-state. Now I may be wrong here, but Jo made it sound as if her dad had all the money tucked away set on her tuition. Tuition for Carniege Mellon in 2011 when this film came out was $44,450, (that’s just tuition alone). That means it was $177,800 (before tuition increased) for four years. How did the dad lose all that money? You think that even if he was playing the stock market, like the film uses as an explanation for lack of funds, he would still have been plugging some away. You don’t just put money on stocks and hope that sixteen years later you would have over $177,800. I mean he should have at least most of the first year squirreled away. I mean she is an only child and it seems like he was always planning on sending her to college. And with Jo applying to financial aid she should get some support. The next year she would have completed a year’s residency and can apply for in-state tuition.

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It would be more believable if her dad lost it gambling or due to a past addiction; but I think this was on abcfamily so they wouldn’t have that.

6) French Revolution Meltdown

So we hear of why the Queen Bee Mandi hates super nice girl Abby. Back in middle school Mandi had a French Revolution party and Abby outshone her in a Marie Antoinette oufit.

First of all what 11-year old has a French Revolution themed Halloween party? What kid (besides me and other nerds) even knew about the French Revolution? (I had read he children’s version of A Tale of Two Cities already and the Marie Antoinette Diary from the Royal Diary Series.)  What popular kid who is not into school or history would do that? And what kid would ever do that for a Halloween party? Not much imagination allowed for costumes. Usually you do “At the Movies”, “Disney”, “Monster Films”or a “Decade” party. But hey, I guess it makes buying the food easy, as you can serve them nothing. That would get those kids really into the spirit. It would make more sense for her to have a Phantom of the Opera party as the film just came out. The Marie Antoinette film which would have sparked interest in the French Revolution wouldn’t be coming out for another two years.

And why would someone throwing a French Revolution party, and not dress up as Marie Antoinette? It’s her party of course she is going to be Queen, especially if she is Queen Bee of the school. No way would the host dress up as a peasant girl.AdrianBoothroyd_998696c

And on that note, what parent would dare send their child to someone else’s party dressed up as the Queen? That is just rude and distasteful. Dear Abby would disapprove! You know, at this point I can’t say I blame Mandi for hating Abby, I would have been pissed too.

Is this too crazy?

Oh look Abby, you’re up.

7) I Want the Disabled Spot!!!

Okay so Mandi gets a boot up her butt because she has the number two spot, the number one is the disabled parking, which Abby ends up snagging. Come on now, no one would be jealous over that. Besides, Mandi would hate to wear a walking cast, as it would clash with all her outfits. Not buying it.

8) Pimping Out Your Friends…That’s Real Friendship

So Mandi enlists the help of school web designer and nerd Elliot in order to embarrass Abby. In fact to make sure he does it, she pimps out her friend Chastity. The only problem with this is that she never had to pimp out her friend in the first place. Mandi asks Elliot for a favor and he agrees right away. Then she sics Chastity on him to make sure he does it. But if he already agreed than why do that? Why pay for something when you can get it for free? That makes no sense at all!

9) “Most Girls Would Have Laughed, Texted, or Posted a Status Update”

Okay writers I don’t know what Hell you’ve been having Tyler live in, (oh wait that’s right Mandi’s house), but every girl he knows would have reacted that way? I find that a bit odd that Jo is the first girl he’s ever met that would actually show compassion. Seriously? Even if he has been sequestered in a home with a she-devil, I do expect him to go outside sometime and if he did he should meet way more than one girl who would not have been cruel to others for laughs. As a delegate of my sex I take it upon myself to be the one to teach Diego, uh I mean Tyler, that there are caring and compassionate women in this world. 😉

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

10) Guns in School? Is this Writer on Crack?

So embarrassing Abby by spilling beans and sour cream on her, taking a pic, uploading that to the school website and texting it out to everyone wasn’t good enough for Mandi. She had a guy paintball Abby’s car! PAINTBALL!

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How the heck did they get a paintball gun in the school? Man the security guards, the principal, the cops, SWAT team would be all over this thing.

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And why on Earth would the black kid be the one doing it. Hello! Abby’s parents are super rich, and Mandi is not going to stick up for you! There is no way that this black guy would have been doing the shooting.

And lets get back to the gun issue. How the heck do you get a paintball gun in school, and why are there no cops crawling all over or taking you down? Paintball guns are not that quiet, a teacher would have heard and seen you and called 9-1-1. I mean a 7 year old got suspended for bringing a water gun to school, an Ohio first grader got suspended for bringing an airsoft gun to school (maybe it happens in Ohio more than I thought), oh and looky here Kansas student expelled for bringing a paintball gun to school. I mean after the Columbine shootings and Virgina Tech, schools don’t mess around. This kid would have been taken down or shot.

The Steve Sloan tackle

The Steve Sloan tackle

11) “It Wasn’t an Accident, Just Some Girls at School”

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-it

This is more than just teasing, this is serious assault. They hired a guy to shoot up Abby’s car with a paintball gun. That’s messed up, that requires notifying the parents, that means taking action. Don’t  pull a Baby-sitter’s club and try and handle this problem all on your own.

12) Prostitution…I Mean Escorting or Supplying a Service

So Abby’s Billy Mays-esque father offers to pay Jo to be Abby’s best friend. When Jo declines, stating that this is wrong; he offers to pay her college tuition.

He looks devilish and creepy here. Definitely wouldn't want to be in a room alone with him.

He looks devilish and creepy here. Definitely wouldn’t want to be in a room alone with him.

Okay, I don’t care how much anyone wants their kid to have friends, there is no way he is paying $177,800 to some kid he doesn’t even know. If he is such a smart businessman, he could hire an actor and have them fake be enrolled in the school. I mean a guy who is always has a wad of bills on hand and “has more money than he can spend” would make that happen in a second.

And why would he pay her in cash? That seems really weird and under the table. I would think he was secretly in  the mafia or a drug lord. The Kingpin, Henry Hills, etc.

If I was Jo I would ask the dad to create a scholarship (in which I would be the one already set up to win) that I would apply to. Therefore causing me to not feel like a prostitute, and Abby would never find out that I was being paid to be her friend. (Which you know is going to happen, these films always follow a pattern.)

I wonder what her dad would say once he saw the money. I mean you could pull a 21 and tuck it away, but it is probably safer in a bank. But how would you explain were you got the dough from. Can’t say a casino as she isn’t 21 yet. If she tried to pay her tuition in cash the IRS would swoop on ’em. Problems galore.

13) B.A. Biker Chick?

Helloooooo she rides a Vespa! A frickin’ Vespa!! I don’t know what B.A. may be in Ohio but here in CA I have never heard people who ride Vespas called B.A. And Biker chick? Bikers would eat her for breakfast. I’m sure the Hell’s Angels would kill Mandi for even supposing that Vespa riding Jo is in the same level as them.

Ray Liotta would take Mandi, Jo, and the rest of the crew out just like in Wild Hogs. 

14) Paparazzi? Really TMZ Wannabe has that much time?

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I don’t care how popular, how cool, or how much of a Queen Bee she is; there is no way that this girl is going to approach her every morning for a quote on something to place in her paper.

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15) Mandi is a Sociopath

Clearly we have seen that Mandi has some issues, but she is also a raging sociopath. She is attractive and always decked out, she believes herself to be best, has no respect for rules and responsibilities (I think bringing a dog to school and hiring someone to shoot up a girl’s car clearly answers this as check), she is a pathological liar, she is a parasite that feeds on you, comes from a broken family, and she does you wrong “because you asked for it”. Not only does she fit those traits but has exhibited cruelty to animals (threw her dog in the trash), hired someone to assault a girl’s car with a gun (symbolizing what she wants to do to the girl in real life), gave someone with an allergy to strawberries the fruit that could kill her; clearly someone needs to turn her in before she becomes the next Patrick Bateman.

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don’t know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Further proof: Later she pimps out Chastity to get Jo’s file and has Hope stalk Jo. This girl needs help, pronto. And her friends need to find someone saner to hangout with.

16) Random Tyler Moment

Okay not that I’m complaining that we get a look at Diego Boneta, but this is just strange. Jo’s walking down the hallway and we see Tyler behind her about to approach her, but never does. Like what the heck writers! Is he too scared to ask her out? Did he get waylaid by a friend? Like why place him in a scene if he’s not going to do anything? Did you think we would forget about him?

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As if we could ever forget him.

17) Crushed Drink in Anger, Yet no Spills

Seriously?

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First of all it would be really hard to just crush it like that, but even more so not to spill on herself. The drink would have gone flying all over her, and she would have been full of stains. Just saying.

18) Not Breaking but Entering

Screen shot 2013-04-14 at 12.19.02 AMSo Mandi and the crew just run into the Mitchell’s garage in hopes of finding a way to embarrass Jo. Now, maybe this is just me, but wouldn’t you have locked your garage if you aren’t outside? Especially if you have an expensive racecar in it? Now I know that both Jo and her dad are home but that thing must have cost a fortune. Cars can be $1-3 million per team and engines alone can cause up to $8 million. If it were me, I’d be keeping that baby locked up tight.

19) Sticky Situation

So Mandi & Co decide that to really embarrass Jo and get her to march to their tune; they will put industrial glue on her vespa causing her to get stuck. The only problem is, it should have lost it’s stickiness long before then. Jo meets up with Abby around 3:00, went to the auto parts store and probably got home around 4:00-4:30. Abby went home about 4:30-5:20 when the girls showed up. They douse her Vespa with glue about 5:30-6. Now judging by most schools, she has class at 8 which means that she will be leaving anywhere from 7-7:30 So that glue that has been on the chair has been aired out for over 12 hours, it should be very dry now and not sticky. And wouldn’t Jo have noticed when she fixed up her Vespa?  I mean most industrial glue stinks. There is no way that the glue would be working by the time Jo place her rump on the  bike.

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20) Riding Vespa through the School

Screen shot 2013-04-14 at 12.39.21 AMAll I could think of when watching this is how much trouble she would get in. And you notice they always do something like this in movies, but it would never work in real life. There are too many people in the halls for you to get around or make wide enough turns. Plus how would she get it through the bathroom door? They always open out. The principal would be on her case, she’d probably be expelled, yeah muy mal.

21) Art Smock Skirt

Seriously? The art smock is just going to magically stay on her without any safety pins, ties, or buttons; and still look good? Yeah right! This is what Abby hands her.

funny_artist_art_smock_art_painting_apron-r3ff7dd4bc34e43dfa1d0dadfb63ae0a6_v9wtf_8byvr_512There is no way you are turning this into an actual skirt. I know, I’ve tried. I had a barbie shirt that was red and white, and really wanted a red skirt to go with it. Barbie didn’t have a red skirt, but she had a red apron. I tried to make a skirt, but a portion of Barbie’s hiney was always showing. You can’t do it by tying. I’m actually going to try myself to see if it works. I’ll let you know.

Yep tried it. Doesn’t work.

22) Golden Gate Bridge

Jo is telling Abby about some her favorite buildings and is super surprised Abby has heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. Hellooo, maybe my California is showing but I would think that most people in the US have heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. After all it is one of the seven man made wonders of the U.S. Jo you need to crawl out from under that rock you have been living in and get in the real world.

23) Grounds for Termination

So Jo is pretending to be Abby’s friend because Abby’s dad is paying her. Then Abby offers to draw buildings for Jo since she sucks as an artist but wants to be an architect, (wow-I hope you are good at math). Abby tells Jo not to tell Abby’s father because he doesn’t approve.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-itI don’t know about you all, but this just screams BAD IDEA. Her dad isn’t going to be too happy to hear that you are encouraging something he disapproves of. If he finds out he will probably out you and fire you.

24) I’m Applying to Columbia…Just Kidding it’s really NYU

Uh, hello Abby but unless you are planning on paying for college yourself, your dad is going to figure out that you are going to NYU and not Columbia. In fact I don’t know how you even imagined getting that past him.

Ugh, and I hate these storylines. Oh no-poor little rich girl who has a ton of money and could go to any college anywhere-but shoot, Dad won’t support my artistic dreams.

Ugh!

I also feel the whole wealthy kid wanting to go to art school and dad not approving, and therefore the girl having to use her skills to make it on her own is a little too much of a ripoff of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, primarily the third book Girls in Pants. The same thing happens to Lena. I don’t understand how these rich kids can always get money and win scholarships, but here I am someone who’s parents can’t afford college and never seems to get the breaks. Oh yeah, that’s right, these are works of fiction and I’m in the real world. Seriously though, please STOP these storylines.

25) Jo’s Daydream/Memory (Not too sure which it is)

Actually there is nothing wrong with this scene. This was the best part of the film, (the only part). I just felt like including it. 😉

26) The Big Egg Drop Project

So in order to be one of the finalist for this architecture scholarship, Jo has to pass this egg drop project that is extremely hard. Now I’ve had to do this in my physics class, it is not that hard so don’t understand the big deal. In my class we had to create a basket made of paper and drop a raw egg in it. If the egg didn’t crack, we’d go on to the next level were we would have to drop an egg from a higher point. I remember just throwing a bunch of paper together and testing it out by tossing Dum Dums in it. Got it completed in less than 20 mins. Now they are having to make a parachute, but seriously why this be the big project? I was expecting something more like the projects they do in Ren’s woodshop class in Even Stevens. The one where she has makes a stool. I mean come on, the writers could have come up with something better.

27)Borrowed Car

I get that Nick has a nice car, and hey it would impress practically any girl but why doesn’t Tyler have his own sweet ride? Mandi has a cool car and she is only his stepsister, why isn’t his father buying his son a set of wheels?

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I mean in Pretty Little Liars when he was the “poor kid” dating rich Spencer he had an amazing set of wheels. Why doesn’t he have any when he is a rich kid?

I love Mustangs!

I love Mustangs!

It is true that we aren’t supposed to know that Mandi and Tyler are stepsibs yet, but still how come he doesn’t have a hot ride?

And granted, his friend could have a better car than him, but if he is planning on making out with Jo that night, wouldn’t it be strange to do it in your friends car? I mean I think that is sooo weird.

28) Photo Finish Date

Okay I get that the writers want to show this awesome date that Jo and Tyler are having but in a serious of snapshots? Are you kidding me? I understand that they might be tired of writing text, but that is one of the worst things you could do in the middle of the film. It just distances the viewer from the plot and to be perfectly honest, bores them. “Photographs” of scenes should only be done in the beginning or end, like The Parent Trap (1998). I mean who is taking these photos on their date? Did they bring a third person just for this? Is it a ghost?

29) Too Touchy-Feely

Okay this is Tyler and Jo’s first date, and Jo’s first date ever, there is no way they’d be THAT comfortable climbing all over and feeding each other. On the first date, you are still reserved as you are trying to figure out what is acceptable by the other person. There ain’t no way that Jo’d be that okay seeing as she’s never been on a date with any guy before and would definitely be way nervous and awkward.

30)Asking About Past Loves

Okay there is no way anyone would ask the question of “how many have you been with?” on the first date! It’s the FIRST DATE! Those are things you wait to ask until you have been dating for a while. No one wants to hear on the first date every single person their crush has been with. That comes later when the two have become more invested in each other and are not so quick to run out. Tyler I love ya, but that was a bad move.

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31) Tyler and Mandi? Hooking Up? GROSS!

Okay, why does everyone say this? I mean yes they grew up together, but they are step siblings. NOT BLOOD RELATED, therefore it is perfectly legal for them to have a relationship. I mean hasn’t any of these kids seen Cruel Intentions? (I don’t recommend it) They have that total vibe going on as Mandi seems waay into Tyler. Except Mandi is both the Ryan Phillippe and Sarah Michelle Gellar characters, Tyler is just awesome.

Cruel Intentions + Mean Girls 2

Cruel Intentions + Mean Girls 2

Jo could definitely be Reese Witherspoon‘s part.

32) I’m Sorry I Posted that Awful Video of You

Okay  Elliot apologizes for posting the video on the web, and says he no longer can be webmaster. All I can say is I’m feeling no sympathy for you here and I want some real groveling. YOU POSTED A VIDEO OF ME ON THE INTERNET, its going to be around FOREVER! You humiliated me in front of EVERYONE I deserve all kinds of things for you to prove your sorry. I’d be screaming at him like Karen when Henry stands her up in Goodfellas.

If I was Abby I’d be yelling at Elliot “whatever you are doing to earn my forgiveness, it better be good”. And it better be as high up there as Henry Hill’s “I’m sorry”.

33) The Wrong Eggs

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So Mandi switches the eggs and Jo & Tyler end up with an unboiled egg instead of a boiled one. Their parachute crashes and they receive a 0.

First of all, when I did this in my physics class you had to use raw eggs because that better proved how strong your egg catcher thingy was. And we didn’t have a ruler we just had to try and toss it in our baskets. So I really am not understanding the level of difficulty this is supposed to be.

Secondly, besides that though, how could they not tell the egg was raw? I mean a raw egg has a completely different feel to it regarding weight. It just seems so much lighter and you can tell there is liquid in it.

Third, what teacher is really that much of a dipstick they won’t let you go again using the proper egg? He totally would have. Or they could bring their parents in and start a huge fuss how it wasn’t fair that they weren’t able to have an equal try.

And once again what does the egg drop have to do with architecture? NOTHING!

But hey at least one good thing came out of this. Raw egg is really good for your hair.

34) Doctor Supplying Drugs

Okay I don’t care how rich Hope may be, but there is no way that a doctor is going to provide her with laughing gas just because she asks for it.  Oh look:

“Ohio: Selling nitrous oxide to a person under 21 years of age is illegal. Selling nitrous oxide (to a person over 21 years of age) is illegal if also devices used to inhale nitrous oxide are sold, or if the seller has reason to believe that the nitrous oxide will be inhaled. All sales have to be recorded. All cartridges containing nitrous oxide have to be printed with a note which includes intended use and warning about the presence of ‘dangerous health effects’. “

Yeah, there is no way that Hope could have gotten a supply as her doctor would not want to risk losing his license.

35) Now You’re Just Asking for It (Not Breaking but Entering Part 2)

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Okay man you have an expensive racecar in your garage! LOCK IT! This baby is  $1-3 million per team and engines alone can cause up to $8 million!! Keep that car locked up tight. You are just asking for someone to steal from you. No sympathy right now. I mean I have nothing valuable in my garage but I keep that puppy sealed up stronger than a Pharaoh’s tomb. This reminds me of the Bling Ring. These kids stole from a ton of stars because they never locked up their belongings. Come on you have valuables! Protect Them!

And this is further proof that Mandi is a psychopath.

36) “Not enough time, not enough money”

Okay so Jo’s dad is crying like a baby because his engine is ruined, and states that only if they had time and money to fix it. Now Jo has money that could probably help, but doesn’t offer it to her dad. What a jerk!

Now I know it would be hard to, because her father would want to know where it came from, and would probably make her give it back, but look at this man! How could you not even offer it?

It would break my heart to see my dad cry.

It would break my heart to see my dad cry.

37) Girl Hormones

Okay, I don’t like the fact that this movie is making it seem as if feeling upset and wanting to crush someone for hurting you is “girly” and something that “tomboy” Jo never did. Those are things everyone goes through, no matter what their sex. Bad form, bad form.

See Hook agrees with me.

See Hook agrees with me.

38) “But it was so much fun”

When Jo confronts Mandi she flat out admits she did it. Come on, there is no way that she would say it in a crowded area like that. I mean TMZ girl is not that far away and this is the scoop of the year. She’d pull a Campus Confidental and expose Mandi for the psycho she is. Mandi seems pretty smart, she’d probably say she didn’t know what Jo was talking about, while smiling the whole time to let Jo she knew exactly what she was talking about. The whole false innocent thing is totally Mandi’s MO. Plus she would know that would piss off Jo even more.

39) Almost tells her, but chickens out at the last minute.

Classic movie cliché, right up there with the POG. I mean right here you seal the friendships death warrant. There is no surprise ending in this film, we know how it will be. I know that it is something you can never seem to cut out of the equation, but I really wish they would come up with a new plot line than “I’m lying abut really being your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, but I really fell for you in the end. Our relationship may have been built on a lie but the rest has been true” thing.

40) Getting ready for the party scene

Okay I understand that the writers created this scene so that we could see the brother/sister dynamics and that we could hear all the reasons why Tyler dislikes Mandi (that way when Jo starts acting like Mandi we will understand why the two break up. I mean we know they are going to be Super Ob.) But this scene is just too intimate. It just seems weird to me that he is talking to her while she is getting ready in her room that close to her.

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I know the film is trying to dissuade a whole stepbrother/stepsister relationship, but this scene kept giving me flashbacks to Cruel Intentions. I mean the tension between the two was really similar.

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They should have had the scene in the  kitchen or living room or at least not have them speak that close to each other. I mean it looks like they are going to kiss.

41)”Who wants to go to a party where they have to wear cocktail dresses?”

Uh, Jo I know you are supposed to be a super tomboy, but do you really have so little imagination that you can’t fathom why some girls would want to dress up? Lots of girls enjoy it, I mean look at prom. You like to dress up and feel like a beautiful creature ever now and then.

And don’t you dare get on your tomboy high horse again, because you wear a nice dress to your own party. So…just shut up. So there. (Granted Abby’s mom insists that she dress up, but if Jo was really as principled as she is always insisting, she would have just ignored her)

So there!

They may be trying to portray Abby’s mom as silly but she’s right. If your the host/hostess you need to dress your best. It’s YOUR party. And the mom is totally right, YOYO (You’re Only Young Once) Live it up, when your old and gray you can look back on those memories of when you could wear those sexy dresses.

42) There is no way that Abby’s dress could fit Jo.

Abby’s mom insists the girls dress up and pulls out a skin tight green tank dress for Jo to wear. There is no way that the two girls could wear the same size as Abby is much more fuller figured. The dress would be way too big for Jo and falling off her. Sorry guys, this isn’t The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It would actually make more sense if the mom pulled something out of her closet as the two are a similar size.

There's just no way

There’s just no way

43) TMZ girl is not a true friend

Okay TMZ wannabe girl has been hanging out with Abby and Jo all the time. She is supposed to be a “good” friend, yet she goes to Mandi’s party first instead of Jo and Abby. What kind of friend would do that? Why write her that way? All I got to say about her now is CUT ‘ER LOOSE!

And run fast

44) Clip in colored hair

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Okay NOBODY wears that anymore, it died out in the early 2000s. I remember, because I used to have some. What was really in 2011 was tinseling the hair or the pheasant hair extensions. Whoever was writing this wasn’t with the times.

45) Tree Dancer, not hugger

Seriously?

Seriously?

Like dancing with a tree is really they way into a girl’s heart? I know it is supposed to be sweet/silly, but it just is dumb to me. Like that is really going to impress me and have me forgive you? No way! I want GROVELING!

46) Drug Deal

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So Mandi has Hope pay the pizza delivery guy to coat the pizzas in ipecac. And all I can think is how does Hope have that much money and would the pizza guy really jeopardize his job that way? I mean first of all, having all these kids throwing up is going to reflect very badly on whatever pizzareia he is employed at. The guy will lose money, and pizza boy here will be out of a job.

Plus with such a wide amount vomiting, I feel like these kids are going to be tested to make see what was exactly the cause. Their drug tests, I’m sure would show that these kids all took ipecac, which will be denied by everyone. When they test the pizzas, they will see that this is where it came from. Then, everyone will piece together where the ipecac came from which is for sure going to get Pizza boy in a ton of trouble. Hope, I’m not so sure, her family has money.

I mean giving someone laxatives without their knowledge is technically a murder attempt, I know because someone threatened me with this and got in big trouble. It’s because you can die from too much diarrhea. I feel that the same would go for ipecac. I’m pretty sure Pizza boy does not want to go to jail.

47) Delivery Boy Must Have Wings

Okay so Hope pays Pizza boy to coat the pizzas with ipecac, runs back to get the rest of the group at Mandi’s, gets her mask and gloves and the quartet run back over to Abby’s. Now this couldn’t have taken more than 10-15 mins, 20 if we’re really pushing it. So how the heck were they able to, in that short of time get enough Chinese food for everyone?

Where-To-Find-Hong-Kong-One-Dollar-Chinese-FoodThere is no way they could do that with so many people at Abby’s place. I mean they had like 6-8 boxes of pizza, and now they have to buy a carton for everyone? There has to be over a 100 people there. There is no delivery place on Earth that could make that much food, that quickly, then have someone take it over and deliver it, and everyone grab a carton and finish all before Mandi & Co make the less then 10 min walk to Abby’s.

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48) I’m Blind to Everything

Okay, so I understand that Nick is not the brightest crayon in the box and can be pretty oblivious to everything, but when Jo grabs the ipecac-laden pizza out of the trash, how does he not see it? It is right in front of him!

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.51.11 AMHe should have totally seen it and been like, “I don’t want it…” Plus that is just gross and mean to give someone something out of the trash. And mean to use Nick, who hasn’t done anything to you.

And so that’s as far as I got in the film. I then had to go and get ready for work. Let me know what you think of this post, and comment below if you want me to finish reviewing the film. I had a ton of fun writing this, as I hated it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

For more (and better) sequels, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on Diego Boneta, go to Nothing But A Good Time

On the 11th Day ‘Til Christmas: The Santa Clause (1994)

On the 11th day ’til Christmas my blogger gave to me

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The Santa Clause (1994)

I first saw the film when I was about five or six and absolutely loved it. It is such an amazing film, and answers almost all the questions one has ever asked about how Santa makes his night flight possible. Tim Allen was amazing, as he is in everything, and Eric Lloyd was simply adorable as Charlie.

Who could say no to that adorable face?

Who could say no to that adorable face?

The script was just amazing as the lines are sooo goood! I recommend it for any family to watch, I know I watch it every year.

The film is about self-centered, divorced, father, Tim Allen as Scott Calvin; being tricked into becoming Santa Clause. The film starts out with him being late to getting his son, as he has chosen to hang out at his Toy Maker Company’s Christmas party. He has a fight with his ex-wife and her husband Neil, a psychiatrist, because they have told Charlie that Santa isn’t real. I really hate Neil, he is such an awful guy.

Ugh

Ugh

He is so controlling of Charlie, and is always trying to make these huge decisions about him when he is not even his father. He needs to back off and respect that Scott is the father and the one to make crucial decisions.

Scott has not prepared anything for their Christmas Eve dinner. He wants to start the meal but realizes that to cook his frozen turkey, it’s going to take a long time. He then decides to put it in the oven on the highest temperature possible, burning up everything. This causes them to go to Denny’s because it is the only place open. Just like in A Christmas Story, the evening out proves to be hilarious.

After the two return home, Scott reads Charlie the book Twas the Night Before ChristmasShortly after the two fall asleep they find themselves being visited by Santa. Although the visit doesn’t turn out as expected. Scott reluctantly ends up becoming Santa himself.

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Sarah the Little Girl: Santa?
Scott Calvin: Scott Calvin.
Sarah the Little Girl: How come your clothes are so baggy?
Scott Calvin: Because Santa is… watching his saturated fats. [gestures obesity]
Sarah the Little Girl: How come you don’t have a beard?
Scott Calvin: Because I shaved!  [instantly reveals an unwrapped present for her, out of his bag] Now, you want this doll or not? Go back to sleep.”

The deliver everything and the reindeers take them to the North Pole where everything is explained by Bernard, the head elf.

What a cutie!

What a cutie!

The next day Scott wakes up back at home in his bed; convinced everything was just a dream.

keanuWhoa

Now I really love the irony in this film. Here we have a self-absorbed, toy-inventor who was given the job of being the most unselfish toymaker. Of course Scott doesn’t believe he is Santa, but even though he chooses to live in denial, his body has already transforming. No matter what he does; he gains a belly like a bowlful of jelly, long white whiskers (a beard), and can’t stop wearing red.

And through this all Charlie is just as adorable as ever, telling everyone that his dad is Santa.

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“Neil: What about Santa’s reindeer? Have you even seen a reindeer fly?
Charlie: Yes.
Neil: Well, I haven’t.
Charlie: Have you ever seen a million dollars?
Neil: No.
Charlie: Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean is doesn’t exist.”

Here is where the story gets sad. Stupid Neil tries to take over everything and convinces the mom to get rid of Scott’s visiting rights as he feels Scott’s appearance will be damaging to Charlie. But Scott manages to manipulate the mom into letting him see Charlie at Thanksgiving. Charlie is finally able to convince Scott that he really is Santa. Just as Scott has finally accepted who he is, Bernard shows up and whisks them all away to the North Pole. However, they forgot to let the mom know about Charlie and she spends the next month worried about him.

Scott really gets into being Santa; and he works with the other elves and Charlie to complete all that needs to be done. They also do some major improvements with the sled and suit. Before you know it, it’s Christmas and they are heading out to deliver presents.

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Little do they know that the police are waiting for them. Not only do they have a ton of cops at Charlie’s house, but they are picking up every Santa in that radius and hauling them off to jail.

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When Scott does go to the house to drop off the presents, he ends up being arrested and taken in. This scene always reminded me of  Santa Clause is Coming to Town, as he gets caught in a similar way.

My favorite part is when they interrogate him. It’s hilarious.

When the Elves back at Mission Control realize something is wrong, they send out the Elven SWAT Team, E.L.F.S, to break him out.

I always say that line when I see tinsel, “tinsel, not just for decorating.”

So Santa gets out and clears everything up with his ex-wife. Everything ends happily as he goes out to deliver the presents and his ex-wife allows him to see Charlie anytime he wants.

It’s just a great, family film. Beloved by everyone.

Unfortunately, the sequels were not as good. They lacked the same quality of writing and hilarity. Don’t waste your time with them, but watch this one over and over! 😀

watch movie over and over

Merry Christmas!

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To start the 12 Posts of Christmas from the beginning, go to On the 12th Day ’til Christmas: The 12 Men of Christmas

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For more on The Santa Clause, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List

For more on Santa Clause, go to the 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Disney, go to CANDY-TIME