Austen Avengers Assemble!

So back when Avengers: Age of Ultron came out someone did a post on what Austen characters they would have as the Avengers. I read it and did not agree with several of their choices.

So I decided I would do my own post, and meant to put the original link here, but forgot!

So sorry to whoever it was!

So I jotted down my thoughts, saved the draft and meant to come back and finish, but I forgot all about it. May 2015 was a hard month for me, I had an ear infection and an over 100 degree temperature-plus you know life-

But this year I have been going through my drafts trying to clean them out and finish my thoughts-and I spotted this. As The Avengers series is ending, not really as you know Disney is all about them dollars:

But as this is the “end”, The Avengers: Endgame, I decided what better time than now to post it?!

Another thing that is ending this year

So I did not like Avengers: Age of Ultron and after watching that movie I stopped watching The Avengers films all together. There are a lot of reasons why, and if you are interested go to this post. Basically-if I don’t like something, I stop watching the series. So just to clarify-I will only be using the superheroes from The Avengers and The Avengers: Age of Ultron films. I also will only be doing the female Austen characters and their Avenger counterparts, maybe I’ll do one on the men in the future, who knows? But as for now, let’s get this mashup started!

Another thing ending this year!

Jane Austen Avengers Mashup!

***Contains Spoilers***

We will start with Sense and Sensibility and work our way through the Austen novels.

Nick Fury-Elinor Dashwood

Elinor was a bit hard to find someone to match up with, but I decided on Nick Fury.

Nick Fury is the leader of The Avengers. He is the oldest of three, and has had to learn responsibility at a young age. After a long, illustrious career, he goes on to be the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D. Not only does he work for a secret organization, but he knows more about what is going on than anyone else in the movie-from secret families, wishes, covert agents, etc.

Elinor is the oldest of three and after her father passes away, has to take on responsibilities of the home. Elinor may not be the leader of a secret organization, but she is the secret keeper of this book. From illegitimate children, secret engagements, wards of the family, lost loves-etc she knows it all.

Both are intelligent and good judges of character, but can be fooled by a charismatic person (Willoughby and Robert Redford’s character in The Winter Soldier)

Now some may not see how level-headed and controlled Elinor could ever compare to the loud and aggressive Nick. While Elinor may not be as loud and curse, she does have moments when she too loses her temper.

It might not be a perfect comparison, but the one I felt was the closest.

For more on Elinor Dashwood go to The Austen Series: Reason and Romance

Hulk (Dr. Bruce Banner)-Marianne Dashwood

Both are controlled by their feelings so this was an obvious mashup.

Dr. Bruce Banner has had many incarnations-but what stands out to me is how he can range in emotions from sarcastic, witty, self-assured, to depressed, sensitive, and worried-ultimately running the full gauntlet…just like Marianne. Marianne, like Bruce, is confident, self-assured, and firm in her beliefs. When things happen in life, Marianne betrayed in love and Bruce’s Gamma Ray incident, both become depressed, sarcastic, and lose sight of who they are-both trying to give up on living. Ultimately, they work through these feelings and regain some of their confidence and sense of self-Marianne being more reserved and thoughtful while in Avengers Bruce accepts his green self and is able to use his ability to help and be a team player.

Both have deep emotions and can go to extremes when they feel. And when they feel, you see it-no hiding that from anyone.

Dr. Banner is well educated, read, etc-while Marianne has’t achived the samr level-she too is well read and educated (as she comes from a wealthy family).

Both need encouragement from friends/family and both also discover that someone they wouldn’t have thought at first is the person for them (although the Colonel Brandon and Marianne storyline makes a lot more sense than the Black Widow and Hulk one).

For more on the Hulk/Dr. Bruce Banner, go to Avengers Assemble

For more on Marianne Dashwood, go to We Are Family: Austentatious (2015)

Thor-Elizabeth Bennet

So I was split between who to be the equivalent to Thor and finally after a long deliberation, settled on Elizabeth.

Thor is Odin’s heir and favorite son, although he is stubborn, impetous, and opinionated. Elizabeth is her father’s favorite daughter and is stubborn, obstinate, and headstrong. Both are fun, well-educated, and have great wit.

Both fall for people who they don’t begin on the right foot with. For Thor, Jane at first is not interested and gets upset with the way he talks and treats her, same for Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, but eventually they move past the misunderstanding and have a great relationship.

The thing that clinched it for me was the family drama. Thor’s little brother Loki causes a lot of problems, trying to take over the world, almost destroying everything and him. Elizabeth’s little sister might not have been as bad, but she too does what she wants-not caring how it affects everything and almost detstroying Elizabeth and the family’s reputation.

For more on the Thor, go to Anger Management

For more on Elizabeth, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

Hawkeye (Clint Barton)-Fanny Price

So everyone hates on Hawkeye, he’s the “who cares” member of the group (at least we did back in 2015). Fanny Price, unfortunately, gets the same treatment. Both may not be flashy, have cool powers, the best romantic lead, money, etc-however, they are important characters and there is a lot more to them than meets the eye.

So Hawkeye had a rough start with his parents dying, being sent to an orphanage, running away to the circus, being betrayed by his mentor, and losing his brother and feeling alone. Fanny did not have the same type up upbringing, but understands what it is like to be alone. Sent from her family to stay with relatives she never met before, bullied by her cousins, being treated as a little higher than a servant, betrayed by her uncle when she won’t marry the man he picked out, etc.

In The Avengers: Age of Ultron, Hawkeye turns out to be the linchpin of the group (Bones reference) -why? I don’t know, but he is. When everything is falling apart he knows what to do and takes them to his farm-keeping calm and helping lead the group out of this storm they are in. Fanny is the linchpin of her family, the moral compass, who helps right things after Maria runs off with Henry, Julia elopes in Ireland, and Tom gets deathly ill. They couldn’t have continued if it wasn’t for her calm demeanor.

The other thing I find similar is that both are observers of the group-Hawkeye sees from the “Hawk’s Nest”-watching out and watching the team, and Fanny “I was quiet, but I was not blind.”

For more on Fanny Price, go to Jane Austen Chinese Zodiac

Iron Man (Tony Stark)-Emma Woodhouse

Both characters were described by their authors as characters “only they would love”, so of course these two are the equivalent.

Tony Stark is wealthy, spoiled, and raised by parents who gave him a lot of power and free reign. He is a genius who inherits his family company at a young age and has to take responsibility.

Emma is also wealthy, spoiled, and raised by a father who gives her a lot of power and free reign. She might not inherit a company, but she does become mistress of the house and there is little doubt as to who her father will leave her estate to.

Both are powerful manipulators, using their power, prestige, wealth, and beauty. They can be reckless to the point of destroying lives (Emma almost ruins any chance of Harriet marrying and Tony you know almost destroys the world). They also tend to go too far and luckily have people who can bring them down to Earth and point them back on the right path, Pepper Potts/Rhodes and Mr. Knightley.

Both are betrayed by people they thought they were close to, for Tony it is Obadiah Stone, his father’s longtime partner, and Emma its Frank Churchill, the man all had been planning her to marry.

Both end up finding love with someone they’ve known for years, both more mature (in spirit and Knightley’s case age as well) who can see past their faults and help them be the best person they can be.

And of course, Gwenyth Paltrow is in both films.

For more on Iron Man/Tony Stark, go to We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

For more on Emma Woodhouse, go to Dull Times Breed Disaster

Captain America (Steve Rogers)-Catherine Morland

Both are young, sweet, idealistic, and at times naive. “No one who had ever seen [them in their] infancy would have supposed [them] born to be [heroes]. [Their] situation[s] in life, the character of [their parents, their] own person and disposition, were all equally against [them].”

Steve was raised in Brooklyn, NY-and wants to go off and save the world. That wish is granted with the trip of a lifetime-to a secret lab, getting superhero powers, traveling to get war bonds and help improve morale, going off on his own “trip” to help his friend. Catherine is given the trip of a lifetime too, as family friends whisk her along to Bath (not as epic but still fun). There Catherine may not have gone through physical changes like Steve, but emotional ones as she grows up a bit and controls her imagination.  She also goes go off on her own separate trip (to Northanger Abbey).

Both have hiccups in their dating, with Steve being kissed enthusiastically by a WAC, even though he only has eyes for one girl. He tries to straighten it out, but it doesn’t quite work as well as he hoped. With Catherine, she only has eyes for Mr. Tilney, but gets manipulated out her walk with him by the enthusiastic Mr. Thorpe.

Many want to use Steve because of his abilities or his looks, the same with Catherine. They believe she is richer than she is and she falls victims to two men trying to play her as a game piece.

Both don’t always catch on to the jokes said by others. With Steve, he has almost 70 years worth of history and pop culture he’s missed out on, and Catherine doesn’t always pick up on sarcasm.

For more on Captain America, go to Every Heart Beats True for the Red, White & Blue

For more on Catherine Morland, go to Catherine Morland’s Reading List

Black Widow/Natasha Romanova-Anne Elliot

So I had a hard time with Black Widow and trying to figure out who she worked best with. After a lot of deliberation, I finally settled on Anne.

Black Widow is woman who people look at and think they know her life story-but there is faaar more to her than you would think. Yes, she is a super spy, enhanced, and has a dark past-but it is way more convoluted with ups and downs. Anne is the same way…all look at her and see a kind woman who was proposed to once (by Charles Musgrove), but turned him down. What no one knows, and no one could fathom, she had a handsome sea captain after her, or that her cousin William Elliot is after her!

Both have been persuaded into making certain choices (in Black Widow’s case actual torture and brain washing, while Anne has an old family friend maneuver her choices.)

Both have a lot of secrets, and can blend easily into the background just as they can stand out and take control of stressful situations. They can be more intense than others think and are given great one-liners.

For more on Anne Elliot, go to You’ve Persuaded My Heart

So what do you all think? Do you agree? Disagree? Comment below!

For more Mash Ups, go to You Put the Jedi in Pride & PreJEDIce
For more on Avengers, go to Simply Fantastic
For more on Sense and Sensibility, go to Dangerous to Know, Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues: MODERATE
For more on Pride and Prejudice, go to Pride, Prejudice, and Personal Statements
For more on Mansfield Park, go to The Heartbreak Kid
For more on Emma, go to Victoria and the Rogue
For more Northanger Abbey, go to Did Jane Hate a Richard?
For more Persuasion, go to Dangerous to Know: Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues
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I Feel A Great Disturbance in the Force: Star Wars, The Force Awakens

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened

So I have been postponing this post as I wanted to give people plenty of time to watch the film. But just in case…

***Contains Spoilers***

So a lot of people have been asking me what I think about the new Star Wars film. And why not? After all you know how much I love Star Wars.

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So let me say right away:

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Yes, I did not like it.

Something is not right!

It wasn’t absolutely horrible but I felt that it was far from the great raves everyone gave it. I was greatly disappointed.

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So let’s count down my issues with the film. And remember, this is just my opinion: you can take it or leave it; read it or skip it; love it or hate it; etc.

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1) Who Are You?

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So one of my biggest issues with this film is that we were given hardly any backstory on these characters. We don’t know Rey, Finn, or Poe’s hopes, dreams, goals, histories, etc.

Now some of you are probably saying that J.J. Abrams just wants to surprise us, well there is a HUGE difference between surprise and no information.

Think about Episode IV: A New Hope; we knew that Luke wanted to get off the desert planet,; that he wanted to fight in the rebellion against the Empire; that he was “too much like his father” which was a bad thing; that he had a crush on Princess Leia; and that he was well versed in fixing mechanical things.

In the revamped Star Trek that Abrams did we get to see Spock and Kirk at different parts in their lives. We see Kirk’s father sacrifice his life to save all the others, we see Kirk getting into trouble with pranks as he is acting out against his stepdad, and we see him at the Academy getting on track. We also see Spock as a young boy trying to figure out who he is with being biracial, along with him as an adult and instructor at the Academy. So Abrams can do it, and so it well. So why didn’t he?

In my opinion I think he was afraid.

i'mscared

I think after Star Trek: Into Darkness‘ villain was leaked and we all knew that it was Khan; Abrams overcorrected to protect the “secrets” and “surprises” by giving us nothing. And I hated it. In order for us to care for a character we need to know something about them. Otherwise they are just strangers and we don’t care if they live or die. When Poe was “killed” I was like oh that’s sad but not devastated or anything, because I had no idea what his role was in the grand scheme or if I was supposed to be devastated. Instead I was just like whatever.

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As for Finn; I guess with his brainwashing he doesn’t know that much of anything so I’ll give him a half pass. As for Rey, I know that Abrams wants to surprise us with her being Luke’s daughter but still give us something. I mean you could have had her talk about wishing the Jedis were still alive, or how she always heard stories of them, or even who or why she was left on the planet. What happened to the person she was supposed to be taking care of? Who is she waiting for? Come on give us something!!

come on

Take your cues from George Lucas, he knew how to film one heck of a reveal. Still can’t get over how amazing this scene was built up in Episode IV and V.

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2) Boom! We Here!

My second issue with the film was the pacing. It was way, way, too fast.

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With the original we have substance. It takes time for Luke to find Obi-Wan, get a plan together, get a ship, create a plan to save the princess, find the princess, escape, help destroy the Death Star; etc.

This same thing was continued in the rest of the series and prequels. It took time to get from one planet to another aspect of the universe. And the directors used this time. We were able to really get to know the characters and have some of the best scenes.

In The Force Awakens it too fast, completely losing the journey aspect. In this it was like bam we are there, bam next planet, bam bam bam. Everything was too quickly reached, found, etc. I didn’t like that at all.

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

There is a certain style to these films. Star Wars essentially is a Western film set in space, building off those components. And what are Westerns based on? Knight stories. And Knight stories are based on Greek mythological tales. The reason why the original films did so well was that they stayed true to the type of tale they are based on; following the elements of a journey tale. There was no weight to the film in the same sense the other films had in unfolding the tale. There was no journey, making this a weaker film and not as long lasting.

In a few months/years everyone will be over the hype and realize this new film just doesn't measure up.

In a few months/years I believe that everyone will be over the hype and realize this new film just doesn’t measure up.

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3) Finn Wields a Lightsaber

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I also didn’t care for how quickly the characters seemed to adapt to the situations. Really a stormtrooper who has never even fought in real life before and only used a blaster has the ability to wield a lightsaber, something he knows literary nothing about, not even how to turn on, and be able to not only do it, but hold his own in not one but two fights; and one being against a person who has been training on how to fight with a lightsaber for at least ten years.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

 You have to remember this is a weapon that hasn’t been used for over sixty years except by three people; Anakin, Luke, and Kylo Ren. Do you think that someone who hardly knows anything besides what he has been brainwashed could use technology from sixty years ago when he doesn’t even know what Jedi are or have ever seen a Jedi? He didn’t even see Kylo Ren open his lightsaber.

And yes, he did lose both fights, but he did lot of attacking that I thought was way to advance for someone who has never even fought in a battle with a blaster. For someone who was so traumatized by war he had to run away, he got over that PTSD rather quickly.

Some of you might argue say that he just “picked it up” or has “jedi blood.” But even if you argue that he has Jedi abilities inherited from his family, whoever they are, it takes training to know how to wield one. When you are trained in using swords you practice first with fake ones as one of the first things you usually do is hit yourself with it. This is a much stronger weapon than a swords, and multi-edged. It is not something you just pick up and can do.

After all idea of using a sword is different than using one in battle. Yeah you point it toward the other person but it is more complicated when actually attacking another person, especially when your weapon can slice through almost any material, and all sides can injure you.

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4. Rey Masters the Force

Game of thrones jon Snow kit harrington I know how

Rey also too quickly managed the force, especially for one who thought it was a myth. One of the reasons why the original series was so amazing was that it had weight and a feeling of reality. Luke has to train to use his natural abilities, to build up his faith in the force.

And even though he has so much untapped reserves,he had trouble controlling the force when he was in stressful situations, like wanting to help his friends. I thought her telling the stormtrooper to leave was good, but her other uses were just too fast. Let’s remember she has no clue what a Jedi is and has zero training. At least Luke had dreams and believed in it. He just had to believe in himself.

And even though I believe she is Luke’s daughter and therefore has an extremely strong connection to the force; but if Luke, Anakin’s son and therefore one with an even stronger connection, has trouble picking up things and concentrating on the force, and also had a stronger belief, Rey shouldn’t have picked up on as easily as she did.

I will say that at least her fighting was defensive and involved more running away than anything else. I thought that was more realistic for someone who has never used a lightsaber before.

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5) It’s All About Looking Great

bishops wife pointing look over there

I felt this film also ran into the same mistakes as the new Avengers film were they concentrated on constant action every where, not always completing the move.

For instance Kylo Ren kills his father and is below on a bridge. Rey and Finn are above, with at least a 20 mins headstart and Kylo manages to not only reach them, but be in front of them? Can he teleport now? Even if he had a secret passageway or path known to him, how did he get there? And so quickly?

Or their giant death star/planet thing. How can it take power from the sun to decimate planets on the other side of the galaxy (as the guy says they will destroy a planet far, far, away) and be able to hit with such precision, not destroying all the many things in the pathway that exist in outer space? How could they have such precision in such distance? How can they manage to take the sun completely to destroy everything, but not destroy the planets around them as they have removed the sun?

I mean it is science fiction and they are going to push the boundaries of your beliefs, while creating new technology; but I felt the other films (the original Star Wars, Star Wars prequels, and Star Trek remakes) while not explaining everything had stronger ties to what could be happening in reality. In this they seemed to focus on let’s “look good” or have “great action” rather than make sense to what was going on.

I didn’t like the action as it wasn’t as choreographed but more messy and at times hard to follow. It was like The Avengers: Age of Ultron in which some parts resembled a video game rather than a film.

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6) Han Solo’s Death is a Crime

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

So I knew going in that they were going to kill an important character and famous actor. I mean we have Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi in A New Hope; Liam Neeson as Qui Gon Jinn in The Phantom Menace; I knew it was going to be one of the dream team; most likely Harrison Ford.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

So the fact that they killed Han Solo is a completely horrible thing to do, but the fact that they killed him before he and Luke had a reunion and forgave each other was inexcusable. He should have been involved in the journey to find Luke.

A journey that in my opinion should have been saved until the second film as if he was hiding somewhere impossible for all these people to find, even with a map it has got to take time; and I am sure they are to encounter storms, asteroids, obstacles along the way. It shouldn’t be instantaneous.

I just don’t know if I can watch a Star Wars film with no Han Solo.

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I need him in my life

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7) Story Has to Be Surprises Not Substance

Wow

Wow

I thought that the story/dialogue was okay but felt that they focused way too much time on trying to outwit you and surprise you then writing a cohesive whole. I wish the people who wrote Jurassic World wrote the new Star Wars movie as they were able to capture aspects of the past and place it in a new storyline; one that pleased fans and new viewers.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

I think on a whole the film would have better if they went off the canon that Lucas had made, that was ghostwritten/published.

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But J.J. Abrams wanted to surprise people with his own thing.

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So that’s my opinion. You can agree with me and think I am a genius in my critique:

And I truly mean it

Or that I am completely unenlightened and crazy:

Guy you suck!

Guy you suck!

Either way it is just my personal opinion and you are free to share yours as well if you want.

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One thing still remains. The original Star Wars is still extremely amazing and because of this new movie there have been tons of Star Wars products that I can buy and add to my collection.

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What can I say? I’m just a Jedi girl.

StarWarsJaneAustenJedi

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For more on Star Wars, go to You Don’t Have to Say the Words, I Already Know: Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

For more on Episode VII: The Force Awakens, go to A Very Merry Star Wars Christmas

For more Han Solo, go to Be Like Han

 

A Horrorfest Hitch

Happy Halloween jack-o-lantern

So I hope you all had a great Halloween. Mine was pretty good, and I had an awesome costume. I was a ghostbuster, and designed a suit and proton pack; making it as close to the film as possible, but using a name patch with my own last name. In fact, I plan on wearing it every Friday the 13th. Awesome right?

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So I’m sure you all have been wondering, what was going on with Horrorfest? I missed days, posted unedited pieces, and only completed 28/31 posts. Well, October was really full. I had two weddings; both of my cats were injured within two days of each other and I had to take them to the vet for stitches, having to monitor them, administer medicine twice a day, and change their box constantly; worked my usual jobs; went to the Back to the Future trilogy at my local cinema; and I had a graduation for one of my works, and more.

keanu Whoa

And that’s just the tip of it. I also had some family issues that came up, causing me less time to work on this.

So I am sorry for the delays and unfinished work, next year I promise it won’t be like that. Next year will mark my fifth Horrorfest, and I’m planning to go all out for it.

So as there are only three posts that weren’t done, I am going to finish writing and posting them. After I do so I will update this post with those completed works. So let’s go to our Horrorfest  wrap-up!

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So this year I reviewed 23 films, 4 TV episodes, and had 2 editorials.

So one thing I noticed about this year was that my first Horrorfest the first film I reviewed was made in 1962, in the second Horrorfest the first film I reviewed was made in 1954, in the third Horrorfest the first film I reviewed was made in 1941, and this year’s first post was made in 1931. 1960s, 1950s, 1940s, and 1930s. I did that all without realizing it. Pretty cool, huh?

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So this year I ended up with quite a few themes. The first being mad scientists; this occuring in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, along with Avengers: Age of Ultron.

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Classic literature once again proved to be a prime place to find film adaptations perfect for Horrorfest. This year we had Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, A Study in Scarlet, and The Brothers’ Grimm Fairy Tales.

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Aliens were also a big theme this year. There was Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Alien vs. Predator, Twilight Zone episode, The Iron Giant, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Total Recall.

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I also thought that doing three Alfred Hitchcock films was something I should continue. This year I reviewed Jamaica Inn, The 39 Steps; and after talking about it for three years, I finally reviewed Psycho. 

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This year I decided that every Friday would be a TV show review: choosing episodes from The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries, The Twilight Zone, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Midsomer Murders.

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I also had the theme of boyfriends/husbands/wives who are more than what they seem. These were Dangerous Crossing, The Screaming Skull, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, Rosemary’s Baby, Gaslight, The Stepford Wives, and Total Recall.

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We also had quite a few robots. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, The Iron Giant, Avengers: Age of Ultron, and The Stepford Wives.

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Witches made a comeback; in Rosemary’s Baby and the Midsomer Murders episode.

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And after reading every year how I really, really, really wanted to do a famous Vincent Price thriller/horror/mystery; well guys you don’t have to hear me whine anymore, I finally did it with The Bat. Yay!!

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So for those who have missed it, here is everything in Horrorfest IV:

You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

And Then There Was Two: A Study in Scarlet (1933)

What Are the 39 Steps?: The 39 Steps (1935)

That Place…There’s Queer Things Go On There: Jamaica Inn (1939)

There Are Thirteen Chairs at the Table…And That’s Unlucky: Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943)

Because I Am Mad I Hate You. Because I Am Mad I Have Betrayed You: Gaslight (1944)

I Do Think You Are Confused, Mrs. Bowman: Dangerous Crossing (1953)

They’re Already Here! You’re Next!: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

It’s Mrs. Archer. She’s On a Rampage!: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

A Man Without a Face: The Bat (1959)

We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes: Psycho (1960)

Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?: The Twilight Zone (1961)

What Have You Done to Him?: Rosemary’s Baby  (1968)

There’ll Be Somebody With My Name…But She Won’t Be Me!: The Stepford Wives (1975)

A Haunting We Will Go: The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries (1977)

Someone Has Erased His Memory: Total Recall (1990)

I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to Be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend: Alien Vs. Predator (2004)

The Story, We’re Living It. It’s Alive: The Brothers Grimm (2005)

He is Coming: The Visitation (2006)

A Book Considered Too Dangerous to Keep: The Magician’s Nephew, Midsomer Murders (2008)

Psycho Strangers: The Girl He Met Online (2014)

We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

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We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

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“We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters.”

So I know many of you see this film on this list and are probably thinking to yourself:

Whattheheck

Why would I put an action/adventure, superhero film on my list of horror films? Well I’m including it because of this reason: 1) You have two, not one, TWO scientists who create two, not one, but TWO creatures.

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So I’m sure you all who have been following me know how much I liked The Avengers film that came out two years ago.

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Not me, that’s for sure.

I loved this film and thought it was the best superhero film. It covers a team, but each character was given their own moment to shine. It had great dialogue, amazing scenes, and was just altogether fantastic.

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Now as for the sequel? How did I feel about it.

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I thought it was horrible!!!!!

EW!

And it sucks because I was jazzed about this film. James Spader? Love him in everything! Our dream team, the Avengers? Awesome! Having some X-Men characters finally in it and teasing with a full on cross over? YES!

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But then is sucked.

You ruined it!!!!

You ruined it!!!!

And believe me, my opinions based on this film isn’t just from one viewing. I saw it at the midnight showing, I saw it in 3-D the Sunday after with my nephew, and then my friend and I went and saw in June after seeing Jurassic World. Each time I saw it, the more I thought it was just done poorly, 2015’s Godzilla (which strangely, the same actors who were husband and wife in that movie are the Maximoff twins in this one.)

So this is going to be a slightly different review, I will give a brief synopsis and then go on to list why I didn’t like this film.

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So the film starts with the Avengers taking down what they believe is the last cell of HYDRA out in a small Eastern European country. They are also after the scepter Loki had in the first film. They believe they have accomplished it when they run into two “enhanced creatures” or whatever they call them, Wanda/Scarlet Witch and Pietro/Quicksilver Maximoff. Wanda has the power to manipulate reality, while Pietro can run at super fast speeds.

Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) Ph: Jay Maidment ©Marvel 2015

Wanda uses her powers to cloud each Avengers mind and mess with their ability to think, espechially Tony Stark. After the defeat, of everyone, (except the Maximoff twins), the team returns home to the tower in New York to have a party and celebrate the end of the Avengers.

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Tony convinces Thor to allow him to study the scepter, believing he can use it to create a robot that will be able to save humanity and keep it safe. He convinces Bruce Banner to assist him. See here is where we have the Frankenstein parallels.

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In Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein believed that his work could save humanity: it could bring about immortality, he could save people who’s limbs were lost reanimating dead limbs; etc. Instead he creates a creature, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Frankenstein into playing his games and doing what he wants. Frankenstein realizes his mistake in trying to take God’s place and create something he has no control over, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

With Tony, he believed that his work could save humanity: it would protect them from aliens and any threat too large for humans to handle. Instead he creates a creature, Ultron, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Tony into playing his games and doing what he wants. Tony realizes his mistake, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

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The team has discord and seems to be falling apart, when after a brief pastoral retreat they come back in the game and go after Ultron. They steal the machine he was going to use to create the perfect body, with Tony comes up with a second idea. Use Ultron’s plan, but instead of Ultron, input his best friend/butler, J.A.R.V.I.S.

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So here we have The Bride of Frankenstein parallels.

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In the Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has realized his mistake. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. Then an old friend, ), comes around and convinces him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Frankenstein knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a bride for the creature.

So in this Bruce Banner has realized his mistake in assiting in creating Ultron. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. But then Tony starts wheedling him, insisting and convincing him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Bruce knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a yin to Ultron’s yang, Vision.

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So after the create Vision, they go after Ultron, ending back where the film started; but this time with Vision, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver (Wanda and Pietro both choosing to go with the Avengers than Ultron).

The fight to save the world, losing an avenger in the process. Back in New York, the old has gone it’s own way and a new Avenger team is born.

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Now on to the issues.

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1) What an Opening, “What” as in “What is Going On?”

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The first scene was all over the place, in a ton of slow motion, and unrealistically packed with action that I thought they were pulling a Toy Story 2 and it was a video game.

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I mean come on, in that one scene they are practically posing for the camera.

It might have been the drugs I was on for my ear infection, but yeah I legitamitely thought it was some kind of tease, that is how horribly fake looking that beginning is. It didn’t feel like it was happening, but as if you were watching a bad community play. I mean I saw several times where Black Widow should have been shot but “wasn’t”. The fighting in the first one was much better.

Also no context as to what it going on, why are they after Loki’s scepter? Where did it go after the first Avengers film? Now some people might say “if you watch the TV show you’ll know”, but that’s not what a sequel is about. A sequel is created to enhance characters or events from the first film/book, having a progression from the previous to the next. Not suddenly throw everything at you with you like I don’t know what is going on.

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2) Slow Mo needs to Go No Mo’

Stop stop it now!

Honestly Joss Wheedon, the ’90s called, they want their special effects back. But seriously, waaaaaaay tooo much. It looks horrible, it is distracting, and just takes your viewer out of the right state of mind.

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3) Calling Someone Out for Cursing Worth Talking About, But Create an Evil Robot and That’s Just a Moment Thing

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Seriously. This a running joke for everyone, it keeps rearing its ugly head throughout the film. But Tony? They are mad for a nanosecond, and then they move on. Really guys? Really? The Robot is definitely worse and worth discussing.

And he doesn’t make just one thing, but TWO! TWO!!!!!

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4) Enhanced Not Mutated

Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) Ph: Jay Maidment ©Marvel 2015

I don’t know who’s idea it was to not make them mutants and the children of Magneto, but that was beyond stupid.

THEY ARE MUTANTS NOT ENHANCED MUTANTS!!!!!! And they are Magneto’s children.

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5) Clintasha or Brutasha?

So I did not like Black Widow and Hulk together. I really wanted it to be Black Widow and Hawkeye.

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Now I might not have minded the whole Brutasha if it weren’t for the fact that it came out of left field. Natasha does go get him in the first Avengers film, but that’s all we see of their interactions. There is nothing to suggest anything romantic, and no chemistry between them,  but yet we are expected they are considering running away together?

Girl Please

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6) Visions…I Guess?

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So what is up with the visions that Scarlet Witch makes. They never really explain her powers in the film so is it magic? Really the future? What?

They also don’t make any sense. For Tony it is his fear, and a bit of the future. Black Widow, a hidden memory, Thor a fear/vision. Captain America? How does what he sees relate to anything?

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7) Tony Pop Culture Allergy?

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So unlike Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, etc. Tony is a HUGE pop culture junkie. Yet when he creates artifical life, he doesn’t even consider how things could go horribly wrong. Wouldn’t he have seen Jurassic Park, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Frankenstein, The Terminator, I Robot, etc? Espechially as three that I just listed involve bad robots? Wouldn’t that make him pause, at least for a moment.

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8) I Leeloo Ultron Robot

The part when Ultron awoke and then starts researching to figure out his purpose and what he’s supposed to do made me think if The Fifth Element.

Ultron’s breakdown around his objective is also very similar to V.I.C.K.I., in I Robot, when she starts killing mankind to save mankind.


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9)Massive Iron Man Vs. Hulk

I feel like someone thought of this and then wrote the script around it. I know everyone thought it was super cool, but I actually thought it was kind of a worthless scene.

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10) Green Acres is the Place to Be

So the whole crew go out to Clint’s farm so that they can regroup and figure out a new plan. To me it seems like a ripoff from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), when they go to upstate New York to heal and refigure out what to do.

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11) Motorcycle Mama Knows NO Bounds of Gravity

When Ultron tosses the ground at Black Widow and she is able to not only stop in time but turn so she isn’t hurt.

Really?

Really?

Impossible and dumb thing to do. Just no, no.

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12) Copying Captain Underpants

So there was this book series in the early 2000s, Captain Underpants, about two kids, George and Harold, who hypnotize their principal into thinking he is their comic book creation, Captain Underpants.

In the sequel, Attack of the Talking Toilets, George and Harold use the nerdy kid’s  science fair project, a 3D printer, and accidentally bring a giant toilet and his toilet army to life.

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When Captain America isn’t able to stop them, they then create a Giant Robot to battle and destroy the toilets.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is like the same exact plot. Just switch out toilets for Ultron & the robots, and Giant Robot for Vision.

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13) A Death That Didn’t Need to Happen

So people have been complaining that no one really dies in a superhero film, they always come back to life again. This coupled with Joss Wheedon liking to make us cry, meant he was going to kill someone and he killed Pietro.

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That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The man has SUPER SPEED!!!! You really think he wouldn’t be able to just move around the bullets in time?

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I mean for once Fox did a better job than Disney.

Just so much awesome.

And if they are going to kill him, why not save him in the Stargate cradle thing? Hawkeye used it. And why does he, Cho, and Coulson get to survive?

You know why, because he is just being a pain, like Wes Craven when he killed Randy but let Dewey survive. And you know what Wheedon? Because that was so stupid, I’m going to ignore it.

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Let’s face it, we all know how it should have ended:

So no banner as I couldn’t find a pic that worked right. Instead I’m going to end with those who criticize films best:

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

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For more on The Avengers, go to Avengers Assemble!

For more evil robots, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

For more mad scientists, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts that Lie Hidden Within: I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

For more Frankenstein, go to It’s Alive, It’s ALIVE!: Frankenstein (1931)

For more on The Bride of Frankenstein, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on sequels, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2 (1997)

For more How It Should Have Ended, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

For more CinemaSins, go to Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)