You’re a Detective, Let Me Give You a Tip. Don’t Wave Important Evidence in a Telephone Booth. They Have Glass Windows: Blackmail (1929)

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You’re a Detective, Let Me Give You a Tip. Don’t Wave Important Evidence in a Telephone Booth. They Have Glass Windows

So this is an Alfred Hitchcock film.

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Most people don’t. This is one of his early films, and the first “talkie” he made. In fact this is the first British talkie.

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Originally Hitchcock wanted it to be silent, but was forced to add sound so that England could catch up with the USA. This caused quite a few issues as the leading actress, Anny Odra, looked the right part, but her accent was so incredibly thick that no one could understand her and she had to lip sync her lines.

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It also has quite a few music heavy scenes as theaters weren’t quite ready to just have the sound of voices, and neither was Hitchcock. He thought talkies were ridiculous.

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Now I thought about doing three Hitchcock films again, but I wasn’t sure what to do after Psycho. I decided to do this early film as I think it is unfair that a lot of his work that set up the later films are ignored. Thus far I have only planned on reviewing this Hitchcock film, but you never know. A lot can happen in a month and I might change my mind and add another.

Who knows!

Who knows!

So on to the review.

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So the film starts off with a group of police officers, Scotland Yard [as this is when Hitchcock was in England], are off in a paddy wagon searching for a man. Their is no sound in this beginning part, just chase music.

 

The man they are looking for is smoking in bed. He sees the men approach his door through a reflection in the mirror. There is a gun next to him in the bed and he looks at it, while pretending to read the paper. He tries to reach for it, but the detectives stop him and force him to dress. He is under arrest.

Or in this case "we"

Or in this case “we”

They carry him down and take him in the wagon to New Scotland Yard. The spend a long time questioning him, the passage of time being shown through multiple cigarettes being burned.

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After the hours of questioning, the days not over yet. They still have to put him in a lineup, wait as the witness looks over the men and ponders of one is the one they saw. When their man is selected he is formally charged, taken fully into custody, fingerprints are taken, he is sent to the cells, etc. The detectives work is over for the day.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

Two of the detectives were involved stop in a bathroom to polish up. One of them is Detective Frank Webber (John Longden), he has a date tonight and heads out to meet his girlfriend who should be waiting in the foyer.

Alice White is waiting, as she has been there for thirty minutes. She is very upset with Frank as she hates waiting.

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Frank tries to greet her, but Alice is just angry with him. She won’t let him hold her arm or hand; and keeps looking away from him. This attitude doesn’t please Frank as Alice has been doing this a lot and he feels she is overreacting.

You need to calm down

You need to calm down

He’s a detective, sometimes things won’t go according to plan, it is part of the job.

The two take a train, and here we have the longest cameo of Hitchcock in any of his films.

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It is hilarious. The whole trip he is trying to read and a little kid just will not leave him alone. After this Hitchcock decided to make his cameo’s short, quick, and early on as to not take away film.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

They go out to a tea room, but have trouble finding a place to sit as it is packed. Alice is still mad at Frank for being late and blames him for their current trouble.

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Now I personally think that Alice is overreacting. First of all you are dating a detective, you should know that things will come up and they might have to work later than planned. I mean, come on. It goes with the territory. And secondly, from the way the room is mobbed with people, if you had arrived 30 minutes earlier, it really wouldn’t have helped you out.

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They have to literally fight for a table, managing to scoop one from another couple. But when they sit down, Alice complains that she left her glove at the previous table they had tried to sit at. Frank being a gentleman, goes to retrieve it.

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Frank returns with the glove and jokes that he could tell it was hers because of all the holes in it. Alice doesn’t laugh but continues to be angry and snippy at him for making her wait around, acting like he does it for fun. Frank explains that it is work, but Alice continues on feeling wounded.

Now Alice is not really angry at him for being late, but upset because she feels he doesn’t pay enough attention to her, but puts her behind his work.

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But instead of telling Frank why she is upset she kind of tries to play games with him. Frank is trying to get the waitresses attention, because they were going to see a new Scotland Yard film, and he doesn’t want to be late. Alice, upset and trying to get him jealous/pay attention tells him she doesn’t want to see the film as she’s “seen all worth seeing.”

No thank youhowaboutno

Frank goes to speak to the waitress to get their order and while he is gone Alice spots another man.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

He greets her and heads to another table. Alice then pulls out a note given to her by him earlier.

I’ll be there 6:30 Tuesday, will you?

I don't think so

What a jerk! There is no excuse in all the world to ever justify cheating on your relationship.

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Frank returns, ready for them to stay as they aren’t going to the movies. But Alice tells him she has changed her mind and wants to go.

Okay...

Okay…

But then Alice changes her mind again (this is the third time) and doesn’t want to go.

What?

What?

But then she changes her mind again and doesn’t want to go with him.

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This makes Frank angry as he is tired of this mood Alice is in and doesn’t want to play any games. He tries to get the waitress to take care of their order but can’t flag her down.

 Things are not going as Alice imagined they would in her head and she tries to fix things and get him to stay, but Frank is done. He leaves money on the table and exits the restaurant.

See ya!

See ya!

Frank doesn’t actually leave but paces outside reviewing what happened in his head. He decides he overreacted and starts to go inside to apologize when he sees Alice leave the restaurant with another man, the same one she had made plans with earlier.

OMG gasp

Poor Frank!

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I truly think she engineered the whole fight to get rid of Frank and wasn’t sorry.

Seriously!

Seriously!

So the guy Alice is with is never given a name, he is The Artist in the credits so that is what I will call him.

Anyways,  Alice and the artist walk back to his place. Outside it, is a man waiting to speak to the artist.

suspicious Hmm

Originally, the Artist was going to walk her home; but “as they are right by his home” he offers to show her his “studio”.

Really? His "studio"?

Really? His “studio”?

Alice doesn’t want to go at first, kind of playing that she “can’t”. But then decides to head in.

Don’t do it Alice, it is nothing but trouble.

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Before they go in, the artist is called over by the man. They have a quick discussion, with the artist he saying no and then he and Alice continue in.

I wonder what that was all about.

I wonder what that was all about.

Before they head up to the top floor, his studio, the artist looks at his mail first and sees something distressing. He sends Alice up while he deals with it. He questions the landlady about the note.

Who is this man? Why does it distress him so?

Hmm...

Hmm…

Anyways, the artist’s studio is on the top floor. When they get there he makes a fire to keep them warm. Seduction 101.

Alice looks around the room at the art and sees a weird Jester picture that makes her laugh. I’m not sure why as I always thought it just looked odd.

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However, the painting laughs and Alice laughs with it. Maybe she is laughing to hide her hurt over Frank. Maybe she is laughing because she wants to convince herself that the artist is a better guy. Maybe she is laughing because she is doing something out of character, wild. Maybe she laughs because she is breaking the rules; in a man’s room at night. Well whatever the reason, the two laugh together.

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Alice waits for the artist to finish with the fire and plays with the piano. She then spots the painters palette and asks him how to hold it, of which he comes to show her. She accidentally paints the canvas and he has her keep going. All she can do is make a stick figure like face, so the Artist “helps” her paint, holding onto her.

Really? His "studio"?

Really? His “studio”?

They two make a body for the girl, a naked body. Foreshadowing.

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Alice then signs the painting, while the artist goes to get them some drinks. Alice looks around the room and sees a costume and holds it onto her, asking about being painted.

The artist asks her to put it on so he can paint her, but Alice refuses as she has to go home.

Gotta go!

Gotta go!

This makes the artist is “sad” as he thinks she would make the most lovely painting. But no, now that he thinks about it his costume wouldn’t suit her.

Really? That old line?

Really? That old line?

But Alice falls for it and decides to put the costume on. Alice goes to one side of a screen and undresses as the artist plays the piano.

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Artist sings to her playing the piano, and Alice listens to it in her little costume. When she comes out, the artist really lays on the flattery telling her the song he was singing was all about her. Alice comes out in the little costume as she can’t zip it up and neither can he, Alice chooses to leave it alone.

Bad idea. Stop Alice.

Bad idea. Stop Alice.

He then sets her just right, caressing her body, and going in for the kiss. Alice says no, and decides she needs to go. She starts to undress, when the artist approaches her, taking her dress away. He won’t give it back until she comes out to get it.

It's getting worse!

It’s getting worse!

He wants to be with her but Alice says no. Unfortunately, she didn’t know this guy very well before she decided to go up in his room alone with him, as he doesn’t take no for an answer.

The next scene is done very well and in true Hitchcock fashion. Out of any director, he always knew how much to show, and how much to leave up to the viewer’s imagination.

Master

Master

So the two struggle as the artist tries to rape Alice. We never see the fight but through a shadow and the way the curtain moves. Alice manages to grab the bread knife on the table next to the bed, and stabs him.

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Now here is where I can see why Hitchcock choose Ondra as his leading lady. Prior to this act, Alice was silly, innocent, childish, selfish, and acting only on her needs. After this act, her whole personality changes in the film; reflecting that shattered innocence and trauma she faces.

I’m getting ahead of myself. So Alice is in shock after murdering the artist and moves about sluggishly, mechanically, almost robotically. In fact, she reminds me a lot of the robot Maria in Metropolis

Alice doesn’t know what to do, but knows she needs to get out. She grabs her dress and sees the Jester. No longer are they laughing together, but instead the Jester is laughing at her. And how she was so foolish. Angry, Alice punches the picture.

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This causes her to wake up from her distress and she throws her dress on, and coat, in such a hurry that she doesn’t even zip up the dress. She quickly grabs her bag and umbrella, quickly painting over her name on the other canvas.

Getting out of here

Getting out of here

She turns out the lights and starts to sneak downstairs. We see his signature style in the cinematography with the stairs, lights, and use of angles.

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Something that will be done in future films, such as Shadow of a Doubt.

As Alice walks away we see the shadow of the man who had accosted the artist earlier, trying to speak to him about something.

It's getting worse!

It’s getting worse!

Alice walks home almost in a trance, zombish as everything she sees makes her think of the dead body. She sees a bar sign that shows a shaking of a drink, but instead sees a hand stabbing with a knife. Alice just walks all over, hurt, shock, uncertain, afraid, and seeing the dead hand, the dead arm, the dead man she killed.

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We then hear a scream, the landlady found the body.

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Scotland Yard is called on the case, and Frank gets called in on it, topping off his sucky night. He starts poking around the apartment, looking at everything, looking out the window, and spots the broken picture. He looks at the costume and the painting. As he looks at the laugh, he shares in the joke that this guy thought he was going to have a fun night but instead ended in death.

But then he finds a glove.

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Full of holes like his girlfriend’s…It looks and feels like hers. He then sees the body, that face He knows!

It's getting worse!

Instead of giving evidence, he hides the glove.

Now he too is stuck in the coverup

Now he too is stuck in the coverup

Alice sneaks into her room and quickly gets out of her coat and jumps into bed before discovered. Afterwards she quickly changes and fixes herself up. Instead of her furry coat and dark dress, she changes to something light colored, floral, an innocent dress, young looking, more demure. Trying to recapture what she lost and go in the opposite direction of what she was before.

Meanwhile, downstairs at the house and the smoke shop, everyone is talking about the murder. Alice goes into the telephone booth and searches for the police number, ready to call them and admit everything..but loses her nerve.

I don't know what to do

Her parents notice that Alice doesn’t look well, but she doesn’t say anything, just remains quiet. A dramatic shift from her previous performance of silliness and gaiety; too quiet, contemplation. A real talented actress.

So her act continues to haunt her, and she still sees and hears knife everywhere.

 

Frank comes in and Alice is happy to see him as she realizes he’s the only one for her,  but also afraid. Is he still mad from last night? Is he here to arrest her?Frank says hi and leaves, but then comes back and asks to speak to Alice for  minute.

It's getting worse!

He takes her into the phone booth for privacy and tries to get Alice to tell him what happened, but she can’t talk about, still too traumatized. Frank gives her the glove.

While they are talking, a guy, Mr. Tracey, knocks on door and asks to talk on the phone since they aren’t using it. He is the one from the night before that say Alice enter the building. He lets them know he wants to speak to Scotland Yard, letting them know by his innuendo why he wants to talk to Scotland Yard.

Blackmail!

Blackmail!

Alice is frightened and worried, but Frank quickly asses the situation. The Tracey lets them know what he saw and that he wants to be treated right or else.

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Frank buys him the most expensive cigar, at his request, and then the two make him breakfast. Might not be much, but this guy is planning on milking them for everything!

Meanwhile, back at the police station they are questioning the landlady. They discovered the note that had the artist all aflutter and want to know more about who wrote it. Unfortunately, the landlady is not very observant and the only thing she noticed was that he tilted his head and twisted his hands around. They have her look through the criminal books, until it come up as Mr. Tracey.

Mr. Tracey who at this moment is living like a king. Best cigar, great breakfast, cup of tea…

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Frank gets a call from Scotland Yard, catching him up on the latest news of the case. He hangs up the phone and he has an idea. you can sees it in his eyes.

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Frank has Alice lock the door. Then he starts discussing that there was a suspicious looking man with a criminal record hanging around the murdered artist’s place. Alice is freaking out, and doesn’t want to do this, this blackmail. Yeah, I bet you never saw that one coming? Eh? We all knew that Alice would be blackmailed, but did you ever see Frank turning the tables coming? I sure didn’t the first time I saw it.

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 But, lets not get too hasty…Mr. Tracey has one more trick up his sleeve. Tracey says that he will talk, all about Alice. But Frank isn’t worried saying that Tracey’s word is nothing. His plan to sit and wait for the squad car who is on its way now.

The two argue, and Alice freaks out.  The chains of guilt weigh heavy on her and she doesn’t want Tracey pay for her crime. Frank doesn’t really want to listen to her as he is still a angry and hurt over what happened with Alice going off with another guy and that she hasn’t told him anything about what happened.

Tracey tries to convince Frank to let him go. He tells him “I’m not bad I was just in a bad situation…”

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Yeah right you were trying to blackmail that other guy and then you were trying to do it to them.

Some people

Some people

Frank and Tracey’s eyes are locked on each other as the other police officers come. Tracey jumps out the window and the chase is on! Music for this next part as we repeat the opening scene of these guys trying to hunt him down and take him off to jail. when they were looking for him.

Here we have a great repeat of Alice’s earlier trance of seeing the knife everywhere; except instead of a weapon Tracey sees cops everywhere. Cops searching for him!

Meanwhile, for the first time since everything started, Alice actually thinks on what happened and tries to figure out what she should do.

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Tracey takes off to hide in a museum, but doesn’t look at any of the exhibits making him seem super suspicious.

He eventually heads up to the roof, climbing over the famous building. Oh Hitchcock and you love for having people climb the tops of famous architectural creations. I mean there is the Statue of Liberty in Saboteur, Mount Rushmore in North by Northwest, etc.

Tracey ends up killing himself accidentally when the glass breaks on the roof. And that is the end of that. They believed him to be the murderer, the evidence pointed toward him, and with him dead: case closed.

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Oh, but not quite as Alice has decided to turn herself in, leaving Frank a note and heading to the New Scotland Yard.

When she arrives the Officer thinks she is here to see Frank but she lets him know that she is here to see Inspector Walls.  She is sent to his office and walks down the hallway, with certainty that every step brings her closer to doom.

It's getting worse!

Worried and afraid Alice goes in and sees Frank is there with Inspector Walls. Frank tries to stop her as they “solved the murder”. Alice is scared trying to get everything out, but before she can Inspector Walsh is called away, and Frank is to take care of her.

Frank takes Alice aside and tells her that he knows what happened. Alice tells him he doesn’t know, and starts to relay the whole story, how she was attacked and was defending herself.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Alice and Frank walk out, with a better understanding and a hope for the future. The officer asks if Alice told him who did it, and Frank says yes. The officer jokes that he better watch out she might have his job. They all laugh. Except Alice, she sees the jester painting…

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What a great film for cinema history and to see Hitchcock working out things that he would become known for later.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to It Was the Curse. My Curse: The Cheerleader Murders (2016)

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For more Alfred Hitchcock films, go to We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes: Psycho (1960)

For more films centering on blackmail, go to The Perfect Murder: Dial “M” for Murder (1954)

For more films that center on a painting, go to Murder is My Favorite Crime: Laura (1944)

 

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Part VII: It Was Said One Night (My Favorite Movie Line List)

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Here we go again! Another list! Hope you all enjoy it!

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601)”Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.
Carnival Barker: Well, you see that little spaceship there? You see how it’s not knocked over? You know what that means, Professor? It means you don’t get the unicorn! Aw, somebody’s got a frowny face! Better luck next time.
Gru: Okay, my turn.[Gru takes out a plasma gun and fires it, destroying the stand and disintegrating the spaceship] Knocked over!”–Despicable Me (2010)

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602)”Graham: Well, I cry all the time.
Amanda: You do not.
Graham: Yeah I do. More than any woman you’ve ever met.
Amanda: You don’t have to be this nice.
Graham: It happens to be the truth.
Amanda: Really?
Graham: A good book, a great film, a birthday card, I weep.
Amanda: Shut up.
Graham: I’m a major weeper.”–The Holiday (2006)

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603)”Wayne Campbell: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I’m a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers were coming here as early as the late 1600s to trade with the Native Americans.
Pete: In fact, isn’t “Milwaukee” an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. Actually, it’s pronounced “mill-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land.”
Wayne Campbell: I was not aware of that.”–Wayne’s World (1992)

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604)”Derek Zoolander: I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”–Zoolander (2001)

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605)”Marian: There is a price on your head.
Robin Hood: How much?
Marian: One hundred gold pieces.
Robin Hood: Is that all? I shall have to annoy the good Sheriff more. Soon it will be a thousand.
Marian: For a thousand, I would turn you in myself.”––Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

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606)”Sammy: What I’m saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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607)”April: Don’t make me staple your head.”–Definitely, Maybe (2008)

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608)”Cynthia Morales: Love is not always that easy, Anna.
Alan Weiss: Nothing worth getting ever is.”–Chasing Liberty (2004)

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609)”Spartan King Leonidas: Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell!” –300 (2006)

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610)”Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.”–Zoolander (2001)

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611)”Spartacus: All men lose when they die and all men die. But a slave and a free man lose different things.
Tigranes Levantus: They both lose life.
Spartacus: When a free man dies, he loses the pleasure of life. A slave loses his pain. Death is the only freedom a slave knows. That’s why he’s not afraid of it. That’s why we’ll win.”–Spartacus (1960)

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612)”Airport Guy: Hey, do you like A Flock Of Seagulls?
Robbie: [sees the guys hair is just like the lead singer of A Flock Of Seagulls] I can see YOU do.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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613)”Miles: [holds up a copy of “The Graduate” on DVD] Uh oh… “Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio… “? I bet you didn’t know, it was all written for the movie, it was a score, technically.
Dustin Hoffman: I can’t believe this… I can’t go anywhere.”–The Holiday (2006)

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614)Robbie:[Singing] You don’t know how much I need you. While you’re near me, I don’t feel blue. And when we kiss I know you need me to. I can’t believe I found a love that’s so pure and true. But it all was bulls***. It was a ******* joke. And when I think of you, Linda, I hope you f****** choke. I hope you’re glad with what you’ve done to me. I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy. You left me here, all alone, tears running constantly. Oh would somebody kill me please? Somebody kill me please. I’m on my knees, pretty pretty please. Kill me. I want to die. Put a bullet in my heeeeaaaad.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

Wedding Singer Love False Stinks

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615)”Dimitri: If we live through this, remind me to thank you.”–Anastasia (1997)

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616)”Derek Zoolander: What say we settle this on the runway… Han-Solo?
Hansel: Are you challenging me to a walk-off… Boo-Lander?”–Zoolander (2001)

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617)”Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then – then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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618)”Stoney: If you’re edged ’cause I’m weazin all your grindage, just chill. ‘Cause if I had the whole brady bunch thing happenin’ at my pad, I’d go grind over there, so dont tax my gig so hard-core cruster.”–Encino Man (1992)

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619)”Will Hayes: I kept the book…
April: Yeah?
Will Hayes: Because it was the only thing that I had left of you.”–Definitely, Maybe (2008)

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620)”Dowager Empress Marie: You’ll stop at nothing, will you?
Dimitri: I’m probably about as stubborn as you are.”–Anastasia (1997)

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621)”Det. Nunzio: [after Scott got arrested] Look, I know you’re Scott Calvin. You know you’re Scott Calvin. So let’s make this simple: I say ‘name’, you say ‘Scott Calvin’. [Gestures Scott to come close] Name?

Scott Calvin: Kris Kringle.

Det. Nunzio: Name?

Scott Calvin: Sinterklaas.

Det. Nunzio: [annoyed] Name!

Scott Calvin: Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. [Imitates Ed Sullivan] Topo Gigio!”–The Santa Clause (1994)

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622)”Captain of the Guards: Yep, that’s catnip…
Puss-in-Boots: Um… that’s… not mine…”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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623)”Tom Fox: He doesn’t have a passport.
Carl Hanratty: For the last six months, he’s gone to Harvard and Berkeley. I’m betting he can get a passport.”–Catch Me if You Can (2002)

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624)”Bartlett: Virgil, isn’t it?

Hilts: Hilts. Just make it Hilts.”–The Great Escape (1963) 

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625)”Duke: What’re you gonna do, drown me in your tears?
Justin: I did not cry during that game. I had something in my eye.”–She’s the Man (2006)

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626)”Holly Golightly: I’ve got to do something about the way I look. I mean a girl just can’t go to Sing Sing with a green face.”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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627)”Roger Thornhill: I’m being followed. Can you do something about that?
Taxi Driver #2: Yes I can.
Roger Thornhill: Do it.”–North by Northwest (1959)

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628)”Shmi Skywalker: You can’t stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.”–Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

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629)”Will Hayes: Here… I wanna marry you because you’re the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn’t imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?
April: Definitely. Maybe.”–Definitely, Maybe (2008)

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630)”Matt Murdock: So does every guy have to go through this just to find out your name?
Elektra: You should try asking for my number.”–Daredevil (2003)

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631)”Bianca: Has the fact that you’re completely psycho managed to escape your attention?”–10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

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632)”Robbie: We’re living in a material world and I am a material girl… or boy.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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633)”Frank Abagnale, Jr.: Brenda, I don’t want to lie to you anymore. All right? I’m not a doctor. I never went to medical school. I’m not a lawyer, or a Harvard graduate, or a Lutheran. Brenda, I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16.
Brenda Strong: Frank? Frank? You’re not a Lutheran?”–Catch Me if You Can (2002)

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634)”Emperor Nero: [During the burning of Rome] What does the mob want?
Petronius: Justice.
Emperor Nero: A mob doesn’t want justice – they want revenge!”–Quo Vadis (1951)

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635)”Marylee Hadley: I’m allergic to politeness.”–Written on the Wind (1956)

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636)”Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you that a moment ago.”–Zoolander (2001)

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637)”Luther: If you’re gonna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. Otherwise you’ll be lined in chalk. “–The New Guy (2002)

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638)”Richard Dadier: Yeah, I’ve been beaten up, but I’m not beaten. I’m not beaten, and I’m not quittin’.” –Blackboard Jungle (1955)

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639)”Anne Elliot: If I may, so long as the woman you love lives, and lives for you, all the privilege I claim for my own sex, and it is not a very enviable one – you need not covet it, is that of loving longest when all hope is gone.”–Persuasion (1995)

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640)”Anderson: Sir, helmets interfere with my psychic abilities.
Judge Dredd: Think a bullet in the head might interfere with them more.”–Dredd (2012)

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641)”Mr. Knightley: Men of sense, whatever you may say, do not want silly wives!”–Emma (1996)

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642)”Raphael: For what is an artist in this world but a servant, a lackey for the rich and powerful? Before we even begin to work, to feed this craving of ours, we must find a patron, a rich man of affairs, or a merchant, or a prince or… a Pope. We must bow, fawn, kiss hands to be able to do the things we must do or die. [chuckles] We are harlots always peddling beauty at the doorsteps of the mighty.
Michelangelo: If it comes to that, I won’t be an artist.
Raphael: [scoffs] You’ll always be an artist. You have no choice.”–The Agony and the Ecstasy (1965)

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643)”Alex: You’re my exception.”–He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

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644)”Derek Zoolander: Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They’ll be looking for us at Maury’s right? But they won’t be looking for… not us.”–Zoolander (2001)

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645)”Dean: If there is a higher power, why is it He can’t get you a new sweater?
Jamie: He’s too busy looking for your brain.”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

Sarcasm

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646)”Beth: I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you’re gonna marry me.”–He’s Just Not That Into You

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647)”Policeman: How does the girl fit into the picture?

John L. Sullivan: There’s always a girl in the picture. What’s the matter, don’t you go to the movies?”–Sullivan’s Travels (1941)

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648)”Maya Hayes: What’s the boy word for ‘slut’?
Will Hayes: They still haven’t come up with one yet. But I’m sure they’re working on it.”–Definitely, Maybe (2008)

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649)”Rocky Balboa: I just also wanna thank God. Except for my kid bein’ born, this is the greatest night in the history of my life. I just wanna say one thing to my wife who’s home: YO, ADRIAN! I DID IT!”–Rocky II (1979)

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650)”Arthur Abbott: I’ve got something for you.
[picks up a corsage]
Iris: [touched] Oh.
Arthur Abbott: Forgive me. The last time I had a date, this this is what we did.
Iris: It’s beautiful.
[kisses Arthur on the cheek]
Arthur Abbott: If it’s corny, or if it’s going to ruin your outfit, you don’t have to wear it.
Iris: [Iris puts the corsage on her wrist] I like corny. [Takes Arthur’s hands] I’m looking for corny in my life.” –The Holiday (2006)

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651)”Derek Zoolander: Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking “wow, you’re ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career.”
Matilda: Do what for a career?
Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.”–Zoolander (2001)

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652)”Robin Hood: Blinkin, listen to me. They’ve taken the castle!
Blinkin: I thought it felt a bit drafty. Cor, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He’s dead?
Blinkin: Yes…
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while…[Remembers] Oh, you were away!
Robin Hood: My brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pongo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish. [pause] Oh, it’s good to be home, ain’t it, Master Robin?”–Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

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653)”Sir Thomas More: Why not be a teacher? You’d be a fine teacher; perhaps a great one.
Richard Rich: If I was, who would know it?
Sir Thomas More: You; your pupils; your friends; God. Not a bad public, that.”–A Man for All Seasons (1966)

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654)”Donkey: [singing] The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom…
[trails off]
Shrek: Bet my bottom?”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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655)”Roger Thornhill: Handle with care, fellas. I’m valuable property.”–North by Northwest (1959)

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656)”Arthur Abbott: Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You’re so right. You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god’s sake! Arthur, I’ve been going to a therapist for three years, and she’s never explained anything to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant.”–The Holiday (2006)

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657)”Mr. Knightley: I can think of nothing less appealing than an evening of watching other people dance. Go on! [throwing stick for dog to fetch]
Emma Woodhouse: Then you shall have to dance yourself.
Mr. Knightley: I have no taste for it. I’d rather fetch that stick.
Emma Woodhouse: I’ll try to remember to bring it to the ball.”–Emma (1996)

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658)”Agnes: I like him. He’s nice.
Edith: He’s scary.
Agnes: Like Santa.”–Despicable Me (2010)

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659)”Robbie: See? Billy Idol gets it!”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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660)”Mrs. Robinson: Elaine, it’s too late!
Elaine: Not for me!”–The Graduate (1967)

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661)”Gru: I went to kindergarten, I know how the alphabet works.”–Despicable Me (2010)

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662)”Father of the Bride: You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy!
Robbie: Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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663)”Donkey: Oh, Shrek. Don’t worry. Things just seem bad because it’s dark and rainy and Fiona’s father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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664)”Benjamin: Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”–The Graduate (1967)

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665)”Man at Prairie Crossing: That’s funny, that plane’s dustin’ crops where there ain’t no crops.”–North by Northwest (1959)

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666)”Margaret Tate: Was that your family?
Andrew Paxton: Yes.
Margaret Tate: Tell you to quit.
Andrew Paxton: Every single day.”–The Proposal (2009)

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667)”Robbie: Hey, psycho – we’re not gonna discuss this, OK, it’s over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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668)”Molly Malloy: If you was worth breaking my nails on I’d tear your face wide open.”–His Girl Friday (1940)

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669)”Eve Kendall: [Hanging by their fingers from Mount Rushmore] What happened with your first two marriages?
Roger Thornhill: My wives divorced me.
Eve Kendall: Why?
Roger Thornhill: They said I led too dull a life.”–North by Northwest (1959)

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670)”Holly Golightly: A girl can’t read that sort of thing without her lipstick.”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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671)”Gidget: Oh boy, the bigger they are the dopier they come.”–Gidget (1959)

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672)”Dudley Frank: The music moves me, but it moves me ugly.”–Wild Hogs (2007)

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673)”Linda: I don’t ever want to marry you.
Robbie: [takes a deep breath, sighs] Gee, you know that information… really would’ve been more useful to me *yesterday.*
Linda: I’ve been talking with my friends the last few days…
Robbie: Oh, boy, here it comes.
Linda: …and I think I’ve figured out what’s been bothering me. I’m not in love with Robbie, now. I’m in love with Robbie, six years ago. Robbie, the lead singer of Final Warning; I used to come watch you when you were in your silk shirt and Spandex pants, and you would sing into the microphone like you were David Lee Roth.
Robbie: I’ve still got the Spandex; I’ll put ’em on right now.
Linda: The point is, I woke up this morning and realized I’m about to get married to a wedding singer? I am never gonna leave Richfield!
Robbie: Why do you need to leave Richfield? We grew up here. All our friends are here; it’s the perfect place to raise a family.
Linda: Oh, yeah – sure! Living in your sister’s basement with five kids while you’re off every weekends doing wedding gigs at a whoppin’ sixty bucks a pop?
Robbie: Once again, things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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674)”Hildy Johnson: Walter, you’re wonderful, in a loathsome sort of way.”–His Girl Friday (1940)

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675)”Paul Varjak: [about Holly and Jose] So you’re getting married, then?
Holly Golightly: Well, he hasn’t really asked me, not in so many words.
Paul Varjak: Four you mean?
Holly Golightly: Huh?
Paul Varjak: Well that’s how many it takes: will you marry me?”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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676)”Edith: Are these beds made from bombs?
Gru: Yes, but they are very old and are not likely to explode. But don’t toss and turn.
Edith: Cool!”–Despicable Me (2010)

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677)”Dudley Frank: [after tasting some of Maggi’s chili] Mother of God! I swallowed hot lava!”–Wild Hogs (2007)

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678)”Sammy: If you find somebody you can love, you can’t let that get away.”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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679)”Walter Burns: What do you think I am, a crook?
Hildy Johnson: Yes.”–His Girl Friday (1940)

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680)”Paul Varjak: And I always heard people in New York never get to know their neighbors.”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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681)”Maggie: You coming back through?
Dudley Frank: Maybe. A biker never knows. A week, a month.[pauses] Six days, ten hours, 27 minutes, give or take six minutes for wind resistance.”–Wild Hogs (2007)

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682)”[Harriet and Mr. Elton are talking as Emma tries to listen from behind a bush]
Rev. Elton: I love… I simply love…
Emma Woodhouse [to herself]: Could this be? The declaration?
Rev. Elton: Celery root.”–Emma (1996)

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683)”Shrek: The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That’s where we’re going! FAR! FAR!… away.”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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684)”Holly Golightly: It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I’ll give you two.”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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685)Gidget: Honest to goodness it’s the absolute ultimate!”–Gidget (1959)

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686)”Landon: Uh, yes, sir. I’d like to ask your daughter to dinner on Saturday night.
Reverend Sullivan: That’s not possible.
Landon: Well… with all due respect, sir, I ask you to reconsider.
Reverend Sullivan: With all due respect, Mr. Carter, I made my decision. You can, uh, exit the way you entered.
Landon: Listen, I’m sorry I haven’t treated Jamie the way I should’ve. She deserves more than that. I’m just asking you for the same thing that you teach us every day in Church. And that’s faith.”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

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687)”Prince Charming: Princess… Fiona?
Wolf: NO!
Prince Charming: Oh, thank heavens!”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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688)”Paul Varjak: You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”-Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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689)”Landon: Do you love me?
[she nods]
Landon: Will you do something for me, then?
Jamie: [smiles] Anything.
Landon: Will you marry me?”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

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690)”Robbie: All right, remember – alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!”–The Wedding Singer (1998)

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691)”Holly Golightly: You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels.”–Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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692)”Dave: [At Home Depot] Please don’t pee in that, it’s not a real toilet.”–Couples Retreat (2009)

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693)”Mr. Knightly: [About Elton] That man is so full of himself I am surprised he can stay on that horse.”–Emma (2009)

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694)”Agnes: Why are you wearing your pajamas?
Vector: They’re not pajamas! It’s my warm-up suit.
Agnes: Why do you need warming up for?
Vector: For doing stuff.
Margo: What kind of stuff?
Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn’t understand.
Agnes: Like sleeping?”–Despicable Me (2010)

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695)”Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?
Kat Stratford: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.”–10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

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696)”Fairy Godmother: Don’t you point those dirty, green sausages at me!”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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697)”Emma Woodhouse: Oh, but if he seems happy, I will know that he’s decided to marry Harriet, and I will not, I know I will not be able to let him tell me. But if he seems sad, I’ll know that John has advised him against it. I love John! Or he may seem sad because he fears telling me he will marry my friend. How can John let him do that? I hate John!”–Emma (1996)

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698)”Joey: When you’re living in my house, you’re a Taliban! Okay? You keep your body a secret. Except you get to, you know, go to school and read books.”–Couples Retreat (2009)

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699)”Edith: When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this’d be more like Annie.”–Despicable Me (2010)

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700)”Receptionist: Look, she’s not seeing any clients today. Okay?
Shrek: That’s okay, buddy. We’re from the union.
Receptionist: The union?
Shrek: We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
Receptionist: Oh, of course.
Shrek: Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
Receptionist: A little. We don’t even have dental.
Shrek: They don’t even have dental. Okay, we’re gonna have a look around. And buddy, it would be better if the Fairy Godmother doesn’t know about this. Know what I mean? Hmm?”–Shrek 2 (2004)

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For more on the film It Happened One Night, which this title is a parody of, go to I Don’t Want the Money

For more My Favorite Movie Lines List, go to Episode VI: Return of the Movie Lines List

For more on 10 Things I Hate About You, go to You’re Just Too Good To Be True

For more on A Walk To Remember, go to Fulfilling the List

For more on Anastasia, go to I’ll Always Be There When You Need Me

For more on Catch Me If You Can and The Holiday, go to the 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Daredevil, go to Pot o’ Gold

For more on Definitely Maybe and Zoolander, go to It’s BACK

For more on Disney, go to  For She Filled Their Lives With Sunshine

For more on Emma (1996), go to I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

For more on Emma (2009), go to Obviously You’ve Never Met George Knightly

For more on He’s Just NOT That Into You, go to You’re My Exception

For more on Persuasion, go to Oh Oh De Lally

For more on Shrek 2, go to I Wouldn’t Change You, Darling!

For more on Star Wars, go to And Away We Go

For more on The Santa Clause, go to On the 11th Day ‘Til Christmas

For more on Wayne’s World, go to Episode III:Revenge of My Movie Lines List

For more on The Wedding Singer, go to Wanna Grow Old With You

For more on Wild Hogs, go to Sucky Sequels