Elizabeth-Obstinate Headstrong Girl: Part I, The Regency

Elizabeth: Obstinate Headstrong Girl edited by Christina Boyd

So a while back Christina Boyd asked me to be a part of her Book Tour and I wholeheartedly said yes.

I have always wanted to be a part of a book tour, it’s like being a rock star, but even better as it involves books. 

Although…unfortunately I realize that I am too much like Stacey Jaxx the rockstar as I forgot all about the book tour until I saw posts on social media.

But hey, better late than never right?

So when I went to read the book, I saw that my link to get a free copy of the ebook was expired.

I thought of asking for a new one, but I decided to just buy my own as Christina Boyd and the others have been so generous to me. The book, whether as an ebook or physical copy, is really not that much. So if you are stuck in the quarantine and looking for something to read, why don’t you head over to Amazon and order a copy?

So a little backstory before we review the book. Back in 2017, Christina Boyd (editor) and the following writers: Susan Adriani, Sara Angelini, Karen M. Cox, J. Marie Croft, Jan Hahn, Jenetta James, Lory Lilian, KaraLynne Mackrory, Beau North, Ruth Phillips Oakland, Natalie Richards, Sophia Rose, Melanie Stanford, Joana Starnes, and Caitlin Williams-put together an anthology that had stories on Mr. Darcy, The Darcy Monologues

After all, who doesn’t love Mr. Darcy?

Half the stories had a Regency theme, while the others were set in different times (Old West, 1960s, 2017, etc.) Each one did their own spin on the story-keeping the things we love but trying a new look, or new path on the tale. With so many Darcys there is sure to be a Darcy for everyone to love (there were several that I loved). [Also something to get if you are stuck in quarantine and looking for something new to read.]

In the back of this book, Obstinate Headstrong Girl, Christina Boyd shared that from the publication of The Darcy Monologues, readers suggested doing the same for Elizabeth-but she wasn’t sure. With all the retellings of Jane Austen’s most loved novel:

“…I thought all the Elizabeth Bennet point-of-view stories surely must have been told.”

But you know us Janeites-no matter what character may be your favorite, everybody loves an Obstinate Headstrong Girl.

So here we go with the five Regency stories. All of these are set in the Regency whether before the novel, after the novel, or taking a new path from some point in the story. I am going to do them in the order they are as you read it.

Resolution by Amy D’Orazio

It is two weeks before Elizabeth’s wedding and she eagerly awaits it. If was marrying Mr. Darcy I would feel the same way. 

She is staying with Jane (now Jane Bingley) and Mr. Bingley and glances out the window and sees Mr. Darcy-becoming stricken with fever at seeing him. Aw, she is so excited to wed him…so cute.

Jane is in a lather trying to get things ready for Elizabeth’s engagement party-upset that Mr. Bingley keeps inviting people so she has no clue how many people are coming. I really liked that, as I think it is nice seeing Jane more than the perfect angel and I think every marriage has its annoyances. Elizabeth is a bit distressed that Darcy would be coming (weird as they are getting married.) 

Whatever, Jane asks if Elizabeth holds a grudge and that it shouldn’t be weird having him at her engagement dinner.

OMGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHATTTTTTTTTTT?!!!!!!!!!!!!! ELIZABETH AND DARCY ARE NOT ENGAGED???!!!

literally spit out my tea! WHAT??????!!!!!!!!

Do you ever get shocked in reading that you read faster, because you have to know what happens next?

ANSWERS!!!!!

So in this version everything happened as in the original book, but Darcy did not come back a second time to propose to Elizabeth. He did visit with Bingley, so he went back and spoke to Jane but Elizabeth and Darcy never had their walk together, time passed, and she met another man-Mr. Julius Timpson-who also happened to be wealthy as he is a banker-and got engaged and is to be married. Mr. Timpson is older, opinionated, and Elizabeth isn’t in love, she loves Darcy, but as she cannot have him sh but believes herself to be content with him. WHAT? ConTeNT?

OMG I have to take a breath.

Okay, so I calmed myself down, I’m sure Darcy and Elizabeth will straighten everything out. So that evening Elizabeth can’t stop thinking of him. Why didn’t he come back, was Lydia’s shame too great? Has he found another. She wishes she could speak to him, but doesn’t get a chance to as she is next to Mr. Timpson (if you can’t tell whenever I say his name I say it in a snotty tune as I don’t like him) and Darcy is on the other side of the table.

She gets a chance to break away from the ladies, and tries to talk to him-overhearing Darcy and Bingley talking about her engagement. She interrupts them and she and Darcy get a moment to talk when Bingley gets called away. The two parry blows with their wits, and Darcy admits that he loves her aw! They are going to get together! But no, he leaves. What!!!

Go BAAAAACK!!!!

13 Days until the wedding, the wedding that should not be happening, but is.

Elizabeth wants to be with Mr. Darcy, she imagines him when kissing her fiancé. Oh no, Elizabeth-but she can’t she doesn’t even know if Darcy loves her still. I think D’Orazio speaks for us all when she describes Elizabeth’s feelings:

Elizabeth drinks a bit too much wine and writes a note to Darcy asking him why he didn’t come back. The note is delivered and he replies he did what he thought she wanted. WHAT!!!!!!!!

What are you talking about??

He didn’t know if her feelings changed and then Lady Catherine, that evil schemer went and told him that Elizabeth would never want to marry him.  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

But what will happen? Will they get together? Will Elizabeth break her engagement?

So I really liked this story and I think it was perfect for the beginning of the anthology. Not to talk bad about the other writers, as I loved their stories too, but this story itself was worth the price of the book. D’Orazio took parts and texts of the original novel and gave it her own spin. We  get to see a view of what would have happened if Darcy did not come back? Would she have gone on to be a spinster? Or would she have become like Princess Buttercup in The Princess Bride, not loving or caring and entering the marriage having no feeling regarding it. 

And NO lie, every time the days before the weddings shortened, my heart leaped in anxiety, will they or won’t they? I zoomed through this story as I just had to finish it before my lunch break ended.  Plus I LOVED that ending, it was amazing. and just what I was hoping for. 

For more by Amy D’Orazio, go to “The Wishing Ball” by Amy D’Orazio” from YULETIDE: A Jane Austen-Inspired Collection of Stories Audiobook

Atmospheric Disturbances by Christina Morland

Darcy and Elizabeth are fighting. 

But not about her sister or Wickham. The two are engaged and we have fallen right in the middle of their unknown dispute. Elizabeth is angry and trying to poke at Darcy to get him to react, he wanting to leave, but she not letting him until they have it out. 

Mr. Darcy is a puzzle to her-he is “cold and warm, kind and aloof, reticent and garrulous”-a walking contradiction. He is kind and loving enough to each her sisters to play chess, gives everyone in her family gifts,  but doesn’t give her anything but the compliment of his attention.

Hmmm…

So…I was really not getting into this story. I love Darcy, but in a different way than most people. I mean I love that he is kind and caring and a romantic hero, but I also love him because he reminds me a lot of myself, personality-wise (not money or family). Like that earlier quote I pulled, that could describe me.

So as I’m reading this I’m like, why you mad Elizabeth? Look at all the stuff he is doing- spending time with all the people who are the last he’d want to be trapped with, Mary and Kitty, ugh Mrs. Bennet. And I’m sure he feels that giving his time is the best thing to give, after all that happened I’m sure he feels that any larger gift would look as if he is trying to purchase her love not an act of love. 

I’m done

But, then we get why Elizabeth is fighting with Darcy, the real reason:

“No, what truly frightened her was the epiphany he was bound to have, and soon: she was, and always would be, headstrong and obstinate. When he came to understand this unalterable aspect of her character, would he also come to regret his love?”

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH…she is feeling insecure.

It all makes sense!

Will they be able to work through these issues? Or will their wedding not take place?

Hmmm…

I really liked the rest of the story as I think this was a new view into Elizabeth Bennet. I mean we all love her wit and how she has no fear toward Lady Catherine, but even though she loves Darcy and was a very confident person, she is no longer blind to her family faults and she must have spent time afterwards wondering if this would work, if Darcy would be okay with it, if he would regret his choice. 

Does he regret marrying me? (from Death Comes to Pemberley)

 

I also like how Morland shows that just like any couple-Darcy and Elizabeth have to work through from being a “I” to becoming a “we”, and that it can be done with communication and still retaining one’s independence and obstinate, headstrong ways.

For more by Christina Morland, go to “Self-Composed ” from Rational Creatures: Elinor & Marianne Dashwood

The Uncommonly Busy Lane to Longbourn by Joana Starnes

Elizabeth is trying to hide out as her mother is trying to match her up with Mr. Collins. 

Elizabeth thinks to herself about how soon Jane will get with Mr. Bingley and then maybe Mrs. Bennet will lay off. Thinking of Mr. Bingley of course brings thoughts of Mr. Darcy-how dare he say she isn’t tolerable, and that in turn brings thoughts of Mr. Wickham. Poor Mr. Wickham, so rudely mistreated by Darcy. 

As she runs home, she runs into Mr. Darcy, who is out taking a ride on his horse. They actually engage in decent conversation, surprise, to Elizabeth’s total surprise! But she hurriedly scurries away as she does not want to spend any more time with him-confusing man.

At home, Elizabeth tries to put in her plan to have Jane influence their mother to pass Mr. Collins on to Mary, as Mary enjoys his sermons and has her own self-righteous streak. It works half right well, as Mr. Collins secures the first two dances with Mary, but that leaves Elizabeth open to Mr. Darcy asking her to dance! She does, but ends up getting her foot squished by Mr. Collins. That man!

She has to sit out the dance, but who should come and keep her company, Jane?…no Mr. Darcy. 

Elizabeth is shocked, but the two actually have some decent conversation, until Darcy warns her against Wickham. That will not do and she becomes extremely angry.

Thinking you were nice.

The rest of the night is horrible as she doesn’t get to dance and instead has to watch everyone else dance and she gets to see how silly her family is acting. 

The next day they are walking to visit their Aunt Phillips and tell her of the ball, and when they come back they come across Mr. Wickham who joins their party of Elizabeth, Kitty, Lydia, and Jane. 

The other girls walk ahead to give Wickham and Elizabeth time to talk to each other,  but as Wickham tries to steal a kiss, before Elizabeth can decide what to do they are interrupted by Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy begs a moment with Wickham and the girls walk off. 

They are almost home and there is no Mr. Wickham behind them. Elizabeth starts to grow fearful and decides to head back as maybe Mr. Darcy did something to him? She and Jane hurry and they spot motionless riding boots emerging from a bush. Oh no!!!!

Elizabeth thinks it is Wickham and reaches out to him, only to discover it is Mr. Darcy and he has a headwound!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOt Mr. Darcy!!!!

Nooooo

They take him home and call the apothecary but Elizabeth is in shock. She cannot believe that Wickham could do such a thing, such a decent man-it must have been Mr. Darcy’s fault, it must have been an accident, he must have gone for help, Wickham can’t be a bad man.

But why didn’t he get an apothecary? Why didn’t he get help? Darcy must have caused it himself, right? She can’t have been wrong about Wickham, could she?

 

I liked that Starnes took the obstinate and headstrong down this pathway. I know I am an obstinate and headstrong girl and I have often in my younger days, not as much now, held onto a view of belief of a person even when the evidence seems glaringly opposite. It is a major fault of being an OHG that we can be so obstinate that we deceive our own selves. 

And she receives the truth hard-with the officers saying that Wickham spread the account of Darcy (Mr. I won’t speak an ill word and disgrace his father), meeting Georgiana Darcy and seeing she is nothing like Wickham said, and Georgiana sharing the truth about his character.

 

But don’t fear, let me calm your hearts-Darcy survives and there is an amazingly cute scene when he thinks Mr. Collins is Elizabeth as he is suffering from a bad concussion. But will he want to be with her still? I mean he almost died for her-will that deter him from this OHG?

For more by Joana Starnes, go to “And Evermore Be Merry” from YULETIDE: A Jane Austen-Inspired Collection of Stories Audiobook

Something Like Regret by Elizabeth Adams

Elizabeth and the Gardiners have decided to tour Pemberley as Mr. Darcy is gone. Elizabeth immediately regrets this as seeing it reminds her of what she gave up.

However, she also would have had to marry Mr. Darcy, and who would want to be married to Mr. Darcy?

 

She realizes however she was wrong about Mr. Wickham and about Mr. Darcy. Seeing the beautiful place isn’t what chnges her mind but hearing what all his staff say about him-she starts to wonder. Could it have been that Mr. Darcy was just seeking intelligent discourse, seeing her as a match for his wits-rather than trying to argue with her? Could she have misconstrued his intentions? Could he have fallen in love with her mind? Is that why he said he loved her?

I don’t know…

She then sees a portrait of him when he was 22, before his father died. And she can see the difference in his countenance-before he had to be a serious landowner, responsible to all the people, and a father to his sister-in fact, he only a year older than Elizabeth and he took all that on. And Elizabeth knows she would find difficulty in being responsible for so much, and looking at how it has flourished:

They learn from the houskeeper how wild Mr. Wickham turned out and Elizabeth starts to wonder about her judge of character.

Maybe…being obstinate and headstrong isn’t the only way one should be. Maybe they should be firm in what their beliefs but also allow a flexibility in judging characters.

Hmmm…

She looks at the late Mr. Darcy’s study-left exactly how it was when he died and how he kept a small miniature of Mr. Wickham to honor his father. Elizabeth thinks that if she had accepted Darcy’s proposal her first act as mistress of Pemberley she would “accidentally on purpose” smash Wickham’s picture, and I’m 100% in agreement with her!

NOT REALLY

Elizabeth realizes that she let his comment and injury to her vanity color her every perception of him. Being obstinate and headstrong sure can lead to misunderstandings. (I know it!) 

Then Mr. Darcy comes…awkward.

Elizabeth is later surprised when Mr. Darcy joins their tour. He converses with her uncle, and is extremely friendly and not at all what she expects, and when Elizabeth apologizes for the way she treated him in Kent-he turns it around and admits his faults and apologizes to her.

How romantic!

The two begin to spend quite a bit of time together as Mr. Darcy invite her and her aunt and uncle over. And what of Mr. Wickham? Well, he does not cut their visit short as he won a ton of money and took off to hide from his creditors. So good-bye to you!

Adams is an excellent romance writer as they are just so cute together-the way they talk, and act, and such. Ah my heart melts like butter. 

Squee! I loved it!

For more by Elizabeth Adams, go to “And Evermore Be Merry” from YULETIDE: A Jane Austen-Inspired Collection of Stories Audiobook

The Age of Nescience by J. Marie Croft

So this was a very different story. We start the book off in 1806, when Elizabeth is 15 and at her coming-out into society. I really like that Croft went in a different direction than most people-I don’t think I have ever read any other retelling that starts long before Pride and Prejudice

The first party was not so great as she and her mother argued over the clothes-and there were no proposals. We all know Mrs. Bennet is not happy about that.

Later a Mr. Archibald Crosbie visits, both handsome and charming, and Elizabeth develops a crush on him. She goes to visit with her Aunt Gardiner who is planning on buying her clothes that are fashionable and actually suits Elizabeth, also using this time to try and talk about her about men-warn her that not all have honorable intentions, but Elizabeth doesn’t really listen. She believes she is an excellent judge of character and will not be hoodwinked-us poor obstinate headstrong girls-we don’t listen.

She picks out lovely material for her new gown, and knows it will catch Crosbie’s attention. 

But Mr. Crosbie attracts too many women, and nothing happens. Poor Elizabeth is hurt and slightly angry at him-you know teenagers:

She then concludes that she will never pursue a man again-they need to pursue her!

Sir Jack Ashe moves into the neighborhood and pays a ton of attention to Elizabeth, pursuing her over her beautiful sister Jane. As anyone who has ever felt second best to a sister, Elizabeth’s heart gets stolen by his attention. He tries to woo her, but unfortunately all Elizabeth’s illusions and hopes are broken when she discovers he just wanted to take a roll with her in the hay-he never had any intention of anything more than seducing a “simple country girl”.

 

Elizabeth is angry at her naiveté and decides to never be used in such a way ever again and to not even look at wealthy man, but set her sites lower; developing an unknown prejudice against the wealthy class. 

There is more to the story, I don’t want to give everything away, but I found this to not only be an interesting view into Elizabeth and her obstinate, headstrong ways-but very new. I also like how the author concentrated on Elizabeth’s relationship not with Mr. Darcy, but with all the people that are very important to her: Jane, Mrs. Gardiner, Charlotte Lucas, and her father Mr. Bennet. 

For more by J. Marie Croft, go to “Homespun for the Holidays” from YULETIDE: A Jane Austen-Inspired Collection of Stories Audiobook

Some people might feel what more can be done to Pride and Prejudice? Does Elizabeth really need her own book? Well I am going to stop you right there because first of all-

And secondly, this anthology proved that yes there is plenty more stories to tell about Elizabeth. 

So I really loved and enjoyed all these stories!

Especially how each author took the theme of “obstinate headstrong girl” and worked it to create five very different stories that still kept the heart of Jane Austen and the fire plus wit of Elizabeth.

So if you love Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet, or am a cardcarrying member of the Obstinate Headstrong Girls’ Club-you should definitely check this book out (and what better time when you are basically being told to stay home and read?) Why don’t you head over to Amazon and order a copy?

I think it is a fantastic idea. 

So this of course is only the five Regency stories, the next post on 3/26 will be on the other five stories-these of course will be set in different time periods. We have the Victorian Era, Edwardian Age, 1930s, the ’80s, and present time!

For more on Elizabeth Bennet, go to Modesto Jane Con: Defining the Definitive Darcy and Lizzie

For more on Pride and Prejudice, go to P.S. I Like You

For more edited by Christina Boyd, go to YULETIDE: A Jane Austen-inspired Collection of Stories Audiobook

You Rat!: Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year this year goes from February 5th – March 5th. I will be posting 6 of my favorite fictional rats or rat moments from film and books.

According to legend there was a race to determine the animals of the Zodiac. The rat was supposed to wake up cat, but didn’t-that’s why cats chase and kill mice and rats. Everyone knows you don’t make a cat angry:

The rat got the Ox to give him a ride, and was supposed to be number two-but btrayed the ox’s kindness by jumping off and crossing the finish line.

What a rat!

Years of the Rat are 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008, 2020, and 2032. Rats are quick-witted, resourceful, have imagination, and sharp observations.

Rats represent working hard and thriftiness, so “Rats” year are thought to be wealthy and prosperous.

Rats are most compatible with an Ox, Rabbit, or Dragon. They do bad with Goats/Sheep.

So now onto the countdown.

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6) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

In this Indiana Jones adventure, Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) is on the search for his dad (Sean Connery) and the Holy Grail. His father had been searching for the artifact and disappeared, causing Indy to pick up the trail. He picks up where his dad left off in Venice with Dr. Elsa Schneider, discovering a clue to the Grail. He continues from there to save his dad on the Austria-Hungary border, and discovers a betrayal stemming all the way from the Nazis

Favorite Rat/Rat Moment: In the Catacombs

I love this as it is reminiscent of the first film with the snakes, and is just so memorable, although I couldn’t find a clip of it. 😦

For more on Indiana Jones, go to I’m So FANcy!

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5) Enchanted

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Giselle is sent to the real world by the evil queen who doesn’t want her to marry her stepson, Prince Edward, and take her place. She is found by Robert Phillips and his daughter who take her in. Robert is a divorce lawyer, (and divorced himself), who doesn’t believe in true love, fairy tales, etc-pretty much anything romantic is nonsense. But the longer Giselle stays, the more things are change. Robert is starts to relax and realize that he doesn’t need to be serious and bitter all the time, he’s letting down all the walls he created to keep himself from being hurt again. Giselle is also growing; she is becoming more sure of herself, independent, etc. When Prince Edward finds her and is ready to take her back to Andalasia, she doesn’t quite want to go. Could her fairy tale be the “real world” instead of the fantasy world?

Favorite Rat/Rat Moment: Happy Working Song

This scene is so cute, with all the animals cleaning up the house. Just plain hilarious as it is a nod to the earlier films with the princesses, or soon-to-be ones, have animal friends.

For more Enchanted, go to I Don’t Dance or Sing, Except When I’m With You: Enchanted (2007)

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4) The Princess Bride

Westley is a farmboy who is in love with Buttercup. He goes away to make his fortune, but is kidnapped and killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts. With him dead, Buttercup decides to never love again. She is picked to be Prince Humperdinck’s bride as he is planning to marry a commoner to have the people love him, and she doesn’t care anymore. But his plan to marry her is thwarted when a group of men kidnap the princess (men he hired so he could start a war with the neighboring country)-but she is saved by the Dread Pirates Roberts who turns out to be Westley! Will they be stopped by the prince? Or will they get their fairytale ending?

Favorite Rat/Rat Moment: ROUS

This scene is fantastic! They make it through all the obstacles in the fire swamp, only to have Rodents of Unusual Size come running through and attacking them.

For more on The Princess Bride, go to Mawwiage. Mawwiage is What Bwings us Togethew Today

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3) Charlotte’s Web

Fern saves the runt of the litter from being made into morning’s breakfast and is given him, Wilbur, to take care of, him staying at her uncle’s farm. She loves her pig, but soon grows up and doesn’t seem to care for the pig anymore. Fern’s uncle and aunt decide it is time for him to be made into dinner, but poor Wilbur doesn’t want to die. He has befriended an amazing spider named Charlotte and she sets out on a plan to save him.

Favorite Rat/Rat Moment: Templeton

I LOVE Templeton, he’s so sarcastic and funny. One of my favorite scenes is when he goes to the carnival  and eats and eats and eats. He’s not a huge character in the film or book, but I couldn’t imagine the story without him.

For more Charlotte’s Web, go to Here Piggy, Piggy: Chinese New Year

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2) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Series

One of the best movies to come out of my childhood, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, starts off with reporter April O’Neil who’s not afraid to speak the truth, even if it means people will be unhappy. One such group, the Foot, attack her-but luckily Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles saves her ad takes her to their home in the sewer.  Four turtles, Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello- and a rat, Splinter, were all changed by radioactive ooze. Splinter raised them and trained them to be ninjas, using the moves he learned from his master. They all work together to try and stop the foot, especially after Splinter is kidnapped.

Favorite Rat/Rat Moment: Splinter

Splinter is an amazing father and teacher to his children. He adopted these four turtles and has done everything he could to take care of them, help them, love them, and provide for them as a single father. He would be number one, except Ratigan is just an amazingly elegant villain.

For more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to But If Any of It Fell Into the Wrong Hands…:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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1) The Great Mouse Detective

I LOOOOOOVE this movie! A twist on Sherlock Holmes, this Disney film shows us the classic Doyle characters as mice! Basil of Baker Street is the world’s greatest mouse detective and starts off on a case, with Dr. Dawson, and has to match wits with his arch-nemesis, Ratigan.

Favorite Rat/Rat Moment: Ratigan

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This guy is the best evil villain ever! He’s so elegant, debonair, and has such style and the best villain song. And he is played by Vincent Price.

For more on The Great Mouse Detective and Ratigan, go to Basil of Baker Street: The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

For the 2019 post, go to Here Piggy, Piggy: Chinese New Year

For the 2018 post, go to A Dog’s Life: Chinese New Year

For the 2017 post, go to Nobody calls me Chicken: Chinese New Year

For the 2016 post, go to A Little Monkey Business: Chinese New Year

For the 2015 post, go to Well I Feel Sheepish: Chinese New Year

For the 2014 post, go to A Horse’s Tale: Chinese New Year

For the 2013 list, go to Snakes on a Post: Chinese New Year

I’ll Be Watching You: Cat’s Eye (1987)

So Horrorfest V is reaching it’s last few weeks and could there be something missing?

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I’ve already done an animated film like always, a Disney film, and Alfred Hitchcock. All things that have become staples every year. Now who could be missing?

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A Stephen King film!!

Yes, it is time to review a Stephen King film. Not a Horrorfest has gone by without me reviewing one of his films, so here we go.

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Every breath you take…I’ll be watching you

I had never seen this film before, but my friend really wanted to watch it as she loves ’80s films and was a horror film mood. Aren’t we all?

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The film is actually based on three Stephen King short stories, with the only thing pulling them all together is a cat.

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So the first third of the film is based on the short story Quitters, Inc. First we see our stray cat wandering the streets. It goes to a store window and sees a little girl mannequin. This changes into a vision of a real girl (Drew Barrymore) who is calling for the cat to come and save her. I guess it is another child with powers, those come up a lot in Stephen King films.

The cat gets captured by a guy who works for Quitters Inc. He takes the cat back to headquarters, where Dick Morrison is being dropped off. Now you might not recognize the actor’s face, James Wood, but you will defintely recognize his voice as Hades from Hercules.

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Dick has been a long time smoker and his friend advised using the agency, Quitters Inc. to finally stop his habit. He’s given paperwork to fill out, but finds it hard to as the man next to him is hysterically crying.

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His wife comes out with her clothes all messed up and looking like she has had a hard time. She is furious with her husband, blaming him, but he quiets her down and tells Dick she is having her second treatment.

Dick thinks the whole thing smells.

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And he decides to leave, but before he can go he is stopped by Dr. Vinnie Donatti. He brings him into his office and explains their 100% success rate.

That poor CAT!!! I just wanted to run in and grab him, save him.

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It’s okay I have you.

So yes the first offense will be James’ wife “cat room”, not too much but there will be shocking. The second offense will be his daughter in the “cat room”, third offense someone will rape his wife, and the fourth offense will be his death.

OMG gasp

What a psychopath. A sadistic one too.

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So Dick quits cold turkey and goes home. He acts like a real bear because his addiction is gnawing at him. He tries his hardest, but can’t sleep. That night he heads downstairs and starts looking for a cigarette.

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When he gets downstairs, he hears a noise coming from the closet.

What the fork

He grabs an umbrella and throws it at the closet, hearing an umpf. Quickly he tosses his cigarette away and takes his golf clubs out, pretending that was the whole reason he was in the office.

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The next day Dick goes to visit his daughter, Alisha (Drew Barrymore) who has down syndrome and lives at a school. He brings her a doll, but sees that Dr. Donatti is watching him. Dr. Donatti warns him that his people will always be watching.

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In fact, just that morning a jogger was around his house, but he wasn’t really a jogger as no jogger wears oxfords. Yes look out Dick, they are everywhere.

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So Dick has been doing good for two weeks. He then goes to a party and he is the only one not smoking. The next day when he gets stuck in traffic, he finds a cigarette in the glove box and smokes it, confident no one is watching.

Majorly

Majorly

The guy in the car next to him is a Quitters, Inc. agent and speeds off to report him as soon as the traffic clears. Dick tries to race home and when he gets there he finds it ransacked and his wife missing.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

He runs to Quitters, Inc. and sure enough there is his wife in the cat box. Dick tries to fight with the two men and get his wife free. His confrontation frees our stray cat from his cage and he goes running off.

I'm getting out of here

I’m getting out of here

Dick, however, is forced to stay and watch his wife be tortured.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying sad

Afterwards, Dick explains everything and his promise to not give into temptation and hurt his family again. I just think why didn’t they go to the police? He never signed a release form and two people will be giving testimony.

I mean, seriously.

I mean, seriously.

So weeks pass and Dick has been doing great, only one problem; he’s been gaining weight. It is common after quitting an addiction, and Dick feels okay about it.

dietntfatSabrina the teenage witch

However, Quitters, Inc says that he needs to lose weight or else they will cut off his wife’s pinky finger.

Diet

A few days later, Dick and his wife are having dinner with a family friend, the same one who advised him to join Quitters, Inc. They are having a great time until Dick realizes his friend’s wife is missing the top of her pinky finger.

OMG gasp

That means that his friend knew what was going to happen. He sent him there and new the horrors he would face. What a-

wordICan't say Toy Story

I would dump that friend and never speak to them again. And that ends our first story.

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The second section comes from the short story, The Ledge. The cat and the viewers have traveled from New York to New Jersey, Atlantic City to be exact, as he continues to look for the girl in the vision. Here the cat is trying to cross a busy intersection when he is spotted by Cressner, casino owner and very powerful man. He spots the cat and bets that he will make it across without injury, while his friend thinks the cat will be killed.

All I can think:

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

The cat does manage to make it and Cressner takes him home; telling his two rough guys to “get him”

Who?

Who?

Meanwhile, gambler and tennis pro, Johnny Norris has been seeing Cressner’s estranged wife. He sends her away on her own as he has a few things to take care of and wants her safe from her crazy husband. As soon as she boards the bus, Johnny is beat up and taken.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

He is brought to Cressner’s penthouse and Cressner tells him that he has planted heroin in his car and is going to call the cops on him. However, he will make one deal and if Johnny can do it he will get “money,the girl, the gold watch, the car, and everything.” All Johnny has to do is walk around his ledge without falling off, if he does, he’s dead.

victim

Johnny sees no other way and agrees. However, as he starts to move around, Cressner does everything in his power to try and get him to fall off; playing a trumpet, shooting him with a fire hose, etc.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

He finally makes it around and back inside. Cressner gives him a bag full of money, but there is one extra item. His wife’s head.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cressner gets ready to kill Johnny too, when Johnny, angry and horrified, lunges toward him trying to knock them over. The cat joins in, causing some to trip and allows Johnny to get the gun. The cat then takes off while Johnny shoots the goon and train the gun on Cressner.

0dial_1119cshootgunkiller

Cressner promises him anything, anything at all, just let him live. But that is not good enough for Johnny.

Instead he forces Cressner to do the same challenge he did. And Cressner isn’t as lucky.

SPLAT!

SPLAT!

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We then come to the third installment, General. The cat has finally made it to the little girl who has been calling him the whole time in Wilmington, North Carolina. However, the girl doesn’t act like she has been calling him, so why was that in it earlier?

weirdtwilightzone

So the little girl, Amanda, wants to keep the cat, calling him General, but her mom hates cats. She especially doesn’t want him in the house and throws him out at night. However, General knows he needs to protect Amanda and tries to find a way inside.

Meanwhile, in Amanda’s room a portion of the wall opens up and a troll appears. He kills Amanda’s bird and tries to go after her, when General manages to get through the window and save her, getting stabbed in the process.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

The next day, General is kicked out of the house as “he killed polly” the parrot. General lies about injured, the husband discovering it and commenting on it to the wife; but she doesn’t care. She thinks General should die for what he did. She captures him and drops him off at the animal shelter, telling lies so that he is euthanized that night.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

That poor cat. I would take good care of you.

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

That night the troll comes out and tries to kill Amanda, taking her breath away. General manges to escape, run back to the house, and kill the troll in the weirdest way. He traps him on the record playing Every Breath You Take, and sends him shooting into the fan, cutting him up into a million pieces.

I mean, seriously.

I mean, seriously.

The parents come in and realize there daughter was telling the truth about seeing a troll and decide to keep General to protect her.

TheEnd_Title_2

So that was Cat’s Eye, first of all it made ZERO sense!!! I mean who decided to put this together? It is just strung along and is just kind of dumb. I mean if they has made the cat a more crucial character and also gave a reason to why Drew Barrymore was calling the cat it would have been better. But mostly-

I don't like it 11

The first story was the best, but the other two were just dumb. It really isn’t worth watching.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Every Twenty-Third Spring for Twenty Three Days, it Gets to Eat: Jeepers Creepers (2001)

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For more Stephen King, go to Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

For more Drew Barrymore, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?: Scream (1996)

For more films based on books, go to Have You Seen Megan Hipwell?: The Girl On the Train (2016)

For more Joseph Heller, go to You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?: Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

It’s the Most Woeful Time of the Year

I don’t know about you but I hate this time of year.

HateEverythingthewomen

Now for some it might be the weather, but I have no problem with that.

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No I hate this time of the year for different reasons. The first for Daylight Savings Time

Daylightsavingstime

Why do we still continue to have it? We don’t really need it. We need to be like Hawaii and just get rid of it.

I don't need you

My whole schedule is off, and I’m tired all the time as I’m still readjusting.

i'mtired

And the abundance of sweets. We just had Valentine’s Day candy, Girl Scout Cookies, and now Easter candy and jelly beans are on sale. I feel so roly-poly.

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The thought of “summer clothes” and “summer body”, well…

Lovefood

Then there is the weather. If it stuck to one thing that would be nice but instead it changes more than a woman on her period. It starts off cold, then is hot, then cold, then windy, then rainy, then super hot…

totalrecallmachinedestroyargh

I never know what to wear, but somehow always manage to pick the wrong thing.

StoryOfMyLifeSomeLikeItHotMarilynMonroe

And then let’s talk about my skin…

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It’s so dry because of all these changes; but now it is hot so guess what that means? Time to crack out the sunscreen.

Pale

 From here until fall I’m going be lathered in the stuff.

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Oh well. Only about 7 more months until October!

FavoritecolorOctober

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For more on Daylight Savings Time, go to The Most Awful Time of the Year

For more Princess Bride, go to Mawwiage. Mawwiage is What Bwings Us Togethew Today

For more I Love Lucy, go to The Perfect Hideout

For more of my musings, go to Somebody Help Me Please

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is What Bwings us Togethew Today

So what do I look for in a potential life mate?

QuotePrincessBride

No I’m just kidding. That’s not what defines marriage for me. This is:

Star Wars

Just kidding. Marriage is more than shared interests. There is so much more than needs to be a part of it.

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And of course, being a Christian, I’m also looking for this:

PickedbyGod

Yep, eventually I’ll find the right guy.

SomedayPrinceWillComeMostLikelyLost

And I believe when I do find him, we’ll stay together forever.

FirsttMarriage

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For more on relationships, go to It’s Not Old…It’s Vintage

For more on The Princess Bride, go to A Pirate’s Life is the Life for Me

For more on Star Wars, go to A Very Merry Star Wars Christmas

For more Relationship Rules, go to Growing Up is Hard to Do

For more quotes, go to These Shoes Were Made for Walking

A Pirate’s Life is the Life for Me

So I’m not sure how many of you were aware of this, but today is “International Talk Like a Pirate Day“. And you all know how I feel about holidays!

love it

Yes I LOVE THEM. All of them! So of course I had to participate. I mean could I have really let this one pass by?

NCISTonyDinozzoAwesome

So yes I talked in pirate speak! And as Krispy Kreme was giving away a free dozen doughnuts if you came dressed as a pirate:

DreadPirateRoberts Princess Bride

So of course did.

free stuff

A few years ago a group of us dressed up as pirates, so I still had my awesome costume. I put it on and sauntered over to the store, trying to be as Anne Bonny as I could.

hot pretty sexy

When I got there, I told the lady “Arr, I be commandeering this shop!”

And she gave me my doughnuts.

joker-yum

Arr!! It be a good day. 🙂

talklikeapirateday

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For more holiday posts, go to It’s A Jolly Holiday

For more pirates, go to Are You the Dread Pirate Roberts?

For more on just a normal day in the life, go to Walking on Pins and Needles