We made you a new body. A synthetic shell. But your mind, your soul, your “ghost,” it’s still in there.
So I had never seen this film before but my sister wanted to watch it during our Dystopian Future film fest during the beginning of shelter in place. I did remember the film as the controversy was huge. People were extremely upset over them casting Scarlet Johansson instead of an Asian actress, then getting mad when they tried to CGI a more Asian face, and so on.
Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!
So I watched this and…I hated this.
I was so bored fell asleep halfway through and then tried to watch it again, but just couldn’t connect to it. I couldn’t even tell what was going on.
I watched the anime film and that was much, much better. It is a high concept but it was understandable and much easier to follow. I was riveted to that story.
The biggest problem with this film was Scarlet Johansson. She was horrible.
She was so wooden and acted robotic. I don’t know if the director was overcompensating for making her not Asian and trying to say it wasn’t about race, if it was because of the CGI they planned to add and removed, if she just struggled with being robotic in her body and voice instead of just focusing on the voice like in Her. I mean there is a way to have a person be a robot/cyborg and still be able to connect to them and understand what they are experiencing and going through. Look at Robocop, look at the Terminator, etc. All those were much better depictions. I don’t know where the blame truly lies-director or actress, all I know it was awful…just a mess.
I don’t know…
I also felt the story really strayed from the original concept and became like a ripoff of Robocop meets Blade Runner.
I don’t know about you all, but 2018 was not a good year for me. I’m glad it is over. New Year, New You-I’m definitely all about that:
So the past few years, I have done “theme” years. 2015 was Back to the Future, 2016 Star Trek: The Original Series, 2017 Star Wars: A New Hope, and 2018 Northanger Abbey and Persuasion. So what to do for this year?
For me, whenever I think of 2019, I always think of it as the year that Skynet takes over in The Terminator series. Why? I could have sworn that is what they said-but that is false. I have looked it up. The world was under the control of Skynet, but that isn’t when they took over. Oh, well.
So then I started thinking, what does happen in 2019? I mean what takes place? Well for one thing: Blade Runner
And My Chemical Romance‘s album, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, of which I have taken the post’s title from their song Na-Na-Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)
And last, but not least-one of my favorite movies, The Running Man.
Watch out 2019-I’m coming for you
I am defintely planning on reviewing this movie this year for Horrorfest VIII.
I guess this year is to be a dystopian year, hmmm-I wonder how I can work that in.
But enough of that. Let’s move on to the year in review!
So this community has really grown in numbers and I can not describe how pleased I am about that. We have gone from 14 followers in 2012 to 42 followers in 2013, 169 followers in 2014, to 439 in 2015, to 616 in 2016, to 1021 in 2017, and now 1447.
There are more that I fell behind in reviewing (oh darn!), but I will catch up in this new year.
200th Anniversary of Northanger Abbey and Persuasion
So 2018 marked the 200th anniversary of Northanger Abbey and Persuasion. I tried to fill the year with both, but unfortunately did not do as much as I liked.
Northanger Abbey posts
In Celebration of Northanger Abbey: A brief introduction to the book and list of books and films based on the book that I plan to review/have already reviewed.
I wrote this post in honor of my ex-husband, at the time my fiancé, but as he turned out to be an abusive jerk, I will probably change it. However, I am pleased to have made it to 1000.
One Day Holiday Posts
Sometimes I just like to do a small post on the actual holiday instead of a countdown. This year I had:
So I have started a new category this year: Non-Austen Reads for Austen Readers. They may not be by Austen, but they are books I think Austen fans will love.
So Horrorfest VI in 2017 was a total mess, everything just went wrong. But this year I redeemed myself. I completed my 31 posts! I reviewed the following:
Dangerous to Know: Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues
After The Darcy Monologues, Dangerous to Know was born. I promised to read and review it but unfortunately life got in the way and I was unable to do it. I hate breaking a promise, that is my number-one most hated thing of all time. So I began reviewing it this year, breaking the post down into different sections. So far I have only done two, but plan to continue into the year.
Moderate: Some sexual references but not explicit.
Mature: Some nudity and some provocative sex.
Instagram
So I have started an instagram this year. I post all kinds of different things on there and encourage you to follow me if you have one.
25 Days of Christmas Films
l swore I would never, ever try to post every day in December for Christmas, after my fiasco in 2012. It is just too hard with all the things that happen in getting ready for the holiday. Well this year on Instagram, I posted a brief film review everyday on a Christmas movie. The films I watched?
With Halloween approaching and the number of Horror films increasing, I thought it would be a good time to write a post on how to survive a horror film, just in case you happen upon this situation 😉 . Most of us have heard of the “Randy Rules” in Scream (1996), but in this we are going to look a bit more in depth in how to successfully survive a horror film.
1) Do Not Try Out Witchcraft, Ouija Boards, or any of the Occult for “Fun.” You Will Be Messing with Forces You Have No Control Over
It is never good to mess with the occult, play around with witchcraft, or use the ouija board. When you do such things you are opening a door to a lot of stuff you don’t want to mess with. Often you open yourself or others to demon possession or evil spirits. It is best to just stay far away from such things.
2) Do Not Make Deals With the Devil, Demons, or Other Supernatural Beings
Never, ever make a deal with the devil. It is like trying to mess with the occult or witchcraft, you are opening yourself up to serious trouble, and the devil will not like to loose his quarry. Besides, the deals/wishes you make never turn out exactly as you hope.
One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are surrounded by potential weapons and don’t use them. I mean look at Scream (1996), when Tatum is in the garage and attacked by Ghostface, she tries to squeeze herself through a tiny hole to escape rather then use something, anything in the garage. I mean she is in a GARAGE!!! There are hundreds of potential weapons! USE THEM!!! That is one example, but seriously, use anything and everything.
4) Don’t Stop Assaulting Your Attacker Until You are Sure They Are Not Going to Get Up
Now this is huge. In horror movies, if the person is able to outwit the killer and knock them out, they usually just leave it at that and take off. DON’T! You knock that sucker out until you are sure they are no longer going to try to injure you. Break their legs if necessary. Because if you don’t, they are just going to recover and come after you.
5) If Someone Gives You a Protective Charm Do Not Give It Away
I have mentioned this in Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932), The Wolf Man (1941), Scream 2 (1997), and many more. If someone gives you some kind of charm that is supposed to help you and only work for you, DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY!!!! It will only work FOR YOU!!!! That is why it was given TO YOU!! And if you give it away you are just going to get yourself and the person you were trying to help in serious trouble. Keep it and protect yourself so that you can actually help others, instead of accidentally killing them.
6) Sex = Death
As Randy says in Scream, Sex = Death. Never overlook the purity angle, it is like a protective charm. If you don’t do it, you are less likely to die.
Sometimes Doctors can be good people, but if you are in a horror film, forget it; they are usually evil. Such as Dr. Hartz from The Lady Vanishes (1938), he seems kindly and trying to help, but in reality just wants the main character to think they are going crazy! Same thing in Dr. Hollingshead from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947). Then you have doctors who commit horrible things in the name of science; like We have Dr. Frankenstein (from any Frankenstein film) who tries to create life and can’t control his monster. Or there is Dr. Arthur Carrington from The Thing From Another World (1951), who almost kills everyone as he doesn’t care about human life but scientific discovery is what matters. Not to mention Dr. Alfred Brandon from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), who experiments on teenage boy. And lets not forget Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who eats people. I could go on, but there are too many examples to choose from.
8) Do Not Spend the Night in an Abandoned or Haunted House, Psychiatric Hospital, or Carnival
I mean seriously. Just do not go there. Nothing good will ever, ever, ever come of it! I mean look at The Uninvited (1944), House on Haunted Hill (1959), House on Haunted Hill (1999), The Hunting (1963), The Haunting (1999), etc. I could go on and on, but let’s continue with our list.
9) If There is a Curse on Something Do Not Touch It
I know curses, many laugh at them; but of you are in a horror film and you see something that says it is cursed DON’T TOUCH IT! It is better to live another day then to have yourself face all kinds of horrors.
10) Do Not Drink Any Potions or Test An Experiment On Yourself
NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER test a potion or try an experiment on yourself. It always ends badly! I mean you have Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Fly, Batman’s Man-Bat he had to fight, even Goosebumps did an episode where the dad ended up creating a plant clone of himself. I know many don’t like animal testing or get under the stress of trying to accomplish something; but just stop! Don’t test yourself or else something bad will be created.
11) If There is a Murderer Running Around, Do Not Go Out and Party
This drives me crazy! A murderer is running around killing people and people decide to: 1) not take any precautions; 2) go about their lives like nothing is different; and 3) party. If there is a murderer running around, yes it is good to be in a group (rule 12 & 17) but you shouldn’t be out partying, drinking (rule 13) or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.
12) Never Split Up
NEVER, EVER, EVER go anywhere by yourself. There is power in numbers! As a group you could take a killer down, versus as a couple or single. When you split up, all you do us make it easier for someone to kill you.
While some of you might enjoy that type of thing it is never a good idea in a horror film. Anytime you try something that will keep you from thinking clearly, you are in serious trouble as you are likely to make bad decisions that will lead to your death. It is better to just say no.
If you are being attacked, threatened, harassed, etc.; call the police. Don’t try and take care of it yourself, don’t try to investigate, call FOR BACKUP! That’s their job!!! They have guns and can make an arrest!
Unlike the Terminator here, you won’t be back. Uttering these words is signing a death warrant, as soon as they leave your lips you become next on the killer/creature’s hit list.
16) Never Say “Who’s There?”
Never say “who’s there”. If the person was a friend, they wouldn’t be skulking around your house in the first place, trying to scare you. Instead they would knock, ring the doorbell, or call out to you. The only type of person who would be creeping in your house is one who intends on harming you. And if you call out “who’s there”, you’re just helping them find and kill you faster.
When you hear something strange outside, do not go out and look into it. You should wait for assistance or call in the police. If you try looking yourself, you are going to end up in a trap set by a monster, psychopath, murderer, etc. Besides, why unlock the door or turn off the alarm; allowing whatever is watching you the opportunity to come in and attack? Just stay inside snug like a bug.
Have you ever though of how vulnerable you are in the bathroom? Most have no windows to flee from or they aren’t the most accessible. Some do, but for most the only easy way out is the door, which is where most attackers will come through. Plus the reason you would be in the bathroom; shower or toilet, you won’t have any weapons to help you and it would be extremely easy to kill you. If you are in a horror film, just hold it or stay stinky. You are more likely to live that way.
Like I said before, the less people around you, the easier you are to kill. If you go off on your own to investigate, look around, run away; you are just putting a giant target on your back. Stay together, it is safer.
In horror movies, there are lots of people who have been bullied so much and hurt by others they end up becoming homicidal maniacs. And who do they tend to attack first? The last person to hurt them. Look at The Phantom of the Opera (any version), Carrie (1976), Hangman’s Curse (2003), Heathers (1985), etc. So if you don’t want to end up being first on the hit list be kind to those you meet.
22) If You Are a Girl Or Not White, Be Extra Cautious
Psychopaths and monsters love to kill/eat women and minorities. Because of this if you are either, or both; take extra steps to protect yourself. Be like Ben in Night of the Living Dead.
People can tell you all kinds of things, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t trust anyone. And I mean ANYONE!
Never judge a book by its cover. Someone who seems sweet, innocent, impossible to commit cruel acts, etc; could secretly have evil intentions lurking under the adorable facade. Always be watchful and once again, trust NO ONE!
When trying to figure out who the murderer is, never overlook kids. I mean sure some will be obvious in their creepiness, such as the one pictured above, but there are many who look innocent and sweet but are actually evil. Don’t be fooled!
NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER try to create Life. It just does not go the way you plan. You can’t control the beasts you create and they just run amuck everywhere. I mean look at Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Alien: Resurrection, the list goes on but I’ll stop here.
In any horror film, whenever they create life they always think they have complete control over it. Well, that never works out. You see, just because you made it doesn’t mean it will listen to you; every parent knows that. And more often than not, those creations will try and kill you.
28) If Someone Tries to Make a Deal with You to Kill Someone, Do Not Think it is a Joke
Joking around with the idea of murder might be something you would do with a friend, but be careful, you never know how far they might take it.
We all like to hear scary stories around a campfire and about areas. But if you are in a horror film, play very close attention as more often than not, the myths and legends turn out to be true or someone is copying them and making them true. It is always good to pay attention and know the details, it just might save your life.
30) Never Think You Have Destroyed a Monster, They Always Find a Way to Come Back
I’ve been trying to tell you, someone has erased his memory.
Your mind is the center of your being. It not only houses all the functional elements to keep your body going, but your memories. Inside your mind is the essence of yourself, the one place where you wear no mask, where you think your darkest thoughts, your happiest views, etc.
But what if you were to lose that all one day. What if everything you thought about yourself didn’t exist? What if you weren’t really you, but someone else?
That my friends is Total Recall.
So yes, I’ve decided to review on of the most known, discussed, and debated films in history. This film has a little of everything action-adventure, horror, spy thriller, and science-fiction.
The film is based on the short story by Philip K. Dick, We Can Remember It for You Wholesale. The script was purchased in 1974, but then tabled as they felt they didn’t have effects needed to make the film. Ten years later, the team was once again discussing the possibility of the film.
Of course it took a little while longer to get everything moving, but in the late 1980s they were ready to roll. One person who was all for moving it forward was Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had loved the idea and wanted to star in it, but unfortunately they didn’t want him.
Weird right? By know Arnold was a big star; having Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Destroyer, The Terminator, Red Sonja, Commando, Predator, and The Running Man all under his belt. Often times if he wanted something, he got it.
But strangely, the company preferred Patrick Swayze.
They started filming in Australia, but before they got too far, the company went bankrupt. Arnold convinced Mario Kassar to purchase the script, it undergoing some changes; and before you know it Arnold is given the main role. And it wouldn’t have been nearly as good without him.
So let’s move onto the film.
The film start out with two people climbing the Martian landscape; a brunette and Arnold’s character. As the two are walking, he trips and falls, cracking open his face mask.
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But then he wakes up. It was all a dream.
Yes this is Douglas Quaid (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), a construction worker living in the world 2084. And this isn’t the first time he’s dreamed of Mars or had such nightmares. No this internal horror has been going on for a while.
His wife Lori, (played by Sharon Stone), tries to get him to spill about what happened and who he was with, but Quaid doesn’t want to talk about it.
They move on with their daily routine; Quaid tuning on the TV and hearing about the rebellion happening on Mars. The mayor Vilos Cohaagen, owns the mines on Mars that house the mineral needed to run everything.
No, but the thought did cross my mind. People on Mars pay for their air, and lately the rebels have been lead by a psychic mutant, Kuato, to try and win more freedom, air, etc.
Even though things aren’t very nice and downright dangerous on Mars, Quaid really wants to visit. He’s tired of his boring life and yearns for excitement or adventure. Lori doesn’t want to go to Mars and nixes that idea. Instead of arguing, Quaid heads out to work.
While on the subway commuting to work, he sees an ad for the agency Rekall. They implant memories of trips in your mind, it’s like going but for a fraction of the price.
The idea starts growing in Quaid’s mind. Maybe he should do it. He asks his friend Harry about what he thinks, but Harry tries to dissuade him from going.
Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? They sell those fake memories.
Harry: Oh, “Rekall, Rekall, Rekall.” You thinking of going there?
Douglas Quaid: I don’t know, maybe.
Harry: Well, don’t. A friend of mine tried one their “special offers,” nearly got himself lobotomized.
Douglas Quaid: No s***?
Harry: Don’t f*** with your brain, pal. It ain’t worth it.
Douglas Quaid: I guess not. [Continues jackhammering, Harry watches in disbelief]
But Quaid can’t stop thinking about it. And he decides to go to Rekall. When he gets there he is at first hesitant about the trip, but the salesman McClane reassures him that the implants will be so real he won’t know the difference. Guaranteed fantastic experience or your money back.
Really?
Quaid decides to risk it and starts filling out the forms for his trip to Mars, but the salesman isn’t finished with the deal. For a bit extra they can improve the experience by altering his identity.
So here we go, one secret agent coming up. As they start the process, things don’t go quite as well as expected.
Quiad freaks out insisting that they blew his cover as a spy. McClane believes that it was an implantation gone wrong, but the doctor insists that it can’t be.
Dr. Lull: [after Quaid goes crazy at Rekall] Listen to me, he’s been going on and on about Mars. He’s really been there.
Bob McClane: Use your head, you dumb b****! He’s just acting out the secret agent portion of his Ego Trip.
Dr. Lull: I’m afraid that’s not possible.
Bob McClane: Why not?
Dr. Lull: Because we haven’t implanted it yet!
They fear for their lives as messing something up that “The Agency” set up could be bad for them all. They scrub his mind clean and dump him in a cab.
When Quaid wakes up he doesn’t remember anything, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t after him. From his best friend Harry:
[Harry pulls gun on Quaid]
Douglas Quaid: What the hell is going on? What the f*** did I do wrong? Tell me!
Harry: You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars!
Douglas Quaid: Are you crazy? I don’t even know anything about Mars!
Harry: You should have listened to me, Quaid. I was there to keep you out of trouble.
Douglas Quaid: Harry, you’re making a big mistake. You got me mixed up with somebody else.
Harry: Uh-uh pal, you got yourself mixed up with…
[Quaid kicks him in the chest, commencing the fight]
To his wife Lori:
Quaid doesn’t quite know what is going on, but is out to find out. He ends up fleeing and being contacted by a “friend” who gives him a suitcase of tools to help him. But he has to hurry as the Agency are following him by GPS.
Getting out of here
He exchanges gunfire but manages to get away. This scene with the taxi driver, the Johnnycab, is my favorite scene. It expresses my feelings for most machines.
[Quaid enters a Johnnycab to escape from killers]
Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
Douglas Quaid: Drive! drive!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: S***! S***!
Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
When he manages to get away, he opens the suitcase given to him and finds a message from HIMSELF!
Hauser: Howdy, stranger! This is Hauser. If things have gone wrong, I’m talking to myself and you have a wet towel around your head. Now, whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise. You are not you, you’re me.
Douglas Quaid: [to himself] No s***.
Hauser: All my life, I worked for Mars Intelligence, I did Cohaagen’s dirty work. But then I met someone, a woman. She taught me a few things, like I was playing for the wrong team. All I can do now is make up for it. You see…[Points to his head]…there’s enough s*** in here to f***Cohaagen good. But if you’re hearing this, it means is that he’s got to me first. Now, here comes the hard part, old buddy. Now it is all up to you.
Douglas Quaid: [displeased] Great…
Hauser: Now, let’s start by getting that bug out of your head. [Shows the nose device] Take this out of the case, and stick it up your nose. Don’t worry, it’s self-guiding. Just shove real hard.
[Quaid takes a deep breath, and sticks the nose device up his nose.]
Hauser: When you hear a crunch, you’re there. Now, pull it out. Be careful! That’s my head, too.
[Quaid screams in pain while Hauser grins, then Quaid pulls out the bug]
Hauser: This is the plan. Get your a** to Mars, and go to the Hilton Hotel and flash the fake Brubaker I.D. at the front desk, that’s all there is to it. Just do as I tell you. You can nail that son of a b**** that f***** you and me. I’m counting on you, old buddy. Don’t let me down!
So Quaid finds himself in disguse headed for the red planet.
Once he gets there he finds himself caught up in figuring out what he knew and was trying to do, and to who’s side is he really on.
But as you watch this their is one question. Is this real? Or just the trip he paid for? He he really a secret agent? Or did his implants go malfunction?
Hmm…
I won’t reveal anymore as this is a film you need to check out for yourself.
So I know many of you see this film on this list and are probably thinking to yourself:
Why would I put an action/adventure, superhero film on my list of horror films? Well I’m including it because of this reason: 1) You have two, not one, TWO scientists who create two, not one, but TWO creatures.
I loved this film and thought it was the best superhero film. It covers a team, but each character was given their own moment to shine. It had great dialogue, amazing scenes, and was just altogether fantastic.
Now as for the sequel? How did I feel about it.
I thought it was horrible!!!!!
And it sucks because I was jazzed about this film. James Spader? Love him in everything! Our dream team, the Avengers? Awesome! Having some X-Men characters finally in it and teasing with a full on cross over? YES!
But then is sucked.
You ruined it!!!!
And believe me, my opinions based on this film isn’t just from one viewing. I saw it at the midnight showing, I saw it in 3-D the Sunday after with my nephew, and then my friend and I went and saw in June after seeing Jurassic World. Each time I saw it, the more I thought it was just done poorly, 2015’s Godzilla (which strangely, the same actors who were husband and wife in that movie are the Maximoff twins in this one.)
So this is going to be a slightly different review, I will give a brief synopsis and then go on to list why I didn’t like this film.
So the film starts with the Avengers taking down what they believe is the last cell of HYDRA out in a small Eastern European country. They are also after the scepter Loki had in the first film. They believe they have accomplished it when they run into two “enhanced creatures” or whatever they call them, Wanda/Scarlet Witch and Pietro/Quicksilver Maximoff. Wanda has the power to manipulate reality, while Pietro can run at super fast speeds.
Wanda uses her powers to cloud each Avengers mind and mess with their ability to think, espechially Tony Stark. After the defeat, of everyone, (except the Maximoff twins), the team returns home to the tower in New York to have a party and celebrate the end of the Avengers.
Tony convinces Thor to allow him to study the scepter, believing he can use it to create a robot that will be able to save humanity and keep it safe. He convinces Bruce Banner to assist him. See here is where we have the Frankenstein parallels.
In Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein believed that his work could save humanity: it could bring about immortality, he could save people who’s limbs were lost reanimating dead limbs; etc. Instead he creates a creature, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Frankenstein into playing his games and doing what he wants. Frankenstein realizes his mistake in trying to take God’s place and create something he has no control over, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.
With Tony, he believed that his work could save humanity: it would protect them from aliens and any threat too large for humans to handle. Instead he creates a creature, Ultron, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Tony into playing his games and doing what he wants. Tony realizes his mistake, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.
The team has discord and seems to be falling apart, when after a brief pastoral retreat they come back in the game and go after Ultron. They steal the machine he was going to use to create the perfect body, with Tony comes up with a second idea. Use Ultron’s plan, but instead of Ultron, input his best friend/butler, J.A.R.V.I.S.
So here we have The Bride of Frankenstein parallels.
In the Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has realized his mistake. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. Then an old friend, ), comes around and convinces him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Frankenstein knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a bride for the creature.
So in this Bruce Banner has realized his mistake in assiting in creating Ultron. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. But then Tony starts wheedling him, insisting and convincing him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Bruce knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a yin to Ultron’s yang, Vision.
So after the create Vision, they go after Ultron, ending back where the film started; but this time with Vision, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver (Wanda and Pietro both choosing to go with the Avengers than Ultron).
The fight to save the world, losing an avenger in the process. Back in New York, the old has gone it’s own way and a new Avenger team is born.
Now on to the issues.
1) What an Opening, “What” as in “What is Going On?”
The first scene was all over the place, in a ton of slow motion, and unrealistically packed with action that I thought they were pulling a Toy Story 2 and it was a video game.
I mean come on, in that one scene they are practically posing for the camera.
It might have been the drugs I was on for my ear infection, but yeah I legitamitely thought it was some kind of tease, that is how horribly fake looking that beginning is. It didn’t feel like it was happening, but as if you were watching a bad community play. I mean I saw several times where Black Widow should have been shot but “wasn’t”. The fighting in the first one was much better.
Also no context as to what it going on, why are they after Loki’s scepter? Where did it go after the first Avengers film? Now some people might say “if you watch the TV show you’ll know”, but that’s not what a sequel is about. A sequel is created to enhance characters or events from the first film/book, having a progression from the previous to the next. Not suddenly throw everything at you with you like I don’t know what is going on.
2) Slow Mo needs to Go No Mo’
Honestly Joss Wheedon, the ’90s called, they want their special effects back. But seriously, waaaaaaay tooo much. It looks horrible, it is distracting, and just takes your viewer out of the right state of mind.
3) Calling Someone Out for Cursing Worth Talking About, But Create an Evil Robot and That’s Just a Moment Thing
Seriously. This a running joke for everyone, it keeps rearing its ugly head throughout the film. But Tony? They are mad for a nanosecond, and then they move on. Really guys? Really? The Robot is definitely worse and worth discussing.
And he doesn’t make just one thing, but TWO! TWO!!!!!
4) Enhanced Not Mutated
I don’t know who’s idea it was to not make them mutants and the children of Magneto, but that was beyond stupid.
THEY ARE MUTANTS NOT ENHANCED MUTANTS!!!!!! And they are Magneto’s children.
5) Clintasha or Brutasha?
So I did not like Black Widow and Hulk together. I really wanted it to be Black Widow and Hawkeye.
Now I might not have minded the whole Brutasha if it weren’t for the fact that it came out of left field. Natasha does go get him in the first Avengers film, but that’s all we see of their interactions. There is nothing to suggest anything romantic, and no chemistry between them, but yet we are expected they are considering running away together?
6) Visions…I Guess?
So what is up with the visions that Scarlet Witch makes. They never really explain her powers in the film so is it magic? Really the future? What?
They also don’t make any sense. For Tony it is his fear, and a bit of the future. Black Widow, a hidden memory, Thor a fear/vision. Captain America? How does what he sees relate to anything?
7) Tony Pop Culture Allergy?
So unlike Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, etc. Tony is a HUGE pop culture junkie. Yet when he creates artifical life, he doesn’t even consider how things could go horribly wrong. Wouldn’t he have seen Jurassic Park, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Frankenstein, The Terminator, I Robot, etc? Espechially as three that I just listed involve bad robots? Wouldn’t that make him pause, at least for a moment.
8) I Leeloo Ultron Robot
The part when Ultron awoke and then starts researching to figure out his purpose and what he’s supposed to do made me think if The Fifth Element.
Ultron’s breakdown around his objective is also very similar to V.I.C.K.I., in I Robot, when she starts killing mankind to save mankind.
9)Massive Iron Man Vs. Hulk
I feel like someone thought of this and then wrote the script around it. I know everyone thought it was super cool, but I actually thought it was kind of a worthless scene.
10) Green Acres is the Place to Be
So the whole crew go out to Clint’s farm so that they can regroup and figure out a new plan. To me it seems like a ripoff from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), when they go to upstate New York to heal and refigure out what to do.
11) Motorcycle Mama Knows NO Bounds of Gravity
When Ultron tosses the ground at Black Widow and she is able to not only stop in time but turn so she isn’t hurt.
Really?
Impossible and dumb thing to do. Just no, no.
12) Copying Captain Underpants
So there was this book series in the early 2000s, Captain Underpants, about two kids, George and Harold, who hypnotize their principal into thinking he is their comic book creation, Captain Underpants.
In the sequel, Attack of the Talking Toilets, George and Harold use the nerdy kid’s science fair project, a 3D printer, and accidentally bring a giant toilet and his toilet army to life.
When Captain America isn’t able to stop them, they then create a Giant Robot to battle and destroy the toilets.
Avengers: Age of Ultron is like the same exact plot. Just switch out toilets for Ultron & the robots, and Giant Robot for Vision.
13) A Death That Didn’t Need to Happen
So people have been complaining that no one really dies in a superhero film, they always come back to life again. This coupled with Joss Wheedon liking to make us cry, meant he was going to kill someone and he killed Pietro.
That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The man has SUPER SPEED!!!! You really think he wouldn’t be able to just move around the bullets in time?
I mean for once Fox did a better job than Disney.
Just so much awesome.
And if they are going to kill him, why not save him in the Stargate cradle thing? Hawkeye used it. And why does he, Cho, and Coulson get to survive?
You know why, because he is just being a pain, like Wes Craven when he killed Randy but let Dewey survive. And you know what Wheedon? Because that was so stupid, I’m going to ignore it.
Let’s face it, we all know how it should have ended:
So no banner as I couldn’t find a pic that worked right. Instead I’m going to end with those who criticize films best:
janeaustenrunsmylife 