The Future is Bulletproof

Happy New Year!

I don’t know about you all, but 2018 was not a good year for me. I’m glad it is over. New Year, New You-I’m definitely all about that:

So the past few years, I have done “theme” years. 2015 was Back to the Future, 2016 Star Trek: The Original Series, 2017 Star Wars: A New Hope, and 2018 Northanger Abbey and Persuasion. So what to do for this year?

For me, whenever I think of 2019, I always think of it as the year that Skynet takes over in The Terminator series. Why? I could have sworn that is what they said-but that is false. I have looked it up. The world was under the control of Skynet, but that isn’t when they took over. Oh, well.

So then I started thinking, what does happen in 2019? I mean what takes place? Well for one thing: Blade Runner

And My Chemical Romance‘s album, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, of which I have taken the post’s title from their song Na-Na-Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

And last, but not least-one of my favorite movies, The Running Man.

Watch out 2019-I’m coming for you

I am defintely planning on reviewing this movie this year for Horrorfest VIII. 

I guess this year is to be a dystopian year, hmmm-I wonder how I can work that in.

But enough of that. Let’s move on to the year in review!

The Views

This year I had over 92,000 views!

WOW!!!

The most viewed day of the year was September 22 with 934 views! That was the day I posted Non-Austen Reads for Austen Readers: A Change of Fortune.

Although the number one post viewed that day was She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

The Top Five Posts

Here are the top five most viewed posts of the year, although strangely none were posted this year.

I mean you like what you like. I’m just happy people are reading my blog.

5) It Was the Curse. My Curse: The Cheerleader Murders (2016) from Horrorfest V (2016)

4) A True Princess from 30 Day Challenge (2014)

3) I Saw Goody Osburn With the Devil: The Crucible (1996) from Horrorfest II (2013)

How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!

2) Tea Time (2015)

1) Fulfilling the List: A Walk to Remember (2002), from Romance is in the Air‘s 14 days of my favorite romantic moments (2013)

walktorememberMV5BMTM1MTYzNjA3M15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjk2NTE4Mg@@._V1_SY317_CR3,0,214,317_

The Followers!

So this community has really grown in numbers and I can not describe how pleased I am about that. We have gone from 14 followers in 2012 to 42 followers in 2013, 169 followers in 2014, to 439 in 2015, to 616 in 2016, to 1021 in 2017, and now 1447.

Wow!

Book Club Picks

My book club read:

There are more that I fell behind in reviewing (oh darn!), but I will catch up in this new year.

200th Anniversary of Northanger Abbey and Persuasion

So 2018 marked the 200th anniversary of Northanger Abbey and Persuasion. I tried to fill the year with both, but unfortunately did not do as much as I liked.

Northanger Abbey posts

Persuasion posts

Tea Time

I love tea and I love posting on it!

My Musical Stylings

As always, I love to review my favorite songs. This year we had:

Jane, Jane, Jane Austen Posts

As always-we have Jane Austen posts (that’s the name of the blog!).

On Jane Austen, herself, and Regency times :

Based on Jane Austen:

Pride and Prejudice:

Emma:

Mansfield Park:

 

A Reading We Will Go

I love books and reading, so we will have quite a few posts on them.

Romance is in the Air: Part VI

This year we only reviewed 13 films as Valentine’s Day was my 1000 post. The romantic moments came from:

  1. Holiday Inn (1942)
  2. The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)
  3. Rear Window (1954)
  4. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
  5. American Dreamer (1984) 
  6. Aladdin (1992) 
  7. So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) 
  8. George of the Jungle (1997) 
  9. Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)
  10. Fireproof (2008)
  11. “This Episode Sucks” Psych (2011) 
  12. “Gone Glitter” from Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (2012)
  13. Trolls (2016)

1000 Post

I wrote this post in honor of my ex-husband, at the time my fiancé, but as he turned out to be an abusive jerk, I will probably change it. However, I am pleased to have made it to 1000.

One Day Holiday Posts

Sometimes I just like to do a small post on the actual holiday instead of a countdown. This year I had:

Recipes

As C.S. Lewis says

Eating and reading are two pleasures that combine admirably.”

And sometimes you want something to nibble on when you read Jane Austen or watch the films. This year we had the following recipes:

Jane Austen Video Games

We have brought Jane Austen into the 21st century with video games. I reviewed two this year.

Facebook:

iPhone:

Non-Austen Books for Austen Readers

So I have started a new category this year: Non-Austen Reads for Austen Readers. They may not be by Austen, but they are books I think Austen fans will love.

Horrorfest VII

So Horrorfest VI in 2017 was a total mess, everything just went wrong. But this year I redeemed myself. I completed my 31 posts! I reviewed the following:

Dangerous to Know: Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues

After The Darcy Monologues, Dangerous to Know was born. I promised to read and review it but unfortunately life got in the way and I was unable to do it. I hate breaking a promise, that is my number-one most hated thing of all time. So I began reviewing it this year, breaking the post down into different sections. So far I have only done two, but plan to continue into the year.

  1. None: Possible kissing and affection.
  2. Mild: Kissing.
  3. Moderate: Some sexual references but not explicit.
  4. Mature: Some nudity and some provocative sex.

Instagram

So I have started an instagram this year. I post all kinds of different things on there and encourage you to follow me if you have one.

25 Days of Christmas Films

l swore I would never, ever try to post every day in December for Christmas, after my fiasco in 2012. It is just too hard with all the things that happen in getting ready for the holiday. Well this year on Instagram, I posted a brief film review everyday on a Christmas movie. The films I watched?

  • Borrowed Hearts
  • Chasing Christmas
  • The Christmas Chronichles
  • Christmas Grace
  • The Christmas List 
  • Christmas With the Kranks
  • Christmas With a View
  • Crown for Christmas
  • Eloise at Christmastime
  • A Flintstones’ Christmas Carol
  • Home Alone
  • Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas
  • I’ll Be Homeless for Christmas
  • It’s a Wonderful Life
  • Jingle All the Way
  • The Last Christmas (Shadow Island Mysteries)
  • Max Lucado’s The Christmas Candle (Watched it twice!)
  • Mickey’s Christmas Carol
  • The Misteltoe Promise
  • The Princess Switch
  • The Shop Around the Corner
  • The 12 Men of Christmas
  • Unlikely Angel

So what will the new year hold? I don’t know, but I know this:

For 2017 in review, go to Life Seems But a Quick Succession of Busy Nothings

For 2016 in review, go to A New Hope

For 2015 in review, go to To Boldy Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

For 2014 in review, go to Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Roads

For 2013 in review, go to Looking at the Past, Focusing on the Future

For 2012 in review, go to Looking Back, Moving Forward

And just cause:

How To Survive A Horror Film

HorrorfilmCan'tlookaway

With Halloween approaching and the number of Horror films increasing, I thought it would be a good time to write a post on how to survive a horror film, just in case you happen upon this situation 😉 . Most of us have heard of the “Randy Rules” in Scream (1996), but in this we are going to look a bit more in depth in how to successfully survive a horror film.

halloween banner

1) Do Not Try Out Witchcraft, Ouija Boards, or any of the Occult for “Fun.” You Will Be Messing with Forces You Have No Control Over

It is never good to mess with the occult, play around with witchcraft, or use the ouija board. When you do such things you are opening a door to a lot of stuff you don’t want to mess with. Often you open yourself or others to demon possession or evil spirits. It is best to just stay far away from such things.

halloween banner

2) Do Not Make Deals With the Devil, Demons, or Other Supernatural Beings

Never, ever make a deal with the devil. It is like trying to mess with the occult or witchcraft, you are opening yourself up to serious trouble, and the devil will not like to loose his quarry. Besides, the deals/wishes you make never turn out exactly as you hope.

halloween banner

3) Anything and Everything Can be a Weapon

One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are surrounded by potential weapons and don’t use them. I mean look at Scream (1996), when Tatum is in the garage and attacked by Ghostface, she tries to squeeze herself through a tiny hole to escape rather then use something, anything in the garage. I mean she is in a GARAGE!!! There are hundreds of potential weapons! USE THEM!!! That is one example, but seriously, use anything and everything.

tangled_____frying_pan_by_disgrace_angel369-d398z19

halloween banner

4) Don’t Stop Assaulting Your Attacker Until You are Sure They Are Not Going to Get Up

Now this is huge. In horror movies, if the person is able to outwit the killer and knock them out, they usually just leave it at that and take off. DON’T! You knock that sucker out until you are sure they are no longer going to try to injure you. Break their legs if necessary. Because if you don’t, they are just going to recover and come after you.

halloween banner

5) If Someone Gives You a Protective Charm Do Not Give It Away

I have mentioned this in Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932), The Wolf Man (1941), Scream 2 (1997), and many more. If someone gives you some kind of charm that is supposed to help you and only work for you, DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY!!!! It will only work FOR YOU!!!! That is why it was given TO YOU!! And if you give it away you are just going to get yourself and the person you were trying to help in serious trouble. Keep it and protect yourself so that you can actually help others, instead of accidentally killing them.

halloween banner

6) Sex = Death

As Randy says in Scream, Sex = Death. Never overlook the purity angle, it is like a protective charm. If you don’t do it, you are less likely to die.

halloween banner

7) Doctors are Almost Always Evil

Sometimes Doctors can be good people, but if you are in a horror film, forget it; they are usually evil. Such as Dr. Hartz from The Lady Vanishes (1938), he seems kindly and trying to help, but in reality just wants the main character to think they are going crazy! Same thing in Dr. Hollingshead from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947). Then you have doctors who commit horrible things in the name of science; like We have Dr. Frankenstein (from any Frankenstein film) who tries to create life and can’t control his monster. Or  there is Dr. Arthur Carrington from The Thing From Another World (1951), who almost kills everyone as he doesn’t care about human life but scientific discovery is what matters. Not to mention Dr. Alfred Brandon from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), who experiments on teenage boy. And lets not forget Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who eats people. I could go on, but there are too many examples to choose from.

halloween banner

8) Do Not Spend the Night in an Abandoned or Haunted House, Psychiatric Hospital, or Carnival

I mean seriously. Just do not go there. Nothing good will ever, ever, ever come of it! I mean look at The Uninvited (1944), House on Haunted Hill (1959), House on Haunted Hill (1999), The Hunting (1963), The Haunting (1999), etc. I could go on and on, but let’s continue with our list.

halloween banner

9) If There is a Curse on Something Do Not Touch It

I know curses, many laugh at them; but of you are in a horror film and you see something that says it is cursed DON’T TOUCH IT! It is better to live another day then to have yourself face all kinds of horrors.

halloween banner

10) Do Not Drink Any Potions or Test An Experiment On Yourself

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER test a potion or try an experiment on yourself. It always ends badly! I mean you have Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Fly, Batman’s Man-Bat he had to fight, even Goosebumps did an episode where the dad ended up creating a plant clone of himself. I know many don’t like animal testing or get under the stress of trying to accomplish something; but just stop! Don’t test yourself or else something bad will be created.

halloween banner

11) If There is a Murderer Running Around, Do Not Go Out and Party

This drives me crazy! A murderer is running around killing people and people decide to: 1) not take any precautions; 2) go about their lives like nothing is different; and 3) party. If there is a murderer running around, yes it is good to be in a group (rule 12 & 17) but you shouldn’t be out partying, drinking (rule 13) or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

halloween banner

12) Never Split Up

splitupScoobyDoo

NEVER, EVER, EVER go anywhere by yourself. There is power in numbers! As a group you could take a killer down, versus as a couple or single. When you split up, all you do us make it easier for someone to kill you.

halloween banner

13) Do Not Do Drugs or Drink

While some of you might enjoy that type of thing it is never a good idea in a horror film. Anytime you try something that will keep you from thinking clearly, you are in serious trouble as you are likely to make bad decisions that will lead to your death. It is better to just say no.

halloween banner

14) Always Call the Police

If you are being attacked, threatened, harassed, etc.; call the police. Don’t try and take care of it yourself, don’t try to investigate, call FOR BACKUP! That’s their job!!! They have guns and can make an arrest!

halloween banner

15) Never Say “I’ll Be Right Back”

Unlike the Terminator here, you won’t be back. Uttering these words is signing a death warrant, as soon as they leave your lips you become next on the killer/creature’s hit list.

halloween banner

16) Never Say “Who’s There?”

Killer Scary Movie

Never say “who’s there”. If the person was a friend, they wouldn’t be skulking around your house in the first place, trying to scare you. Instead they would knock, ring the doorbell, or call out to you. The only type of person who would be creeping in your house is one who intends on harming you. And if you call out “who’s there”, you’re just helping them find and kill you faster.

halloween banner

17) Do Not Go Out to Investigate a Strange Noise

When you hear something strange outside, do not go out and look into it. You should wait for assistance or call in the police. If you try looking yourself, you are going to end up in a trap set by a monster, psychopath, murderer, etc. Besides, why unlock the door or turn off the alarm; allowing whatever is watching you the opportunity to come in and attack? Just stay inside snug like a bug.

halloween banner

18) Do Not Use the Bathroom

Have you ever though of how vulnerable you are in the bathroom? Most have no windows to flee from or they aren’t the most accessible. Some do, but for most the only easy way out is the door, which is where most attackers will come through. Plus the reason you would be in the bathroom; shower or toilet, you won’t have any weapons to help you and it would be extremely easy to kill you. If you are in a horror film, just hold it or stay stinky. You are more likely to live that way.

halloween banner

19) Never Go Off By Yourself

Like I said before, the less people around you, the easier you are to kill. If you go off on your own to investigate, look around, run away; you are just putting a giant target on your back. Stay together, it is safer.

halloween banner

20) Always Look Behind You and Above You

Always take a 360 degree look around you. They may be behind, they may be in front, they may even be above you. Search every angle!!!

halloween banner

21) Be Nice, A Person Scorned or Mistreated Can Do Horror-ble Things

In horror movies, there are lots of people who have been bullied so much and hurt by others they end up becoming homicidal maniacs. And who do they tend to attack first? The last person to hurt them. Look at The Phantom of the Opera (any version), Carrie (1976), Hangman’s Curse (2003), Heathers (1985), etc. So if you don’t want to end up being first on the hit list be kind to those you meet.

halloween banner

22) If You Are a Girl Or Not White, Be Extra Cautious

Psychopaths and monsters love to kill/eat women and minorities. Because of this if you are either, or both; take extra steps to protect yourself. Be like Ben in Night of the Living Dead.

halloween banner

23) Don’t Trust Anyone, They Are All Suspects

People can tell you all kinds of things, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t trust anyone. And I mean ANYONE!

halloween banner

24) Never Judge a Book By its Cover

Never judge a book by its cover. Someone who seems sweet, innocent, impossible to commit cruel acts, etc; could secretly have evil intentions lurking under the adorable facade. Always be watchful and once again, trust NO ONE!

halloween banner

25) Children can Be Evil too, Never Rule Them Out

When trying to figure out who the murderer is, never overlook kids. I mean sure some will be obvious in their creepiness, such as the one pictured above, but there are many who look innocent and sweet but are actually evil. Don’t be fooled!

halloween banner

26) Never Try to Create Life

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER try to create Life. It just does not go the way you plan. You can’t control the beasts you create and they just run amuck everywhere. I mean look at FrankensteinBride of Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Alien: Resurrection, the list goes on but I’ll stop here.

halloween banner

27) Never Try to Control a Monster

In any horror film, whenever they create  life they always think they have complete control over it. Well, that never works out. You see, just because you made it doesn’t mean it will listen to you; every parent knows that. And more often than not, those creations will try and kill you.

halloween banner

28) If Someone Tries to Make a Deal with You to Kill Someone, Do Not Think it is a Joke

Joking around with the idea of murder might be something you would do with a friend, but be careful, you never know how far they might take it.

halloween banner

29) Listen to Urban Myths, They Tend to be Right

We all like to hear scary stories around a campfire and about areas. But if you are in a horror film, play very close attention as more often than not, the myths and legends turn out to be true or someone is copying them and making them true. It is always good to pay attention and know the details, it just might save your life.

halloween banner

30) Never Think You Have Destroyed a Monster, They Always Find a Way to Come Back

You try to kill them and you think you do, but they always come back. Always make sure you keep an eye out for the sequel and their return.

halloween banner

31) Don’t Be an Idiot

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

Be smart! Don’t be stupid and do stupid things. Use your common sense! Bimbos and Mimbos are almost always the first to die.

halloween banner

So there we are, 31 tips to help you survive a horror film. I hope they help you survive October.

This post is brought to you by a

horrornerd

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

Keep tuned for more horror film reviews!

Someone Has Erased His Memory: Total Recall (1990)

totalrecall

 I’ve been trying to tell you, someone has erased his memory.

Your mind is the center of your being. It not only houses all the functional elements to keep your body going, but your memories. Inside your mind is the essence of yourself, the one place where you wear no mask, where you think your darkest thoughts, your happiest views, etc.

But what if you were to lose that all one day. What if everything you thought about yourself didn’t exist? What if you weren’t really you, but someone else?

OMG gasp

That my friends is Total Recall.

totalrecall

So yes, I’ve decided to review on of the most known, discussed, and debated films in history. This film has a little of everything action-adventure, horror, spy thriller, and science-fiction.

The film is based on the short story by Philip K. Dick, We Can Remember It for You Wholesale. The script was purchased in 1974, but then tabled as they felt they didn’t have effects needed to make the film. Ten years later, the team was once again discussing the possibility of the film.

What?

Of course it took a little while longer to get everything moving, but in the late 1980s they were ready to roll. One person who was all for moving it forward was Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had loved the idea and wanted to star in it, but unfortunately they didn’t want him.

Whattheheck

Weird right? By know Arnold was a big star; having Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Destroyer, The Terminator, Red Sonja, Commando, Predator, and The Running Man all under his belt. Often times if he wanted something, he got it.

But strangely, the company preferred Patrick Swayze.

weird

They started filming in Australia, but before they got too far, the company went bankrupt. Arnold convinced Mario Kassar to purchase the script, it undergoing some changes; and before you know it Arnold is given the main role. And it wouldn’t have been nearly as good without him.

So let’s move onto the film.

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

The film start out with two people climbing the Martian landscape; a brunette and Arnold’s character. As the two are walking, he trips and falls, cracking open his face mask.

black cauldron

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But then he wakes up. It was all a dream.

Yes this is Douglas Quaid (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger), a construction worker living in the world 2084. And this isn’t the first time he’s dreamed of Mars or had such nightmares. No this internal horror has been going on for a while.

StarWarsBadDream

His wife Lori, (played by Sharon Stone), tries to get him to spill about what happened and who he was with, but Quaid doesn’t want to talk about it.

They move on with their daily routine; Quaid tuning on the TV and hearing about the rebellion happening on Mars. The mayor Vilos Cohaagen, owns the mines on Mars that house the mineral needed to run everything.

Dunecat

No, but the thought did cross my mind. People on Mars pay for their air, and lately the rebels have been lead by a psychic mutant, Kuato, to try and win more freedom, air, etc.

Even though things aren’t very nice and downright dangerous on Mars, Quaid really wants to visit. He’s tired of his boring life and yearns for excitement or adventure. Lori doesn’t want to go to Mars and nixes that idea. Instead of arguing, Quaid heads out to work.

DayRuinedbyRespnsibility

While on the subway commuting to work, he sees an ad for the agency Rekall. They implant memories of trips in your mind, it’s like going but for a fraction of the price.

The idea starts growing in Quaid’s mind. Maybe he should do it. He asks his friend Harry about what he thinks, but Harry tries to dissuade him from going.

Douglas Quaid: Ever heard of Rekall? They sell those fake memories.

Harry: Oh, “Rekall, Rekall, Rekall.” You thinking of going there?

Douglas Quaid: I don’t know, maybe.

Harry: Well, don’t. A friend of mine tried one their “special offers,” nearly got himself lobotomized.

Douglas Quaid: No s***?

Harry: Don’t f*** with your brain, pal. It ain’t worth it.

Douglas Quaid: I guess not. [Continues jackhammering, Harry watches in disbelief]

But Quaid can’t stop thinking about it. And he decides to go to Rekall. When he gets there he is at first hesitant about the trip, but the salesman McClane reassures him that the implants will be so real he won’t know the difference. Guaranteed fantastic experience or your money back.

Really?

Really?

Quaid decides to risk it and starts filling out the forms for his trip to Mars, but the salesman isn’t finished with the deal. For a bit extra they can improve the experience by altering his identity.

So here we go, one secret agent coming up. As they start the process, things don’t go quite as well as expected.

totalrecall3

Quiad freaks out insisting that they blew his cover as a spy. McClane believes that it was an implantation gone wrong, but the doctor insists that it can’t be.

Dr. Lull: [after Quaid goes crazy at Rekall] Listen to me, he’s been going on and on about Mars. He’s really been there.

Bob McClane: Use your head, you dumb b****! He’s just acting out the secret agent portion of his Ego Trip.

Dr. Lull: I’m afraid that’s not possible.

Bob McClane: Why not?

Dr. Lull: Because we haven’t implanted it yet!

They fear for their lives as messing something up that “The Agency” set up could be bad for them all. They scrub his mind clean and dump him in a cab.

When Quaid wakes up he doesn’t remember anything, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t after him. From his best friend Harry:

[Harry pulls gun on Quaid]

Douglas Quaid: What the hell is going on? What the f*** did I do wrong? Tell me!

Harry: You blabbed, Quaid! You blabbed about Mars!

Douglas Quaid: Are you crazy? I don’t even know anything about Mars!

Harry: You should have listened to me, Quaid. I was there to keep you out of trouble.

Douglas Quaid: Harry, you’re making a big mistake. You got me mixed up with somebody else.

Harry: Uh-uh pal, you got yourself mixed up with…

[Quaid kicks him in the chest, commencing the fight]

To his wife Lori:

Quaid doesn’t quite know what is going on, but is out to find out. He ends up fleeing and being contacted by a “friend” who gives him a suitcase of tools to help him. But he has to hurry as the Agency are following him by GPS.

Getting out of here

Getting out of here

He exchanges gunfire but manages to get away. This scene with the taxi driver, the Johnnycab, is my favorite scene. It expresses my feelings for most machines.

[Quaid enters a Johnnycab to escape from killers]

Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.

Douglas Quaid: Drive! drive!

Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?

Douglas Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!

Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?

Douglas Quaid: S***! S***!

Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?

Douglas Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!

totalrecallmachinedestroy

When he manages to get away, he opens the suitcase given to him and finds a message from HIMSELF!

Hauser: Howdy, stranger! This is Hauser. If things have gone wrong, I’m talking to myself and you have a wet towel around your head. Now, whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise. You are not you, you’re me.

Douglas Quaid: [to himself] No s***.

Hauser: All my life, I worked for Mars Intelligence, I did Cohaagen’s dirty work. But then I met someone, a woman. She taught me a few things, like I was playing for the wrong team. All I can do now is make up for it. You see…[Points to his head]…there’s enough s*** in here to f***Cohaagen good. But if you’re hearing this, it means is that he’s got to me first. Now, here comes the hard part, old buddy. Now it is all up to you.

Douglas Quaid: [displeased] Great…

Hauser: Now, let’s start by getting that bug out of your head. [Shows the nose deviceTake this out of the case, and stick it up your nose. Don’t worry, it’s self-guiding. Just shove real hard.

[Quaid takes a deep breath, and sticks the nose device up his nose.]

Hauser: When you hear a crunch, you’re there. Now, pull it out. Be careful! That’s my head, too.

[Quaid screams in pain while Hauser grins, then Quaid pulls out the bug]

Hauser: This is the plan. Get your a** to Mars, and go to the Hilton Hotel and flash the fake Brubaker I.D. at the front desk, that’s all there is to it. Just do as I tell you. You can nail that son of a b**** that f***** you and me. I’m counting on you, old buddy. Don’t let me down!

So Quaid finds himself in disguse headed for the red planet.

Once he gets there he finds himself caught up in figuring out what he knew and was trying to do, and to who’s side is he really on.

But as you watch this their is one question. Is this real? Or just the trip he paid for? He he really a secret agent? Or did his implants go malfunction?

Hmm...

Hmm…

I won’t reveal anymore as this is a film you need to check out for yourself.

halloween banner

Of course our facebook cover/mini poster.

1990TotalRecall

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to Haunted Harmonies of Halloween: Top 5 Songs to Play on Halloween

halloween banner

For more on Arnold Schwarzenegger, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

For more Horror-Scifi films, go to They’re Here Already! You’re Next!: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

For more films based on a book, go to What Are the 39 Steps?:The 39 Steps (1935)

We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

AvengersAgeofultron

“We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters.”

So I know many of you see this film on this list and are probably thinking to yourself:

Whattheheck

Why would I put an action/adventure, superhero film on my list of horror films? Well I’m including it because of this reason: 1) You have two, not one, TWO scientists who create two, not one, but TWO creatures.

The-Bride-of-Frankenstein-006

So I’m sure you all who have been following me know how much I liked The Avengers film that came out two years ago.

DANisnotonfireAvengersobsessed

Not me, that’s for sure.

I loved this film and thought it was the best superhero film. It covers a team, but each character was given their own moment to shine. It had great dialogue, amazing scenes, and was just altogether fantastic.

AvengersvsMagicMike

Now as for the sequel? How did I feel about it.

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

I thought it was horrible!!!!!

EW!

And it sucks because I was jazzed about this film. James Spader? Love him in everything! Our dream team, the Avengers? Awesome! Having some X-Men characters finally in it and teasing with a full on cross over? YES!

excited

But then is sucked.

You ruined it!!!!

You ruined it!!!!

And believe me, my opinions based on this film isn’t just from one viewing. I saw it at the midnight showing, I saw it in 3-D the Sunday after with my nephew, and then my friend and I went and saw in June after seeing Jurassic World. Each time I saw it, the more I thought it was just done poorly, 2015’s Godzilla (which strangely, the same actors who were husband and wife in that movie are the Maximoff twins in this one.)

So this is going to be a slightly different review, I will give a brief synopsis and then go on to list why I didn’t like this film.

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

So the film starts with the Avengers taking down what they believe is the last cell of HYDRA out in a small Eastern European country. They are also after the scepter Loki had in the first film. They believe they have accomplished it when they run into two “enhanced creatures” or whatever they call them, Wanda/Scarlet Witch and Pietro/Quicksilver Maximoff. Wanda has the power to manipulate reality, while Pietro can run at super fast speeds.

Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) Ph: Jay Maidment ©Marvel 2015

Wanda uses her powers to cloud each Avengers mind and mess with their ability to think, espechially Tony Stark. After the defeat, of everyone, (except the Maximoff twins), the team returns home to the tower in New York to have a party and celebrate the end of the Avengers.

Endbeginning

Tony convinces Thor to allow him to study the scepter, believing he can use it to create a robot that will be able to save humanity and keep it safe. He convinces Bruce Banner to assist him. See here is where we have the Frankenstein parallels.

Clive, Colin (Frankenstein)_02

In Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein believed that his work could save humanity: it could bring about immortality, he could save people who’s limbs were lost reanimating dead limbs; etc. Instead he creates a creature, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Frankenstein into playing his games and doing what he wants. Frankenstein realizes his mistake in trying to take God’s place and create something he has no control over, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

With Tony, he believed that his work could save humanity: it would protect them from aliens and any threat too large for humans to handle. Instead he creates a creature, Ultron, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Tony into playing his games and doing what he wants. Tony realizes his mistake, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

drfrankenstientonystarkavengers

The team has discord and seems to be falling apart, when after a brief pastoral retreat they come back in the game and go after Ultron. They steal the machine he was going to use to create the perfect body, with Tony comes up with a second idea. Use Ultron’s plan, but instead of Ultron, input his best friend/butler, J.A.R.V.I.S.

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

So here we have The Bride of Frankenstein parallels.

The-Bride-of-Frankenstein-006

In the Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has realized his mistake. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. Then an old friend, ), comes around and convinces him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Frankenstein knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a bride for the creature.

So in this Bruce Banner has realized his mistake in assiting in creating Ultron. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. But then Tony starts wheedling him, insisting and convincing him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Bruce knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a yin to Ultron’s yang, Vision.

ColinClive_013_From_BrideOfFrankenstein

So after the create Vision, they go after Ultron, ending back where the film started; but this time with Vision, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver (Wanda and Pietro both choosing to go with the Avengers than Ultron).

The fight to save the world, losing an avenger in the process. Back in New York, the old has gone it’s own way and a new Avenger team is born.

TheEnd_Title_2

Now on to the issues.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

1) What an Opening, “What” as in “What is Going On?”

what what'shappeningSupernatural

The first scene was all over the place, in a ton of slow motion, and unrealistically packed with action that I thought they were pulling a Toy Story 2 and it was a video game.

Say What

I mean come on, in that one scene they are practically posing for the camera.

It might have been the drugs I was on for my ear infection, but yeah I legitamitely thought it was some kind of tease, that is how horribly fake looking that beginning is. It didn’t feel like it was happening, but as if you were watching a bad community play. I mean I saw several times where Black Widow should have been shot but “wasn’t”. The fighting in the first one was much better.

Also no context as to what it going on, why are they after Loki’s scepter? Where did it go after the first Avengers film? Now some people might say “if you watch the TV show you’ll know”, but that’s not what a sequel is about. A sequel is created to enhance characters or events from the first film/book, having a progression from the previous to the next. Not suddenly throw everything at you with you like I don’t know what is going on.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

2) Slow Mo needs to Go No Mo’

Stop stop it now!

Honestly Joss Wheedon, the ’90s called, they want their special effects back. But seriously, waaaaaaay tooo much. It looks horrible, it is distracting, and just takes your viewer out of the right state of mind.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

3) Calling Someone Out for Cursing Worth Talking About, But Create an Evil Robot and That’s Just a Moment Thing

funny-Captain-America-car-Ultron-sad

Seriously. This a running joke for everyone, it keeps rearing its ugly head throughout the film. But Tony? They are mad for a nanosecond, and then they move on. Really guys? Really? The Robot is definitely worse and worth discussing.

And he doesn’t make just one thing, but TWO! TWO!!!!!

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

4) Enhanced Not Mutated

Marvel's Avengers: Age Of Ultron Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) Ph: Jay Maidment ©Marvel 2015

I don’t know who’s idea it was to not make them mutants and the children of Magneto, but that was beyond stupid.

THEY ARE MUTANTS NOT ENHANCED MUTANTS!!!!!! And they are Magneto’s children.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

5) Clintasha or Brutasha?

So I did not like Black Widow and Hulk together. I really wanted it to be Black Widow and Hawkeye.

NatashaandClint

Now I might not have minded the whole Brutasha if it weren’t for the fact that it came out of left field. Natasha does go get him in the first Avengers film, but that’s all we see of their interactions. There is nothing to suggest anything romantic, and no chemistry between them,  but yet we are expected they are considering running away together?

Girl Please

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

6) Visions…I Guess?

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So what is up with the visions that Scarlet Witch makes. They never really explain her powers in the film so is it magic? Really the future? What?

They also don’t make any sense. For Tony it is his fear, and a bit of the future. Black Widow, a hidden memory, Thor a fear/vision. Captain America? How does what he sees relate to anything?

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

7) Tony Pop Culture Allergy?

princess-leia-i-dont-know-what-youre-talking-about

So unlike Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, etc. Tony is a HUGE pop culture junkie. Yet when he creates artifical life, he doesn’t even consider how things could go horribly wrong. Wouldn’t he have seen Jurassic Park, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Frankenstein, The Terminator, I Robot, etc? Espechially as three that I just listed involve bad robots? Wouldn’t that make him pause, at least for a moment.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

8) I Leeloo Ultron Robot

The part when Ultron awoke and then starts researching to figure out his purpose and what he’s supposed to do made me think if The Fifth Element.

Ultron’s breakdown around his objective is also very similar to V.I.C.K.I., in I Robot, when she starts killing mankind to save mankind.


heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

9)Massive Iron Man Vs. Hulk

I feel like someone thought of this and then wrote the script around it. I know everyone thought it was super cool, but I actually thought it was kind of a worthless scene.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

10) Green Acres is the Place to Be

So the whole crew go out to Clint’s farm so that they can regroup and figure out a new plan. To me it seems like a ripoff from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), when they go to upstate New York to heal and refigure out what to do.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

11) Motorcycle Mama Knows NO Bounds of Gravity

When Ultron tosses the ground at Black Widow and she is able to not only stop in time but turn so she isn’t hurt.

Really?

Really?

Impossible and dumb thing to do. Just no, no.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

12) Copying Captain Underpants

So there was this book series in the early 2000s, Captain Underpants, about two kids, George and Harold, who hypnotize their principal into thinking he is their comic book creation, Captain Underpants.

In the sequel, Attack of the Talking Toilets, George and Harold use the nerdy kid’s  science fair project, a 3D printer, and accidentally bring a giant toilet and his toilet army to life.

toilets_page

When Captain America isn’t able to stop them, they then create a Giant Robot to battle and destroy the toilets.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is like the same exact plot. Just switch out toilets for Ultron & the robots, and Giant Robot for Vision.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

13) A Death That Didn’t Need to Happen

So people have been complaining that no one really dies in a superhero film, they always come back to life again. This coupled with Joss Wheedon liking to make us cry, meant he was going to kill someone and he killed Pietro.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The man has SUPER SPEED!!!! You really think he wouldn’t be able to just move around the bullets in time?

overlookedthatoneJoss

I mean for once Fox did a better job than Disney.

Just so much awesome.

And if they are going to kill him, why not save him in the Stargate cradle thing? Hawkeye used it. And why does he, Cho, and Coulson get to survive?

You know why, because he is just being a pain, like Wes Craven when he killed Randy but let Dewey survive. And you know what Wheedon? Because that was so stupid, I’m going to ignore it.

AvengersAgeofUltron

Let’s face it, we all know how it should have ended:

So no banner as I couldn’t find a pic that worked right. Instead I’m going to end with those who criticize films best:

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

halloween banner

For more on The Avengers, go to Avengers Assemble!

For more evil robots, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

For more mad scientists, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts that Lie Hidden Within: I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

For more Frankenstein, go to It’s Alive, It’s ALIVE!: Frankenstein (1931)

For more on The Bride of Frankenstein, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on sequels, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2 (1997)

For more How It Should Have Ended, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

For more CinemaSins, go to Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)

 

I Survived!

HorrorFilm

 

I survived, did you?

So this year’s Horrorfest was very, very different. After last year’s issues, I started writing this in May. This was the first time I have ever fully planned out a Horrorfest, as I had all the films picked and almost all finished by September.

So for the past two years, you have heard me say how I haven’t been able to complete all of Universal’s Classic Monster Films. Well I finally did it.  Wooot!!!

the wolf man

Once I wrote that post, I was so excited. You see, I felt I really couldn’t do a post on any werewolf films until I had covered the first one. I thought it was only right to start with the original. With that done, I could move onto any other werewolf film I desired. And I did. I decided to end Horrorfest with The Wolfman (2010). But then I decided to take it one step further. About every five episodes has a werewolf in it. It was a howling good time.

wolfman

I also decided to do When a Stranger Calls, because of the phone harassment I had experienced. I took this one step further by doing  all four of the Scream films, along with the Alfred Hitchcock film Dial “M” for Murder.

when-a-stranger-calls

Speaking of Alfred Hitchcock, after hearing me complain for two years about trying to review one of his films, I have reviewed not one, not two, but three Alfred Hitchcock films. I was only planning on doing Under Capricorn, because I was planning on talking about Samson Flunky for St. Patrick’s Day 2015. I ended up doing Shadow of a Doubt as it just entered my mind and Dial “M” for Murder. Still haven’t gotten around to Psycho. Well, there’s always next year.

AlfredHitchcock

So every year I mention wanting to do  Vincent Price films; like House on Haunted Hill. The Tomb of Ligeia, The Pit and the Pendulum, etc. I didn’t get around to any of those famous Vincent Price films, but I did do a film with him in it. I went over Laura (1944), which is when he is really young.

VincentPrice

So I hope you all enjoyed it! I did. But then everyday to me is October.

EverydayHalloweenHorrorfanOctober

 

So I usually put in a poll to see what you all you like, but I decided that I don’t care. I liked them all. Instead I’m just going to list them below for some of you who might have missed them.

Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

It’s Coming From Inside the House: When A Stranger Calls (2006)

In Their Proper Place: Metropolis (1927)

What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?: Scream (1996)

I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)

Unleash the Savage Instincts that Lie Hidden Within: I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

What is This Thing?: Phantoms (1998)

Only A Woman: Queen of Outer Space (1958)

Happily Ever Aftermath: Grimm (2012)

It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2 (1997)

You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?: Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

You Will Die in Seven Days: The Ring (2002)

Keep Clear Of the Moor. Beware the Moon: An American Werewolf in London (1981)

I Was Here For A Moment. And Then I Was Gone: The Lovely Bones (2009)

Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

Tuesday the 17th: Psych (2009)

All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off: Scream 3 (2000)

Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf: Boy Meets World (1994)

But the Book, It Will Never Close…: Along Came a Spider (2001)

Every Time I Bring a Girl Over, You Try to Eat Her!: Vampires Suck (2010)

Murder is My Favorite Crime: Laura (1944)

Monster Movie: Supernatural (2008)

You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat: Jaws (1975)

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Werewolves Roam Among Us: Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman (2000)

The Past of a Man: Under Capricorn (1949)

There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist: The Mist (2007)

What Have We Done to Each Other?: Gone Girl (2014)

The Perfect Murder: Dial “M” for Murder (1954)

Beast or Man: The Wolfman (2010)

I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

Terminator1984movieposter

I’ll be back!

So The Terminator is one of the best Horror-ScFi films ever! It is also one of the best Sci-fi films ever! It is one of the best ’80s films ever! It is one of the best Arnold Schwarzenegger films ever! It is one of my all-time favorote films!

love it

I think it is incredibly awesome! Did you know the initial draft for the movie was sold to James Cameron’s wife, Gale Anne Hurd for the price of $1 only.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

So the film starts off in May 12, 1984 (We just celebrated it’s 30th anniversary. That’s why I had to review it) with two beings from the year 2029  (we have 15 years left! I’m going to be alive then, woah!!!) Anyways, one is the Terminator T-800 Model 101, the cyborg assassin who is there to hunt down Sarah Connor and take her out before she can get pregnant and give birth to the father of the future resistance and the only threat to computer control. I just love this opening scene as you see how BA and hardcore the Terminator is.

Arnold Schwarzenegger originally wanted to play Kyle Reese. But James Cameron had a different idea and saw Schwarzenegger in the title role of The Terminator. After all as Cameron told Schwarzenegger, “This movie is not about the hero. It’s about The Terminator”. Just like Barney said:

The second person is Kyle Reese, sent by Sarah’s son to protect her. I love this actor as I just think he is so cute! And its funny, because everything I see him in I always think of him as Kyle Reese.

Anyways, so as Reese is tracking him down, the Terminator is looking for Sarah. He starts going through the telephone book and just mowing down every Sarah he runs into.

Arnold Schwarzenegger worked with guns everyday for a month to prepare for the role; the first two weeks of filming he practiced weapons stripping and reassembly blindfolded until the motions were automatic, like a machine. He spent hours at the shooting range, practicing with different weapons without blinking or looking at them when reloading or cocking; he also had to be ambidextrous. He practiced different moves up to 50 times.

keanu Whoa

Meanwhile, Sarah is unknowingly is going on with her normal life. She makes plans to go out to the club, while her friend is going to hang out at home with her boyfriend. When Sarah’s out she sees a news report on the TV about Sarah Conner’s being murdered and calls her friend at home to warn her. Unfortunately, she’s just missed her. She has already been terminated.

Couldn't resist

I know, i know

The Terminator hears her message and tracks her down there. Before he can kill her, Reese makes it in time and knocks the Terminator down.

Back off bot!

Back off bot!

Of course he hasn’t actually killed him, as that is extremely hard to do, but he has managed to buy him and Sarah enough time to take off.

As the two are driving off, Kyle tells Sarah about the future. In the year 2015 (NEXT YEAR!!!), Skynet, a computer defense system, will become self aware and begin a nuclear war against the humans. Sarah’s unborn son, John, is the one who will lead the rebellion against the machines and is the only chance for humankind. With the resistance on the verge of victory, Skynet sent a terminator back. A Terminator is a being with a metal endoskeleton covered  by a layer of living tissue, so that he looks more humanlike and harder to determine as cyborg.

terminator_wallpapers_hd_2014

Sarah is so freaked out that she doesn’t know how to make heads or tails of the whole issue. She doesn’t have very much time, as the Terminator has caught up with them and is chasing them down in a truck. Their two cars crash and the police show up.

The Terminator goes off to heal himself, and it is an uber crazy scene!

They take Reese into custody as they think that he purposely killed a man (the Terminator). They interrogate him, but think that he is crazy as they cannot find any proof that the Terminator exists. While Sarah is making a statement, we have one of the best and most quoted scenes of all time. 🙂

The Terminator: I’ll be back.”–The Terminator (1984)

Terminator

boomerangterminator

 

Sorry about that. I’m back on track now. So While the Terminator marches in and starts killing all sorts of people, Kyle and Sarah escape.

They flee to a cheap motel where Sarah questions Kyle more about why he was picked to go on this dangerous mission as he can never return home. Reese tells her he volunteered. John had a picture of her and Kyle fell in love looking at it and hearing about her. He didn’t care if he couldn’t go back as it was worth it to be with her. Sarah is touched by his words and the two have sex.

Look at that hunky man

Look at that hunky man

The next day Reese takes off to get supplies and leaves Sarah alone in the motel. She calls her mom to let her know she is okay. That would be great…except that her mom is already dead and the woman she is talking to is actually the Terminator mimicking the voice. Than Sarah does the stupidest thing, she gives her “mom” the phone number of the place she is at. Why would you do that when there is a killer on the loose Sarah? Why? You know he already knows who you and is hunting you down.Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Kyle comes back and teaches Sarah everything she needs to know about creating her own weapons out of common products. While the two are having this sweet scene, the Terminator has tracked them down. Luckily, the dog belonging to the motel’s owner starts barking, warning Reese.

hear that?

The two get involved in a second car chase in which Kyle throws pipe bombs at the Terminator to try and stop him. Reese is wounded and the momentarily stop the Terminator, burning off all his flesh.

terminator-endo-skeleton

He chases the two into a nearby factory. This part is pretty cool, as Sarah takes control of the situation, giving us a preview to how BA she will be in the sequel.

Reese attacks the Terminator, but realizes he doesn’t have much time left, as he’s wounded too bad. He stuffs a bomb into the Terminator’s stomach, the explosion killing Reese and severely injuroing the Terminator. It continues to try and take Sarah down, who leads it to a hydraulic press and crushes it. The only thing that survives is an arm.

terminator

Sarah is later taken out of the factory by an ambulance as Kyle’s body is taken away and buried.

Months later a pregnant Sarah is traveling through Mexico and is recording audio tapes for John when he’s older. This is where we are introduced to the amazing Terminator paradox. John is 20 years older than his father. Sarah is like 45 years older than her child’s father. Plus John has to care for Kyle Reese and make sure he survives until he can send him back or else he won’t be born. Crazy! Makes your head spin.

keanu Whoa

And if you want the really abbreviated version, go to 30 Second Bunnies

Now even though I absolutely love this movie, I will say that How It Should Have Ended did a pretty good job.

1984_the-terminator

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

halloween banner

For more on The Terminator, go to My Favorite Movie Lines

For more on Linda Hamilton, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more cyborgs, go to In Their Proper Place

For more on a resistance group, go to Na-Na-Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

For more on ’80s films, go to The Anniversary of Its Formation

For more films that spanned sequels, go to Just Follow the Screams

For more on How I Met Your Mother, go to Fashionably Postworthy