So I’m 29 and I remember when these books and movies came out. People were going crazy over them, girls would get in fights in the halls over team Jacob or team Edward. People would camp outside theaters to get tickets to go and see it. It was a crazy time.
I was never a fan but one of my best friends was obsessed with it, so I had a front seat view to the craziness and all the drama on and off screen.
I have never actually ever watched these films, I mean I have seen a clip or two of them but never actually watched or read them as they never appealed to me. I’m a Dracula vampire lover and want something more like that or even Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X.
Plus people are always saying that if Catherine Morland existed today she’s be all over this series, so it is Jane Austen related. Sort of.
So this film is sooooooo bad!!! Like who, where, what, why??? Just what is this?
It is just horrible and dumb and the people they picked do an awful job. Like why did they pick Kristen Stewart to be the lead in this? She is so horrible. When she talks she pauses so much that I zone out and when the sentence is finished I’m like what were you all talking about again? What just happened?
Like ugh.
So the film starts off with Bella moving from Arizona with her mom to Forks, Washington although the movie never makes it clear why. I know her mom is in a relationship wint a minor league baseball player (not sure if married or dating) but minor league times are pretty stagnant in one area and then just go for away games. Why couldn’t she go with them?
She gets back and meets people who she doesn’t remember except Jacob and Billy Black, Jacob’s dad. Her dad also gives her, her own truck and she’s not the nicest about it. Hey I would have loved to have my own vehicle for free instead of having to work and save up for one.
At school everyone is all about Bella although I don’t know why. She’s not friendly, she’s not stunning, she’s not witty, she’s not articulate, she isn’t super intellectual, she’s isn’t a jock, her clothing choices are extremely questionable…but everyone wants to talk to her and be her friend.
Like all want to be her friend-from popular girl Jessica played by Anna Kendrick, to nerdy Angela played by Christian Serrantas, the popular jock, and the newspaper editor. What’s weird for me is loooking at this film the most attractive boy isn’t Edward or Jacob but the boy who runs the school newspaper. Justin Jitae Chon portrays Eric Yorkie.
But back to the film. So everyone is salivating over Bella (I guess they don’t often get new people) including Edward the vampire. Although when he first sees her he is pretty rude and looks like he is in pain at the sight and smell of her. It’s weird that Bella wants the one guy who isn’t trying to be up in her space, but trying to stay far, far away from her…what no-Bella has a lot of issues that makes sense she would want the one guy who isn’t acting like she the hottest thing ever.
So Edward is “out sick” a few days and comes back and is very polite but she’s incredibly rude.
One day a car is coming toward Bella and Edward run and saves her. He tries to pretend it was nothing but Bella knows his speed isn’t normal. It is kind of a weird action to be honest, like how did he really think he would explain that?
The guy who almost hit her is a horrible driver as later he isn’t paying attention when he is parking and looks as if he will hit some other students. Maybe he needs glasses.
Then they go on a field trip to a nursery to look at compost. I can’t believe that a town of about ~1000 people would be willing to waste what little budget they had to go look at compost, but whatever.
I really haven’t been paying much attention to the dialogue as Kristen Stewart pauses so often between her words that I seriously start to zone out. By the time she reaches the end of the sentence I can’t recall what she started with.
They then all go surfing where Bella runs into Jacob again. She had invited Edward but he stood her up. She then gets told the Cullens can’t go on the reservation.
Bella wants to go to a “special bookstore” to get more information and when she hears her friends are dress shopping at that town she goes with them. She doesn’t try on any dresses, but you know in the end she will have a “stunner”.
To be honest this movie is really boring. I don’t really follow what is happening right now. Bella is followed by Edward and he helps save her. She also has dreams about him and is convinced they should be together. But Edward gives off MAJOR RED FLAGS.
Edward Cullen: All superhero stuff right? But what if I’m not the hero? What if I am the bad guy
Uh, girl run! He’s warning you! If a guy says this, then run run far away. But does she? No instead she does what unfortunately a lot of women do, she stays convinced that is just a wall he is putting up to protect himself. Even though he told her he is not safe or to be trusted, she decides to put all her time and effort into convincing Edward to be with her, completely ignoring him telling her that he doesn’t want to.
This really drives me crazy as Bella refuses to listen to his rejection. If the roles had been reversed and this was a woman being harassed by a man it wouldn’t be seen as romantic, the guy would be creepy. And Bella is creepy.
Then Bella does research and discovers that Edward must be a vampire, although that conclusion is pretty weird. I mean all she knows is he runs super fast, put otherwise he hasn’t exhibited any “vampire qualities”. I would be more likely to believe he is a superhero or his doctor father experiments on his foster children then to assume he is a vampire. I mean she has seen him walk around in daylight, he goes to school, he never drinks blood or has ever bit anyone. I don’t quite understand why she jumps to that conclusion.
And when I typed in cold blooded and super speed all that came up was cold blooded reptiles. Then I added reads minds and two books titled cold blooded popped up- the first is about a superhero and super villains and the second is about vampires. So vampires are not the first thing that pops up.
Edward tries to warn her off, again! He admits he is a vampire and says multiple times that she isn’t strong enough to stop him if he ever attacked her and that she could never outrun him and also mentions other very scary things about his relationship with her. Like huge giant red flags! She should just run away too!
Edward Cullen: Beautiful? This is the skin of a killer, Bella… I’m a killer.
Isabella Swan: I don’t believe that.
Edward Cullen: That’s because you believe only the lies… the camouflage. I’m the world’s most dangerous predator, Bella. Every thing about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that… as if you could out run me… as if you could fight me off. I’m designed to kill.
Isabella Swan: I don’t care.
Edward Cullen: I’ve killed people before.
Isabella Swan: It does not matter.
Edward Cullen: I wanted to kill you at first. I’ve never wanted a human’s blood so much, before
Like Bella don’t be dumb run away from him and this!
Isabella Swan: Why did you hate me so much when we met?
Edward Cullen: I did, only because of wanting you so badly. I still don’t know if I can control myself.
Uh no! This is dangerous behavior and she should stay far away.
“Edward Cullen: [to Bella] You are my life now.”
Again, no! This is one of those things that sounds romantic but isn’t really. No one should be your whole life. Having been in an abusive relationship, this dialogue really brings up some bad memories.
So Edward has given in and starts doing “vampire behavior” in front of everyone which is weird. Like can you not jump on my car. And just because Bella knows doesn’t mean you should tell the whole neighborhood.
He then takes Bella to his house where his dad cooks for them Italian food as they think Bella is Italian. That’s a really weird assumption to make as Bella is just a popular name. I once had a class with three Bella’s in it, one was African-American, one was Mexican, and the other white (non-Italian).
Anyways Bella doesn’t eat and Rosalie throws a tantrum. Weird! Edward then shows her his room and house. On one area they have framed graduation caps to show all the high schools they have graduated from and again I wonder why? I mean I get they go to school for interaction so they aren’t bored at home living on and on but why high school? I mean they are 17 not 10. They could go to college and just learn a lot or get jobs like in The Highlander? Why don’t they be like in The Highlander, and just move around and have different businesses, sell them and move elsewhere. Like he had the antique shop, the boxing club, then he does antiquities again. If I was a vampire or immortal I would do antiques/antiquities or get into restoration work (like in The Age if Adalind).
It’s also weird that Edward doesn’t have a bed and he never sleeps as every single vampire legend has a time when Vampires have to rest, but whatever.
The other thing that is super weird is how Bella has not only hounded Edward into dating him but how she really, really wants to be a vampire. Like she is constantly beinging it up to him all the time trying to convince him to turn her. It’s really annoying how obsessed she is.
Meanwhile there are three vampires running around killing people. Every time I see them all I can think of is Vampires Suck
“You know who we are don’t you?”
“You’re the Black Eyed Peas?
“Why does everyone always think we are the Black Eyed Peas?
Vampires Suck! (2010)
They are roaming around and they run into the Cullens when they play baseball in a storm. Yes this scene is really weird as they are running and leaping and using their super speed. I just can’t believe the editor and then later those in the writing room thought this was a good idea.
“Rogue” vampires ruin the game, one being obsessed with Bella as all the men in this film are and wants her. They won’t give up so Edward tells her she needs to leave and go away with them, and she agrees to protect her dad.
The two stage a huge fight with Bella freaking out and yelling that she is so upset she decides to go with her mom in Jacksonville. Her dad is stunned and she just takes off. Edward hitches a ride with her and they go to Arizona where Bella goes to her old ballet studio, a room filled with mirrors when vampires can’t have their reflection seen. Like that makes zero sense Bella?!!
So I guess they can be seen? Whatever?!! This film follows no vampire lore and the lore they do have makes no sense. I’m over it and this girl.
James attacks Bella and acts like he is going to kill her, but just bites her as if he is going to turn her-but doesn’t.
Edward comes and saves the day, but Bekka is pretty bad with a broken leg and her femoral artery has been cut. Edward’s dad tries to save her, offering to turn her vampire but Edward won’t. Instead Edward decides to suck out the vampire poison/venom. He “saves” the day, but this next scene is really troubling to me.
So Bella’s Mom arrives and Bella is at the hospital asking what happened. Bella’s mom tells her she ran off to Arizona and Edward and his dad followed her to convince her to come back to Forks, Washington. She tells Bella that Edward and Dr. Cullen found her after she fell down two flights of stairs and through a windows taking her to the hospital. They saved her life and all she has is the broken leg and the cut artery although she is okay.
I don’t know why her mother and father aren’t freaking out over that. I have never been to a hotel, and I have been to some fancy ones, where there is a window by the stairs. Usually they don’t have that. And if they did have one, why wasn’t it safety glass? And the fact she fell down two flights of stairs, yet has no other bruises or any other marks on her body to verify that? In fact this whole thing sounds like Edward is abusing her and I can’t believe her father a cop isn’t thinking that. From his point of view she and her boyfriend got into such a terrible fight she wanted to leave the state, he and his father followed her to try and get her to come back, she “fell” down two flights of stairs and a window and broke her leg and cut her femoral artery. To me it sounds like Edward followed her to try and force her back, she didn’t want to come so he threw her down the stairs. Like this story sounds like he is abusing her.
And if they do believe this story, why aren’t they asking which hotel and going down there to sue or get some recompensation for their daughter’s accident.
But in this they all go back home and everything is happily ever after.
Watching this I feel like Stephanie Meyer really liked some boy and he rejected her so in her story her main character is desired by all and convinced that everyone loves her.
All I know is this is bad and the characters are supposed to be “romantic” but all are just horrible. As this is domestic abuse survivors month, I just wanted to drop this here:
And even though this is not a film I enjoyed, the obligatory Facebook cover pic:
janeaustenrunsmylife 