Maybe We Should Just Let the World Blow Up: Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

“Well, that tears it. Maybe we should just let the world blow up. The gorillas, every damned… what it comes to.Maybe we should just let the world blow up. The gorillas, every d*****… what it comes to.”

So to be 100% honest I have not seen this movie in over 20 years.

What’s the heck?

Yes, while I can watch the first film over and over again and the others there are two BIG reasons why I have not watched this film again:

1) It was missing Charlton Heston. If my memory serves me right, he’s barely even in the film, just a blimp in the beginning and end.

He is why most if us are watching!

2) THIS FILM FAAAA-REAKED ME OUT! OH MYGoodness. This movie gave me nightmares-the part when they rip their skin off and the girl with the ponytail-ghdshtfgfdfmxhngbcvffz bvhfcgcg FAAAA-REAKED me out!

When I was a child Dante’s Peak was the number one scary film to me (there is a small volcanic range where I live and I was convinced after watching that movie it was going to erupt-plus thaat scene with the grandma) and then it was this one.

But I have really wanted to watch (and review) all of these in order so I will face my fears and rewatch this film. After all it has been 20 years, I’m sure it will be no big deal. Right?

In fact I have to watch our old VHS as the library has the full set but the person who has this one checked out won’t return it.

Ugh!

So Planet of the Apes was amazing and did wonderful with the box office. But because of some bad financial decisions, and films getting lackluster amounts of money: such as Hello, Dolly! (1969), Star! (1968), and Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970). They needed a win and got it with this one, but severely slashed the budget.

Yes, compared to Planet of the Apes this film has few apes in it, and the apes that are in here-have less than stellar makeup.

Hmm, I don’t know about this…

But it made Fox some serious money and saved the studio.

So our VHS has a trailer of the film before you watch the film. I remember sometimes they had that, but it is so weird to watch it today as they don’t put the trailer of the film before the film.

But it is nice that we get a brief remembrance of where the first film left off. The trailer says this movie will be the “last battle”. Hah, they don’t know that there is a Battle for Planet of the Apes coming. Fingers crossed all goes according to plan it will be posted on October 30th.

Please!

So we start with the ocean waves rolling in, calm. Then Roddy McDowell reading from the Ape Scrolls, pretty much the end of the first film. Taylor and Nova are heading off, following the shoreline with Cornelius and Dr. Zira (Kim Hunter) deciding to stay-even though they will face charges of treason.

As they journey, Taylor finds the head of the stature of liberty! They then continue to ride off into the desert and rocks.

We then cut to a crashed and broken spaceship. One man, Brent (James Franciscus), gets out with a first aid kit, trying to help out his fellow cosmonaut, Skipper. But he’s a goner, you can tell.

It is 3955 AD,  according to their time, and the two men were following Taylor. Ah! So someone was listening to his transmissions.

They seem to be in a smaller ship, but have more things and gadgets. Their computer is shot and besides that they know nothing about where or when they are. Skipper dies and Brent is all alone.

At least Taylor had his people for the first leg of the journey-this guy doesn’t know where he is, when he is, where Taylor is, where to go, and is all by himself.

Something on a horse is watching him! Just like in he first one!! But this is a woman.

Its Nova, but where is Taylor? This movie kinda reminds me of Pocahontas II when we all wanted John Smith back but they paired her up with John Rolfe-and I know it is more “historically” accurate, but still. You built the first movie up with him and then him out and throw in some young guy?!!

He sees Taylor’s name on the dogtag worn by Nova and asks Nova where Taylor is. Nova has a flashback of when she and Taylor were riding off and he was trying to teach her how to speak and gave her his dogtags. BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? WHY DO WE HAVE BRENT WHO I DON’T WANT! I didn’t want him 20 years ago and don’t want him now!!

IT’S NOT WHAT I WANT!

Sorry for the brief tantrum…let’s go back to the film. Nova flashes back again to them riding together in the desert and in the Forbidden Zone. Weird place, what the the heck the forbidden zone has fire?! And lightening!!?? Where are they? Is this real? The ground breaks apart? Is this an illusion? Taylor tries to figure this out and tells Nova that if anything happens to him to find Dr. Zira.

He walks foward and touches a rock disappearig ito thin air!

Whaaaaaaaaa? huh?

I don’t really care for this style of flashback and such-it is sooo different from the first one.

Brent just ups and jumps on the horse commanding Nova to take him to Taylor. I remember I couldn’t stand him and his character, but I don’t remember why. He hasn’t done anything really annoying? Maybe it was because he isn’t Charlton Heston.

You’re nowhere close to him…

So back at…Ape City I guess, they never say what it is called, we see something serious is going down with the gorillas. And oh man I love these costumes, so much better than CGI. Not nowhere as good as the original but the budget but whatcha gonna do when they slash your budget.

Oh, well.

Brent is not a good actor. Like it is starting to come back to me why I couldn’t stand him. He did like an Arnold OMG when he saw the apes.

Anyways the lead Gorilla, Ursus, is stirring up the crowd. Must be an election year! He’s going on about hating humans and that “he only good human is a dead human.”

That’s not good.

OMG Brent, this dude! His acting! It is soooooooooo wooden. He says “It’s a nightmare.” like how you say “Oh like it’s a cheeseburger.” Now I know why I didn’t like him.

Dr. Zira is not having it and she will not be siting idly by-that’s ’cause she rocks.

Anyways, the Forbidden Zone has been Forbidden for years-but now they know there is something there. They believe it is their holy duty to go out and take the land back-manifest destiny! Expand, invade, take the land back that is rightfully theirs!

All the apes cheer, except Zira who’s not having this crap.

Cornelius wants them to play it safe, he wants his wife to be safe. Aw. they are such a cute couple.

Ugh, Brent. This guy is not doing a good job acting. He says everything that is supposed to be shocked, like it is nothing.

Nova and Brent run and their movement spotted by a gorilla sentry, but when the gorilla shoots, he scares a bird and thinks that what caused the movement and goes on his way.

Back in Ape city, Dr. Zauis and the Gorilla leader are in a steam room talking.

Huh?

I don’t know. What is this film? Anyways, Dr. Zauis thinks they should leave the Forbidden Zone alone-but Ursus says they need to or they will starve. I don’t know why there is such an urgency. What happened to the orangutans controlling everybody? They should have explained it better with a famine or something?

Cornelius and Zira argue about what to do and like all Planet of the Apes, they are some of the best things.

As they are preparing something chocolate, can apes eat that? Nova comes in with Brent, they think he is Taylor at first (all look like right) and Brent introduces himself and that he is looking for Taylor.

OMG Brent, this dude is killing me. He’s talking to human size, intellectual, chimpanzees, who aer in the middle of  baking and  he acts like it’s no big deal. He’s just like whatever. THE first movie was sooooooo much better, Charlton Heston was so much better.

Who hired this dude?

Sorry don’t mean to be rude I’m sure you did good in other stuff, but you are just sucking in this movie. The dislike and hate I had for you as a seven year old is all coming back.

Can he, can he just leave and we have Charlton Heston back. Like who came up with this idea?!!!! Who hired him? Who said that take was good?

So Cornelius goes over the map with Brent to try and figure out where Taylor might be. While it was Roddy McDowell in the beginning of the film, Cornelius’ voice sounds off. Let me look it up…

I’m stumped.

It’s not Roddy McDowell? What?????????????????????? He has something else he was involved in.

I’m not happy…

Dr. Zauis comes to speak to them and sees the bloody rag Zira was using on Brent and she pretends Cornelius hit her. Uh, what?

And thenDr. Zauis is all for that. What the? Who decided on that? What is this?

Anyways, Dr. Zauis says that he and the gorillas are going to go into the Forbidden Zoe and Zauis doesn’t want them to. He doesn’t want the “truth” to be found as he wants them to continue the way things are. But if he doesn’t return from the expedition, he is bestoeing them in charge and asks them to preserve the ape way of life.

Like this makes zero sense!!! They have outright opposed him! And they WANT the truth to be told? Why would he pick them out of everybody? Doesn’t he have a lackey? Did ANY of these writers watch the first film and see WHY it was so awesome?

So they warn Brent that he needs not to talk if caught by gorillas as they will dissect him. They give him “clothes for for humans”; and Brent is just dumb.  He says “why would I talk to a gorilla.”

Ughhh…Brent.

This dude!!!!

He changes his clothes and he and Nova ride off on a horse to try and find Taylor. And they get not like five seconds of riding- gorillas find them and the horse is dead. Wooooooooow!!!! Brent you suck.

Really, really?

I’m out!

The gorillas storm after them and capture the two. The gorillas seem to have a lot more power in this film, in fact we hardly ever see an orangutan. Gee it sure would be nice if they gave us more info on what happened!!!

They get thrown in a cage like in the first film.

The next day we get to see the Gorilla’s practicing their maneuvers and training. Some gorillas are just casually tossing about a monolith. No its not that big, but still it was a ginormous rock. They should be superape strong.

Sorry!

Brent gets thrown into Zira’s lab. She is surprised to see him but secretly in her mind I’m sure she us thinking- this man sucks. You got like three steps before you got captured. She tries to keep them for study but Gorilla-Hitler, I mean Ursus, wants them for target practice.

So Zira lets them go in the cart to be carried away after she “double locks the door” jeez the gorillas really must be all brawn and no brains. How do you double lock a door? You lock or unlock it.

Brent gets out and fights with the gorilla on top of the moving cart but there isn’t any music. I mean it is a pretty cool action scene-but they didn’t add a score or anything, we just hear the cart going down the road. Weird. Guess music didn’t make it on their budget.

Maybe that’s why they only had a few scenes wit Charlton Heston hr was too expensive (BTW he donated his salary to charity).

So Brent defeated the gorilla, yeah I’m surprised he could do anyting right too and he and Nova take off on the horses-oh and look right back into the gorillas again. There’s the Brent we know, the sucky one. Jeez, this guy is dumb. Man he a serious damsel in distress, he keeps getting captured.

Except I can’t

So yes Taylor was captured twice in the Planet of the Apes film. First time they had just arrived on the planet and  in the second he was trying to escape the city, but at least we got to see the whole set and have an awesome scene revealing he could talk. He didn’t run, get captured, run, get captured, etc. Then when he escaped the final time he didn’t get caught, he took Dr. Zauis prisoner.

So they escape to the desert and find a cave, but inside there is tile. Hmm..? There is also a cement wall/door with an image of a moon on it. What is this?

Huhhhhhhh

He looks some more and finds it used to be Queensboro Plaza. Uh, I’m sure this is supposed to be the big reveal for him, but first of all-its not that big a deal. I mean in the other one we had the stature of liberty’s head!!!! Her head!!! Was she blown up? Taken down by a new race! We don’t know but it was by something bad.

This is a subway station in Queens. Well whoop-de-doo. Seriously-what if he saw pieces of the Empire State Building or Times Square or something New York! I mean nothing will be as big a WHAAAAAT!!!! moment as the Statue of Liberty’s head, but seriously a subway station?

And what does Brent say when he sees it? “Oh gee, this used to be my home.” Bfffffffqwwwwww!Really?

I hate Brent. I wish the apes had used you as target practice.

So we see ape church and they pray before they head out to the Forbidden Zone (okay every time I write that all I can imagine is the Beast’s voice saying forbidden-sorry had to share)

A group of Chimps have a peace protest on front of the gorllas. I wonder of Lucius is one. I miss him.

The gorillas come in and pull  them out “quietly” and lock them all up in the animal, I mean human cages. Ouch, these apes are way harsher in judgement. You don’t see police taking people down to the pound to be put in kennels.

Ouch

So Brent is sitting and staring into space then…ugh, Brent just annoys me. He just has to breathe and is annoying. How long until Charlton Heston comes back?

Please be soon! Please be soon! Please be soon!

So Brent peeks out of the cave and spots a gorilla patrol. He waits until they move and then is going to leave when he hears a strange humming sound. He decides to follow it…because? Reasons, I guess?

Why?

He goes down the subway tracks and he discovers the humming comes from a device. It stops when he touches the ladder. So he decides to climb up, followed by Nova and down a tubular walkway. This is actually kinda creepy as every passage looks the same but you have no clue where you are going or what awaits you on the other side.

They climb out of a tunnel and there is the New York Public Library and the Stock Exchange, all would have been a much cooler reveal that the Queensboro plaza. Not hating just saying! (Actually no, I am hating)

I’m not happy

There is a cathedral and Brent drinks the holy water thats been sitting there for who knows how long. Really Brent, really? Didn’t you learn to never drink standing water? Like how did you pass any survival skills classes?

Dude seriously. This dude is so annoying.

I HATE this character!

So a loud buzzing noise comes and Bret starts acting weird wanting to kill Nova. He manages to fight against it and stop himself, but the voice is in his head as he backs into the chapel where the noise gets louder and then disappears. Why? Who knows!

Here’s the part of the film that is ingrained in my mind. In the chapel is a giant bomb and a man kneeling before it, his god.

Brent speaks to him, questing what is going on. The mole people, I mean the people beneath the planet of the apes speak with telepathy. Brent is taken from the Cathedral to the tribunal.

That’s not good.

They think he is a spy and question him. Its kind of weird because we don’t hear their voices it i just Brent answering them, ugh Brent.

Meh.

They continue to interrogate him and Brent sings like a canary. He can’t do anything right.

The stop with telepathy as they can speak verbally. He tells them that the bomb isn’t a god,but they say it is a holy weapon of peace. Yeah an anti-war vibe is really strong in this film. It was the ’70s after all.

They think that Brent is from the apes, bit Brent is like I don’t know.

Hate him!

These humans have mutant powers like telepathy, fire, etc…what a second.

Human mutants with abilities! OMG Brent found the morlocks!

Anyway their “peaceful weapons” are to destroy the “murderous apes”. Brent tries to talk reason but they don’t listen. They can’t use their telepathy on the apes which upsets them.

They bring Nova in and use their powers to make Brent kiss and strangle Nova.  This movie is a mess.

What’s going on?

We switch back to apes, thank goodness who are storming the forbidden zone. They arrive and the people play tricks on their mind. They see apes in agony hanging upside down, fire, their lawgiver god on fire, then bleeding, etc.

Dr.Xauis become angry and rides into the fire and stone, but survives. The illusion melts away.

They head toward the old New York City. Meanwhile, under the city the people are preparing a communion and church service. They kneel before the bomb praying to it.

They prepare the bomb and only need to press the button to let it go. Brent and Nova were forced to attend as well. And here is the scene were they reveal their innermost self and remove their skin.

This is still FAAAA-REKY! I’ll admit, I screamed whe I saw it again. Mghrtyghfkyfv!

All are excused to go to their shelters. They put their faces back on. They tell Brent they hope him witnessing their services convinces him they are only for peace. They take them to a cell and who’s in there? TAYLOR!

FINALLY!!!!

They talk, but then the guard uses his mind control to try and make them fight. Brent starts first because he’s more weak minded.

The two fight and and this feels weird as the only sound is like a buzz saw cutting wood-the mind control, It is so weird that this movie has like no score.

Taylor knocks Brent into the wall, sand the guards don’t like this “boring” gladiator battle so they toss a spike club onto the cell.

Nova manages to get away from her attacker and goes charging down to try and stop them-shouting out her first word “Taylor” and breaking the concentration and mind control.

They kill the guard by ramming him on the spiky cell. I remember this scene vividly! As he dies he removes his skin to show his innermost self. fgagfdguhij!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Like Taylor seriously wounded Brent and he should be waaaaay worse off, but he is only slightly wounded. Brent tells him about the bomb and how it had alpha and omega on it.

Taylor recognizes it as a doomsday bomb created in his time. Remember when he mentioned at the beginning of Planet of the Apes?

George Taylor : This much is probably true – the men who sent us on this journey are long since dead and gone. You who are reading me now are a different breed – I hope a better one. I leave the 20th century with no regrets. But one more thing – if anybody’s listening, that is. Nothing scientific. It’s purely personal. But seen from out here everything seems different. Time bends. Space is boundless. It squashes a man’s ego. I feel lonely. That’s about it. Tell me, though. Does man, that marvel of the universe, that glorious paradox who sent me to the stars, still make war against his brother? Keep his neighbor’s children starving?

Meanwhile the apes are continuing and it is lame we don’t have more Zira and Cornelius. I love them but they are hardly in his.

I’m not happy

The apes find the passageway to the subway and start down it exploring. Meanwhile, the guys are trying to break free when the apes enter the city, shootig at any human that they see.

The guys manage to finally get themselves free and grab spare clubs from the wall and attack a gorilla with Nova being killed. AW!

Taylor is angry enough to want all to die, but Brent convinces him to stop the bomb.

Taylor: [as Nova slowly dies, gunned down by a gorilla] Well, that tears it. Maybe we should just let the world blow up. The gorillas, every damned… what it comes to.

John Brent: [Intense, full of fury] Taylor, come on. Come on!

Taylor: Yeah.

The apes storm the cathedral with our two spacemen hot on their trails.The leader speaks to them, shocking all as humans talk and lets the bomb go. They shoot him and then try to shoot the bomb.

Taylor and Brent creep along, trying not to be shot but reach the control panel to stop the bomb. And THEY SHOOT TAYLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brent shoots a bunch of apes, wow he can actually do something right.

I’m surprised

Dr. Zauis is shocked to see Taylor and does’t want to help him.

Brent is killed. Taylor is angry at Zauis and reaches out accidentally setting the bomb off, Everything whites out and we get end narration.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeelllll...I didn’t like it. The cut budget really makes this pale in comparison to the other film. This script is all over the place! Brent-don’t get  started on his character or his lackluster the acting, the characters we love from the original are all missing, and the whole power structure and motivation of the apes as a whole has seriously changed-but we don’y get any reason why! This whole thing was pretty lackluster.

Now did it still freak me out? YES! The skin ripping off scenes are still just as creepy as they were 20 years ago. Please don’t let it give me any nightmares tonight!!!

So that is the end of the Planet of the Apes. At least until next Wednesday (Fingers crossed)

I hope I can do it.

And the facebook banner:

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more Planet of the Apes, go to Take Your Stinking Paws Off Me, you D*** Dirty Ape!: Planet of the Apes (1968)

For more Charlton Heston, go to Work Will Always Be There But You Might Not Be: The Greatest Show on Earth (1952)

For more Roddy McDowell, go to That Darn Cat

For more dystopian future films, go to Don’t Go in There! You Don’t Have to Die! No One Has to Die at 30! You Could Live! LIVE!: Logan’s Run (1976)

 

 

Superhero Film or Stalker Thriller: Unbreakable (2000)

So with Glass having come out this year, I thought why not review the first of the trio-Unbreakable.

So I watched this film years ago in school. I think it was when I was a senior and they were doing STAR testing. It was in 2010 that I had watched it and M. Night Shyamalan had kinda hit a dive.

Ouch

There was The Sixth Sense that put him on stage- then Signs, which I liked. We then had The Village, which was blah-then Lady in the Water, The Happening, The Last Airbender, Devil, After Earth-all awful and horrible.

I had never heard of Unbreakable as it kind of slipped through the cracks. I don’t even remember any marketing for it-like with his other films. I think it was lost between the big success of The Sixth Sense (1999) and the marketing for Signs (2002).

Meh.

I think too is that it was a different type of film. It is not exactly a comic book film like Blade (1998), X-Men (2000), and Spider-Man (2002). It wasn’t a big action film, with fights, costumes, etc. It is a very different story.

So David Dunn (Bruce Willis) works security at the college stadium and he and his wife, Audrey (Robin Wright) have been having marital problems-they are sleeping in separate rooms and he looking to New York to find a new job (maybe as a police detective? Huh, any Die Hard fans out there?)

Everything changes when his train crashes-all are injured and die, except David.

After the accident his son, Joseph, sticks him like glue-horrified about how close he was to losing his father.

David gets an invitation to a gallery opening on comic books, and takes Joseph there. There they meet the owner-Elijah Price, who has been searching for someone like David.

Elijah Price (Samuel L. Jackson), has a rare condition where he is extremely fragile. He does barely anything, and his bones break. He knows that if there is someone like him out there-there must be the opposite-a strong man.

*Sidenote* I just noticed that Elijah Price wears a purple suit reminiscent of the Joker’s purple suit in Batman (1989). I never noticed that before, but it should have been a sign.

David thinks he is crazy, and leaves. Joseph, however, loves the idea of him being a superhero and keeps pushing and testing him.

Elijah doesn’t give up and slowly David begins to accept the idea as well and tries to become a hero.

Wow!

Now when I re-watched this film, I realized something. This isn’t really a superhero film, but a crazy stalker film.

I mean David clearly tells Elijah to leave him alone, that he is not interested-but Elijah doesn’t give up. He goes to his work, calls him, implements himself into his life, gets his wife as his physical therapist and goes at her too.

This guy is a serious creep!

Soon Elijah has even manipulated himself into being David’s best friend and confidante. In fact it is SUPER creepy.

Spooky…

I mean imagine if David was a woman, and constantly telling the guy not interested-but he went after her, her child, her husband-that’s a Lifetime plot!

I mean, if you look at the film that way instead of a superhero film-it is a super creepy movie. I don’t know if I’m just more sensitive because of my ex-but I recommend re-watching the film, and look at it through that lens-it is much scarier and I think way better.

And the facebook banner:

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more Bruce Willis, go to Secrets are Great, Unless You Get Caught: Perfect Stranger (2007)

For more Samuel L. Jackson, go to We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

For more superheroes, go to Austen Avengers Assemble!

To Fandom With Love

Yes my friends we have finally reached the end of these fandom posts. For some you may be sad, while others may rejoice that we are done.

But how do you close a posts like these? Ones that talk about fandoms you love? How do you truly show how wonderful they have been? Well in the words of Eric Matthews (Boy Meets World) “I could tell you what I think about you, but it would just come out a bunch of words. And I know, nobody could say it better than a little girl named Lulu” (with my help of changing the words slightly).

Those school girl days of telling tales
And biting nails are gone
But in my mind I know
They will still live on and on

But how do you thank someone
Who has taken you from crayons to blogging?
It isn’t easy, but I’ll try

If you wanted the sky
I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high
To Fandom, with love

A Fandom who taught me right from wrong
And weak from strong
That’s a lot to learn, what
can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon
I would try to make a star
But I, would rather you let me give my heart
To Fandom, with love

 

 Wishbone

Wishbone was such an awesome show. It made a huge impact on my life and made me interested in classic literature.

The show was about a dog named Wishbone, his master Joe and his mom (Joe’s dad passed away) and his friends Sam and David. In every episode it covered something happening with the characters and related it to a classic. When Wishbone would tell the story, he would always be the main character.

They did Robin Hood, Pride & Prejudice (which I will be reviewing), The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Rip Van Winkle, Ivanhoe, Frankenstein, just to name a few. It was an excellent show.

I can’t stop watching!

They also had a fantastic book series that tied in to the show which was just as good. All of them made reading seem like so much fun, and encouraged us all to do it.

I wish they had more shows like that on TV now for kids. Or put it up on Netflix or Amazon Prime.

 

Whitechapel

I came upon Whitechapel when I was browsing Amazon Prime  and thought it sounded interesting, plus starred Rupert Penry Jones who plays Captain Fredrick Wentworth in Persuasion (2007).

I started watching and was immediately HOOKED!

This DI (Detective Inspector) Joe Chandler is sent to Whitechapel, London. At first he encounters issues as he cleans up the department (literally as he is a germophobe). Others are upset that they choose to bring someone new in, rather than promote one of them.

Someone is killing in the manner of Jack the Ripper and DI Chandler mobilizes his whole team to try and catch him.

It was amazingly well written, and the following seasons were just as good. But sadly, like Copper, it didn’t last more than three. I don’t know why as it was fantastic!

X-Files

I loved the X-Files. I started watching because my sister was into it, but it quickly became something I adored as well. It is about FBI Agent Fox Mulder who is the one who investigates anything unusual or strange in the country. He has made quite a lot of enemies and is paired with the always logical doctor, FBI Agent Dana Scully.

To see who you are, go here.

She quickly fell for him, just as the viewers did, and becomes sucked into the craziness of the X-Files.

I love David Duchovny…

So romantic!

And had to stop watching when he left/was abducted by aliens. I know they came out with a new version of the show, but I haven’t seen it. I’m scared it won’t be as good.

X-Men

I am  a HUGE X-Men fan. I started getting into them through the Saturday morning cartoon show and from there I got into the comic books, X-Men Evolution, etc. I’ve read the X-Men Encyclopedia a gazillion times, and don’t get me started on how awesome they are or you will never be able to shut me up. My favorites have to be Gambit and Rogue, they are the absolute best.

For more on X-Men, go to The Wearing of the Green: 17 More Irish Heroes

Young Justice

This show wasn’t around a real long time (sadly only two seasons) but was AMAZING!!!! It told the story of the younger group of DC characters and was totally awesome.

We have Conner, a clone of Superman who not only wants to know more about being like him, but how to be anyone. It’s hard when so much of you is based off another person, and because of the mix of human DNA you aren’t even exactly like him.

M’gann, Jon the Manhunter’s niece, who wants so desperately to fit in on Earth and has a secret she’s keeping from everyone else.

Artemis, half-Vietnamese girl who is trying to go down a different path than her father.

Robin, trying to live up the caped crusader who gives him a home, while at the same time finding his own place in the world.

Kid Flash, nephew to the Flash, and an extremely smart and overactive kid. Not only has he recreated the accident that gave Barry his powers, but is eager to be just as good a crime fighter.

Aqualad, super cool as he has had an incredible upgrade in his powers.

I hate that they canceled it after the second season as the characters are awesome, the story-telling incredible and much more adult as the characters grow, and intensely suspenseful. Loved it!

Another TV show canceled too early.

For more on Young Justice, go to I Always Knew and I Didn’t Care: Usual Suspects, Young Justice (2012)

But of course this really isn’t the end.

As I continue to live I am sure that will be new things I become obsessed over and the fandom posts will rise once again. For now thank you all who have come on this journey, I hope that you have enjoyed my review of the things you loved and that maybe you were inspired to check out a few things you had never heard of before.

For the previous posts, go to:

Back to the Fandoms

Fandom Love

Fan-do or Fan-don’t. There is No Fan-try

Fanning All Over the Place

The Fans and the Furious

A Fantabulous Post

Fantastic Fantasies

A FANtastic Voyage

The Fan, The Girl

The FANtom Menance

Fantom of the Opera

Fun & Full of FANcy

I’m So FANcy!

It’s Fantastico!

It’s A Fan World After All

Old Fandoms and New Fancies

Please Excuse My Dear Fan Lady

Portrait of a Fangirl

Return of the Fandom

Simply Fantastic

The Strange Case of a Fangirl and Her Fandoms

A Study in Fandoms

To Kill a Fangirl

We Will Fandom You

What a Fanatic!

A Whole Lot of Fanfare

You Can’t Keep a Fangirl Down

The Wearing of the Green: 17 More Irish Heroes

So Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! You all know what Saint Patrick’s mean on this blog, another 17 Irish heroes.

Once again it was difficult trying to find 17, but I started last November and finally completed it. Here we go!

17) Patrick from The Accidental Husband

New York Fireman Patrick (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is about to marry the girl of his dreams; that is until her mind is changed by a relationship radio host, Emma Lloyd (Uma Thurman). Patrick becomes so enraged after his fiancé leaves him that he decides to get revenge on Emma. Emma is also about to get married, making a big tadoo about the event. Patrick has his friend hack into the courthouse files and make it so that Emma is already married, and married to Patrick. When Emma finds out, she goes to Patrick to try to get an annulment. Patrick, in Overboard style, starts off trying to antagonize Emma, but ends up falling for her. But will he be able to figure out a way to win Emma away from her fiancé? And what will happen when Emma discovers the truth about their “marriage”?

Why Patrick is Awesome:

If you can move past the fact that this actor plays Dean and Sam Winchester’s incredibly absent father and his whole revenge plot-plus all the other awful things he does…I guess he’s a pretty cool guy. The scene with the cake tasting is just adorable. I could see why a girl would fall for him, maybe. I’m sorry I really just needed a #17 and he was okay.

16) Kevin O’Reilly from Star Trek: The Original Series

In Star Trek the mission of the Starship Enterprise is to go boldly where no man has gone before, to explore strange new worlds, and to seek out new life and new civilizations. The crew has many adventures as they meet all kinds of races and encounter all types of creatures.

Why Kevin O’Reilly is awesome:

Kevin O’Reilly is not a well known Star Trek character, mostly because he was only in a few episodes in the series. O’Reilly worked as a navigator and was later put in engineering. He was a silly kind of guy, fun and the comic relief.

For more Star Trek, go to A Fashion Statement

15) F. Scott Fitzgerald from Midnight in Paris (2011)

Gil is a wealthy, Hollywood, screenwriter who suffers from severe nostalgia. He wishes he could be a novelist, but even more so one in the 1920s, like his heroes F. Scott Fitzgerald or Ernest Hemingway. He and his girlfriend are visiting Paris and one night he is out walking around after midnight when he is approached by a 1920s Peugeot Type 176 car. The people are dressed in 1920s clothing and Gil goes with them. He finds himself traveling back in time and meeting some of his favorite artists; such as Salvador Dali, F.Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Pablo Picasso, Zelda Fitzgerald, Cole Porter, Josephine Baker, and Gertrude Stein.

Why F. Scott Fitzgerald is awesome:

I love F. Scott Fitzgerald’s work, The Great Gatsby being one of my favorite novels. The reason why I choose this representation of Fitzgerald was that I thought Tom Hiddleston captured the sweet personality, dreamer, people pleaser, and all of his insecurities he had. I thought he also did a great job showing his two loves: writing and Zelda; and how the two did not always meld well, sometimes being toxic for the other.

For more F. Scott Fitzgerald, go to Old Fandoms and New Fancies

14) Stacey McGill from The Baby-Sitters Club

The Baby-Sitters Club books, films, and TV series followed a group of 8th and 6th graders who own their own baby-sitting business. Besides baby-sitting they do normal teenage things, solve crimes, fight racism, and more. It was a series from my childhood that I just loved reading.

Why Stacey is awesome:

Stacey McGill moves from New York to Connecticut because of her dad’s transfer. She is cool, sophisticated, and mature; yet not snobbish or rude. She is also kind, compassionate, and helpful. She does have a few faults; like being boy-crazy and letting other plans slide for the guys in her life. However, she is always there when you really need her. She leaves the BSC for a bit, tempted by what she thinks are “cooler” people, but eventually realizes her mistakes and works on being accepted back into the group. I always liked Stacey’s books as she had interesting stories; such as old friends growing apart, divorce, dealing with her diabetes, letting go of a need to control, etc. Plus her outfits were always interesting.

For more on Stacey McGill, go to Back to the Fandoms

13) Betty O’Shale from Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas

This prequel tells the story of how Fred, Barney, Wilma, and Betty all met. Wilma Slaghoople has had enough of her rich lifestyle. She escapes to Bedrock and meets Betty, who mistakes her as a caveless woman in need, and decides to open her home to her. Meanwhile, Barney and Fred have started work at the rock quarry and are both hoping to meet the women of their dreams. They meet Betty and Wilma at the burger joint, and soon are spending all their time with each other. But when Wilma’s past comes out, Fred starts feeling insecure. And when they travel to Vegas they get into all kinds of shenanigans: gambling, rock stars, showgirls, wrestling, etc.

Why Betty is Awesome:

Betty is incredibly kind and sweet. She is willing to open her home to a stranger and help out all she can. Besides her kindness to Wilma, she also helps out at food shelters and helps feed the homeless. Betty is the best friend you could ever have; wonderful to all she meets.

For more Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas, go to This Isn’t Love, This is Ecstasy: Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas (2000)

12) P.J. McNeal from Call Northside 777

This film-noir film is based on a true story. Eleven years earlier, a cop was killed when visiting a speakeasy. Two men were tried and convicted for the murder. In modern day, an ad by a Polish washerwoman giving $5000 for information of who the real killer was bring Reporter P.J. McNeal on the story. At first McNeal is extremely skeptical, but as he talks to the inmate and researches the case he starts to believe him and try to find a way to free him.

Why P.J. is awesome:

P.J. is first of all played by Jimmy Stewart, so he is gorgeous. But the most important traits are that he is intelligent, dogged, compassionate, and kind. He may be skeptical, but when he decides to back something he truly gives it his all; doing everything he can to help this man. Even at times risking his own career and good name to search out the truth.

For more Jimmy Stewart, go to Hark the Herald Angels Sing

11) Brian O’Conner from The Fast and the Furious Franchise

Oh, Paul Walker. You were gone too soon. I’ve always had a crush on Paul Walker, but the film that really cemented it was his portrayl in The Fast and the Furious.

Brian O’Conner is an FBI agent sent undercover to investigate whether a group of car racers is stealing from trucks. It takes a while, but he infiltrates the group; befriending the racers.

He ends up getting too close and losing his objectivity and job. In the sequel he is a racer only now, but is asked by the FBI to come on a case. Afterwards, he is brought back to the FBI, but leaves it for his friends.

Why Brian O’Conner is awesome:

Brian is nice, intelligent, and attractive. However, his best trait is that he is the most loyal man you will ever meet. Brian cares about his friends and will do anything to help them, even sacrificing his job and reputation.

For more on Brian O’Conner, go to The Fans and the Furious

What happened to you?

10) Mary Yellen from Jamaica  Inn

Mary’s mother has just passed away so she travels to Jamaica Inn to stay with her cousin Patience. While there she discovers that the Inn is thought to be haunted and full of unsavory characters. To makes things even worse, her cousin is married to an abusive and lecherous man, Joss. As she is trying to settle in, she discovers that her uncle is actual part of a ring of pirates, taking out the lighthouse and salvaging from the ships. She saves one from being hanged and finds herself on an adventure she never dreamed of.

Why Mary is awesome:

Mary is incredibly kind, brave, bold, and assertive. She will not stand for the way Joss treats her or her cousin Patience, standing up to him in every way. When she sees that Jem Trehearne is about to be hanged, she saves his life even though it may cost her own.

For more Jamaica Inn, go to That Place…There’s Queer Things Goes On There: Jamaica Inn (1939)

9) Danny McCoy from Las Vegas

Las Vegas is a TV show about a group of people running the fictional Montecito Hotel & Casino Resort in Las Vegas. They deal with the usual issues: staff problems, card counters, performers, chefs, etc; along with helping each other in personal problems. The one thing that made the show lovable, although completely unrealistic, is that all the people enjoyed helping others and would go the extra mile. Because it is Las Vegas, we also get amazing cameos: Wayne Newton, Jean-Claude Van Damm, Sylvester Stallone, etc.

Why Danny is awesome:

Isn’t this man dreamy? Anyways, Danny was simply amazing and the type of guy you want. He was born and raised in Las Vegas, but left to join the Marines. He returns and works for Ed in security. Danny is sweet, adorable, protective, loving, etc. Most of all Danny has a huge heart and is always willing to help others out, something that makes him almost fall for a scheme, like two women trying to take his father’s inheritance. But even though he is sweet, you don’t want to mess with him as he can just as easily take you out.

For more on Danny McCoy, go to A Fantabulous Post

8) Tom Hagen from The Godfather (1972) & The Godfather: Part II (1974)

In The Godfather, Vito Corleone is the father of five children: Santino, Alfredo, Connie, and Michael; along with adopted Irish son Tom Hagen. While everyone is involved in the family business, Michael wants no part. That is, until the Godfather is injured, soon everyone is doing all they can to protect the family.

In Part II, we are split between Vito’s story of his immigration and the next steps Michael takes of being the Godfather. It’s not easy as he is trying to expand into Cuba, go legitimate, and protect the family.

Why Tom Hagen is awesome:

While Sonny is the brash and tough one, Fredo the incompetent, Connie the high strung, and Michael cool-headed and clever; Tom is the reliable one. He’s the best businessman out of the family; always thinking, calculating, and planning what can be best for the family.

Tom cares strongly for his family, doing anything he can for his parents, brothers, and children. Out of everyone in the whole family he is the only one who achieved exactly what his parents wished he would, staying focused on the goals of being a lawyer and aiding his family.

For more on Tom Hagen, go to What a Fanatic!

7) Jack Callaghan from While You Were Sleeping

Lucy works at a toll booth, but dreams of something more. She also dreams of the guy who passes through her booth every day, Peter Callaghan. One day he gets roughed up and thrown before an upcoming train. Lucy saves him and through a mistake, she is also believed to be his fiancé. As Peter is in a coma, the Callaghan family welcomes Lucy into the fold. But as Lucy spends more time with the Callaghans, she starts to fall for the other brother; Jack. What will Lucy do when Peter wakes up?

Why Jack is awesome:

Jack is a great older brother who always wants to believe the best in his younger brother. He is also kind, charming, sweet, encouraging, and a dream date. Not only does he care for Lucy, but he also listens to her thought, hopes, and dreams; doing all he can to make them come true.

For more on Jack Callaghan, go to A Tender Toll-Booth Token: While You Were Sleeping (1995)

6) Dr. Henry “Hank” McCoy AKA Beast from X-Men

Dr. Henry “Hank” McCoy is extremely eloquent, brilliant, and well-educated. He has degrees in science, biochemistry, genetics, mathematics, along with being well versed in art and literature. His powers are agility and beastlike strength. He was part of the original X-Men; alongside Angel, Iceman, and Marvel Girl  and Cyclops. He looked human before, but later after an accident he turns blue and looks more werewolf/bestial.

Why Hank is awesome:

Hank is the perfect gentleman and everything you’d want in a guy. He sweet, romantic, intelligent, educated, strong, and adorable. I’m not sure what more I can say about his many merits.

For more X-Men go to, Pot o’ Gold: 17 Irish Heroes

5) Marshall Mike Meagher from “Wichita’s New Year’s Day Gunfight” from Draw: The Greatest Gunfights of the American West by James Reasoner

This book is a collection of the West’s most famous and greatest gunfights. Covers everyone from the Earps to Bat Masterson, to the Younger Brothers and Pinkertons, etc.

This particular passage tells of Marshall Meagher’s cleaning up of Wichita and the famous gunfight against Sylvester Powell.

Why Marshall Mike Meagher is awesome:

Marshall Mike Meagher was elected to clean up the town of Wichita which was horribly wild and out of control. In fact he did such a great job and destroyed the bad reputation, that the city officials ousted him out as they felt he was doing too good a job. However, their interference didn’t last long, as the people wanted him back.

Now Marshall Meagher was an amazing gunslinger, a crackshot, intelligent, brave, and just incredible.

So the most famous gunfight was the New Year’s Day gunfight. One night when he was making rounds he came upon Sylvester Powell, horse-thief. Marshall Meagher confronted him, and arrested him. However, Powell was freed by the company and then went out to look for the Marshall for revenge. While Marshall Meagher was in the outhouse, Powell shot it up, but only managed to hit him in the leg. Marshall Meagher burst out and was then hit in the hand, but even though that happened he still was kicking, shooting after Powell. Powell took off down the street, out running the Sheriff who already suffered from a limp and now had a wounded leg.

Powell had slowed down and was casually walking when all of a sudden he heard his name being called. He turned around and there was Marshall Meagher; who then shot him right in the heart.

Boom! What an amazing guy; limping, shot twice; and still gets his quarry. What a hardcore hero.

4) Franklin “Foggy” Nelson from Daredevil

Daredevil is the comic book that follows a blind boy turned superhero, Matt Murdock aka the Daredevil. He lives in Hell’s Kitchen, New York; and works hard as a lawyer by day with his friend and partner in the practice, Franklin “Foggy” Nelson.

Why Foggy is awesome:

Now I’m a big fan of the older Daredevil comics, but the Foggy in those was a bit…annoying. It wasn’t that he was rude, whiny, or mean; he was just always pitying Matt all the time. It got old quick. He also was a rich kid and not a vert good lawyer, using Matt’s talent to help his own insufficiency.

However, in Netflix’s revamping I like the improvements on the Foggy character. In this Foggy is a great lawyer, not as good as Matt; but intelligent and able to hold his own. He also is not some silly rich kid, but the son of a butcher doing all he can to achieve his dreams. I think this makes his character stronger and more equal to Matt. He also is less pitying in this than the orginal comics. While he feels bad for Matt’s lack of sight, he is also the one person that doesn’t treat Matt as if he’s handicapped, but as a regular person.

For more on Foggy Nelson, go to Old Fandoms and New Fancies

3) Calvin O’Keefe from A Wrinkle in Time Series and The O’Keefe Family Series.

So I’m not quite sure how to describe these two series but I will do my best.

So A Wrinkle in Time Series involves Calvin O’Keefe, Meg Murray, and her younger brother Charles Wallace involved in a huge adventure to stop an evil force from destroying planets. They are taken through space, time, and dimensions. In the sequel Meg and Calvin travel into Charles’ body in order to save him from destroyers trying to erase his existence.

In the O’Keefe series; Calvin is all grown up and married to Meg with children. In the first book he is working on an experiment when his intern Adam arrives, unsure whether he should trust Dr. O’Keefe or turn him in to a spy orginaization. In the second book, the O’Keefe family save a young boy from a horrible plot and attempted murder whilst on a ship in the ocean.

Why Calvin is awesome:

Calvin was raised in a very large Irish family with a father who is abusive and a mother who doesn’t care as she is dissatisfied with her life. Calvin has grown up never feeling loved or cared for; except a few teachers and the school librarian who has encouraged his love of learning.

He meets Meg, Charles, and the family; finding a place of belonging. Like Calvin, those two also have trouble finding their place with normal people as their intellect or attitude cause major roadblocks.

Besides being intelligent, Calvin is also caring and compassionate. When Meg and Charles become his friend, his loyalty and care with protecting them knows very little bounds. And when Meg has problems controlling her temper; Calvin is able to help her realign her feelings and help her express kindness toward others.

 And in spite of all the odds, Calvin not only achieves immense scientific and financial success; but he is an amazing father and wonderful husband.

For more on Calvin O’Keefe, go to A FANtastic Voyage

2) Leonard “Bones” McCoy from Star Trek

In Star Trek the mission of the Starship Enterprise is to go boldly where no man has gone before, to explore strange new worlds, and to seek out new life and new civilizations. The crew has many adventures as they meet all kinds of races and encounter all types of creatures.

Why Bones is awesome:

So I love Karl Urban as Bones, but I felt that it was only right to go with the original. Bones is a medical doctor, appointed to the USS Enterprise under Captain Kirk.  He was divorced before he joined the ship, and later remarried.

The best thing about Bones is his wit and sarcastic nature. I love all his sayings, I mean every word that drops from his mouth is just so sassy and fun. He is so hilarious and part of the dream team that made Star Trek a hit.

He cares deeply for Captain Kirk, seeing him as a brother. This causes a strained relationship with Spock as Bones doesn’t like to see him trying to horn in on his buddy. However, the two at times overcome those issues and have moments of friendliness.

For more on Star Trek, go to Rock You Like a Hurricane

1) Rick O’Connell from The Mummy (1999) & The Mummy Returns (2001)

Thousands of years ago a priest was sentenced to the worst death for betraying his Pharaoh. He vowed he would rise again. Now in 1920s Egypt, librarian Evie and her brother have found a map that leads to the hidden city rumored to have the best treasure imaginable. It turns out that Evie’s brother stole them, making the two have to recruit the original owner, ex-foreign legion soldier, and American; Rick O’Connell. It turns out that they aren’t the only ones after it, and when they arrive in the city they awaken their worst nightmare, the mummy.

In the sequel it is about eight years later, Evie and Rick are married and have a son. When their son looks into something he shouldn’t and helps awake the scorpion king; the O’Connell’s once again have to travel to Egypt, this time racing against time and a reawakened mummy.

Why Rick O’Connel is awesome:

First of all, Rick is played by Brendan Fraser and I don’t care what anyone else says; he is super hot! Yes I love Brenden Fraser and everything he has ever been in.

So back to Rick, not only was Rick completely hardcore in his intelligence, strength, and crackshot abilities; but he is just one awesome warrior. He does start off a little rude, as his complete loss of his group of soldiers has made him unhappy and not want to be a part of life. But being with Evie has reawakened his compassion and made him want to not only help but protect her. He is an amazing adventurer and hero.

In the sequel we see Rick as a father, and he is a truly dreamy one. Not only the perfect husband, wiling to do anything to help and protect his wife; but will go to any lengths to protect and aid his son. We also once again see his warrior prowess as he battles the scorpion king and the mummy.

For more on Rick O’Connell, go to Year of the Anniversaries

So that ends my list for this year. You all know what I’ll be doing with the rest of my day. Eating some soda bread made by my sister blog, MysteriousEats.wordpress.com. And my yearly tradition, watching the Disney Channel Original Movie: The Luck of the Irish.

For the 2013 Saint Patrick’s Day post, go to Pot o’ Gold: 17 Irish Heroes 

For the 2014 Saint Patrick’s Day post, go to At the End of the Rainbow: 17 More Irish Heroes

For the 2015 Saint Patrick’s Day post, go to Lookin’ Over a Four-Leaf Clover: 17 More Irish Heroes

We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

“We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters.”

So I know many of you see this film on this list and are probably thinking to yourself:

Why would I put an action/adventure, superhero film on my list of horror films? Well I’m including it because of this reason: 1) You have two, not one, TWO scientists who create two, not one, but TWO creatures.

So I’m sure you all who have been following me know how much I liked The Avengers film that came out two years ago.

Not me, that’s for sure.

I loved this film and thought it was the best superhero film. It covers a team, but each character was given their own moment to shine. It had great dialogue, amazing scenes, and was just altogether fantastic.

Now as for the sequel? How did I feel about it.

I thought it was horrible!!!!!

And it sucks because I was jazzed about this film. James Spader? Love him in everything! Our dream team, the Avengers? Awesome! Having some X-Men characters finally in it and teasing with a full on cross over? YES!

But then is sucked.

You ruined it!!!!

And believe me, my opinions based on this film isn’t just from one viewing. I saw it at the midnight showing, I saw it in 3-D the Sunday after with my nephew, and then my friend and I went and saw in June after seeing Jurassic World. Each time I saw it, the more I thought it was just done poorly, 2015’s Godzilla (which strangely, the same actors who were husband and wife in that movie are the Maximoff twins in this one.)

So this is going to be a slightly different review, I will give a brief synopsis and then go on to list why I didn’t like this film.

So the film starts with the Avengers taking down what they believe is the last cell of HYDRA out in a small Eastern European country. They are also after the scepter Loki had in the first film. They believe they have accomplished it when they run into two “enhanced creatures” or whatever they call them, Wanda/Scarlet Witch and Pietro/Quicksilver Maximoff. Wanda has the power to manipulate reality, while Pietro can run at super fast speeds.

Wanda uses her powers to cloud each Avengers mind and mess with their ability to think, espechially Tony Stark. After the defeat, of everyone, (except the Maximoff twins), the team returns home to the tower in New York to have a party and celebrate the end of the Avengers.

Tony convinces Thor to allow him to study the scepter, believing he can use it to create a robot that will be able to save humanity and keep it safe. He convinces Bruce Banner to assist him. See here is where we have the Frankenstein parallels.

In Frankenstein, Dr. Frankenstein believed that his work could save humanity: it could bring about immortality, he could save people who’s limbs were lost reanimating dead limbs; etc. Instead he creates a creature, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Frankenstein into playing his games and doing what he wants. Frankenstein realizes his mistake in trying to take God’s place and create something he has no control over, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

With Tony, he believed that his work could save humanity: it would protect them from aliens and any threat too large for humans to handle. Instead he creates a creature, Ultron, that immediately tries to destroy him. It also has a goal in mind and tries to force Tony into playing his games and doing what he wants. Tony realizes his mistake, but it is too late. His creature has decided to destroy not only him, but everything he loves.

The team has discord and seems to be falling apart, when after a brief pastoral retreat they come back in the game and go after Ultron. They steal the machine he was going to use to create the perfect body, with Tony comes up with a second idea. Use Ultron’s plan, but instead of Ultron, input his best friend/butler, J.A.R.V.I.S.

So here we have The Bride of Frankenstein parallels.

In the Bride of Frankenstein, Frankenstein has realized his mistake. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. Then an old friend, ), comes around and convinces him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Frankenstein knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a bride for the creature.

So in this Bruce Banner has realized his mistake in assiting in creating Ultron. Never again will he ever make another creature, but instead be satisfied with what he has already accomplished. But then Tony starts wheedling him, insisting and convincing him to make another creature, to be the opposite and balance out the first. Now while Bruce knows it is wrong, and has seen how out of control things could get with his first creation, he decides to do it again creating a yin to Ultron’s yang, Vision.

So after the create Vision, they go after Ultron, ending back where the film started; but this time with Vision, Scarlet Witch, & Quicksilver (Wanda and Pietro both choosing to go with the Avengers than Ultron).

The fight to save the world, losing an avenger in the process. Back in New York, the old has gone it’s own way and a new Avenger team is born.

Now on to the issues.

1) What an Opening, “What” as in “What is Going On?”

The first scene was all over the place, in a ton of slow motion, and unrealistically packed with action that I thought they were pulling a Toy Story 2 and it was a video game.

I mean come on, in that one scene they are practically posing for the camera.

It might have been the drugs I was on for my ear infection, but yeah I legitamitely thought it was some kind of tease, that is how horribly fake looking that beginning is. It didn’t feel like it was happening, but as if you were watching a bad community play. I mean I saw several times where Black Widow should have been shot but “wasn’t”. The fighting in the first one was much better.

Also no context as to what it going on, why are they after Loki’s scepter? Where did it go after the first Avengers film? Now some people might say “if you watch the TV show you’ll know”, but that’s not what a sequel is about. A sequel is created to enhance characters or events from the first film/book, having a progression from the previous to the next. Not suddenly throw everything at you with you like I don’t know what is going on.

2) Slow Mo needs to Go No Mo’

Honestly Joss Wheedon, the ’90s called, they want their special effects back. But seriously, waaaaaaay tooo much. It looks horrible, it is distracting, and just takes your viewer out of the right state of mind.

3) Calling Someone Out for Cursing Worth Talking About, But Create an Evil Robot and That’s Just a Moment Thing

Seriously. This a running joke for everyone, it keeps rearing its ugly head throughout the film. But Tony? They are mad for a nanosecond, and then they move on. Really guys? Really? The Robot is definitely worse and worth discussing.

And he doesn’t make just one thing, but TWO! TWO!!!!!

4) Enhanced Not Mutated

I don’t know who’s idea it was to not make them mutants and the children of Magneto, but that was beyond stupid.

THEY ARE MUTANTS NOT ENHANCED MUTANTS!!!!!! And they are Magneto’s children.

5) Clintasha or Brutasha?

So I did not like Black Widow and Hulk together. I really wanted it to be Black Widow and Hawkeye.

Now I might not have minded the whole Brutasha if it weren’t for the fact that it came out of left field. Natasha does go get him in the first Avengers film, but that’s all we see of their interactions. There is nothing to suggest anything romantic, and no chemistry between them,  but yet we are expected they are considering running away together?

6) Visions…I Guess?

So what is up with the visions that Scarlet Witch makes. They never really explain her powers in the film so is it magic? Really the future? What?

They also don’t make any sense. For Tony it is his fear, and a bit of the future. Black Widow, a hidden memory, Thor a fear/vision. Captain America? How does what he sees relate to anything?

7) Tony Pop Culture Allergy?

So unlike Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, etc. Tony is a HUGE pop culture junkie. Yet when he creates artifical life, he doesn’t even consider how things could go horribly wrong. Wouldn’t he have seen Jurassic Park, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Frankenstein, The Terminator, I Robot, etc? Espechially as three that I just listed involve bad robots? Wouldn’t that make him pause, at least for a moment.

8) I Leeloo Ultron Robot

The part when Ultron awoke and then starts researching to figure out his purpose and what he’s supposed to do made me think if The Fifth Element.

Ultron’s breakdown around his objective is also very similar to V.I.C.K.I., in I Robot, when she starts killing mankind to save mankind.

9)Massive Iron Man Vs. Hulk

I feel like someone thought of this and then wrote the script around it. I know everyone thought it was super cool, but I actually thought it was kind of a worthless scene.

10) Green Acres is the Place to Be

So the whole crew go out to Clint’s farm so that they can regroup and figure out a new plan. To me it seems like a ripoff from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), when they go to upstate New York to heal and refigure out what to do.

11) Motorcycle Mama Knows NO Bounds of Gravity

When Ultron tosses the ground at Black Widow and she is able to not only stop in time but turn so she isn’t hurt.

Really?

Impossible and dumb thing to do. Just no, no.

12) Copying Captain Underpants

So there was this book series in the early 2000s, Captain Underpants, about two kids, George and Harold, who hypnotize their principal into thinking he is their comic book creation, Captain Underpants.

In the sequel, Attack of the Talking Toilets, George and Harold use the nerdy kid’s  science fair project, a 3D printer, and accidentally bring a giant toilet and his toilet army to life.

When Captain America isn’t able to stop them, they then create a Giant Robot to battle and destroy the toilets.

Avengers: Age of Ultron is like the same exact plot. Just switch out toilets for Ultron & the robots, and Giant Robot for Vision.

13) A Death That Didn’t Need to Happen

So people have been complaining that no one really dies in a superhero film, they always come back to life again. This coupled with Joss Wheedon liking to make us cry, meant he was going to kill someone and he killed Pietro.

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The man has SUPER SPEED!!!! You really think he wouldn’t be able to just move around the bullets in time?

I mean for once Fox did a better job than Disney.

Just so much awesome.

And if they are going to kill him, why not save him in the Stargate cradle thing? Hawkeye used it. And why does he, Cho, and Coulson get to survive?

You know why, because he is just being a pain, like Wes Craven when he killed Randy but let Dewey survive. And you know what Wheedon? Because that was so stupid, I’m going to ignore it.

Let’s face it, we all know how it should have ended:

So no banner as I couldn’t find a pic that worked right. Instead I’m going to end with those who criticize films best:

To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

For more on The Avengers, go to Avengers Assemble!

For more evil robots, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

For more mad scientists, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts that Lie Hidden Within: I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

For more Frankenstein, go to It’s Alive, It’s ALIVE!: Frankenstein (1931)

For more on The Bride of Frankenstein, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on sequels, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2 (1997)

For more How It Should Have Ended, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

For more CinemaSins, go to Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)