IRS | janeaustenrunsmylife

OH NO!

It’s Back!!!

The dreaded TV show I can’t stand:

Ugh-Austentatious (2015)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Yes, I really, really do not like this show or how they portray the characters. But I started it, so I’ve got to finish it.

So Austentatious is the story of Elinor, Marianne, Emma, Elizabeth, and Mr. Knightley being friends in modern times. In the last episode Marianne was trying to find a job, but kind of sucked, although she did manage to be a smoothie barista.

Elizabeth went on a date with a guy and was crazily obsessing over it:

Going mad!

And they held a Girl’s Night/Mouse Killing Night:

I know…I have no clue what the writer’s were thinking.

I just…This is dumb! This is a dumb show!! Who wrote this? Who??? What were they thinking???!! Argh! Why did I ever watch this??!! NOw I have to finish!!!

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!

This episode is called Drive Me Crazy and Amazon says the air date is DECEMBER 30TH 1899. 1899? Did we just time travel?

Time to go back…

This show does drive me crazy, like Norman Bates crazy.

We all go a little mad sometimes.

Is that too mean? I’m not trying to be a jerk but I hate this show. I can’t believe the episodes are only 22 mins, they feel so much longer. It feels like hours of my life is being sucked away in watching this.

Ugh! Really!

Anyways here we go-ready or not.

Pass on it!

We start off with a tired Marianne making a mess in the kitchen-food is everywhere but Elinor doesn’t care.

Crazy control freak Monk level of obsession Elinor does’t care about the messy hours-OMG she’s been abducted by aliens, joined a cult, is a zombie!!!! It has to be one of those things…or love. She could be in love as that is the extremely cliche way most TV will depict “love”.

Thats not right!

Yep, Edward is meeting with her-her dream man.

With her books

Collin approaches Elinor trying to reach Lizzie as he wants to date her. Elinor tries to dissuade him, but no dice. He’s after his prey.

In the lobby of their apartment I can’t help but see a GIANT sign that says no lifeguard on duty. Like what? Even if the apartment has a pool there is no way they would have that posted in the foyer unless there is a pool in the foyer. Like that is one of the weirdest randomest things in this show.

What the heck?

Lizzie goes to see Emma and is trying to avoid Darcy as he keeps calling and texting and emailing her about houses. Darcy is a total jerk in this, telling her what to do. Ugh I hate him.

I know what I said=BELIEVE ME you would understand if you watched this show. They make him utterly terrible!!!! I hate this!!!!!!

Elinor and Edward are traveling to the country to visit with an old lady who hasn’t filed her taxes for the last few years. Like the background is weird as it ranges from lush green to dry desert. Where are they? Behind them is green, but the sides are all arid and dry. I kinda tuned out what Elinor and Edward were saying as I couldn’t stop looking at the background. I don’t know. Does it really matter?

Darcy stalks Elizabeth down the street and calls her name. He’s a jerk and buys her a hotdog when she tries to explain that she is in the middle of closing a house. UGH!!!!!

Elinor and Edward are driving for a long time and talking. Elinor tells Edward how she decided on accounting because it was a safe choice- but then they get a flat and have to pull over.

They are in lush fields and trees, where are they? What happened to the dry and arid area?

This is ELINOR!! Don’t tell me the way they have been building Elinor’s character yeah right-she’d have five spare tires!

Darcy stops being quite so jerky and admits that the house he’s looking for is a gift for a certain woman who plays piano-not mom or girlfriend. Obviously Georgiana.

Flashback to Elinor and Edward-they have to walk to the city they passed-so where were they and where were they going if they were passing through another city?

Hmmm…

Elinor goes on and on about how nice Edward is-He shares a little about his company and that his family has a company in telecommunications, interesting choice.

Hmm…

Darcy and Elizabeth make some headway but are interrupted by Collin who sits right between them on the bench to try and ask Lizzie out. How did he find her? She’s not at home? Or at work? She’s in a random park! Creepy!!

Colin creepily hits on her and tries to feel her up, but Darcy interjects and walks off with Elizabeth. It stops Collin…for now.

Flash to E& E walking and talking and being boring. Bleh-IRS, Accountant, IRS, accountant, IRS, accountant, statistics, bills, blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah, blah

I need to mop my floors. Like that is legit more interesting to me than this.

Elizabeth meets with Emma at the smoothie shop and tells her about what happened. Darcy gets a kick out of Collin asking her out and can’t stop teasing her. Darcy drops that the house is a birthday gift for a girl next month so the house needs to be picked like NOW!

Darcy offers to pay the commission earlier, but Elizabeth gets offended and angry. She becomes extremely upset and shares her feelings with Emma. I don’t think what Darcy did was that bad, I think she’s overreacting.

I’m done

What’s Marianne been up to-she’s been out of the game this whole episode except the cereal eating.

Hmmm

Elizabeth keeps talking about Darcy and how he’s being rude or is he being nice? Meh!

Marianne enters and goes on break with Elinor coming in to share what happened and how great it was with Edward although their conversations are super boring.

Elinor does offer to make him her homemade lasagna. She then shares part of her power bar that she keeps in her purse! She-Miss Always Prepared has a power bar in her bag-she’d have more stuff in her car to fix the tire.

Edward notices that she has a blister and puts a band-aid on her foot. Cute, but all I can think is her feet probably smell.

Someone is running in the park? Oh it is Darcy and Collin just happened to find him?! What? HOw? Weird.

Collin is super super creepy-like psychopath horror film creepy. Watch out Lizzie-“we are meant to be together”-he wants to be like creepy Ted in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and enslave you in his home or something.

Yay! That’s the end of the episode. Although that was a super creepy ending.

He’s watching her…

How many more will I have to watch until it is over???? Let me check…

Yay!!!! Only four more left!! Woohoo!!! I’ve been doing an episode a month but skipped September, October, and now we are in November-so if I catch up with those and the do one for December I should hopefully finish before the new year!!!

But then if I do that, what Austen TV show should I review every month? Hmm….? I guess I’ll have to think about it. All I an say is YAY!!!!! Almost done!!! Woohooo!!!

For more Austentatious, go to Call Me, Maybe: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to Rational Creatures: Elinor & Marianne Dashwood

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to Rational Creatures: Elizabeth Bennet & Charlotte Lucas

For more Emma, go to Rational Creatures: Emma Woodhouse, Miss Bates, & Harriet Smith

Romantic Moment #7
How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)

This is a silly romantic film from the 1950s, and one of Marilyn Monroe’s most known films. So we have three department store models create a scheme in order to land rich millionaires. Schatze Page (Lauren Bacall) heads up the group. Schatze had been married to a gas pump attendent who used her for money and kept running out on her.

After she was granted her divorce, she decided instead of marrying for love, she would marry for stability. She gets Pola Debevoise (Marilyn Monroe) to join her in her scheme. Pola’s issue is that she is extremely near-sighted, but doesn’t like to wear glasses as “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.” To fill out their group, they ask ditzy Loca Dempsey (Betty Grable) to join them.

The three rent a furnished penthouse apartment from an IRS fugitive Freddy Denmark (David Wayne), in hopes to appear wealthy to rich men. Loca immediately brings home a man she met in the grocery store, Tom Brookman (Cameron Mitchell). He becomes very interested in Schatze, but Schatze takes one look at him and judges him as too poor for her. In reality, Tom is extremely wealthy.

Schatze sets her sights on the wealthy, older, Texan, J.D. Hanley played by the handsome William Powell. She tries to convince him that she loves him and wants to marry him, but J.D. thinks they are too far apart in age. Hey, for William Powell I wouldn’t care how far in ages we were.

Tom continues to pursue Schatze, but she says no again and again.

Meanwhile Loca has met a wealthy married businessman. He invites her to his lodge in Maine for the weekend (wanting a mistress). Loca thinks it is a meeting with Elk’s Lodge members. Schatze tells her not to go, but Loca goes down and discovers that all the guy was interested in was an affair, not marriage. She intends to return home to New York, but the two contract the measles. She and him have to stay on extra time, with Loca recovering much sooner. She finds herself spending time with her nurse, and the area’s forest ranger, Eben (Rory Calhoun). She starts falling for him, and he proposes, but Loca unsure of whether to marry him as he is poor.

Then we have Pola who is getting into scrape after scrape as she trips over this, mistakes that, etc. She meets a phony Arab Tycoon who wears an eye patch and invites her to come with him to Atlantic City to “meet his mother.” Schatze warns Pola not to go as “no mothers live in Atlantic City”. Pola doesn’t listen, but finds herself on a plane to Kansas City as she misread the sign. Her seatmate happens to be Freddy Denmark, who is on his way to get his crooked accountant and make him pay. The two spend the whole flight talking.

Back in New York, J.D. returns as he realizes that he wants Schatze in his life. They get ready for the wedding, when the girls show up. Loca decides that she’d rather have her hunky mountain man than a millionaire. Pola chooses the now penniless fugitive rather than any tycoon. Schatze laughs at them for being chumps, but finds herself unable to marry J.D. as she loves Tom. Her and Tom talk it out and the two marry. That evening the six are eating at a diner celebrating and goofing around how much money they have when Tom reveals his net worth. The girls are in shock and faint at it.

*******Most Romantic Moment*******

So the part that I think is just so romantic is when Pola is on the plane with Freddy Denmark. So before I get into that, let’s discuss Pola a bit more. So every scene we have Pola crashing into something and everyone asking her why don’t you just wear your glasses if you can’t see? Pola tells them she can’t as men don’t like girls with glasses. Now I know this may be hard for many of you to understand with the whole hipster glasses being a cool thing, but growing up with glasses is difficult.

It’s hard being picked on by being called four eyes, having to wake up every morning and being unable to see, having to deal with the glasses vs. sunglasses problem, the expense of contacts, etc…and of course being told time and time again that glasses will make you impossible to catch a date ever.

Now as Pola is waiting on the plane flying to Kansas City, Freddy Denmark, her seatmate notices that she is doing some odd things. He realizes that she isn’t wearing her glasses and asks her why. When she tells him that guys don’t like girls with glasses, Freddy tells her to put them on and test it out. She does and Freddy tells her that she is crazy as she was beautiful before but even better with them on.