I’ll Be Watching You: Austentatious (2015)

So this title of course references The Police song, even though it has nothing to do with the episodes plot.

Sorry, anytime I think of Sting and The Police I think of that scene from Footloose. But yes, the song:

I’d rather not be watching this. I have already watched two episodes and have not been impressed. I can see why it was canceled after one season.

Ouch

I know harsh, but I speak the truth. Basically, the story is that Marianne and Elinor Dashwood live together and are friends with Elizabeth Bennet, Emma Woodhouse, and Grant/George Knightley. All live in modern times and are an accountant, jobless, real estate agent, divorce lawyer (!!! I know Emma, really?), and I don’t know what “Grant” does.

So we start off this episode with Marianne trying to make eggs and falls of course because she is a dumb blonde. Why do they make her that way?

Elizabeth is over and complains about the awful Darcy, who she has been emailing and she can’t stand him.

I am with her, they make him too jerky-seriously I hate him.

I know, I know

This series killed me okay. It made me utter what never should be uttered and then I died. It is a ghost of my former self that is writing this.

An angry ghost

And I’m sure if Jane was around, she sure wouldn’t appreciate what you writers did!

Elizabeth gets a call about a house and it is Collins looking for a realtor. Remember in the last episode he had his date where he tried to pump Elinor.

See Hook agrees with me.

Elinor, the accountant, has to deal with a tough client, who’s angry that she has to pay so much. I actually like this part of the episode because that’s what I have to deal with sometimes at work. It feels very real and it isn’t silly or stupid like a lot of other parts of these shows.

What I wish I could say to some people.

Poor Elinor, that sucks.

Yes, Elinor I know exactly how you feel.

She’s complaining to Knightley, I find that interesting. I like that he has taken that friendship role with all the girls. Plus in Sense and Sensibility, Elinor and Colonel Brandon talk quite a bit (as everyone feels the need to confide in her) so it kind of meshes that with this. Good job TV show, there are two things you are doing right.

But will it last?

For the thousandth time

Elinor has a promotion, woohoo!

Meanwhile, Marianne is shopping online and Emma hires her as the receptionist at her firm. Marianne is thrilled to be around hot lawyers, but down about that she has to be there at 8.

So Elinor’s promotion, she doesn’t get much time to settle in. Not only does she have to start her new job that afternoon, the IRS is coming and she has to deal with them. I know the show is trying to add drama, but I really don’t think that is how it works. I don’t think they would just “throw you in”. And certainly not throw you to the IRS, I mean I think she could defintely complain about that to HR.

An IRS agent is coming and all I can think of it it kinda makes me think of Parks and Rec when Ben comes and Leslie’s all mad about it and then they fall for each other-I just have a feeling Edward Ferrars is to be the IRS agent.

But seriously, you have a giant IRS dilemmea with your firm and you are going to promote someone from lower to take care of it. I mean I get they are probably trying to set up a fall guy, but wouldn’t you want someone who knows to take care of it and make sure all is good?

Woohoo, gold star theIRS agent is Edward Ferrars-did I call it or what?

Edward is like really cool and collected…I never pictured him that way since he was so controlled by his mama.

Majorly

Anyways, the two hit it off and he acts really sweet and gets command of the situation and calm a freaking, babbling Elinor down.

Interesting, a very different portrayal…

Hmmm…I don’t know of I like it.

All the girls meet up and Emma complains about Darcy, And oh my gosh he is so awful. No wonder this TV show was canceled. Like can we just sock him in the face. Please leave.

I know, I know-I said the dreaded words again-but I’m already dead inside from watching this.

Marianne offers to get revenge by mixing up his messages, but then she will get fired, so I’m not sure that is a good revenge idea.

So not fun…

So Elinor and Edward are eating breakfast and hanging out-telling stories and it is pretty cute. I like their interactions.

Good job!

Elizabeth meets with Collins to discuss “houses” but its a total date. Like seriously Lizzie, he has you meet at a restaurant for DINNER!!!

Liz is all business and Collin is all let me try and get info because I want to date you. The vibe is as strong as a 7th grader spraying himself with AXE for the first time-super ob.

Emma is working and Darcy is throwing a full on B.F.

Ugh I hate him. Like I want to STOP WATCHING. If I could I would throw my fist into the TV and punch him in the face. UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I hate you, I hate this series, I hate the writers…

Back to Liz and Collins, nothing is getting done and Collins is all yeah she’s into me.

Uh no.

Emma and Darcy fight some more-ugh

Marianne is too dumb to know the difference between a fax machine and a copy machine. Although, I have to admit that happens a lot at the library.

So Liz goes to Elinor’s home and she’s all “glad you are home” So Liz lives with her? I thought in the first episode Elinor was all “it’s my apartment Marianne” and going on and on and on about how it was her home and she wasn’t sure she wants to share with her and she has everything just how she likes it, blah blah blah. But if Liz lives there too, shouldn’t she have a say in her home? And shouldn’t she have spoken to her about Marianne living there? This makes no sense within the context of the first episode, but I guess it explains why all the girls are there all the time. I thought they were just limited on sets, I mean Collin takes Liz out to the same place he took Elinor. Which does work for his character.

Liz complains-and Elinor knows why he is flirting-but doesn’t tell her. Bad friend.

See Hook agrees with me.

Finally she spills and Liz is so angry- and she’s right, she been wasting her time getting her chained yanked while he is just goofing around pretending to buy. I’d be so angry.

Forget you!

Marianne is on the hate Darcy train as well after dealing with him.

You jerk!

Marinne tears a message for him, hmm…

Darcy is all blah, blah Emma I’m an angry stupid prick and I want you to do all this work even though I’ve complained that this is my area of expertise and I don’y want you touching it. I can’t find a file and its all your fault ad I hate how they make him.

I hate this

Do I have to finish this series, because I don’t want to. Why did they make Darcy so awful, he was not that awful in he book.

Ugh!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Or TV show in this case.

Emma is angry and justifiably. She should report him to HR. He should not treat her that way.

Liz is walking and Collin surprises her. They meet to discuss her dropping him. And he’s infuriating . Liz is pretty nice, I think I would have been more upset.

Marianne and Emma are walking and eating. Marianne left Darcy fake messages to the movie theater and weather station. She tells him, sorry the numbers came in too fast, maybe try a few combinations. It’s pretty funny, but Emma warns her he could her fired for it.

Marianne does’t care as it is only a temp job. Marianne shares some backstory on her family, and the writer’s got it right, thank goodness. When their dad died, Elinor took over taking care of everything, and making sure things were done-causing her to quickly grow up and adopt the “sensible persona”. And how her mom just let Marianne be herself, she’s always been the one taken care of versus taking care of others like Elinor.

Edward and Elinor grow closer together, and they are very cute. I like it! More Edward please and less Darcy.

I think a thousand fangirls died over that statement.

Darcy starts acting like a human being and actually tells a not really apology which makes me still want to punch him.

WHAT!!!!

They have a loooooooooooooong way to go to fix him.

I am NOT happy!

Collins stops by Elinor to see Liz. He wants her to show him a house as he has settled on an idea of what he wants. Liz gets mad an tells him he needs boundaries. True dat. Good job Liz-stick to your guns.

Collin leaves and calls her on the phone to set an appointment.

Ugh! This dude!

For more Austentatious, go to Big Girls Don’t Cry: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to The Smart One and the Pretty One

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to I Met Mr Darcy

For more Emma, go to Austen Avengers Assemble!

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Life Finds A Way: Jurassic Park (1993)

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You’re implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will… breed? No, I’m, I’m simply saying that life, uh… finds a way.

I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤ IT IS ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVS!!!!!!!!!!

First of all let me welcome you to my Jurassic Park Marathon!!! Yay! All this week Jurassic Park films! 🙂

So I love this movie, I absolutely do. I love the book too, but the movie was so amazing because of the people they chose to play the characters, they were absolutely perfect! Well it was a Michael Crichton/Steven Spielberg film.

Crichton got the idea for this when he was writing the screenplay WestworldI love that movie too!

I was such a huge dino nut when I was a kid, I absolutely love this movie.

I'm the kid on the left

I’m the kid on the left

So why is this movie so awesome? Let’s get on it.

So John Hammond, CEO of InGen a genetic company has bought an island off of Costa Rica and created a place where Dinosaurs can roam again.  Unfortunately for him, they have had far too many accidents so his lawyer is forcing him to bring in some experts to okay the park.

Unbeknownst to Hammond, one of his employees, Dennis Nedry, is selling him out. InGen’s biggest competitor offered Nedry a ton of money to bring dino embryos.

So back in the U.S., Dr. Alan Grant, paleontologist, and paleobotanist, Dr. Ellie Slatter are out on a site digging up bones.

Dr. Grant is played by the very hunky Sam Neil.

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Love this guy!

One of the best scenes in the film is when a kid makes fun of the dino bones and Grant rips him a new one.

Soon after the group is disrupted by a helicopter and have to quickly cover up the bones. This helicopter is Hammond who offers to fund their group for many, many years if they come and visit his park. They are totally down for that and promptly agree.

Along with Dr. Grant & Ellie, the lawyer brings mathematician, Ian Malcolm, who is played by none other than the very attractive Jeff Goldblum.

He's got such a great voice!

He’s got such a great voice!

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So this past January I went to visit my sister who lives near San Diego. When I was flying down there, I was trying to buckle up my seatbelt, but it wouldn’t work. I totally felt like Dr. Grant right there.

So they land on the island and the the group is wondering what this park is all about. The only one who knows what it holds is John Hammond. They are driving onto the compound when Dr. Grant sees it….a dino.

Brachiosaurus

They are given the spiel of what Jurassic Park is all about. At the visitor center they find out, through a very cheesy video, that the cloning of the dinos was accomplished by extracting the DNA of dinosaurs from mosquitoes that had been preserved in amber. The strands of DNA were incomplete, so they took DNA from frogs and used the frog DNA to fill in the gaps. The dinosaurs were all made to be female and created without a specific lysine to be only given through the food supplied by the feeders so that if there was ever an issue they would stop the feeeding and all would die.

Dr. Grant gets out of the appointed seats and takes off to check out the lab and see the baby dinos. Some are hatching at that moment and Dr. Grant sees a baby raptor.

John Hammond: [as they gather around a baby dinosaur hatching from its egg] I've been present for the birth of every little creature on this island. Dr. Ian Malcolm: Surely not the ones that are bred in the wild? Henry Wu: Actually they can't breed in the wild. Population control is one of our security precautions. There's no unauthorized breeding in Jurassic Park. Dr. Ian Malcolm: How do you know they can't breed? Henry Wu: Well, because all the animals in Jurassic Park are female. We've engineered them that way. [they take the baby dinosaur out of its egg. A robot arm picks up the shell out of Grant's hand and puts it back down] Dr. Ian Malcolm: But again, how do you know they're all female? Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the dinosaurs' skirts? Henry Wu: We control their chromosomes. It's really not that difficult. All vertebrate embryos are inherently female anyway, they just require an extra hormone given at the right developmental stage to make them male. We simply deny them that. Dr. Ian Malcolm: John, the kind of control you're attempting simply is... it's not possible. If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, uh... well, there it is. John Hammond: [sardonically] There it is. Henry Wu: You're implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will... breed? Dr. Ian Malcolm: No, I'm, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way.

John Hammond: [as they gather around a baby dinosaur hatching from its egg] I’ve been present for the birth of every little creature on this island.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: Surely not the ones that are bred in the wild?
Henry Wu: Actually they can’t breed in the wild. Population control is one of our security precautions. There’s no unauthorized breeding in Jurassic Park.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: How do you know they can’t breed?
Henry Wu: Well, because all the animals in Jurassic Park are female. We’ve engineered them that way.
[they take the baby dinosaur out of its egg. A robot arm picks up the shell out of Grant’s hand and puts it back down]
Dr. Ian Malcolm: But again, how do you know they’re all female? Does somebody go out into the park and pull up the dinosaurs’ skirts?
Henry Wu: We control their chromosomes. It’s really not that difficult. All vertebrate embryos are inherently female anyway, they just require an extra hormone given at the right developmental stage to make them male. We simply deny them that.
Dr. Ian Malcolm: John, the kind of control you’re attempting simply is… it’s not possible. If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it’s that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, it expands to new territories and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously, but, uh… well, there it is.
John Hammond: [sardonically] There it is.
Henry Wu: You’re implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will… breed?
Dr. Ian Malcolm: No, I’m, I’m simply saying that life, uh… finds a way.

Everyone but the lawyer questions  whether Hammond has really thought about the ramifications

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Gee, the lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here, uh… staggers me. Don’t you see the danger, John, inherent in what you’re doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet’s ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that’s found his dad’s gun…the problem with the scientific power that you’re using here, it didn’t require any discipline to attain it…You didn’t earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don’t take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you even knew what you had, you patented it, and packaged it, and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now…your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should…

Dr. Ellie Sattler: Well, the question is, how can you know anything about an extinct ecosystem? And therefore, how could you ever assume that you can control it? I mean, you have plants in this building that are poisonous, you picked them because they look good, but these are aggressive living things that have no idea what century they’re in, and they’ll defend themselves, violently if necessary.

Dr. Alan Grant: Dinosaurs and man, two species separated by 65 million years of evolution have just been suddenly thrown back into the mix together. How can we possibly have the slightest idea what to expect?

John Hammond: [laughing] I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it! You’re meant to come down here and defend me against these characters, and the only one I’ve got on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer!

Donald Gennaro: Thank you.

After lunch and debate they all go out to check out the park. On the way they are joined by Hammond’s grandchildren, Lex and Tim. The groups go out in two different cars and view two no shows and a sick triceratops. Now I know how this feels. While visiting my sister in San Diego we went to the wildlife preserve, and since it is a natural habitat those animals can hide super well. In fact the whole day there I kept think that this is like Jurassic Park.

One of the best scenes is this one.

Ellie leaves with the Vet so the cars now have Lex, Tim, & Gennaro the lawyer in one, and Malcolm and Alan in the other.

Back at the compound, a huge storm is headed for the island amd all the ferries are leaving early. This disrupts Nedry’s plan as the time is shortened for his plan, but he decides to go for it, shutting down all different parts of the system, electric fences, and the motorized cars the group are in.

Nedry’s plan doesn’t work as the rain causes him to be confused and he loses his glasses, the embryos, and his life. Don’t make fun of a dino.

One area that is shut down is the T-Rex’s fence, where all the cars are in front of.

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Tim gets stuck in the car and thrown off the side into a tree. Dr. Grant and Lex scale down the wall to get away and help him. Ellie and Muldoon, the keeper, come looking for everyone, but find Malcolm. They pick him up and have to leave as they are chased away by a T-Rex.

Dr. Ian Malcolm: [as they escape the T-Rex chasing after them in the Jeep] You think they’ll have that on the tour?

Dr. Grant goes up in the tree to get Tim, but as they are climbing down they have to hurry even faster as the car falls down as well. The end up having the car fall on them and being trapped again. They find shelter and rest.

Back at the compund, they can’t get around the stuff Nedry set up and decide to do a complete shut down and then restart the system. However, the system doesn’t restart. NOw everything is shut down.

The next day Dr. Grant and the kids roam through the park. They discover that the dinosaurs are having children, they cannot be controlled. They had used frog DNA to make the dinos complete, but some frogs change sex multiple times before they decide on one.

Dr. Alan Grant: [finding egg shells] Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a dinosaur egg. The dinosaurs are breeding. Tim: But Grandpa said all the dinosaurs were girls. Dr. Alan Grant: Amphibian DNA. Lex: What's that? Dr. Alan Grant: Well, on the tour, the film said they used frog DNA to fill in the gene sequence gaps. They mutated the dinosaur genetic code and blended it with that of a frog's. Now, some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Malcolm was right. Look... [we see a trail of baby dinosaur footprints] Dr. Alan Grant: Life found a way.

Dr. Alan Grant: [finding egg shells] Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a dinosaur egg. The dinosaurs are breeding.
Tim: But Grandpa said all the dinosaurs were girls.
Dr. Alan Grant: Amphibian DNA.
Lex: What’s that?
Dr. Alan Grant: Well, on the tour, the film said they used frog DNA to fill in the gene sequence gaps. They mutated the dinosaur genetic code and blended it with that of a frog’s. Now, some West African frogs have been known to spontaneously change sex from male to female in a single sex environment. Malcolm was right. Look…life found a way.

As they continue through the park the discover that the animals are all loose and running free in a more natural way. They are also hunting each other.

Back at the compound; Malcolm, Ellie, Hammond, & Muldoon wait for one of the employees, Ray Arnold, who was sent out to the electrical building to restart it manually. Ellie can’t wait any longer, so she and Muldoon run to the area but get hunted by Velociraptors. Muldooon doesn’t make it. While Ellie begins the restart at the same time Tim, Lex, & Dr. Grant are climbing over an electric fence. I love this scene as it is so intense.

Poor Tim. He makes it out okay, but he has had the worst of it out of everybody. First his idol (Dr. Grant) doesn’t want to talk to him, his car gets attacked by a T-Rex, he gets stuck in a car and thrown into a tree, he throws up on himself, he gets out of the tree but the car falls on him, he almost gets run over by a stampede of dinos, gets electrocuted, and the trips not over.

Ellie gets attacked by Velociraptors, but manages to get away from them.

Now I took a class on Dinosaurs and the way they are portrayed on the screen is not how they believe they looked in real life, they think they had feathers and were colorful.

Anyways, Dr. Grant leaves the kids in the compund so they can eat, while he goes looking for Ellie. They are reunited and head back to the compound.

In the compound Lex and Tim are in one of the scrariest scenes ever!!!

They manage to get back with Dr. Grant & Ellie and they all head over to the computer system so Ellie can restart it. However, the raptors attack and she has to help Dr. Grant with the doors as they are are electrical. While they do that Lex reboots the system. They call Hammond and make him call a helicopter. A raptor starts attacking them and they have to crawl into the air vents to get out. They end up having to battle them later.

T-Rex = Awesome

Raptor = Awesome

T-Rex and Raptor fight  = Super Awesome

They all end up getting away. Hammond having realized that his idea is not thought through all the way, Malcolm with his broken leg, Dr. Grant and Ellie closer than ever, and Dr. Grant having formed a great relationship with the kids and realizing kids would be great to have one day.

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Now even though the movie has a LOT of differences from the book but it is so amzing of a story.

Now even though this movie, Frankenstein, and The Bride of Frankenstein show you that one shouldn’t try to take life into their own hands, still scientists just won’t listen.

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Here’s a cover photo/poster I made as part of my countdown to Halloween this year.

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Found this pic online and had to include it.

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