I have to review another episode of Austentatious!
So those of you who might not be aware of what Austentatious is, I’ll do a brief recap. Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Elizabeth Bennet, and Emma Woodhouse-all coexist in the same city and are friends. They also are friends with Grant Knightley (Mr. Knightley): Elizabeth is trying to sell a agonizingly rude Mr. Darcy a house; and Elinor is trying to deal with Marianne moving in. Thus far…I DO NOT LIKE IT…
Ugh, this show!
Will I feel the same today? Well:
We start off the episode with Emma and Grant (Knightley) are hanging out. Emma brings an announcement for Mr. and Mrs Weston’s child Sam marrying Patricia (who are these people, we don’t know!)
What?
Will they play an important role in the series? Probably not and such a shame as Sam (assuming to be Frank Churchill) could have added some spice to what is already looking to be a boring episode.
Anyways, Emma takes credit for it. Then Elinor comes to join them, and Emma plans to set her up. Elinor isn’t interested, but needs help getting rid of a date she already made. Why don’t you just tell him the truth? Or need be-say you are sick.
Elinor doesn’t want to go out with Collin (Mr. Collins) a guy who lives in her building. Okay-like he isn’t drop dead gorgeous but he wasn’t downright annoying either or creepy. They should have upped that. I mean of all the Collins, he was the lamest. I mean Ricky Collins in The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudice (1995), and Mr. Collins in P&P (1995) were all just so eye-rollingly annoying. You just wanted them to stop!
Seriously calm down
This guy is just blah, whatever.
Meh.
Although, he does have a problem taking no for an answer, so that does make him a creep and having their first date be in his apartment-yeah no go! Never, ever go on a first date and be in the person’s home. Major, MAJOR red flag!
Just say no!
But you know what she never even agreed to the date. I mean he walked off before she could say yes or no, so really she can just not go and if he says anything tell him she’s not interested. And if he continues to harass her, file a restraining order-or at least threaten to.
Don’t mess with me!
And you know what, when he asked Elinor if she had plans why didn’t she just say yes. Staying home and reading a book is plans. Not going out with you is plans. And its not lying.
Okaaaaaaaaaaay, strike what I said earlier. They up his creep factor as he’s been watching her for weeks. Dateline called-he’s totally giving off the profile of serial killer. (IsDateline too old of a reference?) Tell him no and get a restraining order.
Not going out with you.
Elinor agrees to go out as “He’s not too bad”. Hold up, Elinor that’s what I thought too at first, but the man’s been watching you for WEEKS! Serial killer profile right there.
On a side note-this guy kind of looks like Monk’s annoying neighbor. It’s not, but how much more awesome a Mr. Collins would he have made?
Grant’s advice “At least you get dinner out of it” True, true. Better order something expensive to make up for it. But then again how do you know he doesn’t plan on Elinor being his dinner!
Elinor goes home and finds her sister eating cereal even though it is 5:30 pm. Why, you may ask? Because the clock didn’t have batteries in it when Marianne hung it up, so she thought it was 11:45. Oh chuckie darn.
Ugh, why do they make Marianne so dumb and empty headed in modern adaptions. Yes, she was a romantic and yes she was not sensible-but that doesn’t mean you have to make her a dunce.
A dunce who doesn’t want a job. Geez, why does everyone do that? Why do they think because she is a romantic she is lazy?
How does that translate to “I’m lazy?”
It DOESN’T!
Lizzie is trying to sell houses when she gets a call from ugh, Darcy. This actor makes him such a jerk I’d like to fastfoward any scene with him in it.
I know, sacrilege. But don’t blame me-it was the writers!
They failed!
What an awful show, it actually made me hate on Darcy. No wonder it got canceled.
Sorry if I don’t like something, I’m extra cruel.
Not really
Elizabeth’s not super interested and a shocked that he would call her after their last meeting. But you know sadistic jerks like that kind of thing.
Lizzie gives in unlike how she would normally do. Seriously, Elizabeth would be all:
Elinor meets up with Marianne and Emma complaining. Marianne tells her just admit she’s not into him, a great idea. Emma cautions her against it as it “will be awkward.” Oh Emma…
Lizzie comes running up, not able to stay long as she has to go do her next showing. She tells them about how Darcy called, and she would have turned him down but the is going to be good. But don’t forget Lizzie, there is a big IF there, IF he actually buys a house. And I feel like that’s not happening.
Emma tries to warn Lizzie it is going to be hard as Darcy is just, urgh. She encourages Lizzie not to let Darcy make her feel bad or act like she doesn’t know her stuff. Stay strong girl. Be the Lizzie we know and love.
Back with Elinor and Marianne, Marianne is doing a job analysis board to try and figure out what she will be good at-and what she wants to do. Marianne is mostly looking for which job will give her acess to hot guys. Okay how did this:
To this?
One job she is interested in is a bookkeeper for a Construction company as she “will be looking at hot guys” and Elinor is all no they will be ugly, fat, and sweaty. Okay Elinor way to be super cruel. You don’t know that, and not every construction guy is fat. And maybe that’s just their genetics. Way to body shame.
And okay this takes place in 2015 and all the jobs she looks at are in the paper. I was job hunting in 2014-15-there was very little in the paper. Online was, and is, where it is at. She should be sitting at a computer sending her resume into LinkedIn, monster, zipdrive, doing online applications, and checking out Craigslist.
Lizzie goes to the office to see Darcy, which is a bad idea, but she needs to as she wants to speak to him about her commission and prove that she knows what she is doing. Darcy is a jerk, but finally agrees.
Elinor gets home and finds Marianne hanging out on the couch with Grant and Emma, Grant stretched out on her couch on top of Emma.
Uh..friends don’t do that-that’s a total relationship thing. Seriously.
They are there to help Elinor get rid of Collin and Marianne with her job search. They decide the best thing to do is dress bad, and Elinor does a mini-fashion show.
Elinor tries on different outfits, but ultimately puts on the one she originally had and they all declare it to be the one to scare him. Yeah saw that joke coming a mile away.
I waited so long for this joke I died…
Lizzie and Darcy start looking over houses…and we all know how this will go:
Darcy is so annoying…
Ugh!
He gives her his specifications of what he wants and expects her to have 20 houses for him to look at. Well hey dude, maybe you could have emailed me what you wanted!!!!! You ever think of that????!!!!!!!
Forget you!
If I was Lizzie I would have given him a verbal beatdown- classy and professionally- left, blocked his number, and walked away no looking back.
Lizzie brings up she didn’t know and he’s all-you didn’t ask. Well she did in the last episode. So there doofus.
Take this list, you jerk!
And his final thing of what he wants, it should appeal to one woman, Well if that’s the case why isn’t she looking at the homes? How am I supposed to find a house if I don’t even know this woman.
Seriously stop!
He is so abusive that I can hardly watch this. I don’t know who wrote him this way, but they obviously have never read the books. Darcy gives one comment in the books-one, and it isn’t even really against Elizabeth! It is more I don’t want to dance and I am going to say this so you will leave me alone. They are making him the biggest jerk ever. And verbally and emotionally abusive putting her down like that and berating her-everything is her fault. It’s awful!
Did you even READ the book!!??
Elinor and Collin are on their date, being the only ones at his favorite restaurant, weird. He orders for her which is a major NOOOO!
Back at the apartment, Grant and Emma are hanging out with Marianne, waiting for Elinor. I thought this whole interaction and the way that Grant and Emma are just always over and eating Elinor’s food is weird. I have never ever had friends do this unless we lived together. We’ll just wait at your house and eat your food until your date is done? Maybe come over when the date ends or the next day, but just hanging out without you in your home. That seems really strange to me. They must be limited on set, the restaurant took most of their budget.
So Marianne and Emma throw darts at Marianne’s job board to decide her next job. But they don’t tell us, means it is supposed to be a “joke”.
Back at the restaurant, Elinor is not enjoying her meal. Collin thinks she is trying to “not eat” on a date, as women do.
Collin reveals the real reason he took her out. He needs her help. She tries to tell him she’s not interested but he puts his hand up and says “don’t interrupt” OH NO YOU DID NOT.
It’s like an explosion of rage. I can’t stand when guys do that-urgh jut makes me furious.
He’s into Lizzie and wants Elinor’s help getting her. He thinks Lizzie is shy and thought approaching a friend is better than going straight for her. Elinor is not going to help, but C won’t listen. She has to state it again-NO.
Seriously stop!
Finally he gets it through his skull, and is not happy, but asks her to keep his secret. Even without her help he is going to go after Elizabeth anyway. Oh and he wants her to pay, since it wasn’t a “real date.”
Elinor fakes illness and takes off for home.
Marianne tries to find an outfit for job interview and her clothes are all behind the times. None if these are what people were wearing at the time.
No, no, no
Lizzie comes over to the house and complains about jerkface. Elinor also comes back and says that it was awful but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
The next day Marianne stops by to say hi to Emma. She applied as a physical therapist-but she has no degree or experience, so she didn’t get the job.
Seriously
Like why is she so dumb?
It ends as she runs off to her interview as an astronomer.
That’s it for today, I’m out of her-and I’m not looking forward to the next episode. But as I like to say, “That’s a problem for future Moreland. She can deal with it.”
Well we have reached the end of another Valentine’s Day countdown. Hopefully you all have enjoyed it as much as I have.
I hope everyone had a great day whether you spend it with a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, family, friend(s), a pet, or food.
And if you didn’t enjoy it, there is always tomorrow when everything will be marked down really low.
So let’s move on to our final pick:
Romantic Moment #14
“Episode Four” from Pride and Prejudice (1995)
So what can I say about this?
I LOVE this miniseries. It is one of the best versions of Pride & Prejudice; Colin Firth is tied with Pride & Prejudice (1940)’s Laurence Olivier in best Darcy.
So I thought and thought about what I which moment I think would be a good one to choose, and I think I picked one that everyone will love.
So the story of Pride & Prejudice should be something you are familiar with if you are a fan of my blog. Even so, I’ll give a quick synopsis.
So Elizabeth Bennet is the second of five daughters in the Bennet family. This wouldn’t be too bad if the estate was not entailed making it harder for them to find husbands and forcing them to lose everything if Mr. Bennet dies. No one is really concerned with it except their mother who desperately wants them to all to secure a relationship.
A Mr. Bingley rents a home in the area, thinking about purchasing, and brings his sisters and best friend Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy is more aloof, having many dislike him even though he is very wealthy. When Elizabeth overhears him saying she isn’t pretty enough for him, she becomes very upset and the one who dislikes him the most.
A very handsome soldier, Mr. Wickham, comes into the picture and charms everyone along with giving more ammo on why we should all jump on the “I dislike Darcy train.” Also, the Bennet’s cousin who is set to inherit comes, Mr. Collins, and is extremely disliked by all.
Bingley leaves suddenly and his sisters and Jane write to each other, with the sisters saying that Mr. Bingley is getting very close to asking Mr. Darcy’s sister for her hand in marriage. Mr. Collins also exits after he is rejected by Elizabeth, deferring his interests for her friend.
Elizabeth visits Charlotte after she is married and meets Mr. Darcy’s insufferable aunt, Lady Catherine.
She also finds out from Mr. Darcy’s cousin that Mr. Darcy was the one who convinced Bingley to leave and forget about her sister, being the one to blame for Jane’s broken heart.
After this Mr. Darcy ends up proposing to Elizabeth! It turns out while her dislike was growing he was falling for her!
She refuses him:
Elizabeth thinks that is the end of it, but then Darcy gives her a letter with an extensive explanation. Will it be enough to forgive him or will she just forget him?
Most Romantic Moment: Even Though I’m Not Presentable, I Don’t Care I Want to Spend Time With You
So the moment I have chosen occurs when Elizabeth travels to Pemberley. Here she looks upon Mr. Darcy’s home and hears how everyone talks about him. This coupled with what he revealed in his letter has her wondering if maybe she was wrong to refuse him.
Now the only reason Elizabeth agreed to look upon the house was because she thought that Mr. Darcy wouldn’t be there, but unbeknownst to everyone, Mr. Darcy has decided to come home early. As he heads home, he decides to take a dip in the pond.
I just love how shocked yet excited he is to see her that he just wants to talk to her, yet at the same time doesn’t know what to say. It is so cute how he doesn’t even realize his wet clothes or tries to get away to change them.
And then after he realizes his attire, he races to dress and runs downstairs, still wet, in a hurry to not let her slip through his fingers. Even though she rejected him, he still cares deeply for her and wants to spend time with her to change her impressions. So cute!
So this film is supposed to be a modern day retelling of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice.
Strangely enough it stars two people who had been in films based on Jane Austen’s work. Hugh Grant plays Daniel Cleaver, our George Wickham, when he was in the 1995 Sense and Sensibility as Edward Ferras.
And then we have Colin Firth as Mark Darcy, having played Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice (1995).
Now I understand why Colin Firth decided to be in the film, I read online that he thought it would distance him from the 1995 miniseries, along with killing the wet shirt.
But oh Colin Firth, you were so wrong.
That will never die
So let’s look at the film:
So prior to this viewing, I had seen the part where the mom has left the dad for another guy, the “vicars and tarts party”, and the very end in the snow.
Why?
From what I had seen I wasn’t really interested as I didn’t think it looked that good at all.
However, lots of people love it. Everyone says they are funny and it was just given a third installment.
Truth be told I don’t
My friend is one of those who loves this film and she convinced me to watch it with her.
I did and I really didn’t like it.
I just don’t get the love for this film!
It mean doesn’t really follow Pride & Prejudice, the characters aren’t that likable, the situations silly ands not really making sense.
I think this movie is horrible, and I’ll tell you why.
Mark & Bridget Falling in Love
Mark (Mr. Darcy) and Bridget (Elizabeth) barely have any screen time together, so they don’t really have the opportunity to grow in a relationship. This is a problem with modern adaptations as in the original tale (and in history), when people visited they didn’t stay a few days, they stayed weeks or months. Darcy spent a long time with Bingley, encountering Elizabeth when she came to assist in her sister’s recuperating. And then again when Elizabeth stayed with Charlotte, but here they meet up at a family party her parents are throwing, a dinner party, accidentally while she is on vacation with Daniel (Wickham), and they fall for each other?
It doesn’t really work. They should have had them spend more time together. I mean he decides to forgo a new career in New York, throws himself at her feet, etc. We should see why he would.
Bridget is an Empowering Character. Or is She?
Bridget is constantly being sexually harassed but does nothing about it.
What?!
I know! Look at the little tagline there, it says
“For anyone who’s ever been set up, stood up, or felt up”
And it acts like it is going to be real empowering or something. And is it? No!
Bridget never stands up for herself or does anything about; choosing to just suffer through it. We have her creepy uncle who every time he sees her grabs her butt. Does she tell him off or her parents so they stop inviting him? No. Instead she just lets him continue.
And then when Daniel gropes her in the elevator and says inappropriate comments, does she do anything? No She just lets him do whatever.
And then there is the way that her new job treats her, as breasts and a butt.
What kind of message is that saying, especially since it is “based” on a character who is renowned for the beauty of her wit?
I mean I’m not asking her to go all out like this:
I’m just asking for her to stand up for herself.
Where Oh Where is the Witticism?
Where is the wit? Elizabeth was a great character who always put her two cents in.
In this Bridget is made to be more of not a bimbo, but one who never thinks but just spouts off the first thing that pops in her head.
If only people followed this advice.
She is nothing like who she is based on at all.
Why Does Bridget Continue to Believe Daniel?
Why does Bridget go on believing Daniel after she finds out that he is a big fat liar?
Daniel tells Bridget this story about how Mark Darcy slept with his fiancé, being the nail in the coffin of hate. But then we find out that Daniel is a a liar and was not only cheating on Bridget, but she is the other woman.
What jerks
Yes, he was in a relationship the whole time and leading Bridget on with no intention of ever having it be more. Then when Bridget quits, we discover that Daniel had been keeping Bridget from moving ahead as he wanted to keep her to dabble in.
Why does she think anything he said is the truth? When I found out my ex cheated in me I was really angry:
But it also made me question everything he did and said. Why wasn’t it the same for her? I mean in the book Elizabeth doesn’t find out that Wickham is a liar until Darcy reveals what he did. And as soon as she sees him again, she lets him know that his drivel isn’t welcome here.
Why Did They Have Her Parents Separate?
I really don’t understand why the film has the mother and father split up. It doesn’t really enhance the plot or create growth for the characters. I mean the only thing it “adds” is that with the mom out of the way the truth about Daniel’s lie isn’t given until the end. I don’t know why they did but I sure didn’t like that she comes home on Christmas and everything is okay, they are back together. There isn’t even an emotional payoff in that.
Why Would Darcy Read Bridget’s Diary?
So Bridget leaves Mark downstairs while she changes out of her embarrassing underwear. She tells him to make himself comfortable and read some magazines and he reads her diary.
Really? I do not see Mark ever doing something like that when he has other options. He’s just not that type of guy at all.
And her running after him in the snow with no pants or coat. Yeah right, she would freeze before she met up with him.
Bridget’s Friends are Atrocious
See Hook agrees with me.
Bridget’s friends are awful.
All they do is give horrible advice or make the situation worse.
Where is level-headed and realistic Charlotte?
Where is the kind, caring, always seeing the good Jane?
We have Tom who makes the situation worse, bringing the fight into the restaurant and the wait staff out; Shazzer who just complains and places all kinds of doubts in Bridget’s mind; and the other friend who just cries all the time.
No thank you.
So I haven’t read the book, (maybe I will like that better), but as for this film, except for a few good moments, I see it as a dud.
So this isn’t part of our 30 Day challenge. I just felt I needed to post it as I wanted to review the sequel for the 30 Day challenge and I couldn’t do the second without the first! After this we will continue the 30 Day challenge.
Austenland (Austenland #1) by Shannon Hale
I first read this book back in high school, I was a freshman or sophomore at the time. I really loved the premise of the book and most of the characters and thought the story was fantastic. I only had one issue, and that was with the main character Jane. I hadn’t really been in a relationship before I read this and I thought the main character was a bit…bonkers. She seemed to throw herself into “relationships” without them even dating, like Gigi in He’s Just NOT That Into You.
I then went on to read the sequel as soon as it was printed, Midnight in Austenland, and just fell in love with it. I thought it was amazing!
Then the film trailer came out for Austenland and it looked like it was to be mostly this first book, but have a few traits of the sequel that I loved. I was so excited.
I tracked that film and when the release dates were changed, waited. And waited. And then when it wasn’t released in any theater near me, I waited some more for it to come out on DVD.
I rented it as soon as it was out, watched it, and adored it from beginning to end!I thought it was sooo much better than the book.
But then I began thinking…what if the book wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was? Maybe as an adult my perspective would change then when I was a teenager? It has been almost ten years (time flies!) since I last read it and decided it would be the perfect time to reread and review it (especially as I want to review the sequel but can’t until I review this one!)
Jane Hayes is obsessed with Jane Austen.
She reads all of Austen’s books and watches the 1995 miniseries again and again.
But unlike most fangirls, Jane is ashamed of her love. I don’t know why, I embrace mine.
It goes for the rest of her work as well.
Anyways…Jane’s mom comes to visit with her great aunt Carolyn. Carolyn is super rich and her mother is trying to get her into the will. She hides her Austen items and DVD disc, (I proudly display mine), but Carolyn finds it.
Carolyn waits until Jane’s mother goes to the restroom and warns her about Darcy, letting him in and taking over.
Hey, I don’t see anything wrong for striving for a guy like that or any other Austen man. I don’t want to settle. I want someone special.
Six months later, Aunt Carolyn dies and leaves something for Jane. She gets all excited dreaming about what she could buy or do with the money:
But it turns out she is not rich.
Instead she gets a three week paid vacation to go to Pembrook Park in England. There she is in a Regency Westworld(except no killer robots), dressing, talking, and acting as it it is 1816. There is no scripts or written endings, but there is a ball and you might meet your dream man there.
Now they make it seem as if wanting to be with an equivalent of Darcy is a bad thing and that that love is to blame for her bad relationships but that’s not true she is crazy when it comes to relationships. She thinks every guy she has ever been with is her “boyfriend”, even when they haven’t even dated! Even when she just talks to them or thinks about dating them.
She goes to the Park reading about all the rules they have to follow in that time period. In fact there are a lot of rules with the park as to what they can and cannot do.
She meets Mrs. Wattlesbrook who introduces her to what she will wear and introductory rules. She is now to go by the name Jane Erstwhile, instead of Hayes, and although they were supposed to change their ages and create this fake cover story; Jane wants to be real.
So Jane finds out that she isn’t the usual type of client. Most of the time, like in Westworld, they have a ton of money. Unfortunately, Jane is not rich so she will not be treated special like the other two guests: Miss Elizabeth Charming and Miss Amelia Heartwright.
Really?
Jane has to get rid of all her modern items, although she secretly holds back her cell phone, and dress only in Regency wear.
She meets Theodore, the undergardener, who helps her learn the dances she’ll need to know for the ball.
Jane is ready and determined that this vacation is going to be great and she will conquer.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #1 Alex Ripley, 4 yrs
She was four years old, he kissed her, and he moved to Minnesota that summer, never to be seen again.
The next day is day one of Jane’s trip to Pembrook Park. She meets her “aunt” Saffronia and “uncle” Sir John Templeton who she will be staying with during her time there.
She meets Miss Elizabeth Charming who is a very wealthy, buxom, and “twenty-two” (fifty). She is extremely wealthy, recently divorced, and looking for a book happily ever after ending.
The two then meet the men, the reason they are here. The first is the fair-haired, roguish, open man Colonel Andrews.
And then we have Mr. Nobley: tall, dark, and brooding.
You know how I like them!
And Jane likes what she sees.
Sir Templeton is pretty much just drunk all the time and not interesting. Colonel Andrews is a lot of fun, and Nobley? Well…
Elizabeth Charming really wants one of the men and throws herself at both of them, making for some fun and interesting adventures.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #1 Justin Kimble, 12 yrs
They started “going out” in 4th grade when they shared Pixy Stix, scored each other as 1os, and gave each other Valentines. But then he chose another girl for the folk dance and it was over.
So this is a big part of my problem with Jane (Hayes). Those aren’t real relationships, she shouldn’t count them. She was just a child!
The next day she goes out for a walk and runs into Theodore. Even though they aren’t supposed to talk, as he is a servant, they do anyway. Theodore hates the Regency story and gives up on it, revealing his name is really Martin Jasper. Even though it is against the rules, Jane actually starts to like it. It is a secret, “bad”, and Martin is a nice connection to the real world.
Jane starts to feel strange about this whole “fake Regency” thing, as if she can’t do it. Mr. Nobley and the Colonel see her grow pale and Nobley urges the Colonel to get her some water. There Jane and Nobley have a private conversation, where Jane tries to figure out how Mr. Nobley can pretend like this. Mr Nobley misunderstands her and becomes upset. He tells her that she can’t play games and try to trap him.
Later while the men are out doing their manly things, the women wait for Amelia Heartwright to call. They hope she won’t be attractive as it seems there isn’t enough men for everyone. She comes in, and you know how we girls are.
Unfortunately, she is absolutely beautiful; but along with that she is very kind and hard to dislike. But Jane’s earlier dismay proves to be true as Mr. Nobley and Miss Heartwright appear to have had a history. With those two paired and the Colonel for Miss Charming; Jane is left alone with no one.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #2 Rudy Liev, 15 yrs
Rudy was hilarious and always cracking jokes, ones that were extremely harmful and unfunny. After four months of dating he told everyone when Jane kisses, she licks like a cat. He continued to make fun of her, the moniker “tiger tongue” staying with her even at her ten-year reunion.
After they break up, she reads Pride & Prejudice for the first time.
Miss Charming won’t let herself be dominated or destroyed, and immediately snags both gentlemen for Whist after dinner. Miss Amelia makes up the fourth, leaving Jane out in the cold again.
Which unfortunately sets her in Sir John’s drunken sights. He passes out, and tired of overhearing the lively conversation from the whist table, Jane decides to go out for a walk, major Austenland and Regency no no.
Jane hears a TV and goes to it, being Martin’s trailer. She overhears the Knick game and is invited inside. Things ensue, and before you know it they are making out. Jane leaves after their session and heads back to sneak into the house.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #3 Dave Atters, 16 yrs
Star of the high school basketball team and Jane was extremely infatuated with him. One night he tried to put his hand up her skirt, she refused, he dumped her.
Instead of blaming Dave she blamed Mr. Darcy for her high expectations of men.
Dave was a jerk. High expectations have nothing her other than you fell for a guy who thought he was the best and didn’t want to take no for an answer.
You should have high expectations. You shouldn’t have been dating a jerk like him. Any guy who won’t respect you isn’t worth it.
Every night she goes to see Martin and they make out, eat junk food, etc. She is bored with Regency things as she can’t stand to do any more of them.
Uh, embroidery is not boring or easy. It is hard work and fun. I”ll have to post some of the things I’ve done.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #4 Ray Riboldi, 17 yrs
Ray was nice, and Jane decided after the last two boyfriends she wanted a nice guy. After a few months, two guys who’d been longtime friends played a prank involving Ray’s jeep and dog poop, telling him to stay away from pretty girls. He then retaliated to Jane believing she was the one to put them up to it.
Jane has horrible taste in me, but she can’t blame Austen for it. The men she are picking are the problem. Maybe you should befriend and get to know them instead of going into “dating” them.
She gets bored of relaxing during the day, which I don’t get. Two weeks in England, relaxing? Sounds good to me.
Let’s go now!
She runs to see Martin, but he ends that, being offended that she is “one of those women” interested in Austen stuff and that she was with the other two men this morning. He’s a total jerk and Jane is upset as she came all this way, just for more disappointment.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #5 Rahim, 35 or 40 yrs
She meet him while working the perfume counter at age 19. He dates her for three weeks taking her to expensive restaurants, buying her gift; Jane almost fulfilling a cliché of being a “shopgirl”. I say almost because when he took her to her apartment and tried to sleep with her, she laughs and it ends.
Jane is depressed. She has no one, made a fool of herself going after Martin, and is still the fifth wheel. That night she turns down a game of whist and heads outside to walk again.
Mr. Nobley surprises her, having come to check on her. He warns her about Martin, his protectiveness getting her all upset. Later she comes back in the house and sees the book Mr. Nobley always reads with a pay stub made out to a Henry Jenkins. Hmm? Could that be his real name?
As she starts for her room, she comes upon a drunk Sir John who hits on her.
Uh no.
He tries to get with her, but she knees him in the groin and stops him.
Mr. Nobley comes upon them, and lends a hand. Here he shows his other side, no longer brooding and distant, but actually charming funny, and dare I say…a delight.
Jane is thoroughly disappointed in all that happened and decides no more nice-Jane. She is going to rock Austenland and be the best Regency lady ever.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #6 Josh Lake, 20 yrs
Met at a college carnival fundraiser when two groups of friends merged together. They get stuck in a ride and the fear and adrenaline make them start a relationship, but after three months they both know there is no pop to the relationship and break up.
Not Austen’s fault but Jane’s for letting the situation’s emotions create a false relationship and love. Like in Bones when Booth and Hannah get together.
The next morning, Jane pulls out her smuggled cell phone and emails a friend for info on Martin Jasper and Henry Jenkins, hoping to unearth the real person under the mask.
That morning the men are out of town, which upsets Miss Charming. She didn’t dole out the big bucks to be ignored or play second fiddle to Miss Heartwright.. She goes to speak to Mrs. Wattlesbrook and straighten out what her vision of Austenland is.
Jane, bored, goes to visit Miss Heartwright. She doesn’t really want to, but as this is something Emma would do, she’s in the game.
When the two ladies return to the park, they have an unexpected visitor! Miss Heartright’s jilted lover has returned, a Mr. George East who has recently become Captain. Miss Heartwright takes off, and Jane rings for a maid to show Captain East to his room.
Hmm…so now we have three ladies and three men. But who goes with who? And will Jane get the dream proposal promised?
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #6.5 Paul Diaz, 20
She meet him in a watercolor class, sort of talked believing they clicked, but when she asked him out; he didn’t even know who she was.
At dinner Jane flirts as widely as she can, staying in Regency fashion. She throws Mr. Nobley out as it seems Miss Charming and Miss Heartwright care for him. Instead she tries to kill the Captain and the Colonel with her charm.
That night Jane, the Captain, and Colonel stay out of cards and tease Mr. Nobley. The teasing goes a little too far with Jane giving a short rant on the men of the day:
And Mr. Nobley has a longer rant about women. Clearly he has some wounds.
They then dance with East taking Heartwright and the Colonel paired with Miss Charming. Jane is left all alone until Mr. Nobley steps up and asks her for a dance.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND 7 Juan Inskeep, 25 yrs
Gay.
The next morning the men are out “shooting”, Miss Charming is upset and heads out to see Miss Heartwright, so Jane goes upstairs to check her email. Nothing on Martin Jasper but she hit the motherlode on Henry Jenkins. He studied theater and history at Cambridge, and four years ago was in a crazy divorce. He was very calm but recounted how when his wife cheated on him with a neighbor, he forgave her; when she sold his car to pay for a wild weekend in Monaco, he forgave her; but when she shish-kabobed his fish because he said he wanted kids: that’s when he decided the relationship needed to end. Sounds like a modern-day Mr. Rochester with a crazy, cruel wife.
She is crazy!
Later in the library, she overhears the Colonel’s proposal to Miss Charming. One man down and two left to go. The game is on!
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #8 Bobby Winkle, 23 yrs
They started as friends and moved on to dating. The relationship lasted six months and then he left for an internship Guatemala. He returned six months later and never called.
The next day they play croquet. Andrews and Miss Charming, Nobley and Miss Heartwright, & Jane and Captain East. Jane doesn’t mind being with Captain East as he is not only attractive but as bad at croquet as she is.
However, she notices that Mr. Nobley keeps staring and watching her. And even more she realizes that she cares what Mr. Nobley thinks about her.
The game is interrupted when Mrs. Wattlesbrook drives up. They found Jane’s cellphone and she is to be kicked out of Austenland.
She goes to get in the carriage upset that the men didn’t stand up for her. Before she gets in, they are interrupted by Miss Heartwright. She claims that it is her phone, she accidentally brought it, and that Jane was holding it for her. Because Miss Heartwright is so wealthy, they let her pass.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #9 Kevin Hyde, 27 yrs
She loved him. They dated for almost two years, Jane even went wedding dress shopping, but one day he told her he wanted to end it. He said it was too hard and that he wasn’t having fun.
The next day Miss Heartwright and Mr. Nobley are going horseback riding. They invite Jane, who determined not to be a third wheel, invites Mr. East. As they ride she tries to have intimate time to flirt, but Mr. Nobley keeps messing things up when he separates them. He eventually makes up Jane looking poorly, and sends the other two on ahead.
That guy!
Jane is angry with Nobley for messing things up, but then he relays that Miss Hearwright asked him to intervene and give them a few minutes alone to talk about their past.
She and Nobley start talking and he manages to trick her into revealing something personal, her love of painting and her old dream. They are interrupted by East, but later that evening she finds a package for her. When she opens it, it is oil paints, an easel, and canvas.
How sweet!
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #10 Peter Sosa, 29 yrs
She met Peter in the work elevator. They dated for five weeks and he was perfect. She started to dream only to have that crash down when he revealed that he was already dating someone. His girlfriend bet him he couldn’t make the next girl fall in love with him, and the little game went too far.
The next day is rainy and Jane spends the morning painting. She’d rather not tear herself away, but does as she knows she needs human contact after all that time alone.
She goes to the library to read and is met by Mr. Nobley. He reads the book to her, but it is too boring they cannot continue.
The Colonel wants to do a play, but they would need Mr. Nobley and he refuses. However, after Martin approaches and tries to re-romance Jane, Mr. Nobley tries to warn Jane against him once again. Jane finds herself falling for him, and promises to stay away from Martin if Mr. Nobley performs in the play.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #11 Clark Barnyard, 23 yrs
He was a younger man and someone she worked with. They joked and flirted for months when he asked her out finally. They start kissing when he tries to get her clothes off. She had to tell him no four times before he stopped, confused as to why they weren’t going to have sex.
This wasn’t even a real boyfriend! They went on one date! Jane is a tad delusional.
Mr. Nobley continues to look and watch Jane. They run off together to practice their parts, and actually break a few Regency rules with proximity.
Jane feels secure in having Mr. Nobley at her ending. But as they talk she remembers the ball is in two days and the vacation ends in three. It will all be over soon. 😦
They come upon a tender moment of Captain East and Miss Heartwright. While they talk about love and whether it can be done under fiction; Mr. Nobley reveals he had a “friend” who was heartbroken but if you asked him now, “he” might be opening his heart again to another.
Is it a “friend” or him?
They perform two hours later, badly, but something happens with Mr. Nobley. They way he looks at her, kissed her cheek…it seems more than just a part. But that’s silly it can’t be…real?
Could it?
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #12 Tad Harrison, 35 yrs
They were engaged after a year, adopted a dog, and picked out baby names. But he wouldn’t set a date. A year later, they take a break and Tad starts sleeping around. He kept the dog.
The next day, Jane paints all morning. After spending the whole morning alone, she goes out looking for the men. There are only two days left!
She sees the Colonel talking to someone out of sight and overhears that the Colonel has to get back to work, only to see it is her! Disgusted Jane goes back to her room and starts painting again.
Men
Later that evening, Mr. Nobley takes her aside and asks her about her painting. They spend a long time as Jane shares her feelings of painting, the things she has been doing; just going on and on. Mr. Nobley smiles through the whole thing and asks to see her paintings.
How sweet!
He compliments her work and then leaves. But then returns to ask her to reserve the first two dances for him.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #12.5 Jake Zeiger, 30ish yrs
Her neighbor that she saw every time she gets her mail. She tries to ask him out, but he turns her down as he never saw her as anything but neighbor.
This was not her boyfriend either! Just in her head!
The ball comes and Jane is dressed elegantly. She is approached by Martin, dressed up as an extra, who tries to get the first two dances, but Nobley interferes, whirling her away.
Eventually they break way from the group and Mr. Nobley asks for her hand in marriage. Jane is upset at the faux love and walks away, deciding Mr. Darcy is not for her but she needs a “real man.”
She runs off to find Martin, as he is “real”.
They make plans to meet up the next day and for Jane to rearrange her schedule and get a few extra days in England.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #13 Jimmy Rimer, 38 yrs
They walked the same path every day in central park for five months. Then Jimmy snorted when laughing, and Jane avoided him.
The next day she says good-bye to Miss Charming and she and Miss Heartwright head out. It turns out Miss Heartwright is not British as they thought. She is a rich wife who comes out annually to have some fun. She shares that it was Mr. Nobley’s idea to save Jane from being thrown out, asking her to pretend it was her phone.
After Jane dresses in her old clothes returning her Regency wear, Mrs. Wattlesbrook lets her know that Martin is an actor. He was picked for her but had to be taken out if circulation when thinks got too heated.
What jerks
Jane is so angry at them making a fool of her, picking a gardner as her match instead of any gentleman because she’s poor and not an “ideal” client.
Jane lies about her magazine, pretending she is a staff writer, threatening Mrs. Wattlesbrook and having a ton of fun making her sweat.
FLASHBACK: BOYFRIEND #14 Martin of Sheffield, 29 yrs
An actor posing as a gardener, who posed as a gentleman on the Austenland estate.
Jane heads to the airport: angry, sad, and feeling foolish. As she is thinking to herself, she hears in the airport:
Paging Miss Jane Erstwhile
Is it Mr. Nobley?! Did he comes after her?
No. It is Martin.
He was sent by Mrs. Wattlesbrook to mend things. He tries a few lines, but Jane sees right through them all.
But then the most surprising thing happens. A man dressed in Regency wear approaches! It is Mr. Nobley.
He tell her that he loves her! He got caught up in the role and gave her the same old proposal he always does, the Darcy proposal. But he truly does love her. Being with her was different than being with anyone else.
Martin and him fight, calling each other names; but Jane is just done with it all. She boards her plane saying good-bye.
On the plane, she is surprised to see that Mr. Nobley has bought a ticket and will be joining her on her flight. She questions why Mrs. Wattlesbrook would go that far, but he tells her she didn’t send him. He came on his own, he Henry Jenkins. In fact, Mrs. Wattlesbrook never sent him to go after Jane, not at the park and not now.
He knows she has no money, he never heard the article rumor, and bought the ticket even though he is deeply afraid of flying to prove his love. He tells her that if it is too much he can wait, if they just start out slow and then see where it takes them.
But then he says he lied.
Ah snap, knew it. It was too perfect.
He tells her that he doesn’t want a fling. For him it is all or nothing and he is throwing himself at her feet.
How romantic!
And then this part, this is the best:
“But wait, stop, it’s not supposed to end this way! You’re the fantasy, you’re what I’m leaving behind. I can’t pack you up and take you with me.’
‘That was the most self-centered thing I’ve ever heard you say.’
Jane blinked. ‘It was?’
‘Miss Hayes, have you stopped to consider that you might hav this all backward? That in fact you are my fantasy?”
How sweet!
Present: Boyfriend #15 Henry
Jane is taking this relationship one day at a time and no longer seems to be ashamed of her Pride and Prejudice love.
In the end Jane does the one thing everyone dreams of, she gets a “real” Mr. Darcy.
So I liked the novel, the only issue I really had was Jane’s feeling ashamed at being an Austen fan. I just don’t get it and it made her less likeable. I also didn’t like how she complained about her vacation or blamed her horrible choices in men on Austen. Those things were corrected in the sequel and film which is why I liked them better.
But the end was just perfect. It was incredibly romantic and just the type of thing we dream of. Hale sure knows how to write
So even though this isn’t a part of our scheduled posting, as it is a post in the first 25 days of December I am going to add a Christmas Carol.
Today’s song is one that my sister loves and used to play all the time. It is On This Very Christmas Night or Christmas Canon by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
This song was published in 1998 and strayed from rock to being in the form of a children’s choir. It is a great song, but once played remains in your head forever.
So when I say I’ll be reviewing Emma (1996), most people think about this:
I however will be talking about this:
So this film follows the book of Emma pretty accurately. It doesn’t have everything, of course, as it is only a hour and 47 minutes, but it does a good job. So how I am going to do this review is a bit different, instead of looking at the storyline I am going to review how the characters were portrayed and the set design.
Set
So let’s look at the indoor set featured above. Now I know that A&E Television was trying to go for a more realistic feel, but heads up movie writers; if we cannot see the action happening then you need to skip “accurate” for enjoyable. Nobody wants to spend their money on something that can’t tell them what is happening.
I agree that the chiaruscuro and candlelight is a nice effect, but not worth it. It is like when you watch Onegin and you have those scenes where you have no clue what anything looks like. Good thing for Ralph Fiennes’ amazing voice.
The rooms also lacked any pizazz or beauty.
The outdoors were extremely lovely, and kudus to the screenwriters who show how the servants had to carry every component of the picnic up the hill for their Box Hill little party. That was great.
Costumes
So while Emma (1996) aka Gwyneth Paltrow Version had this absolutely beautiful and stunning costumes, this version’s ones were so boring. I mean even Catherine had better things than what the very rich Emma wore in this.
And “poor” Elizabeth also wore more attractive and beautiful garments.
These ones were just too plain and not befitting someone as important as Emma. I mean even her ball gown was boring.
Mr. & Mrs. Weston
So in the book Miss Taylor turned Mrs. Weston was Emma’s governess, but in reality her confidant and best friend. While they don’t spend as much time together, with her married, in a new home, and concentrating on her new family; still they are buds. In this we hardly ever see Mrs. Weston and I can’t recall a scene in which she talks to Emma, except to warn her about Frank and Jane’s upcoming marriage. Great job there A&E turning her whole character into a little blimp in the story.
Mr. Weston also hardly has any scenes or interactions in this film, which is a complete shame as he is a incredibly cool guy.
Harriet Smith
This is one area where the film was fantastic. I have not seen a portrayal of Harriet Smith as fantastic as the one done by Samantha Morton.
Wow
In this she doesn’t play Harriet as the empty flower pot or the kind-hearted klutz; instead Morton focused on the aspect of Harriet’s unknown parentage and ran with it in her presentation of the character. Before I watched this film, I never thought of what Harriet went through not knowing who her parents were. I mean if you think of how people treated those who were in a slightly lower class, but respectable (like the Bennets in Pride & Prejudice) imagine how they would treat someone who is unknown. When someone would not claim their child as their own, it typically meant an illegitimate birth, usually the mistress. So those girls in school were most likely not interested in becoming besties with Harriet, or having anything at all to do with her.
Aw
This completely explains why Harriet is so eager to do everything Emma says. After so long of being alone; family-less and friendless, she finally has someone who cares about her and will do whatever she can to keep it.
I have to say one of the best scenes is when Emma is chattering away about how Harriet’s father must be an important gentleman and you see Harriet looking down, brokenhearted saying something like I hope so.
The way she acts around Robert is also just adorable. You can tell she is crazy about him, but also scared. Scared of being abandoned again, rejected by her friend Emma, and making the wrong decision as she has no family to guide her.
Great job Morten.
And I truly mean it
Jane Fairfax
Jane Fairfax is Emma’s character foil. While Emma doesn’t play piano well, paints okay, doesn’t read, has a meager education as she isn’t into studies, enjoys meddling, can be rude or snobby, and likes to do what she wants without thinking of others; Jane is the opposite. Jane is a superb piano player, an excellent painter, enjoys reading, has a high level of education, enjoys privacy, is kind, compassionate, and considerate of others. A regular Goofus and Gallant, (J.K. I love Emma). This is one of the reasons why Emma dislikes Jane, as she is envious of what she has accomplished.
However, in this film they didn’t show that at all. Emma dislikes Jane, but we hardly see them react or why Emma is so jealous. We don’t hear others praise Jane, and the conversation when Emma is pumping Jane for information wasn’t intriguing.
This Jane hardly even seemed there, she wasn’t a very intriguing nemesis.
Mr. & Mrs. Elton
So Mr. & Mrs. Elton are some of the villians in the novel and film. Mr. Elton proposes to Emma and when she refuses him he is extremely rude to her and Harriet; going out of town and picking out a shrew of a woman to be his wife.
In this depiction they didn’t have as much of a role. We see them for the crucial scenes of Elton proposing, them cutting Harriet, and so and so.
I didn’t like their depiction as they are supposed to be more hatable. You are supposed to extremely dislike them and want bad things to befall them.
Mr. Frank Churchill
Frank Churchill is also supposed to be the villian in the book. At first he seems like a nice, sweet guy, courting Emma; but in reality he is a major jerk. He ignores his father, ignores his real fiancé, and leads Emma on.
The Frank Churchill wasn’t quite as sleazy as he should have been, in my opinion, but he did a good job. He had a painted on smile and gave off an air of insincerity; which worked really great. This actor did a great job and I give him a ten.
Mr. George Knightley
I thought this was the worst depiction of Mr. Knightley. Where to start? Well first of all his hair. Why did they pick that particular hairstyle? It looks too mulletish and makes him have the appearance of a receding hairline.
My biggest issue with Mark Strong as Knightley is that he is just too brooding to be Knightley. Knightley is older, but still relaxed enough to be best friend with Emma and joke around with her. He is serious but can also have fun.
Strong as Knightley is just brooding all the time and whenever he talks his eyes flash and he practically yells in anger. He makes me think of the Beast in Beauty and the Beast the way he reacts to everything and everyone.
I thought Strong made the character too dark, he would have been better as a Darcy than a Knightley.
I also didn’t like the scene of him with baby Emma, that was a little too weird. And the scene he announces his proposal he sounds as of he is yelling at everyone as if he is planning to destroy them all.
Emma Woodhouse
I really hated this version of Emma. I thought Beckinsale was a horrible actor, just kind of staring off into space and being blank and like a piece of wood.
If she wasn’t being totally deadpan she had this creepy expression on her face like she wanted to devour everyone like a female praying mantis.
I thought it was horribly bland and boring.
Ending conclusion:
I thought the way the characters were portrayed was boring, the transitions weird, and the film all around mediocre. There was no fun to it and the actors talked as if they were being paid an extra bonus if they could finish their lines in under three seconds.
So this book review is a part of that challenge I made for myself a year ago. The one in which I promised to review every book and film based on Pride and Prejudice book and movie. (For more on that go here.)
Too bad!
An Assembly Such as This (Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman book #1), by Pamela Aidan, is a retelling of Pride and Prejudice…with a twist. In this version, we get the view of Pride and Prejudice from Darcy’s point of view.
And I have to say I have never, ever been a fan of these fleshed out fan-fics, you know the one’s where people decide to put a new twist on a perfectly good story, but I must say I loved this.
Yep, I was not expecting to like this book, but I just loved it and didn’t want to put it down.
You see the reason that it was so good was first of all the author, Aidan, really paid close attention to Pride and Prejudice and made sure that her book stayed as close as possible to the novel. The book spans from the first assembly in which Darcy snubs Elizabeth and ends when he returns to London, taking Bingley in tow.
It really shows the progression of Darcy’s interests in Elizabeth, as we have that view into his brain.
I also love how the author focuses a lot of time on Darcy and Georgina’s relationship. In Pride and Prejudice, you know he is a great older brother, but it is nice seeing much more of his care, attention, and affection.
But the main reasons why I loved this book…the Bingley and Darcy friendship.
In the original text, we know the two are close friends but all we really see is Mr. Darcy trying to take care of his friend, removing him from Jane and then encouraging him to come back. In Aidan’s book, we get to see the every day parts of friendship. The things they have in common, discussing issues they have with their families, their views on what’s popular at the time, etc. It’s nice to see that side if Darcy, as well as seeing that he isn’t always telling Bingley what to do.
Yep, they are best friends, through and through.
If I had to pick out something that I didn’t like about this book, I would have to say my only issue is the stiffness in Darcy’s personal thoughts.
In the book Pride and Prejudice, we are hardly ever in his head, so of course he is always stiff and proper, following the way people acted during that time. He only relaxes when we get to Pemberly, as that is his home and he feels comfortable there. However, Aidan always has him stiff and rigid. Even when he is talking to himself and thinking. I would have preferred him to be a bit more relaxed as it is in his private thoughts, but to be honest it is so minute, that it doesn’t really matter. All in all, it was a great book and I am looking forward to reading its sequel.
“You think you know something, don’t you? You think you’re the clever little girl who knows something. There’s so much you don’t know, so much. What do you know, really? You’re just an ordinary little girl, living in an ordinary little town. You wake up every morning of your life and you know perfectly well that there’s nothing in the world to trouble you. You go through your ordinary little day, and at night you sleep your untroubled ordinary little sleep, filled with peaceful stupid dreams. And I brought you nightmares.”
So for my first Alfred Hitchcock film, I am going to review Shadow of a Doubt. This really surprised me as I never thought this would have been the first, (I was sure it would be Psycho). But I had such an urge to talk about it, that I had to follow it. Now this has never been considered one of Hitchcock’s greats, in fact it bombed at the office, but it was both Alfred Hitchcock’s and Teresa Wright’s favorite film.
I actually have a personal connection to this film myself. I used to go to college near Santa Rosa and one day for film class we were going to watch a psychological film. The one we chose wouldn’t work and I suggested that we had to watch an Alfred Hitchcock film, specifically Shadow of a Doubt. I had this urge and was pushing the film so hard, even though it is not one of my favorite Hitchcock films. It was only when we watched it, that I remembered that it was set and filmed in Santa Rosa. In fact, I have been to all the areas the film was set in.
So the film is supposed to be about a happy town, full of normal American people, but underneath this lies something horrible. This kind of thing was what David Lynch ended up doing and becoming famous for in his film Blue Velvet and TV series Twin Peaks.
So the film starts off with the extremely handsome Joseph Cotten, lying on a bed. His name is Charlie Oakley.
His landlady knocks on the door and tells him that there are two men looking for him. Charlie quickly packs some things up, gathers his money, and takes off. He makes plans to get out of the East coast, going heading to California to visit his sister Emma in Santa Rosa.
In Santa Rosa, we meet Charlie 2 (Teresa Wright), named after her Uncle Charlie. (From now on I’m going to say Charlie for Teresa Wright and Uncle Charlie for Joseph Cotten as otherwise it will be too confusing.) Anyways, Charlie has been complaining that life is boring. Nothing interesting ever happens in life.
She finds out that her Uncle Charlie is coming and is ecstatic. The two of them have always shared a special bond. Out of everyone in their family, she feels that Charlie is the only one who really gets her.
Uncle Charlie greets the family and not only bring life into the house but gifts. Charlie gets the most special gift of all, an emerald ring. Charlie notices an engraving of initials on the inside and asks Uncle Charlie what they stand for. He doesn’t know and blames the jeweler for selling him an old ring instead of a new one.
Sound suspicious
He keeps trying to push Charlie to let him get it re-engraved, but she refuses. At dinner, Emma is humming this song. It has been stuck in her head all day and she can’t remember what it is called. She asks around to everyone else, and her husband Joseph says that it is The Merry Widow Waltz. When Uncle Charlie hears this, he is startled and spills his wine.
After dinner, Joseph’s friend comes over. Now this is an interesting subplot. The two of them are huge mystery fans and are constantly trying to create the perfect murder. This subplot always makes me laugh and it reminds me of a friend and I. We are always talking about the best way to kill someone and get away with it. I always go with the Secret Window way.
“Joseph Newton: We’re not talking about killing people. Herb’s talking about killing me and I’m talking about killing him.”
In fact, they remind me of Randy from Scream except with actual murders, than horror films.
They determine one of the best ways to kill someone is to disguise the murder as a suicide.
The next day, Uncle Charlie is reading the paper, when he sees a story that upsets him. He rips the page with the story on it, and turns it into a house for the kids, hiding the ripped story in his pocket. Ann and Roger think it’s are cool, but they have to dismantle it as their father hasn’t had a chance to look at the paper.
Charlie saw him hiding the torn pages and starts teasing her Uncle. She grabs them out of his pocket and tries to put them together. But before she can, Uncle Charlie gets angry and pushes her away. She becomes frightened, but Uncle Charlie consoles her, telling her that it was a bad story about a friend.
Soon after, two men approach the family and let them know they have been chosen to be the feature family for a census agency on “typical American family-ness”. They will be coming to interview them and photograph their average lives.
Emma is really excited as Uncle Charlie will now be a part of the featured story. She tells Charlie about how she only has one photo of him. It was when he was a little boy, before he got in a horrible accident. After he recovered from the accident he never was the same again. Often getting into trouble.
Uncle Charlie says he will be staying in town for a while, and then begins acting strangely. At the bank he deposits forty thousand dollars in cash and makes all these jokes about the bank and Joseph (Charlie’s dad) embezzling funds. He also extremely avoids the census takers. He thinks they are up to something. Whenever they come to the house, he always leaves and won’t answer any questions.
When his picture gets taken, he becomes extremely angry and demands for the negative roll.
The younger of the two census workers, (Macdonald Carey), asks Charlie to be his guide of the town, and she agrees only to please her mother. When he gets her alone he tells her that he isn’t a census taker, but that instead he is Detective Jack Graham and that he is with the FBI. They are investigating “The Merry Widow Murderer”, a man who romances widows and murders them taking their money. He tells her that that they have two suspects. One of which is her Uncle Charlie.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
The next day Charlie is still reeling from the news and sleeps all day. She doesn’t want to believe her Uncle Charlie is capable of murder. However, she can’t help thinking about his suspicious behavior.
Sound suspicious
Charlie gets even more freaked out when Uncle Charlie gives a rant on widows.
“Uncle Charlie: The cities are full of women, middle-aged widows, husbands, dead, husbands who’ve spent their lives making fortunes, working and working. And then they die and leave their money to their wives, their silly wives. And what do the wives do, these useless women? You see them in the hotels, the best hotels, every day by the thousands, drinking the money, eating the money, losing the money at bridge, playing all day and all night, smelling of money, proud of their jewelry but of nothing else, horrible, faded, fat, greedy women… Are they human or are they fat, wheezing animals, hmm? And what happens to animals when they get too fat and too old?”
Charlie suffers a breakdown as she can’t handle the thought that her Uncle is a murderer. That coupled with her father and Herb’s constant murder talk, ugh she just needs to get away. Uncle Charlie follows her and takes her to a bar to talk.
At the bar, he confronts her suspicions and tells her that he is considered for “The Merry Widow Murderer”, but it isn’t him. It is just a coincidence.
Yes I am
Charlie listens, but something doesn’t sit right with her. She still feels suspicious. She sneaks into Uncle Charlie’s room to try and figure out what article he had ripped up.
She can’t put the pieces back together, and instead heads to the library. She convinces the librarian to let her search the papers and discovers that “The Merry Widow Murderer” killed a famous entertainer. She notices that the initials of the woman match the ring Uncle Charlie gave her.
She goes to her uncle to confront him, and he asks her not to say anything. She agrees to wait as she knows it will hurt her mother.
Meanwhile, Jack is pushing Charlie to give him info on her Uncle, but she won’t say a thing. They sent the photo of Uncle Charlie back East but haven’t heard whether or not he is the guy the are actually after. The other suspect they were considering was killed fleeing from the police and many believe he is the murderer.
After this news, Jack goes to Charlie and tells her that he likes her. And that he would like to date her, maybe even marry her one day.
I know. He has been nice, but he never even seemed to show that he was that interested in her. He totally pulls a Mr. Darcy, completely dropping that bomb out of the blue.
Uncle Charlie is all smiles and it seems like everything is fine, but Charlie can’t shake an uneasy feeling.
This doesn’t feel right.
Soon Charlie suffers from an accident. As she is coming down the stairs one of the steps falls through causing her to fall. She checks later but can’t tell of any tampering.
Oh what a horrible accident.
Now these are some of the best scenes in the film. In the beginning you aren’t sure if Uncle Charlie is doing anything, whether they are accidents or not. I mean could he really be so cold-blooded as to kill his own niece?
Uncle Charlie is asked to give a public lecture and the whole family is going to go hear him speak. There isn’t enough room for them to go in one car, so they decide to send most in a taxi, with the Charlies going in the car. Charlie gets trapped in her garage with the car going. She calls for help, but the music Uncle Charlie is playing overpowers her screams.
Luckily, Herb is coming by as he does everyday and hears her, freeing her.
The next day, Uncle Charlie decides that he is leaving. Everyone but Charlie is sad to see him go. As he gets on the train we see that he won’t be traveling alone, but a rich widow from the town. Every one comes on board to check out the train, with Uncle Charlie gets Charlie to stay longer to talk. The train starts going while she is on it. She tries to run off, but Uncle Charlie tries to push her off the train onto the track of an oncoming one.
The two struggle and Charlie manages to overpower him, knocking him off the train.
There is a funeral for Uncle Charlie and Jack comes back. Charlie tells him the truth and why she kept it hidden from him. Together they resolve to keep Uncle Charlie’s crimes a secret.
You have to see this film. The story is great, the acting amazing, and the cinematography is just beautiful.
I tracked that film and when the release dates were changed, waited. And waited. And then when it wasn’t released in any theater near me, I waited some more for it to come out on DVD.
