Ever Heard of the Tommyknockers?: The Tommyknockers (1993)

So guess what today is?

It’s time to review a Stephen King film!!!!!

Some of you are:

Others are:

Ugh

So I had a weird time this year. I haven’t picked a Stephen King film in a long time. I mean the last few years they have been films picked by others. So I was trying to think of his other movies and what to review.

I really enjoyed the nostalgia critic review of this film, so I chose:

“Late last night and the night before, tommyknockers, tommyknockers knocking on my door. I wanna go out, don’t know if I can ‘cuz I’m so afraid of the tommyknocker man.”

Was it really as bad as nostalgia critic said?

Well…I watched it and…I think it is worse.

Oh my goodness It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the film is in Haven, Maine-down the way from Derry, Maine (home of It). And has quite a bit of characters: as NC would say it:

So we have Bobbi Anderson, (Marg Helgenberger), who you may recognize from CSI: Las Vegas, and is a writer suffering from a writer’s block. She lives with her boyfriend and dog and found a strange object in her backyard.

Jim “Gard” Gardner (Jimmy Smits) is Bobbi’s boyfriend and also a writer. He is an alcoholic and hasn’t written anything in a long time. He was at a conference when she discovered the thing in the field.

Joe Paulson (Cliff de Young) is the mailman and constantly cheats on his wife, Deputy Becka Paulson, Allyce Beasley, (why she has a gun? I mean that is pretty dumb) with the postmistress Nancy Voss (Traci Lords).

Then there is the Brown family, the father-annoying, mean, etc-Bryant (Robert Carradine). He runs the diner with his wife Marie (Annie Corley). They have two sons, Hilly (obssessed with magic) and Davey who is scared of dolls. Their grandpa Ev, likes to tell them stories about the woods. He says there is magic in the woods-the very woods Bobbi was digging in.

And lastly, the Sheriff Ruth Merrill, (Joanna Cassidy) who has a creepy doll collection. And is in love with the Sheriff in Derry.

I know Stephen King and his character’s “personalities”.

Anyways, so the thing they find in the woods is weird and makes some disappear-like Davey and the dog, etc. When the boy disappears, all go looking for him-except for Joe who meets up with Nancy for sexy time.

Seriously man?

It also starts giving people all this mechanical and home improvement. knowledge. Bobbi builds a typewriter that writes stories for her and can redo her plumbing. Nancy builds a better mail sorter and lipstick laser. Becka turns her TV into a death trap when she catches her husband and Nancy together. The general store owner builds a silver polishing machine, and Bryant makes a BLT put together machine. Some even get psychic powers.

But with all this power it also takes something. Everything comes with a price. All but Jim are affected, as he has a metal plate in his head that blocks it, and they all look like zombies or skeletons-ashy, gray, sweaty, loosing teeth, etc. Hilly gets a giant brain tumor-and his grandpa is spared from this as he had to go to Derry to get him looked after.

The machines also go funky as they are being controlled, and when Sheriff Merrill tries to stop Bobbi and her followers, her dolls kill her.

Predictable!

Gard is the only one left. The rest try to get him drunk so he doesn’t get their real plan of world domination. When he does discover him-since they can’t control him, they make him a slave-digging out the alien ship, Bobbi’s “thing she found” turned out to be.

Officer Duggan of Derry and Ev go back to the town to help out-and a coca cola machine blows up at Duggan and Ev is stopped by his daughter and son-in-law. They uncover the ship, and Gard knows he needs to stop it. He convinces Bobbi that he is one of them-knocking a tooth out.

They go down and Gard breaks the spell over Bobbi and they save the dog and Davey. He goes in the machine and “stops” it somehow. The end.

It was boring and a lot made no sense.

For instance-why is Bryant the only man who is affected to it? Everyone else who builds things ad gets powers are women. Does Bryant have something that makes him different? Are they saying something about him? What’s that about.

Hmmm…

No offense to Becka, but why did she believe her husband “having to work late”. I mean he’s a postal employee. Why would he be there all hours of the night. They close at five no matter what or how many people are waiting in line. Believe me I know.

What is with Nancy? She likes only married guys as first Joe and then Bryant. Aren’t there any single guys for her?

Only thing I did like in this movie-Nancy goes to see Joe after Becka killed him and she’s in a black hat with veil and coat-crying and grieving. But then she tells him its time for her to move on and she rips it off to show a red skin tight dress. Hilarious! It was just so out there.

So very boring film and NOT good. Pass it on by, or watch NC‘s review if you have a hankering.

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to One Who Was Both Hero and Villain: Maleficent (2014)

For more Stephen King, go to Sometimes, Dead is Better: Pet Sematary (1989)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

Sometimes, Dead is Better: Pet Sematary (1989)

Sometimes, dead is better.

So in Horrorfest VI nothing has gone according to plan. Everything I usually do-haven’t done.

I was right on track and am now very much behind with no hope of catching up.

But-there is one thing that can get us back on track-

A Stephen King film!!

Yes, Stephen King. Sometimes we love his films:

Sometimes we love to laugh at the absurdity of his films:

And sometimes we hate his films:

But either way, they are always entertaining.

So it was Friday the 13th and you know what that means:

As my friends and I were trying to figure out which film to watch, Pet Sematary was suggested. I had never seen it and as I needed a Stephen King film for my blog, I was totally down for it.

Alright!

We watched it and it was pretty good.

Wow

I mean there are a few Stephen King-isms.

And at times some things make no sense at all:

And some areas move really slow.

Ugh, its taking too long.

But the story and end was pretty creepy.

So Louis Creed and his family-wife, son, and daughter- have all moved to Maine. They never give a reason why, but there is a lot of division in the home and it is clear that the Creeds aren’t quite 100% happy with their move. Something has been rotting under the surface.

Hmm…

Anyways, they meet their new neighbor, Jud -you will recognize him as Mr. Herman Munster.

Jud shows them the pet sematary that was created because of the mass amount of animals ran over by the trucks that run through the highway that is across from their property.

The Creeds have a cat, Winston “Church” Churchill and resolve to what they can to protect it.

Louis Creed is a doctor and working at the university. One day a jogger comes in,Victor Pascow, and Louis is unable to save them. But later Victor comes and haunts him, warning him to not cross the boundaries of the Pet Sematary.

Thanksgiving arrives and Louis’ wife Rachel and kids Ellie and Gage are going to Rachel’s family for the holiday. Louis refuses to go as Rachel’s father hates him. While they are gone, Church gets run over by a car and Louis has to figure out how to tell Ellie.

Jud is sad as he really cares for the Creed family-looking on Ellie as a granddaughter and takes Louis and Church to the pet sematary.

But they go beyond the sematary and into the Micmac Native American burial ground-the area that Pascow told Louis not to go. There they bury the cat and do the incantation. Louis doesn’t think that much of it, but the next day Church is alive!

Wow

But Church isn’t the same. He’s sluggish, mean, angry, and always attacking Louis.

I know, right?

Louis asks Jud, and Jud tells him that when they come back-they never come back right. But at least Ellie won’t be sad-right?

One day everyone is outside and Gage is running off, as young kids do. He runs into the street and is killed by the impact of a semi-truck.

The whole family is completely broken and grieving.

But then Louis gets an idea on how to bring him back-the sematary. Jud recognizes that is what Creed is going to do and tries to warn him against it. The cat acted weird, but his son will be worse. Someone tried that before with their son, and he returned as a zombie trying to kill everyone.

But Louis won’t listen. When Rachel and Ellie go to her parent’s home- Louis goes up to the burial ground and buries his son-waiting for him to return. Afterwards-Gage comes but he is no longer the Gage they knew.

He starts killing. He kills Jud, and goes after Rachel when she returns.

When Louis sees what has happened, he decides that he needs to clean up his mess and kills Church and Gage again. But he can’t live without Rachel. So he goes up the hill again.

I think the creepiest thing about this film was when the kid was killing people. So scary.

So yeah, pretty good one to view and something that will make any October, Friday the 13th, or Halloween film watching time great.

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Scarlet Night: Archie’s Weird Mysteries (1999)

For more Stephen King, go to I’ll Be Watching You: Cat’s Eye (1987)

For more Zombies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist: The Mist (2007)

David, there’s nothing out there. Nothing in the mist.

So The Mist was an okay movie. I thought it was doing really good and totally creepy until the end. The end was totally screwed up as the director had to go and change the story. What a loser!

So this is based on a story by Stephen King. And I know y’all know that a Horrorfest would not be complete without one. It is also not a complete rip-off of The Fog (the new or old film), as everyone thinks it is. There are quite a lot similarities, but they are extremely different in the motive and what the “monster” that is attacking is. In the different versions of The Fog, the creatures are it is supernatural, while in The Mist…well, you’ll see.

So the film starts the day after a huge thunderstorm has hit a little town (of course) in Maine (the usual). A thick, unnatural mist starts to descend on the town, and at first they don’t realize that something far more sinister is lurking within it.

So, that day David Drayton (Thomas Jane), a graphic artist, decides to go to the local grocery store to buy supplies, bringing his eight-year-old son, Billy (Nathan Gamble), and his neighbor, Brent Norton (Andre Braugher) along. You know, just a normal average day.

So while they are at the store, another storm comes and hits the the town. This time it severely engulfs the area in a thick mist. (Whenever I bike to work early in the morning I always think about this movie and The Fog.)

They do notice something very strange. It seems as if there is a plethora of military roaming about the area.

That’s strange

When they get to the supermarket, they find it packed with people stocking up. A military policeman, goes after the soldiers in the supermarket, telling them to pack it up as their leave is over and they need to head out. Everything is normal until a local townsperson runs into the store covered in blood.

He begins screaming that there is something out there in the mist, killing and attacking people. People go to look out the windows to see what is out there, but the mist is so thick that they are unable to spot anything.

Several people rush, out and everyone hears their screams…then nothing.

The decide to seal the doors in order to keep “everything” out. One woman is worried about her children and decides to risk trying to go home. She asks for someone to accompany her, but no one volunteers.

She leaves and we never see her again.

So as you can guess, just like Night of the Living Dead, this film becomes more of a survivor story/deconstruction of humanity than an actual monster movie. You have a group of people trying to survive in a confinied area and while some rise to the challenge, others do not. This film has all the usual Stephen King clichés, like an deeply religious psychotic person who wants to kill/punish all who tries to control every one.

Of course

It couldn’t be a Stephen King film without it.

At one point the group tries to go check on their clogged generator. A couple men go to open the loading dock door to see what the issue is when large tentacles come reaching out and kill them.

This is just the beginning in monster attacks, as they face giant insect, pterodactyl -like creatures, and many more.

In a raid for medicine vis-à-vis The Day After Tomorrow, they run into the military supervisor from earlier hanging from a gigantic spider web. He tells them to question the men in the store for the true backstory of the mist.

In the end it turns out that military are to blame as they opened a portal to another world.

Yes. In an ending as disappointing as Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull aliens just leaving. (Although the worse is yet to come.)

Eventually the section of the group that is run by the psychotic women, has increased that it outnumbers the other group lead by David. As she tries to get Billy to be a sacrificed, David’s team decides to leave, risking the unknown.

They are able to score a car and the group drive as far as the SUV will take them. They take stock of their options and decide it is better to end their lives, rather than be torn apart by whatever the things are. David shoots everybody in the car, including his son. Right before he turns the gun on himself, a military tank comes charging through proclaiming that they have defeated the monsters.

Yes. Yes. He has just killed his child and everyone when he didn’t need to.

Now I could forgive everything else. The stupid plotholes, the crazy clichés, the other dimension monsters, ANYTHING; but that ending? Really? Really? It’s just dumb.

Duh!

Did you guys have to that? It is so horrible! First of all as he murdered his child when he didn’t need to. And secondly, it is extremely anti-climatic! I mean come on, it would have been so much better if they just had them driving off, no one knowing what will happen to them or whether they will survive. You know, like how it ended in the book?!

Yep you guys really messed up there.

See Hook agrees with me.

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to The Past of a Man

For more on Stephen King, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more films based on books, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

For more quotes, go to Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

The Only Thing That Matters is the Ending: The Secret Window (2004)

You know, the only thing that matters is the ending. It’s the most important part of the story, the ending. And this one… is very good. This one’s perfect. 

So I watched this movie on recommendation from a friend and loved it. It is a psychological thriller from Stephen King’s book; Secret Window, Secret Garden. King got the idea for this novella from the many people who claim that that he has stolen plot ideas for different works from them. In this story, instead of the person being just delusional, they are also demented.

Now this film has had mixed reviews. I loved it and I showed it to some friends who also thought it was really good. However I have had friends who hated it, they thought it was too kitschy and predictable.

Johnny Depp plays Mort, an author (of course).

So the film starts out with Mort discovering his wife is having an affair. He decides to go to Maine, as they do in almost every Stephen King film, to an isolated cabin, (another Stephen King Usual (SKU). Mort is a writer (SKU), and decides that he will be able to get over his writer’s block (SKU) in the middle of nowhere than at home (SKU). He also had to leave the house as his wife is getting the house in the divorce.

One day he is confronted by a man called John Shooter, played by John Turturro, who does an amazing job at being extremely creepy.

Shooter has come to demand Mort to give him credit as he’s convinced that Mort stole his story, “Sowing Season”. Mort just blows him off, but Shooter leaves his manuscript and threats behind.

Mort tosses out the manuscript and moves on, but unbeknowest to him, his cleaning lady pulls it out and leaves it on the table. Mort than reads the story and realizes that Shooter’s story is just like his story, “The Secret Window”.

He stole my story!

The next day, Mort is out and about and runs into Shooter. They argue over who wrote it first; Mort happily telling him that his story was written and published a full year before. He has proof as he has a copy of the magazine it was published in at his home. Shooter is furious about this and tells him that he has three days to deliver the magazine as proof or else.

John Shooter: Do you wanna wake up from one o’ your stupid naps ‘n find Amy nailed to yer garbage bin? Or turn on the radio one mornin’ and find out that she came off secon’ best in a match with the chainsaw you keep out ‘n the shed? Do ya?

Mort doesn’t really care to listen to Shooter’s threats.

However, Mort quickly discovers that Shooter’s threats are not harmless. Shooter starts stalking him and his ex-wife. Bodies start piling up, as Mort goes down a road of insanity, trying to discover the truth of who is Shooter and why is he after him.

Just like some of the previous films, the end is too good for me to reveal. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Here’s a facebook cover I made for my countdown to Halloween.

To start Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

To go to the previous post, go to A Tale So Strange It Must Be True

For more on Stephen King, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more films based on a book, go to A Fright on Halloween Night

For more on Johnny Depp, go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep